Gobber Quotes in How to Train Your Dragon (2010)

Hiccup: [about the Night Fury] I really did hit one.

Gobber: Sure.

Hiccup: He never listens!

Gobber: Well, it runs in the family.

Hiccup: And when he does, it's always with this... disappointed scowl, like someone skimped on the meat in his sandwich.

[imitating]

Hiccup: "Excuse me, barmaid! I'm afraid you brought me the wrong offspring! I ordered an extra-large boy with beefy arms, extra guts and glory on the side. This here, this is a talking fish-bone!"

Gobber: Now, you're thinkin' about this all wrong. It's not so much what you *look* like, it's what's *inside* that he can't stand.

[pause]

Hiccup: [sarcastic] Thank you for summing that up.

Gobber: Look the point is, stop trying so hard to be something you're not!

Hiccup: I just wanna be one of you guys!

Stoick: [to Toothless] Thank you, for saving my son.

Gobber: [grimacing] Well, you know... *most* of him.

Stoick: [about Hiccup] What am I going to do with him, Gobber?

Gobber: Put 'im in training with the others.

Stoick: No, I'm serious!

Gobber: So am I!

Stoick: He'd be killed before you let the first dragon out of its cage!

Gobber: Ah, you don't know that.

Stoick: I do know that.

Gobber: No you don't.

Stoick: No, actually, I do.

Gobber: No, you don't!

Stoick: Listen, you know what he's like. From the time he could crawl he's been... different. He doesn't listen, he has the attention span of a sparrow... I take him fishing and he goes hunting for, for trolls!

Gobber: Trolls exist! They steal your socks. But only the left ones. What's with that?

Stoick: When I was a boy...

Gobber: Oh here we go.

Stoick: ...my father told me to bang my head against a rock and I did it! I thought I was crazy, but I didn't question him. And you know what happened?

Gobber: You got a headache.

Stoick: That rock split in two! It taught me what a Viking can do, Gobber, he can, he can crush mountains, level forests, tame seas! Even as a boy, I knew what I was, what I had to become... Hiccup is not that boy.

Gobber: You can't stop him, Stoick. You can only prepare him. I know it seems hopeless, but the truth is you won't always be around to protect him! He's going to get out there again. He's probably out there now!

Hiccup: Aw, come on, let me out, please? I need to make my mark!

Gobber: Oh, you've made plenty of marks! All in the wrong places!

Hiccup: Please, two minutes! I'll kill a dragon, my life will get infinitely better... I might even get a date!

Gobber: You can't lift a hammer, you can't swing an axe, you can't even throw one of these!

[holds up a set of bolas]

Hiccup: [gesturing to a catapult machine of his own making] Okay fine, but this will throw it for me!

[He touches the machine and it fires a set of bolas through the window, knocking out another Viking]

Gobber: See, now this right here is what I'm talkin' about!

Hiccup: It, it... mild calibration issue, I...

Gobber: Don't you... no, Hiccup! If you ever want to get out there to fight dragons, you need to stop all... this.

[gestures to all of Hiccup]

Hiccup: But you just pointed to all of me!

Gobber: Yes! That's it! Stop being all of you!

Hiccup: [annoyed, squinting sideways at him] Oh...

Gobber: Oh, yeah!

Hiccup: You, sir, are playing a dangerous game! Keeping this much raw... viking-ness... contained! There'll be consequences!

Gobber: [deadpan] I'll take my chances.

[heaves a dented sword into Hiccup's hands]

Gobber: Sword. Sharpened. Now.

Gobber: Look for its blind spot! Every dragon has one. Find it, hide in it, and strike!

[Tuffnut and Ruffnut huddle in front of the dragon's face]

Ruffnut: [sniffing] Whoa! Do you *ever* bathe?

Tuffnut: You don't like it, then just get your own blind spot!

[they shove at each other]

Ruffnut: How about I give *you* one...!

[the dragon blasts fire at them, they run for cover]

Gobber: Blind spot, yes. Deaf spot... Not so much.

Gobber: Oh, nice of you to join the party! I thought you'd been carried off!

Hiccup: Who, me? Nah, come on! I'm way too muscular for their taste! They wouldn't know what to do with... all this!

[gesturing to himself and flexing]

Gobber: Well, they need toothpicks, don't they?

[a Gronkle is let out into the training ring]

Gobber: Today is about survival. If you get blasted, you're dead. Quick! What's the first thing you're going to need?

Hiccup: A doctor?

Fishlegs: Plus five speed?

Astrid: A shield!

Gobber: Shield! Go!

[the teens scramble around to grab shields]

Gobber: Your most important piece of equipment is your shield! If you must make a choice between a sword or a shield, take the shield!

Gobber: Remember, a dragon will always, *always*... go for the kill.

[cut to Hiccup in the forest where he freed the Night Fury]

Hiccup: [picking up the cut bolas] So why didn't you?

Stoick: When we crack this mountain open, all hell is going to break loose.

Gobber: And my undies. Good thing I brought extras.

Gobber: Meet the Terrible Terror!

Tuffnut: Ha! It's like the size of my...

[the Terror leaps onto his face]

Tuffnut: OH, GET IT OFF!

Gobber: [Slapping a thick book on the table] The Dragon Manual. Everything we know about every dragon we know of.

[Thunder rumbles]

Gobber: No attacks tonight. Study up.

Tuffnut: Wait, you mean *read*?

Ruffnut: While we're still alive?

Snotlout: Why read words when you can just kill the stuff the words tell you stuff about?

Fishlegs: [eagerly] Oh! I've read it like, seven times. There's this water dragon that sprays boiling water at your face, and, and there's this other one, that buries itself for like a week...

Tuffnut: [interrupting] Yeah, that sounds great. There was a chance I was gonna read that...

Ruffnut: But, now...?

Gobber: Behind these doors are just a few of the many species you will learn to fight. The Deadly Nadder...

Fishlegs: [speaking rapidly] Speed Eight, Armor Sixteen...

Gobber: The Hideous Zippleback...

Fishlegs: Plus Eleven Stealth, times Two...

Gobber: The Monstrous Nightmare...

Fishlegs: Firepower Fifteen...

Gobber: The Terrible Terror...

Fishlegs: Attack Eight, Venom Twelve...

Gobber: [shouts] Can you stop that?

[normal voice]

Gobber: And... the Gronckle!

Fishlegs: [whispering to Hiccup] Jaw Strength Eight.

Snotlout: [to Astrid, during training] So anyway, uh, I moved into my parents' basement? You should come by some time to work out. You look like you work out!

[his shield is knocked out by a Gronkle's fireball]

Gobber: Snotlout, you're done!

Hiccup: [to Astrid] So I guess it's just you and me, huh?

Astrid: Nope, just you.

[she dodges away and Hiccup's shield is hit by the Gronkle's fire]

Gobber: Today is about teamwork! The Hideous Zippleback is extra tricky. One head *breathes* gas, the other head *lights* it. Your job, is to know which is which!

Fishlegs: [whispering] Razor-sharp serrated teeth that inject venom for pre-digestion. Prefers ambush attack, crushing its victims...

Hiccup: Will you *please* stop that?

Viking: Get to the ships!

Stoick: No, no...!

[the Green Death blasts the Viking ships, trapping the Vikings on the beach]

Gobber: Smart, that one.

Stoick: I was a fool. Lead the men to the far side of the island!

Spitelout: Right!

Stoick: Gobber, go with the men!

Gobber: I think I'll stay, just in case you're thinking of doing something crazy.

Stoick: I can buy them a few minutes if I give that thing something to hunt!

Gobber: [takes his hand] Then I can double that time.

Gobber: Welcome to Dragon Training!

Astrid: No turning back.

Tuffnut: I hope I get some serious burns!

Ruffnut: I'm hoping for some mauling, like, on my shoulder or lower back.

Astrid: Yeah, it's only fun if you get a scar out of it.

Hiccup: [deadpan] Yeah, no kidding, right? Pain. Love it.

Tuffnut: Oh great, who let *him* in?

[after his latest "victory," in the final round of dragon training]

Hiccup: So, later!

Gobber: [catches him] Oh-oh, not so fast.

Hiccup: Uh, I'm kind of late for...

Astrid: [livid, jams her axehead into his throat] What? Late for *what*, exactly?

Gobber: And with one twist, he took my hand and swallowed it whole. And I saw the look on his face. I was delicious! He must have passed the word, because it wasn't a month before another one of them took my leg!

[gestures to his fake leg]

Fishlegs: Isn't it weird to think that your hand was inside a dragon? Like if your mind was still in control of it, you could have killed that dragon from the inside, by... crushing its heart, or something.

Snotlout: I swear, I'm so angry right now! I'll avenge your beautiful hand and your beautiful foot. I'll chop off the legs of every dragon I fight... with my face!

Gobber: Uh-uh-uh, no. It's the wings and the tails you really want. If it can't fly, it can't get away. A *downed* dragon... is a dead dragon.

[Toothless shoot the plasma blast to the Green Death]

Hiccup: Ruff, Tuff, watch your backs! Move Fishlegs!

Tuffnut: Look at us! We're on a dragon. We're on a dragons! All of us.

Hiccup: Up! Let's move it.

Gobber: Every bit the boar-headed stubborn Viking you ever were!

Gobber: [the Green Death emerges] Beard of Thor! What *is* that?

Stoick: [overwhelmed] Odin help us...

Gobber: The recruit who does best will win the honor of killing his first dragon in front of the entire village.

Snotlout: [joking] Hiccup already killed a Night Fury, so, does that disqualify him, or...?

[all snicker]

Tuffnut: Can I transfer to the class with the cool Vikings?

[running after the Mother Dragon]

Stoick: [shouts] Here!

Gobber: [chuckling] Oh-ho-ho, no...

[shouts]

Gobber: Here!

Gobber: [to Hiccup during dragon training] Don't worry. You're small and you're weak. That'll make you less of a target! They'll see you as sick or insane and go after the more viking-like teens instead.

Gobber: [at Stoick's funeral] May the valkyries welcome you and lead you through Odin's great battlefield. May they sing your name with love and fury, so that we might hear it rise from the depths of Valhalla and know that you've taken your rightful place at the table of kings. For a great man has fallen: A warrior. A chieftain. A father. A friend.

Gobber: [about riding baby dragons inside an ice mountain] Some might suggest this is poorly conceived!

Hiccup: Well, it's a good thing that I never listen.

[an ice wall splits them up]

Gobber: Whoa! So...

[he pauses for the ice wall]

Gobber: ... what is your...

[ice wall]

Gobber: ... plan?

Hiccup: Get Toothless back and kick Drago's...

[the ice wall catches the rest of his sentence]

Hiccup: [as Stoick drags him through the cave] Uh, wait! Okay, uh, Dad, there-there's something you need to know!

Stoick the Vast: [impatiently] Yeah, yeah. Tell me on the way.

Hiccup: No, this isn't an on-the-way kind of update, actually.

Stoick the Vast: [stubbornly] I've heard enough!

Hiccup: More of the earth-shattering-development variety.

Stoick the Vast: Yeah, just add it to the pile.

Hiccup: Yeah, I, uh, uh... Dad, u-unlike most surprises I spring on you, this is one you'll like. I-I promise. You just have to handle it... delicately. So...

[They reach a stunned Gobber]

Gobber: [to Stoick] Uh, you might want to take this one.

Stoick the Vast: Huh?

[draws his sword]

Gobber: Oh, boy.

Hiccup: [fearful] Oh, uh, Dad, could you put the sword away, please?

[Stoick finally sees Valka and gasps. Gobber and Hiccup watch as Stoick drops his sword, removes his helmet, and slowly and silently advances toward Valka]

Valka: I know what you're gonna say, Stoick. How could I have done this? Stayed away all these years? And why didn't I come back to you? To our son? Well, what sign did I have that you could change, Stoick? That anyone on Berk could? I pleaded so many times to stop the fighting, to find another answer, but did any of you listen?

Gobber: [aside, to Hiccup] This is why I never married. This and one other reason.

Valka: I know that I left you to raise Hiccup alone, but I thought he'd be better off without me. And I was wrong. I see that now! But...

[nervously backs up against the wall; on the verge of tears]

Valka: Oh, stop being so stoic, Stoick! Go on! Shout! Scream! Say something!

[Stoick touches Valka's cheek. She stares at him in fear]

Stoick the Vast: [also on the verge of tears] You're as beautiful as the day I lost you.

[Valka quietly weeps in relief; Stoick softly kisses her. A relieved and overjoyed Hiccup smiles]