Grandpa Gustafson Quotes in Grumpy Old Men (1993)

Grandpa Gustafson: Looks like Chuck's taking old one-eye to the optometrist.

John Gustafson: You're supposed to be smoking filter cigarettes.

Grandpa Gustafson: I'm 94 years old. What the hell do I care?

Grandpa Gustafson: [after a swig of an alcoholic beverage] Breakfast.

Grandpa Gustafson: Kids; Can't live with them, can't shoot them.

Grandpa Gustafson: Drop that fish!

Grandpa Gustafson: [speaking of Ariel] Did you mount her?

John Gustafson: [disgusted] Oh, *Dad*!

Grandpa Gustafson: Wait, wait. Has she got big thighs?

John Gustafson: [thinking] No.

Grandpa Gustafson: No!? Then what's the problem?

John Gustafson: Pop, I wish you'd try the low-fat bacon.

Grandpa Gustafson: Well, you can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which gets filled first.

Mama Ragetti: We could have retired in Hawaii.

Grandpa Gustafson: I have been to Hawaii.

Mama Ragetti: Oh yeah? Which island?

Grandpa Gustafson: Come-on-I-wanna-lay-ya.

Mama Ragetti: I find you disgusting.

Grandpa Gustafson: Well, just as long as you find me.

[At Maria's resturante in front of Ariel, Maria and Max]

John: Nobody slept with anybody.'

[Shows up in the background]

Grandpa Gustafson: Speak for yourself.