Gru Quotes in Despicable Me 3 (2017)

Lucy Wilde: [from trailer]

[spotting Gru and Dru with a weapon]

Lucy Wilde: So, you two are villains now?

Gru: Whaa...?

[hides the weapon]

Gru: I mean, hello, sweetie.

Dru: [whispering to Gru out of the corner of his mouth] Busted...

Gru: [from trailer]

[runs over to Agnes after she sells the fluffy unicorn]

Gru: Agnes, what are you doing?

Agnes: Since you don't have a job, I just wanted to help.

Minions: Aww...

Gru: Wait, did we...

Dru: ...just finish...

Gru: ...each...

Dru: ...other's...

Gru, Dru: Sentences!

Dru: [laughs]

Gru: [laughs] Sorry, it's a twin thing.

[From trailer]

Gru: Seriously?

Lucy Wilde: [from trailer] Agents Grucy are closing fast!

Gru: Yes! Wait, whaa? What did you call us?

Lucy Wilde: Grucy. You know, Gru and Lucy mushed together - Grucy.

Gru: [laughs] I like it, but not a lot. I don't like it.

Gru: [from trailer] There's always a blind guy!

Balthazar Bratt: Hello, Gru. How's your transition coming? You know, from world's worst villain to world's worst agent.

[pulls out a gun and aims it at Gru]

Gru: [sarcastic] Oh, that's hilarious. You should be on TV.

[slaps the gun away]

Gru: Oh, that's right, you were!

[aims the Freeze Ray and aims it at Bratt]

Gru: But then you got canceled!

[laughs]

Balthazar Bratt: [kicks the Freeze Ray away; pulls out a humongous gun and aims it at Gru] Ha ha!

Gru: Oh, what about that?

[punches the gun away and squirts a squirt gun at Bratt]

Gru: Whaa...? Ah, girls!

[throws the squirt gun at Bratt and throws punches at him]

Balthazar Bratt: [dodges the punches] Dance fight!

[dodges and dances as Gru tries to catch him]

[from trailer]

Lucy Wilde: [sees Gru and Dru plotting in their villain outfits] So, you two are villains now?

Gru: WHAAA?

[hides Dru's weapon]

Gru: I mean hello, sweetie.

Dru: [to Gru out of corner of mouth] Uh-uh, busted...

Gru: You told me my father died of disappointment the day I was born!

Gru: [from trailer]

[about Balthazar Bratt]

Gru: He's getting away!

Lucy Wilde: That's what he thinks!

Gru: [from trailer] Twin brother?

Agnes: Twin brother?

Minions: Twin brother?

Gru: [from trailer]

[to his Minions as they celebrate being villains again]

Gru: This does not mean that we are going back to being villains.

Dru: [from trailer] So, how are things career wise?

Gru: [lying] Ha ha, great. So so great... crushing it...

Gru: [from TV Spot]

[to his Minions]

Gru: We're going back to villainy!

[from trailer]

Fritz: Excuse me.

Gru: [sighs] Hey, could you...?

[hands Fritz the vacuum wand to a vacuum]

Fritz: Oh, uh, of course. Now, as I was saying...

[vacuum turns into a small rocket]

Gru: Goodbye.

[the rocket launches with Fritz holding onto it]

[from trailer]

Gru: Seriously?

[Fritz limps back]

Fritz: I really must...

[adjusts his spine]

Fritz: ... have a word with you on behalf of your twin brother, Dru.

Gru: Whaa? Twin brother?

Agnes: Twin brother?

Minions: Twin brother?

[from trailer]

Agnes: [selling the Fluffy Unicorn] He's really good to snuggle with.

Gru: [after Agnes sell the Fluffy Unicorn; runs over to her] Agnes, what are you doing?

Agnes: Since you don't have a job, I just wanted to help.

Minions: Aww...

[from trailer]

Gru: I can't wait to meet my brother!

[from trailer]

Dru: MY BROTHER!

[laughs and runs hands through hair in slow-motion]

Gru: Ugh.

Dru: You ready to continue the family tradition, you and me?

Gru: No.

[admiring a handful of weapons]

Gru: I left that life behind me.

Dru: Just one heist?

Gru: Mmm...

[from trailer]

Gru: I'm going in!

[from trailer]

Gru: [to Minions as they celebrate] This does not mean that we are going back to being villains.

[from trailer]

Gru's Mom: [shows Gru pictures of when he and Dru were babies] Shortly after you and your brother were born, your father and I divorced, and we each took one son.

[crumples up the pictures]

Gru's Mom: Obviously,

[laughs]

Gru's Mom: I got second pick.

Gru: I have a twin brother!

[from trailer]

Lucy Wilde: So, what did you guys do today?

Gru, Dru: [lying] Nothing!

[from featurette]

Gru: [to Agnes] We're going to be fine.

Agnes: I just wanted to help, since you don't have a job. I got two whole dollars!

Minions: Aww...

[from featurette]

Gru: How about we steal the largest diamond in the WORLD?

[from trailer]

Lucy Wilde: Agents Grucy are closing fast!

Gru: Yes! Wait, wha? What did you call us?

Lucy Wilde: Grucy. You know, Gru and Lucy mushed together. Grucy.

Gru: [laughs] I like it, but not a lot. I don't like it.

[from trailer]

Gru: [sees a military ship covered in Bratt's bubble gum] WHAAA?

[from trailer]

Gru: [about Bratt] He's getting away!

Lucy Wilde: That's what he thinks!

[from trailer]

Gru: [hanging naked from strings of bubble gum; passes a window with a group of people singing happy birthday who start laughing and taking photos] Happy Birthday dear Dan. Happy Birthday...

Minions: [watching from binoculars] ... to you!

[laugh]

[from trailer]

Dru: So, how are things career-wise?

Gru: [lying] Ha ha, great! So so great, crushing it...

[from trailer]

Lucy Wilde: Get ready!

Gru: Get ready for wha...

[Lucy propels him off his water bike and onto a military ship]

Gru: ... aaaaAAAAHH...

Balthazar Bratt: Hello, Gru.

[threatens Gru with his large gun]

Balthazar Bratt: Ha ha!

Gru: [knocks the gun away] Oh, what about that?

[squirts a squirt gun in Bratt's face]

Gru: Wha? Agh, girls!

[tries to punch Bratt, who slides beneath him]

Balthazar Bratt: Dance fight!

[dodges, dances, and sings all at once as Gru tries to catch him]

[from trailer]

Gru: There's always a blind guy!

Dru: [about the Despicamobile] Goes zero to 400 in three seconds, able to withstand a nuclear blast, armed to the teeth...

[Deploys dozens of weapons]

Gru: [laughs] Okay, that's pretty nice!

Dru: And it's a hybrid.

[from trailer]

Gru: [about villainy] I left that life behind me.

Dru: I understand. Hmm, I wonder what this does.

[pulls down a lever which reveals the Despicamobile]

Gru: Ho ho ho! Holy moly!

Dru: Become a villain again.

Gru: Mmmm...

[from TV Spot]

Gru: Minions, we're going back to villainy!

[Minions cheer]

Gru: [on a boat, which is zooming toward Bratt's tower] I'm going in. Take the wheel.

Dru: Ah, I still don't see why I can't go with you!

Gru: Hey, we've discussed this! Now is not the time to mess with the plans!

Dru: Fine...

[Gru shoots up onto the tower]

Agnes, Margo: [to Gru and Lucy] Aloha!

[show them a Hawaiian decorated tree]

Gru: [irritated] This is unexpected...

Margo: [puts a lei with flowers on it on Gru] Well, you never got to go on a honeymoon, so...

Edith: [recording with her phone] ... we made you dinner!

Agnes: It's a luau!

[hands Lucy a lei with flowers on it]

Agnes: We got pineapples and coconuts and ukuleles!

[drags Lucy as Margo drags Gru]

Gru: [irritated still] Oh, yay...

Agnes: The soup of the day, madame and monsieur. The Gummi Bears were my idea.

Gru: [Looks warily at soup] Mmm. Looks almost too good to even eat. Am I right?

Agnes: But I made it for you.

Gru: [Takes a spoonful, struggles to avoid retching] Mmm, mmm, mmm! Good soup! I love the combination...

[swallows]

Gru: ... of Gummi Bears and meat.

Gru: [about the hundreds of Bratt dolls in his lair] He must have bought them all. Who would want a doll like this?

Dru: Ooh, I used to have one of these!

Dru: [from trailer]

[to Gru]

Dru: You ready to continue the family tradition? You and me?

Gru: [admiring a handful of weapons] No. I left that life behind me.

Dru: Just one heist?

[Gru is conflicted]

Gru: I miss the Minions!

Gru: Hello, Fred. FYI. Your dog has been leaving little bombs in my yard, and I do not appreciate it.

Fred McDade: Oh you know dogs... they go where they want to go.

Gru: Unless they're dead.

[laughs]

Gru: I'm joking! Although it is true. Anyway, have a good one.

Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story?

Gru: No.

Agnes: Pretty please?

Gru: The physical appearance of the please makes no difference. It is still no, so go to sleep.

Edith: Hey, that one looks like me.

Gru: What are you talking about? These are kittens! Any relation to persons living or dead is completely coincidental.

Gru: We stole the Statue of Liberty...!

[the minions cheer]

Gru: ...the small one, from Las Vegas!

[the cheers stop]

Gru: I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower... also Vegas.

Agnes: Pinkie promise?

Gru: Oh yes, my pinkie promises.

Dr. Nefario: And here, of course, is the new weapon you ordered.

[shoots a minion with the fart gun, making him pass out]

Gru: No, no, no. I said *dart* gun, not...

[grossed out]

Gru: Okay.

Dr. Nefario: Oh, yes. 'Cause I was wondering... under what circumstances would we use this?

Gru: Uh, question. What are these?

Dr. Nefario: A dozen boogie robots. Boogie! Look at this! Watch me.

Gru: Cookie robots! I said cookie robots! Ah, why... why are you so... old?

Margo: Hello? Cookies for sale!

Gru: Go away, I'm not home!

Margo: Uh, yes, you are. I heard you.

Gru: No, you didn't. This... is a recording.

Margo: [scoffs] No, it isn't.

Gru: Yes, it is. Watch this. Leave a message. Beep!

[Edith kicks the door, causing Gru to scream in pain]

Agnes: Goodbye, recorded message.

Margo: [off-screen] Agnes, come on!

Gru: [reading the book he wrote] One big unicorn, strong and free, thought he was happy as he could be. Then three little kittens came around and turned his whole life upside down. They made him laugh, they made him cry. He never should have said goodbye. And now he knows he can never part from those three little kittens that changed his heart.

Gru: [Explaining why the girls can't find their book "Three Little Kittens"] That book was accidentally destroyed maliciously...

Gru: [reading book] "Three little kittens love to play. They had fun in the sun all day. Then their mother came out and said, 'Time for kittens to go to bed'."

[looks up]

Gru: Wow, this is garbage. You actually like this?

Gru: Kyle. These are not treats. These are guests!

[to the girls]

Gru: Girls, this is Kyle, my... dog.

[Kyle growls]

Agnes: Ooh, fluffy doggie!

[She runs toward Kyle, who whines and runs away; she groans in disappointment]

Margo: What kind of dog is that?

Gru: He's a... I don't know.

Edith: Are these beds made out of bombs?

Gru: Yes, but they are very old and highly unlikely to blow up. But try not to toss and turn.

Edith: Cool!

Gru: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What was that? She hit that. I saw that with my own eyes.

Carnival Barker: Well, you see that little spaceship there? You see how it's not knocked over? Do you know what that means, Professor? It means you don't get the unicorn! Aw. Uh-oh! Somebody's got a frowny face! Ooh. Better luck next time.

[Agnes's eyes well up with tears and she looks at Gru]

Gru: Okay... my turn.

[Gru takes out a plasma gun and fires it, destroying the stand and disintegrating the spaceship]

Gru: Knocked over!

Gru: We have located a shrink ray in a secret lab. And once we take this shrink ray, we will have the capability to pull off the TRUE crime of the century!

[in a sinister tone]

Gru: We... are going to steal...

[the minions pull out their weapons]

Gru: Wait, wait! I haven't told you what it is yet.

[a rocket launcher is fired and hits one of the minions]

Gru: Hey. Dave, listen up, please!

[the hit minion walks over to Dave and punches him]

Gru: [gets on the platform as it rises up to the roof] Next, we are going to steal... pause for effect...

[the platform stops so that Gru is silhouetted against the moon]

Gru: ...THE MOON!

[Minions cheer]

Gru: And once the moon is mine, the world will give me whatever I want to get it back, and I will be the greatest villain of all time! That's what I'M talking 'bout!

Gru: Assemble the minions!

Gru: I went to kindergarten, I know how the alphabet works.

Gru: Clearly we need to set some rules. Rule number one: You will not touch *anything*.

Margo: Aha. What about the floor?

Gru: Yes, you may touch the floor.

Margo: What about the air?

Gru: Yes, you may touch the air.

Edith: What about this?

[holds a ray gun in her hands, the laser sight aimed right at Gru]

Gru: [screams, holding a frying pan for protection] Where did you get that?

Edith: [shrugs] Found it.

[Gru takes it away from her]

Gru: Okay, rule number two: You will not bother me while I'm working. Rule number three: You will not cry, or whine, or laugh, or giggle, or sneeze or barf or fart! So no, no, no annoying sounds. All right?

Agnes: Does this count as annoying?

[lets go of Margo's hand and puckers her cheeks]

Gru: [stops Agnes] Very!

[sighs, irritated]

Gru: I'll see you in six hours.

[leaves the kitchen]

Margo: Okay, don't worry. Everything is going to be fine. We're gonna be really happy here. Right...? Agnes?

[She and Edith turn and see Agnes scarfing from the bowl on the floor marked "food."]

Agnes: [mouth full] Mmm?

Gru: It's like my heart is a tooth, and it's got a cavity that can only be filled with children.

Gru: Okay, bedtime.

[the girls groan in disappointment, followed by the minions]

Gru: [points to Stuart and Jerry, the minions] Not you two.

[Jerry and Stuart cheer]

Gru: [Sees Edith near his iron maiden] No, no! Stay away from there! It's fragile!

[the iron maiden closes with Edith inside; a red liquid leaks from underneath; Margo and Agnes gasp]

Gru: Well, I suppose the plan will work with two.

Edith: [Inside the iron maiden] Hey! It's dark in here!

[Gru opens iron maiden; Edith is unharmed, but her juice box is punctured]

Edith: [Spits out a straw] It poked a hole in my juice box.

Margo: Oh, uh, can we get stuffed crust?

Edith, Agnes, Jerry the Minion, Stuart the Minion: OOOOHHHH, stuffed crust.

Gru: I'll stuff you all in the crust!

[Agnes giggles]

Agnes: You're funny!

Gru: Just don't come out of that room again!

Gru: [to Miss Hattie] You are a beautiful woman. Do you speak Spanish?

Miss Hattie: Do I look like I speak Spanish?

Gru: You have a face... Como un burro.

Miss Hattie: Oh! Well, thank you!

[repeated line]

Gru: Light bulb!

Margo: You gave us back.

Gru: I know, I know, and it is the worst mistake I ever made.

Gru: You got to be pulling on my leg!

[Gru is showing Mr. Perkins his plans, using pictures on an easel]

Gru: I fly to the moon, I shrink the moon, I grab the moon, I sit on the toi-let what?

[sees a child's drawing in his plans, of himself sitting on a toilet, signed by Edith, the girls laugh off-screen]

Gru: Sorry. Sorry! Could you, uh, excuse me for just one second?

Gru: [to Agnes] Did you brush your teeth? Let me smell. Let me smell.

[Takes a whiff]

Gru: You did *not*!

Gru: This is literature? A two year old could have written this!

Gru: [Answers cell phone] Hello, Mom. Sorry, I meant to call, but...

Gru's Mom: I just wanted to congratulate you on stealing the pyramid.

[Gru sighs]

Gru's Mom: That was you, wasn't it? Or was it a villain who's actually successful?

[laughs]

Gru: Just so know, Mom. I'm about to do something. It's very very big. Very important, when you hear about it, you're going to be very proud.

Gru's Mom: [Sarcastically laughs] Good luck with that. Okay, I'm outta here!

Dr. Nefario: [a minion drinks from a bottle, starts floating] We've been working on this for a while now. It's an Anti-gravity serum.

[the minion floats out an open skylight]

Dr. Nefario: I meant to close that. He'll be alright, I'm sure.

Gru: Do the effects wear off?

Dr. Nefario: [looking up at some minions floating on the roof] Uh... so far, no. No, they don't.

Gru: [after giving Vector the moon] Now the girls.

Vector: Actually, I'm holding on to them a little longer.

Gru: No!

Vector: Oh yeah! Unpredictable!

Mr. Perkins: You don't have it? And yet you have the audacity to ask the bank for money?

Gru: Apparently.

Gru: In terms of money, we have no money.

Gru: I hate that guy.

Gru: [defeated by Vector] Oh, come on!

[as Gru tucks in the girls on their first night in his house]

Margo: Just so you know, you're never going to be my dad.

Gru: Hmm, I think I can live with that.

Gru: So, good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite. Because there are literally thousands of them.

[whispering menacingly]

Gru: Oh, and there's probably something in your closet.

[He chuckles evilly and closes the door]

Margo: He's just kidding, Agnes.

[after Vector refuses to hand over the girls]

Gru: Listen close, you little punk! When I get in there, you are in for a world of pain!

Vector: [laughing sarcastically] Ooh, I'm really scared!

[Gru punches the video camera, making Vector jump and fumble to hold on to the shrunken moon]

Agnes: [smugly] He is gonna kick your butt.

[after Vector refuses to release the girls]

Gru: [leans into the camera] Listen close, you little punk. When I get in there, you are in for a world of pain!

Vector: [laughs sarcastically] Ooh, I'm really scared!

[Gru punches the camera lens, making Vector jump and fumble not to drop the moon]

Agnes: [smugly] He is gonna kick your butt.

Gru: I'm a father now, with responsibilities, and a legitimate businessman. I'm developing a delicious line of jams and jellies.

Silas: [chuckles] Jams and jellies?

Gru: Oh, attitude. That's right! So thanks, but no thanks. And here's a tip: instead of tasing people and kidnapping them, maybe you should give them a call! Good day, Mr. Sheepsbutt.

Silas: Ramsbottom.

Gru: [chuckles sarcastically] Oh yeah, like that's any better.

[after Gru lied about his fear of dating]

Gru: Good night, Edith.

[gives her a good night kiss and gently pulls the beanie over Edith's eyes]

Gru: Good night, Margo.

[gives her a goodnight kiss, but returns in suspicion]

Gru: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the horses. Who are you texting?

Margo: No one. Just my friend Avery.

Gru: Avery...

[confused]

Gru: Avery? Is that a girl's name or a boy's name?

Margo: Does it matter?

Gru: No. No, it doesn't matter, unless it's a boy!

Agnes: I know what makes you a boy.

Gru: [concerned] Uhh... Oooh... you... do?

Agnes: Your bald head.

Gru: [relieved] Oh... yes.

Agnes: It's really smooth. Sometimes I stare it, and imagine a little chick popping out.

[imitating a chick]

Agnes: Peep-peep-peep.

Gru: Good night, Agnes.

[kisses her forehead]

Gru: Never get older.

Jillian: Gru! It's Jillian!

Gru: [whispers; to Agnes] Tell Jillian I'm not here.

Agnes: Gru's not here!

Jillian: Are you sure?

Agnes: Yes, he just told me.

Jillian: [laughs] Agnes, where is Gru?

[Gru zips his lip]

Agnes: He's... putting on lipstick!

[Gru swings his arms wildly, making buzzing sounds]

Agnes: He's... swatting on flies!

[Gru slices his hand beneath his chin]

Agnes: He's... chopping his head off!

[Gru covers his head, groaning loudly]

Agnes: He's...

[confused]

Agnes: pooping?

Antonio: [suave] And my dream is to one day play video games for a living.

Margo: [romantically] Wow.

[chuckles]

Margo: You're so complicated.

Gru: Margo...

[the tweens look up and, once seeing Gru, Margo gasps in astonisment]

Gru: [attempts a smile] What is going on here?

Margo: Oh, Gru. Se llama, Antonio. Me llamo, Margo.

Gru: Me llamo-llama-ding dong.

[serious]

Gru: Who cares? Let's go.

Gru: [to Dr. Nefario] Just because everybody hates it doesn't mean it's not good.

Gru: Huh... You usually don't see that in bunnies.

Gru: The highest honor awarded to Dr. Nefario for your years of service, the 21-fart gun salute!

[21 fart guns fire]

Dr. Nefario: [coughs] Uh, I counted 22.

Gru: I'm just chillin' with my guac from my chip hat.

Gru: [in falsetto] It is I, Gru-

[pauses]

Gru: zinkerbell, the most magical faerie princess of all!

Young Boy: [interrupts] How come you're so fat?

Gru: [annoyed] Because my house is made out of candy, and sometimes,

[while hitting boy with wand]

Gru: I eat instead of facing my problems!

Gru: [sprays Jillian with the hose; dryly] I'm sorry, I did not see you there,

[sprays her again]

Gru: or there.

Lucy: [calmly] Don't worry about me, Gru! I'll be fine. I have survived lots worse than this...

[frantically]

Lucy: Okay, that's not entirely true, I'm actually kind of freaking out up here!

Gru: Don't worry, I will get you out of this!

[They both freeze when they see Pollito approach the remote control. They both gasp. Pollito narrows his eyes, then pecks the remote button]

Gru: [morosely] I *really* hate that chicken.

[the rocket launches]

Agnes: [after rehearing for the Mother's Day play] I don't think I should do this.

Gru: Well, what do you mean? Why not?

Agnes: I don't even have a mom.

Gru: Well, you don't need one to do the show. I mean, you did the Veteran's Day pageant and you haven't been in combat.

Gru: I have accepted a new job.

Margo: Whoa! Really?

Gru: Yes, I have been recruited by a top secret agency to go undercover and save the world!

Edith: You're gonna be a spy?

Gru: *That's* right, baby! Gru's back in the game with gadgets and weapons and cool cars! The whole deal!

Edith: [amazed] Awesome!

Agnes: Are you really gonna save the world?

Gru: [coolly] Yes.

[puts on a pair of sunglasses]

Gru: Yes, I am.

Dave: [copies him] Mocha!

Tim: [wearing an old Dutch beard and tie] Cacao!

Stuart: [dresses like Pippi Longstocking] Papadum? Eh,

[chuckles]

Lucy: Mr Gru?

Gru: [stammering] Wha... I didn't... Wha... yes?

Lucy: [takes off her sunglasses] Hi. Agent Lucy Wilde of the AVL.

[shows her AVL credentials; noticing she shows her ID-card upside-down]

Lucy: Oops.

[giggles, then clears her throat]

Lucy: [seriously] Sorry. You're gonna have to come with me.

Gru: Oh, sorry, I...

[takes his freeze ray out of his polo and fires it]

Gru: Freeze Ray!

[At the same moment, Lucy pulls out a retractable flamethrower, blocking the ray of ice]

Lucy: [puts her flamethrower back in and gently pulls a lipstick-like weapon out of her purse] You know, you really should announce your weapons *after* you fire them, Mr. Gru. For example...

[fires the weapon at Gru, making him drop his freeze ray and flail though some weird movements before finally passing out]

Lucy: [sing-song voice] Lipstick taser!

Margo: Hey, what celebrity do you look like?

Gru: Uh, Bruce Willis.

Margo: Mmm, no.

Agnes: Humpty Dumpty!

Edith: Ooh, Gollum!

Margo: [to Gru; glaring at Antonio] I hate boys.

Gru: Yes, they stink.

[Agent Lucy sends Gru, completely soaked and with a starfish stuck to his head, out of the car trunk of her spy car]

Gru: [weakly] Pins and needles!

Gru: You brought the girls?

Dr. Nefario: Yes. Oh. Was that wrong?

[arriving at the Cinco de Mayo party]

Gru: Okay, let's party! But first, let's go over the rules. Because what is fun without the rules?

[looks at Agnes, whose arms and mouth are already full of churros]

Gru: Agnes, easy on the churros.

[looks at Edith, practicing with her sword]

Gru: Edith, try not to kill anyone.

Edith: [salutes] Hai!

Gru: Margo...?

[sees she is already cozy with Antonio]

Antonio: Hello, Mr. Gru.

[after meeting Margo, Edith, and Agnes]

Gru: Ha-ha... kids, they're funny.

Lucy: Those girls totally adore you! I bet you're a fun dad.

Gru: Huh... I am pretty fun.