Gloria Quotes in Colossal (2016)

Gloria: [throws the bar keys towards Oscar] Here! There are your keys; I'm not coming back to your shitty bar!

Oscar: [picking up the keys] Yeah you are.

Gloria: [panting] Oh yeah?

Oscar: Yeah.

[Throws the keys at Gloria with enough force to hurt her]

Gloria: [holding her stomach in pain] Ow!

Oscar: [calmly] You're gonna keep working at the bar, or I'm gonna come back here tomorrow, and destroy an entire neighborhood.

Gloria: [through her teeth, bringing her face close to Oscar's] Then I'll come back and I'll kick your fucking ass!

Oscar: [still calm] No you won't. I'm done being Mr. Nice Guy.

[Knocks her to the ground. Gloria grunts in pain as she hits the ground hard]

Oscar: [leans down, calm] see you at work?

[Gloria looks up at him speechless]

Oscar: I'll see you at work.

Gloria: Keep it cool. These people are looking at us.

Oscar: [looks at the women at the next table] Hi. She's the monster; I'm the robot.

Oscar: So, you don't remember anything we talked about last night, huh?

Gloria: I got really melodramatic, didn't I?

[after reading Joan's new novel based on her adventure]

Gloria: Joanie, you are now a WORLD-CLASS hopeless romantic.

Joan Wilder: No, hopeful. Hopeful romantic.

Gloria: [Observing men in a bar] Wimp. Wimp. Loser. Loser. Major loser. Too angry. Too vague. Too desperate. God, too happy. Oh, look at this guy. Mr. Mondo Dismo. I actually used to date him. Total sleaze bucket. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold everything. Get a load of this character. What about him?

Joan Wilder: No, he's - he's just not...

Gloria: Who? Jessie?

Joan Wilder: Maybe it's silly, but, I know there is somebody out there for me.

Melman: No, no that's not it. Listen Mototo, you'd better treat this lady like a queen. Because you, you my friend... have found the perfect woman. If I was ever so lucky to find the perfect woman, I would give her flowers every day. And not just any flowers, okay? Her favorites are orchids. White. And I would bring her breakfast every day. Six loaves of wheat bread with butter on both sides. No crusts. Just the way she likes it. I'd be her shoulder to cry on and her best friend. And I'd spend every day thinking of ways to make her laugh. She has the most... amazing laugh. That's what I would do, if I were you. But I'm not. So you do it.

Moto Moto: Uhhh... What? Aaaanyways, where were we?

Gloria: [sigh] I'm huge?

Gloria: What is this place?

Melman: San Diego. This time, I'm 40% sure.

Gloria: Julian, stop this! This is crazy!

Julien: Oh, suddenly throwing a giraffe into a volcano to make water, is crazy!

Gloria: YES!

Alex: I like to move it, move it!

Gloria: He likes to move it, move it!

Marty: She likes to move it, move it!

Melman: We like to...?

Lemurs: Move it!

Mason: The plane won't be fixed until the suits meet our demands. Now, about maternity leave.

Skipper: Maternity leave?

[glances under the table]

Skipper: You're all male...

Marty: Look, we need that plane for a rescue mission.

Skipper: Well, there's nothing I can do until we bust up this union.

Gloria: I'm gonna get to bustin' up all you if you don't get this plane going!

Skipper: Can't you see these commies have my hands tied, here? NO maternity leave!

Mason: [nudges Phil, who pulls out incriminating photos of Skipper and "Doll" in compromising positions] Maybe a certain someone wouldn't want *these* blowing around the savanna?

Skipper: [reluctantly] All right, you get your maternity leave.

Gloria: [to Moto Moto] Who's your friend? Or is that your butt?

Gloria: Any water?

Moto Moto: No, just more diamonds and gold.

Gloria: So you must be Moto Moto.

Moto Moto: The name so nice when you say it twice

[Shows three fingers]

Moto Moto: .

Gloria: Is this place great or what?

Alex: I'd go with "or what".

Marty: I still think he's a show-off.

Melman: You gotta give him credit. He is an animal.

Marty: I don't know about you guys, but I feel like going on vacation.

Gloria: Where are we going to go on vacation?

Marty: I was thinking Conneticut.

Zuba: What's going on here? What's all this hubbub?

Elephant: They say their from off the reserve.

Zuba: That's impossible. Only people come from off the reserve.

Alex: You look familiar. Do I know you from...?

Zuba: How could you possibly survive the hunters?

Gloria: Hunters? We didn't... I mean we see any hunters.

Gloria: [as they watch the sunset] Beautiful, isn't it?

Melman: Yeah.

Marty: It's amazing.

Alex: Guys... this is where we belong.

Moto Moto: My gosh, girl, you huge.

Gloria: You said that.

Moto Moto: Yeah. That's right. We don't have to talk no more.

[Puckers his lips like he was going to kiss her]

Melman: Gloria!

[sees Gloria and Moto Moto]

Melman: Gloria.

Gloria: Melman.

[Moto Moto turns around puckered]

Gloria: Melman, I... I want you to meet Moto Moto.

Melman: Ah. Moto Moto. Yeah, nice to meet you. Well, I-I guess I...

Gloria: It's ok, Melman. Apology accepted.

Melman: Oh. Yeah, right, yes. That... yes. That's why I... good. Phew. Ok. That's - Well, that's it then.

Moto Moto: You're good. We're kinda busy here, man.

Moto Moto: Goodness, girl... you huge.

Gloria: Who's your friend? Or is that your butt?

Gloria: Literary functions are not exactly Jack's speed. I mean, the guy's favorite author is the man who wrote "Pull tab to open".

Joan Wilder: My heart just isn't in it. I mean, romance just doesn't seem real to me anymore.

Gloria: Real? You don't write real - you write about people that sail off into the god damn sunset.

Joan Wilder: Well, what about the next day, when the sun comes up?

Gloria: There is no next day! That's why it's a romance. You've got to stop confusing real life with a romantic novel!

Gloria: [after Dynamite kills a would-be assasin in a donut suit] How did you know?

Black Dynamite: Because donuts don't wear alligator shoes.

Honey Bee: Black Dynamite, you ain't got to worry about Gloria. She gonna be safe in here. I been keeping the girls up on their kung fu like you told me to. Now, they find her up in here, we will fricassee they honky asses.

Gloria: Dynamite, are you sure about this? Maybe we should call the police.

Black Dynamite: No, Mama. You can bet your sweet ass and half a titty whoever put that hit on you already got the cops in their back pocket. You be cool, Mama. Bee here will keep you tight and out of sight. I'm gonna shake the tree from the roots and rake up the fruits, rip it up out of the ground, find out what's going down. Don't worry about tomorrow, Mama, because tonight...

Euphoria: Dynamite's gonna make everything all right.

Black Dynamite: Euphoria, shut the fuck up! I know that was you! I ain't even gotta look! I should send your ass back to Crenshaw Pete with his hot-ass coat hangers, bitch. Would you like that?

[Euphoria shakes her head in fear and walks away. There is a long silence between Black Dynamite and Gloria]

Gloria: Black Dynamite, I know that we just met, but somehow I feel that I can trust you. I'll be waiting here till you come to get me.

[Kisses Black Dynamite]

Gloria: Thank you for saving my life.

Black Dynamite: You be cool, Little Mama. I'll be back before too long.

Black Dynamite: Say, Mama, you're gonna have to work on your delivery if you wanna take on Congressman James. The shame is, half these people don't know what y'all talking about, but at least they can put his to a beat.

Gloria: So what do you do to make a difference? Do you march? Do you vote? Oh, let me guess. You're one of those Tom Slick brothers that think you can get by on good looks, a wink and a smile, huh?

Black Dynamite: I don't know about Tom Slick, but thank you for the compliments.

Gloria: That's not what I meant. Not that I think you have good looks- I mean, you know these guys with their...

Black Dynamite: Winks and smiles?

Gloria: Yeah.

[Black Dynamite winks at Gloria]

Gloria: What about the smile?

Black Dynamite: I am smiling.

[Gloria walks away]

Black Dynamite: First Lady, I'm sorry I pimp-slapped you into that china cabinet. I used excessive force. Oftentimes, I cross the line, but I try to do so in the name of what's right. Most of the time, the ends justifies the means. But in this case, I feel like I betrayed my own code of ethics. And for that, sugar, I apologize.

Patricia Nixon: But I shot at you. I tried to kill you, Black Dynamite.

Black Dynamite: This is true, but you did not connect. You shot a plate. Had you connected, pimp-slapping you into that china cabinet might have been justified. But I feel I crossed the line. And for that, please accept my apology.

Patricia Nixon: I do. I do, it's just... oh, Black Dynamite, you're so righteous.

Black Dynamite: This is also true. Because whenever there's injustice,

[stands up]

Black Dynamite: wrongs to be...

[Gloria suddenly appears and embraces Black Dynamite]

Gloria: Oh, Black Dynamite!

Patricia Nixon: [Tugging Black Dynamite's pants] Go on, honey.

Black Dynamite: [Pulls out his handgun and points it straight ahead] Because whenever there's injustice, wrongs to be righted,

[as Gloria sits down, holding Black Dynamite's left leg]

Black Dynamite: innocents to be defended, Black Dynamite will be there, delivering ass-whuppings. and I will not hesitate to lay the hammer down on any clown that comes around.

[Pulls out his nunchucks]

Black Dynamite: Because if they wanna fight, they best come see me, because I'm Black Dynamite.

[Pat Nixon proceeds to approach Black Dynamite and hold his right leg]

Gloria: I think I should be going.

Black Dynamite: I think you'll be safer if you stay here tonight.

Gloria: Oh, you do, do you? I hope you don't think you're going to get any of this cookie. Cause if I offered you some of this cookie, this cookie might kill you. And don't think that just because we've been frolicking in the park that you've got this deal closed. Cause it takes a lot...

Black Dynamite: See here. Now you can hit the sheets or the streets, it don't make me no nevermind. That's your bag baby. You can go, or you can come. Can you dig it?

[Cut to Black Dynamite's bedroom where he and Gloria have sex]

Gloria: What can I do to ever repay you for helping me out?

Bill: Oh, A LOT!

Gloria: Strange and weird things are happening in the environment right now.

Gloria: Give 'em hell, Malone!

1st Officer Petersen: [enters a room]

Gloria: [behind a curtain] Is anybody there?

1st Officer Petersen: Yes, Petersen. Please put on your life jackets and go on deck immediately.

Gloria: Oh deck? Why?

1st Officer Petersen: I'm not authorized to give passangers audditional information.

Sir Bruce Ismay: [comes behind the curtain] One moment. But you will give ME information.

1st Officer Petersen: To you, as the president responsible for this, I WILL give information: The Titanic is sinking.

Gloria: The Titanic is sinking?

Sir Bruce Ismay: What are you saying?

1st Officer Petersen: The Titanic is sinking.

Sir Bruce Ismay: [laughs]

1st Officer Petersen: We collidition with an iceberg. The Titanic is ripped open from the bow till under the bridge.

Sir Bruce Ismay: Don't tell nonsense.

1st Officer Petersen: You'll soon see, thatever it's nonsense. In jsut a few hours it's all over and a few thousand will be on the bottom because of you

Gloria: But we have lifeboats.

1st Officer Petersen: The lifeboats will hold almost a third of the passengers.

Sir Bruce Ismay: I order you to secure a lifeboat for me immediately.

1st Officer Petersen: First: You can't give me orders, Second: according to the law: women and children go first and third I'll give you the advice to go in you cabin and get your life jacket

[about to leave the room]

1st Officer Petersen: .

Sir Bruce Ismay: Stay here!

1st Officer Petersen: What else do you want?

Sir Bruce Ismay: Please lets talk as man to man. Forget about the earlier momant this evening. I was nervous it was a momental excitement. I beg you: get me a lifeboat.

1st Officer Petersen: YOU should have been got the lifeboats.

Sir Bruce Ismay: No. Be reasonable. I'll give you five - I'll give you $10 000,-. Save me a place.

1st Officer Petersen: [pushs Ismay away and leaves]

Sir Bruce Ismay: We'll see if I'll come along.

Gloria: [to Robot] I'm just scared I'll come home one day and find you screwing a toaster.

Gloria: How are a zebra, a hippo, a lion and a giraffe going to walk into a casino in Monte Carlo?

Marty: I don't know. Ask the rabbi.

Gia: Alex? You are from a zoo?

[pause]

Alex: Yes. Yes. But wait, there's more.

Gia: More?

Alex: Or less. There's less.

Vitaly: You were never circus?

Gloria: We had to say we were circus.

Melman: Or you'd never let us on the train.

Gia: After all we have been through together, you want to go live in a zoo?

Alex: Gia, I...

Vitaly: You used us.

Alex: No, no, no. I mean - I mean yes but,

Gia: Trapeze americano, you make that up, too?

Alex: It didn't exactly exist when I taught it to you.

Gia: Jet packs and aquatic cobras! I should've known.

Stefano: Balloons to the children of the world was not real, either?

Alex: Yeah, that's not real. But look at what we did.

Stefano: I was shot out of a cannon! I could've died!

Marty: But I thought it was your lifelong dream.

Stefano: For all I know, your name is not even Alice.

Alex: No, Stefano, but it never really was.

Stefano: I don't feel safe!

Alex: Gia, I...

Gia: We trusted you.

Stefano: My tears are real! You are not!

[the group is observing their old homes from outside the zoo gates]

Alex: Hmm... My rock looks smaller than I remember it being...

Marty: Hey, look, it's the mural! Heh, doesn't quite capture the real thing, does it?

Gloria: Well, there's our homes... I forgot about that wall between us, Melman. Was that always there?

Melman: I can't dance!

Gloria: Maybe that's because you've never tried it before.

Melman: I *have* tried it! I practice in private because you're so good at it...

Gloria: You practice? For me?

Melman: Yeah, but... It's no use! I never know what to do with my arms.

Gloria: That's the easy part.

[wraps Melman's arms around her neck]

Gloria: You just put your arms around your partner.

Gloria: It's just like dancing; two steps forward, one step back...

Gloria: You'd better take some of those squealing men with you first. They might faint on you. I'll wait.

Gloria: You're just a couple of self-indulgent pussies burrowing into your own stupid little cocoons. You probably love that "don't worry, be happy" song.

Sam: Hey, I hated that song.

Gloria: There's a whole world changing out there. If you wanna die in the vine of the implying decline, it's up to you.

Gloria: [to Mumble] You stubborn, hippity-hoppity fool!

Mumble: Take the fish.

Gloria: Huh?

Mumble: Take the stupid fish.

Gloria: Oh, okay.

[eats the fish]

Gloria: Thanks, Mumble.

Mumble: You're welcome.

Gloria: Daylight deals a bad hand...

Mumble: Sing to this.

Gloria: Mumble, you're embarrassing me.

[Mumble taps his feet]

Gloria: Baby, uh-uh, it don't work

[Mumble taps his feet again]

Gloria: Baby, uh uh uh, uh-uh

[Mumble taps his feet again]

Gloria: Uh uh uh, uh

[Mumble taps his feet again]

Gloria: Uh uh uh, uh

[Mumble taps his feet again]

Gloria: Uh uh uh/So slowly...

[Mumble taps his feet along while Gloria sings]

Gloria: So slowly into hearts of those who/Need more than they get/Daylight deals a bad hand/To a penguin that has laid too many bets/The mirror stares you in the face and says/"Baby, uh-uh, it don't work!"/You say your prayers, though you don't care/You sing and you/Shake the hurt... /DANCE!

Mumble: Gloria, all my life I've wanted to say, you're so...

Gloria: Fish...

Mumble: Yeah, you're so fish.

Gloria: No.

[laughs]

Gloria: Fish!

Gloria: [points]

Penguins: [singing] Can anybody find me somebody to love?

Gloria: [singing] Each morning I get up, I die a little / Can barely stand on my feet.

Penguins: [singing] Take a look at yourself.

Gloria: [singing] Take a look in the mirror and cry a little / Lord, what you doing to me. / I spent all my years in believing you / I just can't get no relief, Lord. / Somebody.

Penguins: [singing] Somebody.

Gloria: [singing] Please somebody.

Penguins: [singing] Please.

Gloria: [singing] Can anybody find me somebody to love?

Penguins: [singing] She works hard.

Gloria: [singing] Everyday.

Penguins: [singing] Everyday.

Gloria: [singing] Oh I try and I try and I try. / But everybody wants to put me down. / They say, they say, I'm going crazy. / They say I got a lot of water in my brain / Got no common sense, I got nobody left to believe in.

Penguins: [singing] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, ooh...

Gloria: [holding Mumble's flipper during "I Wish"] I love my lover! I love my lover!

Gloria: Ah-ah, baby. They're sayin'

[pause]

Gloria: Mumble!

Gloria: [singing] All the love in the world can't be gone. All the need to be loved can't be wrong.

[spoken]

Gloria: So, which way, twinkletoes?

Gloria: [singing] Where is my baby? Anybody find me, find me, find me somebody.

Penguins: What's the matter with you?

Gloria: Mumble?

Mumble: Yeah?

Gloria: It's better you just...

Mumble: Yeah, I know.

Gloria: You listen, you know?

Mumble: Yeah.

Penguins: [singing] Find me somebody to love.

Gloria: [singing] Oh, baby find me.

Penguins: [singing] Find me somebody to love.

Gloria: Come on, put your flippers up in the air now.

Penguins: [singing] Find me somebody to love. Find me somebody to love. Find me somebody to love. Find me somebody to love. Find me somebody to love.

Gloria: I'm searching high and low. I'm searching the high and low. Yes, there somebody out there who needs to find me.

[singing]

Gloria: Somebody. Anybody.

Gloria: [singing] Boogie Wonderland / Dance / Boogie Wonderland. / Midnight creeps so slowly into hearts of men who need more than they get / Daylight deals a bad hand to a penguin who has laid too many bets.

Penguins: [singing] The mirror stares you in the face

Gloria: [singing] And says, "Baby, it don't work".

Penguins: [singing] You say your prayers though you don't care.

Gloria: [singing] You sing and you shake the hurt.

Penguins: [singing] Dance! Mumble!

Gloria: [singing] Boogie Wonderland!

Penguins: [singing] Dance! Dance! Dance! Mumble!

Gloria: [singing] Boogie Wonderland!

Gloria: [singing] All the love in the world can't be gone / Mumble! / All the need to loved can't be wrong / Mumble!

Gloria: [sung] The mirror stares you in the face, and says, baby...

Male Penguin #2: [sung] Shake your bon bon, shake your bon bon, shake your bon bon...

Gloria: It don't work!

Gloria: If you look in my eyes, you'll see a lonely girl. If you like at my smile, you'll see nothing wrong. If you pull up my shirt, you'll see the bruises. What did I do to make him so mad?

Gloria: Miss Gruwell, he just took my damn bag!

Gloria: [on the phone] Hey, is that you?

Mark David Chapman: Hi.

Gloria: Hey.

Mark David Chapman: I know I said I wasn't gonna call, but uh... well, you know me. I'm always changing my plans.

Gloria: It's okay. I'm glad you called. Really glad.

Mark David Chapman: You sound like you're doing okay.

Gloria: I am. I'm okay. I finished your book.

Mark David Chapman: Very good. Did you like it?

Gloria: It was good. It was really good. It was very sweet, and sad. Reminds me of you. The way your mind works.

Mark David Chapman: I like it, too. How was your party? The one that you were going to, on Saturday night?

Gloria: It was fun.

Mark David Chapman: I'm sorry I didn't wish you a happy party. I just wasn't thinking about things like that before I left.

Gloria: It's okay. I know. I know you. You're my husband.

Mark David Chapman: [fighting tears] It's getting so late here. I just can't seem to get to sleep!

Gloria: Well, I just got into bed and I'm reading my bible. Maybe you should try working on your problems one at a time. Maybe the first one should be getting back with Christ again. And after that you can just ask him for His help with the others.

[pause]

Gloria: Hello?

Mark David Chapman: Yes, I agree. My little bible is on the nightstand right now.

Gloria: Good. That's good.

Mark David Chapman: Do you remember what I told you the night before I left?

Gloria: Sort of, I do. I was asleep.

Mark David Chapman: I told you that I loved you. I love you very much. More than anyone else.

Gloria: I love you, too.

Mark David Chapman: You're my gemstone.

[crying]

Mark David Chapman: Goodbye, Gloria.

Gloria: Okay, okay. Goodbye. I love you.

Mark David Chapman: [whispers after a long pause] I'm going to kill John Lennon.

Gloria: I have a confession to make too. I'm really a man.

[Everyone - OH, Yeah, I told you, etc]

Gloria: Just kidding! I'm really hurt that so many of you believed this.

Gloria: Life can be difficult sometimes, it gets bumpy. What with family and kids and things not going exactly like you planed. But that's what makes it interesting. In life the first act is always exciting. The second act... that is where the depth comes in.

Gloria: I am older than anyone here.

Mama Ronzoni: Hell Yeah.

Gloria: Like when Rob snapped at me the other day, that was scary. And you all thought I was so calm, but inside I was saying "Gloria Nunen, do not call him a bug-eyed sociopath with a little man complex. Do not say that his hair makes him look like a dirty q-tip. Or that he resembles an older, gay Jonas Brother. Or a midget, Filipino Fonzi.

Gloria: You know, me and you should have dinner sometime!

Bill Sanford: I'm locking the doors.

Gloria: Don't you guys miss having girls around here?

Meeks, Pitts: Yeah.

[Arthur suddenly laughs uproariously]

Gloria: What's so funny now?

Arthur: Sometimes I just think funny things.

Gloria: My mother died when I was six.

Arthur: [bangs his fist on the table] Son of a bitch! Don't they know what they do to kids?

Gloria: My father raped me when I was twelve.

Arthur: So, you had six relatively good years? I'm sorry. Listen, my father screwed me, too.

Hobson: Thrilling to meet you, Gloria.

Gloria: Hi.

Hobson: Yes... You obviously have a wonderful economy with words, Gloria. I look forward to your next syllable with great eagerness.

Arthur: [soliciting a prostitute] What I had in mind was spending the night with a stranger who loves me.

Gloria: Gonna cost you a hundred bucks.

Arthur: Oh, yeah? What time do you get off?

[bursts out laughing]

Arthur: Oh, that's funny!

Gloria: So, how rich are you?

Arthur: Let's put it this way, I wish I had a dime for every dime I have.

Gloria: [Richie is hiding out at Gloria's apartment] I like this "street" look on you, Richie. If I didn't know better, I'd swear you were almost normal.

Richie Rich: Thanks, I think.

Gloria: No, seriously. I used to think you were just some spoiled rich kid. But now, you're not so bad.

Richie Rich: Yeah, likewise.

[Richie wants to play baseball with Gloria's sandlot-team]

Richie Rich: Come on. Let me hit.

Gloria: Forget it; you probably couldn't even hit a BEACH BALL!

Richie Rich: I could hit it off of YOU.

Gloria: [insulted] All right - You think you're so hot? Put your money where your mouth is!

Richie Rich: You mean bet?

Tony: Yeah. $5 says she could put you away for keeps.

Gloria: $5? How about $10?

Richie Rich: Okay - Seems a little steep, but $10 thousand it is.

[He whips it out, and they all freak out]

Gloria: No, not $10 thousand. $10 dollars.

Richie Rich: Oh, $10 dollars. Okay.

Herbert Cadbury: Master Richie, I do think it unseemly in the extreme for you to take these - children's money.

Gloria: What are you doing, Mr. Fancy Pants? Asking the old guy for batting tips?

Herbert Cadbury: [insulted] Take their backsides to the cleaners, Master Richie.

Richie Rich: [to Gloria and her fellow sandlotters] If any one of you guys wanna turn back, now's the time.

Gloria: No way. Would you turn back if you were us? We're with you, Richie.

Gloria: Verona, do you think she's gonna look like you?

Verona De Tessant: Well, I hope so. I think I'm the mom.

Gloria: I just want a little Verona. After two boys, I want a little Verona in a leotard. Can you do that for me?

Verona De Tessant: I'll definitely work on it.

Gloria: Okay, and just how black do you think she'll be?

Burt Farlander: Mom...

Verona De Tessant: Wow, I don't know. Maybe we can leave her out in the sun for a couple of days, expedite things?

Gloria: [to Jean] You never eat the cakes?

Gloria: I can't believe it. And he sent you a present, too?

Jean Hamilton: Yeah, a CD of a band I'd never heard of, but I loved. It's like he knows me better than I know myself.

Gloria: So, why is he hiding?

Jean Hamilton: He's not hiding. He's just...

Gloria: Just what?

Gloria: Listen... Opal... you cannot hold onto anything that wants to go. Do you understand what I'm sayin'? You just got to love it while you got it, and that's that.

Gloria: ...the whole world has an aching heart.

John Doherty: [Thunderbolt and Gloria are having sex] Take it easy, Gloria. You're killin' me.

Gloria: Where'd you get all those scars from?

John Doherty: Marines. Korea.

Gloria: Oh, yeah? I heard about that war...

Max Fairbanks: Nobody talks to me that way! NOBODY!

Gloria: I do!

Max Fairbanks: That turns me on!

Gloria: Tread a level course.

Max Fairbanks: What did the Boston Times call me?

Gloria: The Dark Prince of Plunder.

Gloria: Do you want to come up for a coffee?

Andy: I don't drink coffee.

Gloria: I haven't got any.

Gloria: Moving words...

Andy: What?

Gloria: Back there - Danny.

Andy: Ah, aye, daft old codger. If it weren't for t'band ah reckon he'd pop his clogs. Listen, I wondered if you fancied some grub?

Gloria: Where?

Andy: I dunno - go posh if ya want...

[Andy discovers that Gloria is from the corporate office]

Andy: Oy, you're fucking management!

Gloria: No, that's what you're doing.

Jim: Must be an awful lot, having that much guilt you got to buy your way out of it.

Gloria: Jim, I'm not doing it for me. I'm doing it for you... and Danny.

Dan Cain: You're alive!

Gloria: Alive.

Brian: Could you be nice to me?

Gloria: I have got a needle in my ass right now.

Gloria: You know, I think Gertie's right. We should have ordered some chop suey.

Chuck Benson: What's a matter, baby? Don't cha like pheasant?

Gloria: No. I like some chop suey.

Chuck Benson: Just pour some ketchup on it. Hey, waiter, bring us some ketchup!

Faith: [while seductively caressing different parts of his body] We would be happy to make you happy.

Gloria: [while seductively caressing different parts of his body] Don't worry we don't have anything.

Yuri Orlov: What if I have AIDS? Would you worry?

Faith: [speaking softly] You worry too much.

Gloria: [speaking softly] Why would you worry about something that can kill you in ten years where there are so many things that can kill you today?

Faith: How can we make you happy?

Yuri Orlov: [before escorting them out of his hotel room] By leaving.

Vinny: I'm just tryin' to be a better husband right now. I just don't feel I can do it. All right?

Gloria: You know, you're like a frickin' yo-yo, back-n-forth, forth-n-back, let's do this, let's not do this. You know what, Vinny? Let's just not do it! Okay? That's it! You think you're the only one that's got feelings? I got a husband at home!

Gloria: Nobody killed Mad Dog. He died in that war. They just didn't bury him.

Gloria: [after Josh assembles a massive feast, Gloria begins to throw it all away] Mama, what are you doing? What are you doing? Ma, I made this for you! Stop it, now! I just bought that shit!

Gloria: [Continuing to throw everything away] Drug money.

Joshua Alexander: See, how you know I didn't get it the honest way? Huh? How you know that?

Gloria: Every time you come out, I pray it'll be different, but it's always the same! Always the same.

[Grabs the main course]

Joshua Alexander: [Grabs it from her] Not the roast, Mama. I spent $25 on that. What are you doing? I spent $100 on all that shit! $100, to make you happy, Mama!

Gloria: Drug money. Drug money! I'll die, you hear me? I'll die before I feed my family with that money, and if you bring it in my house again, the doors will be locked.

Joshua Alexander: [Referring to his father] Now, I see how a man could beat you.

Gloria: [Slaps Joshua soundly across the face]

Joshua Alexander: [Angrily swings his fist back to retaliate, and is grabbed by Jason]

Gloria: I KNEW Mad Dog's ghost was somewhere to be found, but I had no idea it was in my own house!

Nicholas 'Nicky' Nuñez: I like sleeping with you.

Gloria: You're not the first guy to tell me that.

Gloria: You know, women got the greatest gift in the world. All they got to do is fall in love, and some guy just takes care of them.

[first lines]

[At the care facility, a patient offscreen calls for Brandi]

Mr. Binckley: Brandi! I want Brandi!

Gloria: He did it again.

Brandi Boski: He did?

Gloria: I tried helping, but he keeps asking for you.

Brandi Boski: Yeah, he does that.

Gloria: I gotta tell ya, what you girls are doing is great! Cops never do anything.

Gloria: [referring to the discovery that Stephen fabricated his stories] You know what could've prevented all this, don't you?

Chuck Lane: No, what?

Gloria: Pictures. How could you make up characters if everyone you wrote about had to be photographed?

Gloria: Don't be ridic'.

Susy Hendrix: Gloria?

Gloria: Yeah?

Susy Hendrix: How would you like to do something difficult and terribly dangerous?

Gloria: I'd love it!

Susy Hendrix: Now... the first thing we have to do is stay calm.

Gloria: I am calm, Susy.

Susy Hendrix: Yes, I know you are, I really know. It's the best thing I've ever heard.

Gloria: Are they detectives?

Susy Hendrix: No, honey, they're not detectives. They're sure not detectives.

[pauses]

Susy Hendrix: The one out on the street, can I get by him?

Gloria: Not without him seeing you.

Susy Hendrix: Then I have to stay here.

Susy Hendrix: Come. Get up on a chair and look out the window. There's a police car out there. Can you see the face of the man inside of it?

Gloria: There's no police car.

Susy Hendrix: Are you sure?

Gloria: Yeah, I'm sure.

Susy Hendrix: There's no car out there?

Gloria: Well, yes there is. It's a kind of squatty truck. Right next to the phone booth.

Susy Hendrix: Phone booth? Is there anyone inside the truck?

Gloria: Well, there's a man standing near it.

Susy Hendrix: Is it Mr. Roat? The man who was here when you brought the groceries?

Gloria: I don't think so. Susy, he's coming this way!

Susy Hendrix: [sending her on dangerous mission] As soon as your safe, I'll call the police.

Gloria: Okay. Gee, I wish something like this would happen every day...

Gloria: I wanna be gorgeous, guess you can't have everything.

Susy Hendrix: [Upon discovering the doll's whereabouts] You had it?

Gloria: I was only borrowing...

Susy Hendrix: Gloria, quick, we've got to hide it. Where is it? Give it to me.

Gloria: Under your feet. I was only borrowing it, really. That's why I brought it back.

Susy Hendrix: Where are we going to put it? In the washing machine. Come, help me.

Marilyn: So Nick tell us, what do you do?

Nick: I cut people up... but it's OK I'm a surgeon.

Gloria: What's it like?

Marilyn: Gloria, why don't you excuse yourself?

Gloria: One thing you must remember about Tammy is it's really hard to get her out of bed. Out of any bed.

Kevin: Shall I take your panties off or are you gonna do it?

Gloria: I'm not wearing any panties.

Kevin: Oh, ho ho ho. I knew there was something I loved about you.

Tammy: Boy, I sure do miss having my morning gettin' it up and go. I need me a new man, Gloria.

Gloria: Oh, I don't know, Tammy. From the sounds of things this morning, I think you have the situation well in hand.

Tammy: It ain't the same as a man's touch. And I'm telling you, I need a man's touch.

[pointing at Daisy]

Tammy: So could you-know-who.

Gloria: I think she's moonlighting as a librarian.

[from trailer]

Gloria: An honest man will earn your trust, a liar will demand it.