Glenn Quotes in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)

[on Ricky's new 'corporate sponsor']

Susan: "Me" is you. Because it's just you out there. We don't have any corporate sponsors, we don't have any fancy team owners. We have you. And this car, and this cougar, which symbolizes the fear that you have overcome. It's all there for you.

Glenn: Ricky, this car is like your Excalibur, the mighty sword that Sir Lancelot used to bring together the Knights of the Round Table, until Lancelot betrayed him by laying with his queen...

[whispers suggestively]

Glenn: ... in the biblical sense.

Ricky Bobby: Okay, Glenn. Everything cool that Susan said, you wrecked it.

Lucius Washington: [to the crew as they are speed-changing a customer's tire] Guys! No tires! We're not a pit crew anymore, we're a car wash team.

Glenn: Sorry, Lucius. Hard habit to break. Like stalking an ex-girlfriend.

Glenn: Peaches and Cream!

[while watching Ricky crash]

Area G worker: The Gotengo survived. It seems though we're not the only ones left.

Glenn: Really?

Area G worker: Really? Is that you can say is "really?"

Glenn: The world is ruined. There's nothing we can do. I just want to be left in peace.

Area G worker: Well, they said they're coming.

Glenn: What? Here? What are they coming here for?

Area G worker: They're coming to wake up Godzilla.

Glenn: [spits out tea] Is that a wise thing to do? Releasing him?

Glenn: Mutual trust is a beautiful thing

Astronaut K. Fuji: That won't buy groceries.

Glenn: You should have left your sister packed in ice.

Tetsuo: [both Glenn and Tetsuo pop up out of the water] Well, what are we going to do now?

Glenn: Well, we sure ain't gonna wait for the next ferry. Swim!

Glenn: Get a load of that.

Astronaut K. Fuji: Godzilla!

Controller of Planet X: We need an exterminator, one that would drive away King Ghidorah. We need from you Monster Zero 1 and Monster Zero 2, Godzilla and Rodan.

Astronaut K. Fuji: Are you serious?

Controller of Planet X: Of course. Deadly serious. King Ghidorah was driven from Earth only with the combined strengths of Godzilla and Rodan. Would you help us?

Astronaut K. Fuji: Well, your request is quite unusual. We do not know how to answer that.

Glenn: Plus, we did not know where Godzilla and Rodan are. If we did, how are we suppose to catch them and bring them here?

Glenn: I'm feeling better, Patricia, but I'm thirsty... for your blood!

Glenn: Let go of my boy!

Glenn: I've always been a better rule breaker than rule maker, myself.

[at dinner]

Glenn: So what is it you're into, Jesse?

Jesse: I'm not into talking while I'm eating!

Glenn: It's pretty late, I think you should go up to bed, Son.

Jesse: I'm not your son.

Glenn: Yeah I know that.

Glenn: Let me get this straight, you snuck out of the house in the middle of the night to clean up graffiti? That's an amazing story.

Jesse: I'm asking for your help. Please, he's gonna die!

Glenn: There's a 10 foot length of chain and the winch control behind the seat of the truck. Go and get it.

Jesse: Thanks, Glenn.

Annie: Oh no. I promised Elvis he could help. I even did a spit shake.

Glenn: You did a spit shake with someone? Man that is serious.

Jesse: This sucks.

Glenn: Yeah it kinda does I guess.

Glenn: You're not going anywhere.

Elvis: But I'm hungry.

Glenn: Eat your hat.

Annie: So how did you get the name Elvis, Elvis?

Elvis: My mom.

Glenn: Funny, that's how I got mine.

Randolph: Jesse. You must have grown six inches.

Jesse: Four and a half, actually.

Glenn: Since breakfast.

Miles: [to Joel] What happened?

Joel Goodson: Last night?

Miles: That's right - with Kessler.

Joel Goodson: She was babysitting down the street...

Miles: We know that!

Joel Goodson: So I went over there. It turns out that, uh, she was giving the kid a bath and accidentally hit the shower thing...

[some guy off camera]

Joel Goodson: right.

Miles: That could happen.

Joel Goodson: ...and all her clothes were drying upstairs. So she plops down right on the kitchen floor and she looks up at me and says 'I think I'm in the mood.'

Barry: She said that? What did you say?

Joel Goodson: I didn't have to say anything.

Glenn: Whatcha do?

Joel Goodson: What do you think I did?

Glenn: I think you got the hell out of there, ran home, and wacked off.

Barry: [makes a wacking off noise with his cheek]

Miles: I disagree.

[to Joel]

Miles: Did you have your bike there?

Joel Goodson: Yeah.

Miles: I think you jumped on your bike, peddled home, and wacked off!

Robbie: I don't even know your last name.

Glenn: It's Guglia.

[says it Gulia]

Robbie: Guglia? Oh, so Julia's last name's gonna be Guglia. Julia Guglia! That's funny!

Glenn: [unamused] Why is that funny?

Robbie: I - don't know.

Glenn: [after punching Robbie] You know, you should write a song about this. You could call it "I got punched in the nose for sticking my face in other people's business".

[he and his friends walk off laughing]

Old man in bar: Sounds like a country song!

Glenn: Hey, asswipe, don't go snitching to Julia about this. I know you got a little crush on her, but you gotta face the facts: she'd rather go to bed with a REAL man. Not some poor singing orphan.

Robbie: All right, shithead. I haven't been in a fight since I was in the fifth grade, but I beat the shit out of that kid, so now I'm going to beat the shit out of you.

[Old guy throws a weak punch at Glenn and misses horribly]

Robbie: Hey, what are you doing, man?

Old Man in Bar: I'm sorry. I used to be much stronger.

Glenn: Who are you going out with?

Holly: Robbie.

Glenn: Oh good, that guy needs to get laid.

Holly: Excuse me! Just because he's going out with me doesn't mean he's going to get laid.

[Glenn and Julia look at her]

Holly: ... All right, he probably will.

Holly: God, I love David Bowie. He is SO sexy.

Glenn: You think the "time to make the donuts" guy is sexy.

Robbie: Heh heh, that guy is funny.

Robbie: [Glenn offers him a drink after Jason insults him] No, I'm not a big drinker.

Glenn: Well I am, how about an "Alabama Slammer"?

Glenn's buddy: Sounds like a plan.

Robbie: Yeah, go ahead, have a few drinks and, you know, drive home.

Glenn: You better get out of my way, Billy, or you're gonna get hurt.

Glenn: This is a great idea. I'm glad you came around. You want to do some gambling and have some fun right away, or you just want to get married?

Robbie: Hey. I kissed her, but it didn't mean anything, I just brought her the jacket.

Glenn: Kissed who?

Holly: Oh, me.

Glenn: Who hasn't?

Julia: Hey, Glenn, do you mind if we switch seats so I sat in the window seat?

Glenn: Mmm. I hate the aisle seat. Every time that drink cart comes by it bangs me in the elbows.

Robbie: [Robbie notices Julia's fiancee is flirting with another woman across the room, so he tries to provoke him to talk] That is a luscious ass right there isn't it? Mmm. My God.

Glenn: That's Grade A top choice meat!

Robbie: I'd like to bite right through that thing, arg! You know, chew on it.

[Glenn starts laughing in agreement]

Robbie: But we can't get chicks like that anymore. We're too old.

Glenn: Speak for yourself. I'm not too old. I can still get chicks like that.

Robbie: Not that hot though, right?

Glenn: Gotten hotter.

Robbie: Ten years ago!

Glenn: Try ten *days* ago.

Robbie: Really... As hot as that?

Glenn: Hotter, and younger.

Robbie: How do you do it, man? I mean how do you do it without getting caught?

Glenn: Julia's totally preoccupied with the wedding. She doesn't know what's going on.

Robbie: Oh man. You know what sucks though? Once you get married, the party's over, right?

Glenn: I work in the city, man. And I work long hours.

Glenn: So Wayne, I hear you're putting on some kind of concert. That's good. People need to be entertained, they need the distraction. I wish to God that someone would be able to block out the voices in my head for five minutes, the voices that scream, over and over again: "Why do they come to me to die? Why do they come to me to die?"

Dekker Massey: I was wondering if you still honoring these?

[shows him pamphlet]

Glenn: What the hell is it with these damn coupons?

Dekker Massey: Why, somebody else been in here with one?

Glenn: Yep. Two fellas come in here last night.

Dekker Massey: They still here?

Glenn: No. They gone this morning.

Dekker Massey: Do you know where they've gone?

Glenn: They asked me where they could buy a boat.

Dekker Massey: And did you suggest a place?

Glenn: Yep.

Dekker Massey: Which place?

Glenn: Phil Beasley's.

Glenn: Did you find what you were looking for? The insight?

Paul Groves: Yeah, I think I... like, I *love* you.

Glenn: And everybody else?

Paul Groves: Yeah, and everybody else.

Glenn: It's easy now. Wait 'till tomorrow.

Paul Groves: Yeah, well... I'll think about that tomorrow.

Glenn: [to Nancy] I've lost my compass. I don't know where we're heading!