Gripweed Quotes in How I Won the War (1967)

Clapper: You married?

Gripweed: No, I play the harmonica.

Gripweed: And I'm not a thief, really. I've never found anything worth keeping.

Gripweed: Well, our officer calls me up and he says to me, he says, "Musketeer Gripweed..." He was a tall chap, some would call him weedy. I did. He said to me, and bear in mind that we were some few hundred miles behind enemy lines. He said, "green, green, green," so I did.

Juniper: [re-enters scene still dressed as a clown, Drogue, Spool, Gripweed, and Clapper in tow] Bayonet!

Transom: Bayonet?

Spool: Where's your bayonet?

Juniper: Must have left it sticking in the enemy, sir!

Spool: Spur!

Juniper: Where?

Transom: Where's your spur?

Juniper: Must have left it sticking in the horse, sir!

Goodbody: [calls out] Two men!

[exeunt players]

Goodbody: [walks back to Transom and ex-Dooley, points his finger at ex-Dooley, shouting] There! On the end of my finger!

Gripweed: [re-enter players] Finger!

Juniper: Finger?

Gripweed: Musketeer Juniper, where's your finger?

Juniper: Must have left it sticking up the Khyber Pass, sir!

Transom: Self-inflicted injury! March him off, Musket Major! Two - wait for it!

[pause, players posed as if frozen while running]

Transom: Two men!

[exeunt players]

Gripweed: Mind you, I'm working class.

Grapple: Oh. I had a grandfather who was working class. Until he sold it.

Gripweed: I fought for three reasons. I can't remember what they were. The first reason gets you in, and the reason when you are in is staying alive. I won't know the reason they find afterwards, but it will be a very good one for why it was fought. I'm sure I'll be glad.