George Quotes in The Book of Eli (2010)

Solara: [in the middle of a gunfight with Carnegie's men] You know that voice you heard, did it say anything about this?

Eli: We'll get out. Both of us.

George: What about us?

Eli: Didn't say anything about you.

Max: Let's take care of him.

George: Huh?

[Max and Thor pick George up and ram head into cage]

Ape: Why didn't you come sooner?

George: Why Ape have little stars around head?

[Max and Thor pull George out, tickles him, and rams head back in]

Ape: George, remember everything I told you about Queensbury rules and fighting fair?

George: Uh-huh.

Ape: Well, now's a good time to forget it.

George: Dog eat dog? Dog eat dog here?

Ursula Stanhope: No, that's not what I meant.

George: George never bringing Shep here. Uh uh. Never.

[swinging a lion over his head while protecting Ursula]

George: George not even trying hard.

[looks down Ursula's shirt]

George: Something funny about this fella.

Ursula Stanhope: And you can watch TV, and eat, and relax, and I'll be back as soon as I can. Just stay here.

Narrator: Stay here? George is king of the jungle. No four walls built by modern man can contain him

George: Not true. George have every intention of doing exactly what Ursula say.

Narrator: Really? Is that so?

George: For a while.

[grins]

Narrator: Well, Ursula's fiancè is in prison, and there's a jungle man sleeping on her balcony. She could use a best friend right now.

Betsy: Hi.

Ursula Stanhope: Hi.

Betsy: I got here as fast as I could. Where is he?

Ursula Stanhope: Oh, he's in the waterf... he's in the shower.

Betsy: Not anymore.

Ursula Stanhope: Oh! George.

[sees him naked]

George: Bad waterfall. First water get hot, then George slip on this strange yellow rock.

[sees Betsy]

George: Oh. Hi, George of Jungle.

Betsy: Charmed, I'm sure.

Ursula Stanhope: George, hold this big book.

[he holds book covering his front part]

Ursula Stanhope: Cover the booty.

[puts bowl on behind]

Ursula Stanhope: Let's get you some clothes. Sorry, Betsy.

George: Bye.

Betsy: No problem.

[to herself]

Betsy: Now I can see why they made him king of the jungle.

Lyle: White ape. Sounds like a drink

[mockingly]

Lyle: Yes, bartender, I'll have two black russians and a white ape.

Narrator: A drink the venal Van de Groot would be begging to imbibe, if he only knew how close the white ape was at that very moment. Flying through the foliage, surveying the scenery, and swinging on through the trees with effortless ease.

George: [hits tree] Ow!

Narrator: The ape named ape was caged in a cage, hoping to hear the jungle king's awesome...

[jungle call]

Narrator: Hey, I'm pretty good at that. And wondering if he would ever come. But the motion-sick mammal needn't have moaned, for that defender of the innocent, protector of the weak, and all around good guy George of the Jungle was closer than he knew.

[noises come from crate and it opens with George in it]

George: Next time George get bigger box.

George: To swing or not to swing?

Man: Help!

George: Swing.

Narrator: Later, in the Men's Department, after discovering his long lost brothers, the jungle king was pleased to find he looked pretty good in Armani.

George: Pretty darn good.

Ursula Stanhope: So I'll tell my dad first thing in the morning.

Betsy: Make that second thing. First thing, I suggest you buy jungle man some clothes.

[George is wearing a dress]

George: Nice butt flap.

George: Sometime George smash into tree. And sometime...

[George screams and falls out of treehouse]

George: Sometime George fall out of treehouse. But not feel stupid.

Ape: George, what on earth are you doing?

[George is wearing flower lei]

George: George just feel like looking a little special today. That all

Ursula Stanhope: [going crazy] Why wouldn't an ape read textbooks and why wouldn't I find myself in a treehouse with room service and a Tarzan wannabe wearing a... What do you call that thing?

George: Buttflap.

Ursula Stanhope: And this is Neiman Marcus

George: Ooh! They have big shiny cave.

Lyle: [to Max about George] Could you see if he's dangerous?

George: [whiny voice] Here, boy. Where's my little doggy?

Max: I've got a feeling he's not.

George: That close one, huh?

[grins]

Ursula Stanhope: Watch out for that tree!

[George looks up and Ursula's head hits branch, knocking her out]

George: Oops.

George: [on Ursula's apartment balcony] This very high treehouse.

Ursula Stanhope: Mmm-hmm.

George: Good place to call friends from, sound carry.

Ursula Stanhope: Oh, no...

[George lets out jungle call]

Ursula Stanhope: ...the neighbors.

[Ursula screams at the sight of Ape]

George: No, no! It's all right! Ape friend! Ape make your breakfast!

Ursula Stanhope: [panicky] What does it want? What does it want?

Ape: "It" wants "its" Physician's Desk Reference, if you don't mind. Unless you'd rather die of dengue fever, of course.

Ursula Stanhope: [laughing hysterically] That is very funny!

Ape: [sarcastic] Ha, ha, ha...

Ursula Stanhope: I thought I heard the monkey talk!

George: So you no want Ursula to love George?

Ursula's mother: I'd rather have my tongue nailed to this table every morning at breakfast.

George: That hurt.

Ursula's mother: Not as much as you will if you do anything to screw up my daughter's marriage to Lyle van de Groot.

[Ursula laughs]

George: No people here to look stupid for. Just George.

George: Sleep sweet, Ursula.

Ursula Stanhope: Sleep sweet, George.

George: Here comes shep.

George: It dancin' time. Ursula wanna dance?

George: George not feel so good.

[after Lyle comes to take Ursla away]

George: Now George really mad! George tear off your...

[after this, Geroge gets caught by the German army men]

Mercenary: At ease, jungle boy. Everybody freeze now!

German Army Man: Operation completed as ordered, sir.

Lyle: Thank you, Gunner, Gunter, Hans, Jan... and Phil.

Entire Group: Thank you, sir!

Lyle: No hard feelings, stone belly. The best man won that's all. Or I should say the guy who brought mercenaries on. That's all.

George: I'm sorry, I won't be here when you get back... my wife says I can't be a spy anymore. I have to be home for dinner.

George: The truth is I am a driver. Nothing more. This is my destiny. I will never know what it's like to be an american, never know what it feelss like to kill with no reason.

Ryder: Do you know what I'm looking at? Do you know what I'm looking at?

Walter Garber: No, I do not.

Ryder: Ok, well first there's my gun... and at the end of my gun, what's your name man?

George: George, everyone calls me Geo.

Ryder: George, his friends call him Geo. He's got this kinda eighties skateboard thing going on... he makes it work, but it's not gonna look to good in his casket.

Roger Murtaugh: George... Home!... Out!

George: But sir, I...

Roger Murtaugh: George, I got a gun!

George: Yes Sir!

George: Mr. Murtaugh has a gun.

Martin Riggs: Yeah, but it's an old gun and he's not a very good shot.

George: [George and Tarik are walking on the beach, about to part paths] Tarik, things won't be the same without you. What will I do with myself? When you're not praying five times a day.

Tarik: [laughs] Do exactly the same thing you would do when I *was* praying.

George: Oh, that's impossible.

Tarik: Why?

George: Because I was stealing your food.

George: [after father Bernard gets slashed in the belly with a sword, and blood pours out. George smells the "blood"] This isn't blood. This is Burgundy!

Father Bernard: [Father Bernard points to the wounded wine bladder he carried under his robe] But there's a big big hole here.

Princess Lunna: [speaking to her nun-cousin when she's showing her the dragon egg for the first time] Dear cousin, we have a small problem.

George: Uh, it's a big problem... We have a "small" dragon.

George: Billy, Billy, Billy they're... they're calling for backup.

Billy: Wait, wait wait. What the fuck did you just call me? Did you just use my fucking name?

George: When?

Billy: Am I gonna go crazy here or he just fucking used my name?

Cafe Manager: He just fucking used you're name.

Billy: You just used my fuckin' name! You idiot! You fuckin' mo... Wait, wait did I call you an idiot? I'm sorry... GEORGE! I'm sorry.

George: I decide to check it out, so I went to the library, and it turns out that Pinocchio is a liar.

Billy: Yeah. That's why his nose grew.

George: You went too?

Billy: No, I've just spent a lot of time in the library.

George: Really. Which one, 'cause like uh, I've been on day trips to just about every one.

Billy: Harvard School of Law.

George: Really? Is that downtown?

Billy: Hey George, your girlfriend's a heroin addict...

George: No she's not. She's Cleopatra.

George: [to Rita Delaine] Let's go to the temple and ask the gods not to punish us for what you've done.

George: They attacked me - thousands upon thousands!

Tarzan: Thousands of what?

George: Turtles!

[Professor McGonagall demonstrates a waltz with Ron as her partner]

Professor McGonagall: One-two-three, one-two-three...

Harry: [aside] You're never gonna let him forget this, are you?

Fred, George: [shaking their heads] Never.

Ron: There's no one like Krum! He's like a bird the way he rides the wind! He's more than an athlete! He's an artist.

Ginny: I think you're in love, Ron.

Ron: Shut up!

George: [grabs one of Ron's hands and begins singing] Victor, I love you!

Fred: [grabs Ron's other hand] Victor, I do!

George, Fred, Harry: When we're apart my heart beats only for you!

Professor McGonagall: The house of Godric Gryffindor has commanded the respect of the wizarding world for nearly ten centuries. I will not have you, in one night, besmirching that name by behaving like a babbling, bumbling band of baboons!

Fred: [whispering to George] Try saying that five times fast.

George: [whispering] Babbling, bumbling band of baboons.

Fred: [whispering] Babbling, bumbling band of baboons.

Hermione: It's not going to work.

Fred: Oh yeah?

George: Why's that, Granger?

Hermione: You see this?

[gestures to a glowing circle on the floor]

Hermione: This is an age line. Dumbledore drew it himself.

Fred: So?

Hermione: So a genius like Dumbledore couldn't possibly be fooled by a dodge as pathetically dim witted as an ageing potion.

Fred: Ah, but that's why it's so brilliant!

George: Because it's so pathetically dim witted.

Arthur Weasley: Get out of the kitchen, Ron! Everybody's hungry!

George, Fred: [together] Get out of the kitchen!

Arthur Weasley: [to the twins] Feet off the table!

George, Fred: [together] Feet off the table!

[put feet back on the table]

George: Ready Fred?

Fred: Ready George!

George, Fred: Bottoms up!

[they drink the ageing potion together]

George: Four People will go down...

Fred: But will four come up?

Ginny: Why do have to be so mean?

Fred: We knew you wouldn't die, Harry!

George: Might lose a leg.

Fred: Or an arm.

George: But pack it in all together?

Fred, George: Never!

Dumbledore: Eternal glory! That's what awaits the student who wins The Triwizard Tournament, but to this that student must survive three tasks. Three EXTREMELY DANGEROUS tasks.

Fred, George: Wicked!

George: What have you done? Thousands of years of building and rebuilding, creating and recreating so you can let it crumble to dust. A million years of sensitive men dying for their dreams... FOR WHAT? So you can swim and dance and play.

George: When I speak of time, I'm speaking of the fourth dimension.

George: David, I've got to tell it now. While I still remember it!

Filby: Relax, try to relax. You've all the time in the world.

George: You're right David, that's exactly what I have. All the time in the world.

John: Break the glass.

George: We can't!

Paul: It's Beatle proof.

John: Nothing is Beatle proof!

[the Beatles are shown as their live action selves]

George: That was one great party. And we brought back some lovely souvenirs.

[takes out a kite string with a wind-up mistaken for a motor]

George: Here's the motor.

Paul: And I've got a little

[the word "love" comes out of his hand]

Paul: love.

Ringo: [takes out a fake hole from his pocket] And I've got a hole in my pocket.

George: A hole?

Ringo: Well, half a hole anyway. I gave the rest to Jeremy.

George: What can he do with half a hole?

Paul: Fix it to keep his mind from wandering!

George: Hey! There's a Cyclops!

Paul: Can't be. It's got two eyes.

John: Must be a "bicycle-ops" then.

Ringo: There's another one.

John: A whole "'cyclopedia"!

George: Maybe time's gone on strike.

Ringo: What for?

George: Shorter hours.

Ringo: I don't blame it. Must be very tiring being time, mustn't it?

George, John, Paul: Why?

Ringo: Well, it's a twenty four hour day, isn't it?

John: You surprise me, Ringo.

Ringo: Why?

John: Dealing in abstracts.

[after Ringo ejects himself from the submarine]

Paul: Poor Ringo.

George: Poor lad.

Paul: Never did no harm to no one.

John: Hey, lads, now that Ringo's gone, what do we do?

Old Fred: Learn to sing trios.

Paul: Naw, let's save the poor devil.

George: It's all in the mind.

Ringo: Move over, I'm driving.

George: No, I got here first.

Ringo: We'll drive if you like.

George: No, you sit in the middle.

John: No, I'm sitting in the middle.

George: Who said you were driving?

Ringo: I am driving.

George: I'll get in the back, then.

[they drive off camera]

George: [Crash!]

Old Fred: [after they have all been turned into much younger versions of themselves] Now I don't mean to alarm you, mates, but the years are going backwards.

George: What does that mean, Old Fred?

Old Fred: It means that if we slip back through time at this rate, pretty soon we'll all disappear up our own existance!

George: Ok, men all aboard. Lets go somewhere.

Ringo: [Indicating Jeremy] What about him?

John: He's happy enough going around in circles.

Ringo: Aw, poor little fellow.

Paul: I don't know. Ringo's just a sentamentalist.

Ringo: Aw, look at him. Can't he come with us?

[he goes over to Jeremy]

Ringo: Hey, Mr Boob! You can come with us if you like.

Jeremy: You mean you'd take a nowhere man?

Ringo: Yeah, come on. We'll take you somewhere.

Paul: [they're hiding from the Meanies in the gazebo] Do you think they heard us?

John: I hope not.

Paul: Shhh!

George: What did you say?

Paul: Shhh!

George: Good plan.

John: Well, in my humble opinion, we've become involved in Einstein's time space continuum theory.

George: Oh, right.

John: Relatively speaking, that is.

[being swallowed by the vacuum monster]

John: The motor's packing in!

Old Fred: By all the sea nymphettes! We're losing power!

George: We're being swallowed!

Paul: What should we do?

John: Serve tea?

Paul: Lovely.

George: Yes, dey do look very nice, don't dey?

Ringo: Yes, dey do.

John: Dey do dough, don't dey?

George: Yes, dey do.

Ringo: Don't dey, dough?

George: Dough?

[Paul enters]

John: Fa-la. Dat dough!

[Jeremy is writing with his foot]

Jeremy: The footnotes for my nineteenth book. This is my standard procedure for doing it. And while I compose it, I'm also reviewing it!

George: A boob for all seasons.

Paul: How can he lose?

John: Were your notices good?

Jeremy: It's my policy never to read my reviews.

George: Okay, instruments at the ready.

John: Okay, on the beat of one, a-two, a-three, a-four, a-five, a-six.

Ringo: Hey, can't you make it three?

John: Oh, all right, on the beat of three: A-one, a-two, a-three.

John: If I could come in, here, I think the theory put forward by Einstein.

Paul: [singing] Einstein, Einstein, any any any old Einstein.

John: Could well be applied here. The people in the ball are obviously extensions of our own personalities, suspended, as it were, in time, frozen in space.

George: Uh, John.

John: According to the now-famous theory of relativity.

George: John.

John: Which, briefly explained.

George: John!

John: Is simply a matter of taking two eggs.

George: John!

John: Beating lightly, and adding a little salt and pepper to taste.

[last lines]

John, Paul, George, Ringo: All together, now!

Old Fred: All right then. Let's get this vessel shipshape.

George: I kind of like it the way it is. Submarine shape.

George: Do you speak English?

Jeremy: Old English, Middle, Dialect, Pure.

Paul: Well, do you speak English?

Jeremy: You know, I'm not sure.

Ringo: He's so smart he doesn't even remember what he knows!

[seeing John looking through a telescope, concerned]

Paul: What's the matter, John Love? Blue Meanies.

John Lennon: Newer and bluer Meanies have been sighted in the vicinity of this theatre. There's only one way we can go out!

George: How's that?

John Lennon: Singing!

Ringo: George, what are you doing up there?

George: [driving in Ringo's car] Now, what is it, Ringo? Is there a matter you'd like to take up or down?

Ringo: [indicating Fred] This chap, here.

Old Fred: [crazy gibberish] Submarines! Explosions!

Ringo, Old Fred, John: Blue Meanies!

George: Aww, you're nuts, the pair of you.

[drives off]

Ringo: Hey, that's my car, lad.

George: How do you know it's your car, lad?

Ringo: I know it anywhere. Red with yellow wheels.

[the car changes colors]

Ringo: I mean blue with orange wheels.

[the car changes colors again]

George: It's all in the mind.

[opening a door to find King Kong abducting a woman]

George: Do you think we're interrupting something?

John: I think so.

Old Fred: Well, lads, what do you think?

George: I think that...

Old Fred: Remember, there'll be rough seas ahead! What do you think?

Paul: Well, um...

Old Fred: Pounding overwhelming waves! What do you think of that, eh?

John: Well, I think that...

Ringo: As a matter of fact, I think that...

George, Paul, John, Ringo: I think...

Old Fred: Well?

George, Paul, John, Ringo: I've forgotten.

Old Fred: [the motor has conked out] By Neptune's knickerbockers! She's puttered out!

George: Maybe we should call a road service?

Paul: Can't, no road!

Ringo: And we're not subscribers?

John/Paul/George: Subscribers, oh.

George: [singing] Tiptoe through the meanies.

George: Hey, it's seen us!

Old Fred: Fire the boxing button!

Paul: Whoever heard of a "boxing button"?

George: Who cares! Find one!

George: Hey, he looks wrong.

Paul: He doesn't look at all well.

George: In fact, he's horrible.

John: He's so ugly.

All: Really ugly!

George: Not a Meanie in sight.

John: Not even a teeny Meanie.

Paul: Not even a teeny weeny Meanie.

Ringo: Grace.

George: As a matter of fact, there's a war on.

John: Then brothers in war, to the skirmish must we hence! Shall we hence?

Paul: Oh, let's not waste any more time sitting on the hence! Beatles to battle! Charge!

John: [George tries to fix the sub's motor, receiving a huge electric shock instead] What do you think?

George: I think I burnt me finger.

[the Beatles have finally arrived in Pepperland]

John: Pepperland!

George: Looks a bit salty around the edges.

George: It's all in the mind, you know!

[the Beatles just saw duplicates of themselves in a second yellow submarine]

George: Maybe we're both part of a vast yellow submarine fleet.

Ringo: There's only two of us.

John: Well, then, I would suggest that yonder yellow submarine is none other than ourselves...

Old Fred: Going backwards.

John: In time.

[as the sub travels through the Sea of Time, the Beatles and Old Fred turn smaller and younger because the time is traveling backwards]

George: [as they reduce in size] Hey, look, everything's getting bigger!

John: It's not. It's us that are getting smaller.

George: We're the spitting image of ourselves!

Pepperland George: Golly yeah!

George: [referring to Dr. Jeremy Hillary Boob, Ph.D] A Boob for all seasons!

[At Scotland Yard]

John: Hold on, it's them! Only me and Paul know we're here.

George: I know we're here.

Superintendent: Allow me. I'm a bit of a famous mimic in my own small way, you know James Cagney.

[imitating Ringo on the phone]

Superintendent: Hello, there, this is the famous Ringo here, gear fab. What is it that I can do for you, as it were, gear fab?

George: Not a bit like Cagney.

George: [realizing the curling stone is actually a bomb] Hey, it's a thingie! A fiendish thingie!

George: Hey, you're all red again.

Ringo: I know, I'm beginning to like it!

Cameo: Boys, are you buzzing?

John: No thanks, I've got the car!

Cameo: No no no. I'll have to play it back. You'll have to do it again!

[He plays the recording back so they can hear the buzzing sound]

John: Is that you?

Paul: No.

George: Well don't look at me.

[Ringo and his drums crash through the sawn-through floor to the room below]

John: That was you buzzing! You naughty boy!

George: [referring to a drill coming through a painting] What's that?

Austrian Waiter: What's what?

George: That little whirly thing coming out of his stomach.

Austrian Waiter: I can't look!

[a hose comes through the whole the drill made]

John: It's only a hose.

[the waiter faints as the Beatles investigate the hose]

Paul: [listens into the hose then hands it to John] It's for you.

John: Who is it?

Paul: The gardener.

[One of Clang's men is choking John]

John: Get off!

[George jumps in to help, but Clang's man falls aside. George ends up choking John]

John: It's me, you fool!

George: [Still choking John] Oh, sorry!

John: Well, stop it!

Paul: [voice distorted] It is one of those rela tela camenzas!

George: Bad machine!

Ringo: There's more here than meets the eye!

George: Ho ho.

John: Ho.

George: Ho ho.

John: Ho.

George: Ho ho ho

John: Ho ho!

George: Ho ho.

John: Huh ho.

[to an Indian man standing on his head]

John: Doesn't the blood rush to your head Sir?

[In the restaurant kitchen]

George: Doesn't the eastern flavor come rather expensive?

[Paul to belly dancer]

Paul: Doesn't the blood rush to your stomach?

George: [referring to Ringo's finger] Hey, there might be some insurance.

John: I wouldn't think of such a thing!

[whispering]

John: Find out, eh?

George: I'm always getting winked at these days. It used to be you didn't it Paul?

[Paul tracking foot prints]

Paul: Easterner with greasy feet speak with fork tongue.

John: Does he? What's he say?

Paul: Passing this way, hot foot, many moons to temple.

George: Don't encourage him. You've got the part Paul!

John: Dare we ask how you know?

Ringo: How?

Paul: How? I saw these footprints and this guide book which points out places of local worship.

John: To the temple!

Superintendent: Oh come on now lads, don't be windy, where's that famous pluck?

John: I haven't got any, have you George?

George: Did have.

Paul: I have had.

Ringo: I will have! Lead on!

George: How's your equilibrium ring?

Ringo: How's yours? You lied again, George.

George: How'd you know it's not you that's lied.

Ringo: Cause I never am. Am I, Paul?

Paul: Yeah, you are.

George: What's your electric bill like?

Algernon: Sort of a long counterfoil!

[In disguise at the airport. Newspapers have discovered their destination]

Ringo: Okay, who let it out?

John: Nobody'll know!

Paul: We're not going there.

John: We just put it 'round we're going there.

Paul: We're not going there!

John: We just put it 'round we're going there!

George: Just so everybody'd think we were going there.

Ringo: I'd like to go there.

John: You wouldn't like it.

Ringo: Where are we going, then?

John: Never you mind.

Nick Adams: Look, what can you tell in four days?

George: I'll tell ya what I can tell. I can tell ya that three times a day I get hungry and every twenty-four hours I get an irresistible urge to go to sleep in a bed. I don't wanna beg and I don't wanna steal. I don't want a cop tellin' me I'm a vagrant and runnin' me outta town. I'm sorry to desert you, but I'm not cut out for this kind of a life.

George: [reading will] "First, to Peter Yellowbear, my neighbor and fellow snow golfer, I leave my lucky putter. But don't expect it to improve your game."

George: [reading will] "To Barb, my dear friend and boss, I give my shearling coat, which kept me warmer than any man ever did."

George: I'm an attorney, the justice of the peace and a bush pilot. A classic triple threat.

George: [reading will] "And to Thunder Jack, I leave my outhouse and all its contents."

[Narrating, last lines]

George: So in the end, was it worth it? Jesus Christ. How irreparably changed my life has become. It's always the last day of summer and I've been left out in the cold with no door to get back in. I'll grant you I've had more than my share of poignant moments. Life passes most people by while they're making grand plans for it. Throughout my lifetime, I've left pieces of my heart here and there. And now, there's almost not enough to stay alive. But I force a smile, knowing that my ambition far exceeded my talent. There are no more white horses or pretty ladies at my door.

George: May the wind always be at your back and the sun upon your face.

Fred Jung: And may the wings of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars.

Fred Jung: Cheers, Georgie.

George: Cheers, pop.

George: [recording a message on a tape recorder] Hello Dad. You know I remember a lifetime ago, when I was about 3 1/2 feet tall, weighing all of 60 pounds, but every inch your son. I remember those Saturday mornings going to work with my dad, we'd climb into that big green truck. I thought that truck... was the biggest truck in the universe pop. I remember how important the job we did was, how if it wasn't for us, people would freeze to death. I thought you were the strongest man in the world. And remember those home videos when mom would dress up like Loretta Young, barbeques and football games, ice cream, playing with the Tuna. And when I left for California only to come home with the FBI chasing me, and that FBI agent Trout had to kneel down to put my boots on and you said, "That's where you belong you son of a bitch, puttin on Georgie's boots." That was a good one Dad. That was really something. You remember that? And remember that time when you told me that money wasn't real. Well old man, I'm 42 years old, and I finally realize what you were trying to tell me, so many years ago. I finally understand. Your the best, pop, just wish I could have done more for you, wish we had more time. Anyway, may the wind always be at your back, and the sun always upon your face, and may the wings of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars. I love you Dad. Love George.

George: [narrating] I was busted. Set up by the FBI and the DEA. That didn't bother me. Set up by Kevin Dulli and Derek Forreal to save their own asses. That didn't bother me. Sentenced to 60 years at Ottisville. That didn't bother me. I'd broken a promise. Everything I love in my life goes away.

George: [Narrating, while watching his daughter being born] they talk about religious experiences, I didn't believe in religion, hell, I didn't particularly like kids but when Kristina Sunshine Jung came into this world, something in me changed. I knew what I was put on the planet for: It was the greatest feeling I ever had. Followed abruptly by the worst feeling I ever had.

George: [narrating] Danbury wasn't a prison, it was a crime school. I went in with a Bachelor of marijuana, came out with a Doctorate of cocaine, and after sixteen months, I was once again a free man, well not altogether "free." The conditions of my parole were I had to live at my parents and find a job.

Judge: George Jung, you stand accused of possession of six hundred and sixty pounds of marijuana with intent to distribute. How do you plead?

George: Your honor, I'd like to say a few words to the court if I may.

Judge: Well, you're gonna have to stop slouching and stand up to address this court, sir.

George: [stands] Alright. Well, in all honesty, I don't feel that what I've done is a crime. And I think it's illogical and irresponsible for you to sentence me to prison. Because, when you think about it, what did I really do? I crossed an imaginary line with a bunch of plants. I mean, you say I'm an outlaw, you say I'm a thief, but where's the Christmas dinner for the people on relief? Huh? You say you're looking for someone who's never weak but always strong, to gather flowers constantly whether you are right or wrong, someone to open each and every door, but it ain't me, babe, huh? No, no, no, it ain't me, babe. It ain't me you're looking for, babe. You follow?

Judge: Yeah... Gosh, you know, your concepts are really interesting, Mister Jung.

George: Thank you.

Judge: Unfortunately for you, the line you crossed was real and the plants you brought with you were illegal, so your bail is twenty thousand dollars.

George: [narrating] The official toxicity limit for humans is between one and one and half grams of cocaine depending on body weight. I was averaging five grams a day, maybe more. I snorted ten grams in ten minutes once. I guess I had a high tolerance.

George: [over the phone with Derrick] Hey, am I wearing lipstick? I said, am I wearing lipstick? When I'm getting fucked I want to make sure my face looks pretty.

George: So, what'd I tell ya, Derek?

Derek: It's great, but what am I supposed to do with it?

George: Sell it.

Derek: Jesus Christ, George, I don't see you for two years and you show up on my doorstep with 110 pounds of blow.

George: Just fucking sell it, Derek.

Derek: Okay, but it's going to take me a year.

[scene shift to interior Derek's bar surrounded by stacks of cash]

Derek: 36 hours, 36 hours, I can't believe we got rid of it in 36 hours.

George: I think it's fair to say you underestimated the market, Derek.

Derek: Right on. It's going to take us longer to count it than it did to sell it.

Fred Jung: That was a beautiful message.

George: I meant every word of it.

Fred Jung: Did you know I died two weeks after you sent me that tape?

[the apparition of Fred disappears and George is left alone once again]

George: Yeah, Dad. I knew that.

Diego Delgado: George! How are you, my brother?

George: No more brothers, Diego.

Diego Delgado: What do you mean? Of course we are brothers, George.

George: You fucked me.

Diego Delgado: [acting shocked] ... I did not.

George: Yeah you did. You went behind my back, you cut me out, you fucked me.

Diego Delgado: [after snorting line of cocaine] Well, maybe you're right. Maybe I did fuck you... a *little* bit!

[Diego and his group all laugh]

Diego Delgado: Yeah, I stole your California connection, so what? Who introduce you to Pablo Escobar, huh? Me. Who introduce you to your *fucking* Columbian wife? Me. WHO PROTECT YOU... when my friend Cesar wanted to slice your fucking throat? Me. Who helped you make millions and millions of dollars? Me. And what do I get in return? These... accusations. No, I have always given you everything George, but... that is over now!

[They all laugh again]

Diego Delgado: So go home. Go back home. Go home and sell half grams to your fucking relatives for all I care...

[George puts gun to Diego's head]

Diego Delgado: -cause you are *out*! And don't be so emotional, George. Cause we are brothers. We are brothers.

[George pulls the trigger to reveal the gun was empty]

George: Next time it's fuckin' loaded.

Diego Delgado: How much time do you have?

George: Oh, let's see. Twenty-six months.

Diego Delgado: Twenty-six months? For murder? I must meet your lawyer.

Diego Delgado: [in their cell] Do you have a dream, George?

George: Well, I would if I could get some fucking sleep.

Pablo Escobar: So, you're the man, huh? Who takes 50 kilos and make them disappear in one day.

George: Actually it was three days.

George: I'm really great at what I do, Dad. I mean I'm really great at what I do.

Fred Jung: Let me tell you something, George: you'd have been great at anything.

Diego Delgado: I need a favor from you.

George: [voice over] The favor was to pick up fifty kilos of cocaine. Fifty. That's a hundred and ten pounds. Not exactly a small favor. Not like bumming a cigarette, for example. But what the hell. I didn't have anything better to do that day. It's not like I was on parole or anything.

George: This is Grade A 100% pure Colombian cocaine, ladies and gentlemen... Disco shit... Pure as the driven snow.

Pablo Escobar: [on his ranch in Columbia] Our business here today is cocaine, yes?

George: Si. Yes it is.

Pablo Escobar: I need to find an Americano who I can trust. One with honor, intelligence...

George: You need an Americano with balls, Senior Escobar.

Pablo Escobar: Yes, and balls, Mr. George.

George: 15 kilos of cocaine? That's nothing. I piss 15 kilos.

Mirtha Jung: [over the phone through bullet proof glass in prison] I'm divorcin' you George. I am getting custody of Kristina. And when you get out next week, you're gonna pay support and that's the end of it. There is someone else. I did not think you would want to know but I wanted to tell you. Say something.

George: What do you want me to say? I'm in prison. You should know you're the one who put me in here.

Mirtha Jung: I knew you would say something like that. Always thinkin' about yourself.

[repeated line]

George: It was perfect.

George: [outside a courthouse] The lawyer says he can plead it down to five years. I'll serve two.

Barbara Buckley: Two years?

George: Yeah, two years.

Barbara Buckley: George, I can't wait that long.

George: You kidding me? You're not gonna wait for me? What the fuck is that?

Barbara Buckley: I... I don't have two years.

George: [narrating] Waiters, I'm the only guy on the planet that gets busted by fucking waiters, why the Feds decided to bust me on that particular night I'll never know maybe it was the Porsches and Maseratis in the drive way, my Columbian guest list or the cocaine buffet, whatever it was they were just waiting for me to slip up and I did.

George: Everything's gonna be okay, sweetheart. Don't be upset.

Young Kristina Jung: What's happening to us?

George: I don't know.

Young Kristina Jung: Are we gonna split up?

George: No, never. Don't even think about that, it's impossible. I love your mother and you are my heart. Could I live without my heart? Could I?

[first lines]

George: That's a nice boy. Go get 'em, Dulli.

George: How many numbers you got?

Erin Brockovich: Oh, I got numbers comin' outta my ears. For instance: ten.

George: Ten?

Erin Brockovich: Yeah. That's how many months old my baby girl is.

George: You got a little girl?

Erin Brockovich: Yeah. Yeah, sexy, huh? How 'bout this for a number? Six. That's how old my other daughter is, eight is the age of my son, two is how many times I've been married - and divorced; sixteen is the number of dollars I have in my bank account. 850-3943. That's my phone number, and with all the numbers I gave you, I'm guessing zero is the number of times you're gonna call it.

Erin Brockovich: Don't be too nice to me, OK?

George: Why?

Erin Brockovich: It makes me nervous.

George: [parrying Erin's rejection of free babysitting] Are you always this hard on people who try and help you?

Erin Brockovich: I'm out of practice.

George: What's the matter? You got so many friends, you don't need one more?

George: Trying to impress people when you just feel dead inside... I know what that's like, I really do.

George: We all have these different versions of ourselves competing to be the real us.

George: [George and Steve are both on live television arguing about the station's new weather computer] Boy, you really mucked things up with that rain storm last week didn't you?

Steve: Yes, well like any new technology it does have its kinks.

George: Just kind of makes you look like a liar, Steve.

Steve: Well I think you know that I'm not George. You know, I'd like to see you jump over here into the hot seat one night and see how it feels.

George: That sounds like fun, actually.

Steve: I'm sure it does.

George: Hey, you're okay, I'm okay, right? You're okay, I'm okay

George: Hey, you and I have been working together for over a year now and we've never gone out and have a drink together.

Christine: Well, I don't really drink.

George: Well, you know what I mean.

Christine: Well, you've never asked me.

George: You're not always the most approachable person, Chubbuck.

Christine: O, I am approachable. Maybe you just don't know how to approach me.

George: O! And who does know how to approach you?

Christine: A lot of people. Jean. Steve...

[George scoffs]

George: You wanna maybe get some dinner tonight?

Christine: Maybe.

George: You know, fork, knife, plate, food, *dinner*.

Christine: I don't... I don't get it.

George: Chubbuck, I'm not gonna bite you. I feel like we're always about to make some breakthrough to some new level of connectivity, but something gets in the way.

Christine: Dinner?

George: Yeah.

Malfie: You promised to love me.

George: I didn't promise to succeed.

Tess: [about their childhood dog] Not a day goes by that I don't think about that bag of fleas. Good old Tory.

George: Hey, Jane, how come you never mentioned Tory?

Jane: I don't know. I guess I repressed the memory of *Toby*.

Tess: Yeah, his name was Toby, but I called him Tory because I had a lisp.

Jane: A lisp that turned your B's to R's?

Jane: You got them champagne glasses and a bottle of Cristal.

George: Any way she's actually gonna believe it actually came from me?

Jane: Maybe. Wrapped it like a car ran over it.

George: Nice touch.

George: [excited] Unbe-fuck-alievable!

[Archie visits George, who is guarded by two policemen]

Archie: We need to talk.

George: You tell those pigs to fuck off.

Archie: Fuck off, pigs.

[the two policemen don't move]

Archie: Did you hear what I said? Fuck off!

George: I have a dream.

Tom: What is your dream?

George: To have a dream.

George: Now everybody in the 202, throw your hands in the air 'cause Fat Joe is through / Now everybody in the 202, throw 'em up! Check it out / I'm a white boy, but my neck is red / I put Miracle Whip on my Wonder Bread / My face is pale, nah, I've never been in jail / Me and Buffy spend every winter at Vail / How many bitches have I slapped? Zero. Unh! / And Martha Stewart happens to be my hero / I grew up on a farm and I was born with no rhythm / Dr. Phil's my uncle and I like to hang with him / I can't dance / I wear khaki pants / My middle name's Lance / My Grandma's from France / So maybe I'm wack / 'Cause my skin ain't black / But you can't talk smack / 'Cause whitey just struck back

George: Sue's teacher, Brenda. She's... She's dead.

Tom: Oh. I better tell her.

George: No, no, no. I can do it. Sue?

Sue: Yes?

George: You know your teacher, Miss Brenda?

Sue: Yeah.

George: She's dead!

Sue: Aah!

George: Gone forever! Died a horrible, painful death! Gone, gone, gone, just like your dog!

Sue: My dog's dead?

George: I just ran him over with the car when I drove in! Everyone you love around you is dying!

Alien #1: Wait please, we mean you no harm. We travel to your planet to find an evil little girl. We must destroy her before seven days.

George: You mean... You watched the video tape?

Alien #1: Our satellite caught up what we thought was Pootie Tang, that was a week ago. And now our entire race will die, unless the girl is destroyed.

Tom: Aw, you see, they are peaceful.

Mahalik: If they so peaceful, man, why were they choking us a few minutes ago?

Alien #1: Oh... that's how we say hello.

George: Well how do you guys say goodbye?

[an alien kicks George in the groin]

George: [in pain] I had to ask.

George: You guys ever wonder what it would be like to stop livin' up here

[puts hand up in the air]

George: and start livin' down here?

[puts hand down low]

Mahalik: Or what if we stop livin' over here

[puts his hand out to the side]

Mahalik: and start livin' over there?

[puts his hand to the other side]

CJ: Shit, my aunt Shaneequa used to live over there! But that bitch got evicted though.

Mahalik: For what?

CJ: Mice.

Mahalik: I thought she had rats?

CJ: No, rats are outside, mice are inside.

Mahalik: But what if a mouse goes outside does it become a rat, and if a rat is in the house, is it a mouse?

CJ: I ain't seen no mouse outside. That's what I'm sayin'.

Mahalik: That's because it's a rat, fool!

CJ: Damn! You mighta just made fact. That's some real shit right there! A-Ha!

George: Guys, I really don't see what this has anything to do with anything...

[Cindy comes home after leaving George to watch Cody and finds George sleeping on the table]

Cindy: Oh my God! What happened?

George: I don't know... we were play this great game, then I looked down and...

[He looks down at his dice]

George: Yahtzee!

[He stands up and bangs his head on the shelf, knocking himself out]

Cindy: [hugging George]

[crying]

Cindy: It's so hard.

George: Well, you're a beautiful woman, and you're pressing up against me.

Cindy: Something weird is going on at your farm. I know it.

George: I don't know what you're talking about. Sometimes a sheep just needs to be pushed through the fence.

Mahalik: [to the Aliens] So, if they're friendly, then how come they choke us a few minutes ago?

Alien #1: Oh, that's how we say hello.

George: Then how do you say good-bye?

[the Alien kicks him in the crotch]

George: Oooh... I had to ask...

Alien #1: If you think that's unusual, then you should see how we pee.

[he starts peeing out of his finger]

President Harris: Oooooh, we are not so much different after all...

[the President starts peeing out of his finger also]

George: [at Brenda's funeral] Sue wanted to pay respects to her teacher. You?

Cindy: Brenda was my bitch.

George: So, I'll be doing the rap battle at the 23 Club tomorrow night.

Brenda Meeks: Oh, I don't believe this shit.

George: Word! You two should come down! I'll be rappin', I'll be cappin', I'll be tappin', I'll be flappin', I'll be happen... ing. Ding, bing, wing. Yo!

Cindy: Sounds good!

George: Would, could, should, 'hood.

Brenda Meeks: Ugh!

George: Gug, mug, dug, bug.

Mahalik: [George is wearing a white hoodie that makes him resemble a KKK member] George, the hood! Lose the hood!

George: I know, we're in the hood now!

Brenda Meeks: He's a dead man.

George: [as crowd boos] You guys feelin' me? In the hood?

[does what looks like a Heil Hitler salute]

Cindy: I can't believe you let that happen.

George: I know, I'm sorry. I screwed up.

Cindy: Listen, we can still save him. The answer to the tape, to your crop circles, is at a lighthouse. Oh, you think I'm crazy, don't you?

George: Of course I do.

George: Family, that's just what I've been running away from

President Harris: Well, that's because you're an idiot.

George: Why is there an open casket?

Cindy: George it's a wake.

George: She's alive, Sue your teacher is alive!

Cindy: No George she's dead!

George: No Brenda! Don't die on me!

[starts doing CPR and mouth to mouth ressatession]

George: [people starts attacking george]

Mahalik: Hey get away from him broad!

[starts punches while complete caous ensues]

George: [takes two wires] clear!

George: [about Charlie Price in the boots] Does he look sexy?

Lauren: He does to me George.

George: [after Alice has fired Devonia for not watching all of the kids] Honey, it was an accident!

Alice: So what?

George: We can't throw out the option of having a babysitter just because we had a bad one. We'll find somebody really responsible to look after the kids.

Alice: Over my dead body.

George: I really don't like our dog.

Alice: I really don't like those people, George. I don't trust them. I don't want their money. I know my opinion doesn't matter, but I'm not interested in expanding. If I had been home instead of helping you impress those morons, Emily wouldn't have fallen in the pool. And I'm not re-entering the work force, George. You're gonna have to do this on your own. And you will. Somehow, you'll make your fortune. And tucked away behind you deep in the shadows will be me and the kids.

George: That's how you see me. Suddenly, I'm a lousy husband and father. Everything was just fine until Beethoven came into our lives. I've tried to be patient, but I've had it. The dog has to go.

Alice: I'm proud of Beethoven. Those two idiots insulted your kids, they treated me like dirt, and he was the only one of us who had the nerve to give them the ride they deserved. I'm going to bed.

[she heads back inside]

George: My dream's going down the drain, and you're worried about a dog.

Alice: Your family's going down the drain, and you're worried about a dream.

[once taken out of the cast, Henry's arm snaps around and hits Dr. Kersten in the nose]

Dr. Kersten: [muffled, with hands over his face] Funky, buttloving...!

George: Did he say "funky buttloving?"

George: The only reason you are playing for the Cubs is because you broke your stupid arm!

[after Henry accidentally throws a fielded ball over the outfield fence]

George: Is that play legal?

Clark: They're sending Henry in!

George: Yeah, we're gonna go sit closer so you can see better.

Mary Rowengartner: Come on, let's go get seats.

Bob Carson: Seats? You mean down on the field level?

Mary Rowengartner: Yeah.

Bob Carson: No, no, no. Please, that's too dangerous.

Mary Rowengartner: Why?

Bob Carson: Me, the owner of the Cubs sitting down with the fans? They'd kill me.

George: Let's go back to our dull lives and search for meaning.

[at a supermarket]

George: I'll tell you what I'm doing. I want to buy eight hot dogs and eight hot dog buns to go with them. But no one sells eight hot dog buns. They only sell twelve hot dog buns. So I end up paying for four buns I don't need. So I am removing the superfluous buns. Yeah. And you want to know why? Because some big-shot over at the wiener company got together with some big-shot over at the bun company and decided to rip off the American public. Because they think the American public is a bunch of trusting nit-wits who will pay for everything they don't need rather than make a stink. Well they're not ripping of this nitwit anymore because I'm not paying for one more thing I don't need. George Banks is saying NO!

Stock Boy: Who's George Banks?

George: ME!

George: Annie, it's a little nippy out, you might want to put on a sweater.

Annie: Dad, it's okay, I'm kinda warm.

George: Still, there's a chill in the air and you've been on a plane.

Annie: Dad, I'm fine.

Bryan: Annie, it is kinda cold out.

Annie: It is?

Bryan: Yeah.

Annie: All right, thanks, I'll get my jacket.

George: [voice-over] I thought maybe I should help smooth things over. So I took Bryan out for a drink. Thought we could have a talk, man-to-man. But as I sat there and listened to his side of the story... I realized this was a golden opportunity. If I ever wanted to get rid of Bryan MacKenzie, this was my chance.

Bryan: You know those banana shakes she likes to make, right? Well, that's why I thought she'd like a blender. I guess I can see her point. I mean, a blender does suggest a certain... reference to sexual politics, but... I swear, it never entered my consciousness at the time.

George: I believe you.

Bryan: You do? Would you tell Annie that for me, Dad?

George: [voice-over] This was where I was gonna lower the boom. But instead, I looked into his weepy eyes and found my self saying:

George: Sure, I'll tell her.

Bryan: Oh, good! 'Cause I know whatever you say she'll believe.

George: [voice-over] Not only was I not getting rid of the kid... I now found myself talking him into staying.

George: You know, Bryan, Annie's a very passionate person. And passionate people tend to overreact at time. Annie comes from a long line of major overreactors. Me. I can definitely lose it. My mother. A nut. My grandfather. Stories about him were legendary. The good news, however, is that this overreacting... tends to get proportionately less by generation. So, your kids could be normal.

George: [voice-over] As if that wasn't enough, I went on.

George: But on the upside, with this passion... comes great spirit and individuality... which is probably one of the reasons you love Annie.

Bryan: That's what I love most about her.

George: [voice-over] That's when it hit me like a Mack truck. Annie was just like me, and Bryan was just like Nina. They were a perfect match.

George: Drive carefully. And don't forget to fasten your condom.

Annie: Dad!

George: [shrieks in embarrassment] Seat belt! I meant, I meant seat belt.

Franck Eggelhoffer: Uh-oh, I bring the wrong color thread. I assumed you'd be wearing a black "tuxado."

George: It is a black "tuxado."

Franck Eggelhoffer: I don't think so, babe. This tux is "nuffy" blue. No doubt about it.

George: What're you talking about? Armani doesn't make a blue tuxedo.

Franck Eggelhoffer: Armani don't also make "polyaster."

George: This was the moment I'd been dreading for the past six months. Well, actually for the past 22 years.

George: Who presents this woman? This woman? But she's not a woman. She's just a kid. And she's leaving us. I realized at that moment that I was never going to come home again and see Annie at the top of the stairs. Never going to see her again at our breakfast table in her nightgown and socks. I suddenly realized what was happening. Annie was all grown up and was leaving us, and something inside began to hurt.

George: I used to think a wedding was a simple affair. Boy and girl meet, they fall in love, he buys a ring, she buys a dress, they say I do. I was wrong. That's getting married. A wedding is an entirely different proposition. I know. I've just been through one. Not my own, my daughter's. Annie Banks Mackenzie. That's her married name: Mackenzie. You fathers will understand. You have a little girl. An adorable little girl who looks up to you and adores you in a way you could never have imagined. I remember how her little hand used to fit inside mine. Then comes the day when she wants to get her ears pierced, and wants you to drop her off a block before the movie theater. From that moment on you're in a constant panic. You worry about her meeting the wrong kind of guy, the kind of guy who only wants one thing, and you know exactly what that one thing is, because it's the same thing you wanted when you were their age. Then, you stop worrying about her meeting the wrong guy, and you worry about her meeting the right guy. That's the greatest fear of all, because, then you lose her. It was just six months ago that that happened here. Just six months ago, that the storm broke.

George: [answering the phone] Hello?

Annie: Dad!

George: Hi! Where are you?

Annie: At the airport. Our plane's about to take off, but I couldn't leave without saying goodbye. Thank Mom for everything ok? Dad, I love you. I love you very much.

George: I love you too, sweetheart. Thanks for calling. And have a great honeymoon.

Annie: Thanks. I will. Bye.

Nina Banks: [Waiting for Brian to arrive] So, can you see him? What does he look like?

George: He just drove up.

Nina Banks: And?

George: He drove too fast.

George: Well, that's the thing about life, is the surprises, the little things that sneak up on you and grab hold of you.

George: You look like you're enjoying seeing me in here.

Nina Banks: Enjoying? Do you think it's enjoyable to get a phone call telling you to come down to the police station because your husband's been arrested for stealing hot dog buns?

Andrea - the Florist: Mrs. Banks, as far the flowers go, we're going to color-coordinate with the swans, right?

George: Swans?

Annie: Yes, Frank thought it'd be nice to have swans waddling around the tulip border.

George: We don't have a tulip border.

Andrea - the Florist: [handing him a bill] You will.

[It begins to snow]

Annie: What? What's that face?

George: It's nothing.

Annie: Oh, this is going cost you more money.

George: No. It's just... I know I'll remember this moment, for the rest of my life.

Matty Banks: Can I put Cameron back on the list if he promises not to eat?

George: You know, that's not a bad idea. Who else can we ask not to eat? My parents and your mother.

Annie: Why don't we just charge people? That way we can make money on the wedding?

George: [seeing the gift from Bryan's parents] Yikes. A whole car.

Annie: Dad? Dad? Dad, did you see what the Mackenzie's got us?

George: It's unbelievable. And you thought you'd never have a new car.

Annie: I know.

[sees him hiding a gift from her]

Annie: What's that?

George: It's nothing. It's just a gift I was thinking of giving you guys. It's something you said you didn't have, but you wanted.

Annie: Can I see it?

George: [gives it to her] Yeah, you know, it's, it's not a big, big gift of course.

Annie: [she opens it] It's a cappuccino maker!

George: Supposed to be a good one. That's what they said at the store. It's uh, top of the line. Makes great foam.

Annie: [kisses her dad] I couldn't love anything more.

George: My feelings exactly.

Matty Banks: Right, together. Left, together. Right, together.

George: Matty, you're up pretty late, aren't ya?

Matty Banks: Yeah, I know I'm just practicing. I wish I didn't have to walk Mom down the aisle.

George: Don't worry, you'll be great.

Matty Banks: Is it right, together, left or left, together, right?

George: Well, let's try it. Let's see, we go right together, left together. Good. Matty, I'm sorry if I've been preoccupied lately with this wedding.

Matty Banks: It's ok.

George: Yeah, but I have, haven't I?

Matty Banks: It's all right. I understand.

George: Yeah, but...

Matty Banks: Yeah, ya have. But I haven't felt ignored or anything. Don't worry Dad. No permanent damage done.

George: Oh, well, good.

Annie: [in the background] It's really cute and cozy and in a great neighborhood. You'll see it. I am really excited. I've got all this packing to do, and this room looks so different.

Matty Banks: It's gonna be weird, isn't it? Just you and me and Mom here now.

George: Yeah. Come on. Goodnight pal. Sleep tight.

Matty Banks: Good luck tomorrow dad.

George: Yeah, you too.

Matty Banks: Annie?

Annie: Yeah?

Matty Banks: Goodnight.

Annie: Goodnight, Matty. I love you.

Matty Banks: I love you too.

Junior: [while on the Venice Beach basketball courts] Your mother's so poor I saw her kicking cans and I asked her what she was doing she said "moving"

George: Your mother's so old she used to drive chariots to high school

Junior: Your mother's so fat when she fell over, broke her leg and gravy poured out

George: I told your mother to act her age and the bitch dropped dead

George: We are all just one small adjustment away from making our lives work.

Matty: I think I screwed up.

George: Not from my perspective.

George: Stop shouting! I don't hear you when you do that. Not ever!

Lisa: Did you ever wish you could delete everything you said as soon as you'd said it? Lately all I do is hear myself being so weak and whiny and needy that I wish I could delete every...

George: I think the answer to that is to stop talking. Deny a voice to what's falling apart. No lip service. That's my advice to you.

Lisa: George, this is my boyfriend Matty.

George: Nice to meet you.

Matty: Who is he?

Lisa: You didn't even say hello!

Matty: Yeah, I think you ought to check with me before you invite some guy over, so I'm a little bit too pissed off to say hello!

Lisa: What sort of trouble are you in George?

George: Ah, well ah... simply put... ah, I'm currently unemployed, my girlfriend recently broke up with me, er, I will soon run out of money and, er, I'm the target of a federal investigation.

Lisa: Wow, you are a real chick magnet, aren't you.

George: [after they kiss] I just had a thought.

Lisa: Hm?

George: Did you come down here to tell me not to bother waiting?

Lisa: No.

Lisa: George, I thought you were this silly guy. Now, it's like everything but you seems silly. Who knows what I'm saying here?

George: I think I know what you're saying.

Lisa: What?

George: It's just a thought- I might not at all be...

Lisa: What?

George: You love me too.

George: I had an interesting chat with Mr. Taplinger, as he's called. I'd say he has a classic neurotic personality disorder. Brilliant parents who didn't get along, closer to his aunt than his mother, obsessed with mortality, believes in nothing, finds life to have no meaning. Just a perfect depressive, with everything sublimated into his art, and he is quite an artist. He began as an escape artist. Interesting choice if anyone ever wanted to escape from reality. But, like Freud, he will not permit himself to be seduced by childish thoughts just because they're more comforting. Very unhappy man. I like him.

Gurkin: You can't even make it from Junior Tiger Guide to Tiger Guide

George: I'm only one badge away!

[looks at his velcro shoes]

George: Knots are hard!

George: I want to be a gynecologist.

Miss Marquez: If that's so then I want good reasons why.

George: *You're* the reason why, Miss Marquez.

George: [in the boy's treehouse looking at an adult magazine] Hey Jack, ever get a boner? You know, an erector.

Jack: Not yet, I'm hoping to get one for Christmas.

John-John: [the kids are looking at an adult magazine] You think our moms look like that?

George: Nah, only Penthouse girls look like that. They're special. I mean like, they come from a special part of the country or something.

George: So Jack, you bought that magazine?

Jack: Yeah, I buy 'em all the time.

George: What about Hustler? You get Hustler?

Jack: If you want it.

Eddie: Swank?

Jack: Yeah, that and uh, you know, all the grown-up stuff that only grown-ups can read.

George: Cool! And they don't give you no trouble in buying them? I mean like they don't ask for ID?

Jack: No. You know, I just don't shave for a day and I look like I'm fifty.

George: That's not your grandfather!

Paul: It is, you know.

George: But I've seen your grandfather! He lives in your house!

Paul: Oh, that's my other grandfather, but he's my grandfather, as well.

John: How do you reckon that one out?

Paul: Well, everyone's entitled to two, aren't they?

George: [as TV Director walks away with PA] There he goes. Look at him. Bet his wife doesn't know about her.

John: If he's got one. Look at his sweater.

Paul: You never know, she might have knitted it.

John: She knitted him.

Reporter: What would you call that hairstyle you're wearing?

George: Arthur.

John: Hey, look at the talent. Let's give them a pull.

Paul: Should I?

George: Aye, but don't rush. None of your five-bar gate jumps and over sort of stuff.

Paul: What's that supposed to mean?

George: I don't know, I just thought it sounded distinguished-like.

John: George Harrison, the Scouse of distinction!

George: Sorry we hurt your field, mister.

Simon Marshall: Anyway, if you don't cooperate, you won't meet Susan.

George: And who's this Susan when she's at home?

Simon Marshall: Only Susan Canby, our resident teenager. You'll have to love her, she's your symbol.

George: Oh, you mean that posh bird who gets everything wrong?

Simon Marshall: I beg your pardon?

George: Oh, yeah. The lads frequently sit 'round the television and watch her for a giggle. In fact, once, we all sat down, wrote these letters, saying how gear she was and all that rubbish.

Simon Marshall: She's a trendsetter. It's her profession!

George: She's a DRAG - a well-known drag. We turn the sound down on her and say rude things.

Simon Marshall: [horrified] Get him out of here...!

George: Have I said something amiss?

Simon Marshall: Get him out! He's knocking the program's image!

George: Sorry about the shirts!

Simon Marshall: [angrily] GET HIM OUT!

Ringo: I don't snore.

George: You do, repeatedly.

Ringo: Do I snore, John?

John: Yeah, you're a window-rattler, son.

Ringo: That's just your opinion. Do I snore, Paul?

Paul: With a trombone hooter like yours, it would be unnatural if you didn't.

Grandfather: Now, Paulie... don't mock the afflicted.

Paul: Ah, come off it, it's only a joke!

Grandfather: Aye, it may be a joke to you, but it's his nose. He can't help having a hideous great hooter! And his poor little head, trembling under the weight of it!

[Ringo gets a large pile of fan mail]

John: Must have cost you a fortune in stamps, Ringo.

George: He comes from a large family.

Ringo: [referring to half-dressed room service waiter hiding in the wardrobe] Any of you lot put a man in the cupboard?

George: Nah!

Paul: Don't be soft!

Ringo: Well, someone did.

George: [George gets up, walks over, looks in the cupboard, then sits back down]

George: He's right, you know

John: There you go.

George: He's very fussy about his drums, you know. They loom large in his legend.

George: Put yer tongue away, it looks disgustin hangin out, all pink and naked.

Norm: Now look, I've had a marvelous idea. Just for once, let's all try to behave like ordinary, respectable citizens. Let's not cause any trouble, pull any strokes, or do anything I'm gonna be sorry for. Especially tomorrow at that television theater, because...

[looks at John, who is holding up a bottle to his nose]

Norm: Are you listening to me, Lennon?

John: You're a swine. Isn't he, George?

George: Yeah, a swine.

Norm: [indifferently] Thanks.

[George has been mistaken for a teen model]

Simon Marshall: We'd like you to give us your opinion on some clothes for teenagers.

George: Oh, by all means. I'd be quite prepared for that eventuality.

Simon Marshall: Well, not your REAL opinion, naturally. It'll be written out for you, and you'll learn it. Can you read?

George: 'Course I can.

Simon Marshall: I mean LINES, ducky. Can you handle lines?

George: Well, I'll have a bash.

Simon Marshall: Good. Give him whatever it is they drink, uh, coke-a-rama?

George: Ta.

Simon Marshall: Well, at least he's polite. Show him the shirts, Adrian.

[Adrian gives George some shirts]

Simon Marshall: Now, you'll like these. You'll really "dig" them. They're "fab," and all the other pimply hyperboles.

George: [unimpressed] I wouldn't be seen dead in them. They're dead grotty.

Simon Marshall: Grotty?

George: Yeah, GROTESQUE!

Simon Marshall: Make a note of that word and give it to Susan. It's rather touching, really. Here's this kid, giving me his utterly valueless opinion, when I know for a fact that within a month, he'll be suffering from a violent inferiority complex and loss of status because he isn't wearing one of these nasty things! Of course they're grotty, you wretched nit! That's why they were designed! But that's what you'll want.

George: I won't!

Simon Marshall: You can be replaced, chickie baby.

George: I don't care.

Simon Marshall: And that pose is out too, Sonny Jim. The new thing is to care passionately and be right-wing.

Reporter: Has success changed your life?

George: Yes.

[Having makeup applied]

George: Hey, you won't interfere with the basic rugged concept of me personality, will you madam?

George: [George runs into Ringo in the hallway] Hey Ringo, you know what just happened to me?

Ringo: No, I don't.

[George gives Ringo a dirty look]

Ringo: You ought to stop looking so scornful, it's twisting your face.

[George grabs his face and walks off looking confused]

Norm: [sees Paul's grandfather for the first time] Hey!

George, Paul, John, Ringo: [in unison] Who's that little old man?

Norm: Well, who is he?

Ringo: He belongs to Paul.

Norm: Come on, you lot! Get your pens out!

George: Why?

Norm: It's homework time for you load of college puddings. I want this lot answered TONIGHT!

Ringo: [sulking] Aww... I want to go out.

Norm: Now, I'll brook no denial!

John: You couldn't get a pen in your foot, you swine.

Norm: Ooh! Chatter on, son. Chatter on! A touch of the writer's cramp will soon sort YOU out!

George: What's the matter with you, then?

Ringo: It's his grandfather. I can tell he doesn't like me. It's cause I'm little.

George: Ah, you've got an inferiority complex, you have.

Ringo: Yeah, I know, that's why I play the drums - it's me active compensatory factor.

George: Honestly! Me mind boggles at the very idea, a grown man and you haven't shaved with a safety razor.

Shake: It's not my fault. I come from a long line of electricians.

T.V. Director: We are on in twenty minutes.

George: Can I say something?

T.V. Director: What?

George: I don't think it's very likely that we will go on. The law of averages is against it.

John: [to Grandpa as he sulks] Don't worry son, we'll get you the best lawyer green stamps can buy.

Paul: Oh ho, it's a laugh a line with Lennon!

Paul: Anyway, it's your fault.

[points to Ringo]

Ringo: Why me?

George: Why not you?

[pause, he looks around baggage holding, pats the dog next to him]

John: God, it's depressing in here, isn't it? Funny. They usually reckon dogs more than people in England. You'd expect something more palatial.

[turns back to Paul]

John: Let's do something then.

Paul: Like what?

[John takes out a pack of cards]

Paul: Okay.

George: [as the schoolgirls arrive to watch] Cor, there's the girls.

Ringo: I'll deal 'em.

John: [Ringo separates the cards into two even piles and simply flicks through them] Aye aye, the Liverpool Shuffle.

Ringo: [after montage of them playing with 'I Should Have Known Better' in background, Ringo has won] Mine, all mine!

John: He's wearing his lucky rings.

Bruce 1: Okay, I know, I know, I know. I shouldn't love a girl who toys so carelessly with other people's emotions - especially mine - but it's not, like, my brain has the ability to overrule my heart.

George: And other parts of your anatomy.

Bruce 1: Oh, my God, George, that's so FUNNY. That's SO funny. You're SUCH a good comedian. You're making a penis joke. What is that? Is that your closer now?

George: [takes out the rocket launcher from the case] You label terrorist on it, and I'll kill it.

George: Smells fishy to me.

Blanche: Well even fish smells good when you're starving to death.

Blanche: You're a fink!

George: If I'm a fink then you're an ungrateful bitch.

Blanche: Don't start to fret, George, or our waterbed will be no fun at all tonight; as an actor, you should know that fretting will ruin a performance.

George: You don't have to worry about my performance tonight, honey - as a matter of fact, this very evening, you're gonna see a standing ovation!

Boy: Santa doesn't drink champagne. Santa only drinks milk.

George: [quietly] Listen. Santa can't drink no more milk. Santa has a lactose intolerance, and it gives him horrible gas pains. Do you want to see Santa farting down everybody's chimney?

George: Yeah? Well, maybe Santa won't come back next year. Maybe he and the Easter Bunny will take a fuckin' cruise to Jamaica and you can eat your own lousy cookies!

George: I told you I was a married man with two children.

Doris: You're not?

George: I'm a married man with three children... I thought it would make me seem less married. All right, I didn't think it through, all right? There's been like a lead weight inside me all morning. I mean, denying little Debbie like that!

Doris: [after kissing George] Wanna fuck?

George: ...What?

Doris: You didn't understand the question?

George: You know what the worst part of this is? While I'm thinking all of this... I have the most fantastic hard-on

Doris: [after nearly getting caught by the in-keeper] Oh, good, he didn't ask about the girdle.

George: What?

Doris: The girdle!

George: [looks down, notices her girdle poking out of his pocket] Oh, great! Now he probably thinks I'm a homo!

George: We'd been to a party and we had a few drinks. So we went to bed and we started making love. And nothing happened. I mean for me. I mean, I... I couldn't... well, you get the picture.

Doris: [nods]

George: I mean it was no big deal. I mean we laughed about it. And then about a half hour later, just as I was going to sleep, Helen turned to me and said, "It's funny. When I married a CPA, I always taught that it would be his eyes that would go first."

George: I can't remember the name of your favorite perfume; I've racked my brain and I can't remember it.

Doris: That's funny, it's My Sin.

George: Dorothy, in the first place I want you to know that what happened last night was the most beautiful, wonderful, crazy thing that's ever happened to me and I'll never forget it or you.

Doris: Doris.

George: What?

Doris: My name is Doris.

George: Your name is Doris?

Doris: Yes.

George: But, I've been calling you Dorothy all night.

Doris: I know.

George: When I touched you just now, I started to get excited. What kind of a pervert am I? Staring at a 200 pound pregnant woman, and I'm getting hot!

Doris: Well, I'll tell you something. That is about the nicest thing that anybody's said to me in months.

George: Doris, what the hell is the matter?

Doris: If memory serves me correctly, I just had a labor pain.

George: You can't have. It must be indigestion.

Doris: No, there's a difference. Indigestion doesn't make you eyes bug out.

[repeated line]

George: All right, I didn't think it through.

George: Why do you have to look so *luminous*? I mean, it'd make things so much easier if you woke up with puffy eyes and blotchy skin like everyone else.

Doris: Guess God thought chubby thighs were enough.

Doris: Well, I just overheard him talking to some of the guys, and he said that his... his time in the army were the best years of his life.

George: What's wrong with that? Lot of guys feel that way about the service.

Doris: Harry was in the army for 4 years and 3 of them were spent in the Japanese prison camp!

George: We went to London. As we were checking into the hotel, there was a man in formal coat and striped pants standing in the front entrance of the hotel. Helen handed him her suitcase and breezed on into the lobby. The man followed her in and very politely explained that not only he didn't work in the hotel but that he was the Danish ambassador. And without batting an eye, Helen said "Well, that's marvelous. Maybe you can tell us the good places to eat in Copenhagen." And he did!

Doris: George, how come you're wearing your robe and pajamas in the afternoon?

George: I'm rehearsing a Noël Coward play.

George: When It comes to life, I've got a brown thumb.

Doris: What do you mean?

George: I mean that nothing I ever do turns out right. Look, first time... first time I had sex I was 18 years old. We were in the back seat of a parked 1938 Dodge sedan. Right in the middle of it, we were rear-ended.

Doris: Oh, and you didn't have any insurance?

George: No. That's not exactly what I mean. I mean, look... take last night. Do you know what the radio was playing while we were making love? "If I Knew You Were Coming I'd Have Baked A Cake."

Doris: So?

George: So, that's gonna be our song.

Doris: Is it?

George: No. I mean, other people would have gotten "Be My Love" or "Some Enchanted Evening". Me, I get; "If I Knew You Were Coming I'd Have Baked A Cake."

Doris: You know that's a sign of age, don't you?

George: What?

Doris: When you start worrying about the declining morality of the young.

George: You always could see through me, couldn't you?

Doris: But that's okay, because... I've always loved what I've seen.

Doris: See, I got pregnant when I was just 18. So I've never really had any time to just think. You know, I mean about... well, what I think about. Never mind. I don't know what I am trying to say. Some times I think I am crazy.

George: Why?

Doris: Well, OK, like take my life. Now, We live in a 2-bedroom duplex in downtown Oakland and we have a 1948 Studebaker, a blond three-piece dinette set, Motorola TV, we go bowling at least once a week, I mean, what more could anyone ask for?

Doris: You know, I can really talk to you. It's just amazing. I find myself saying things to you that I didn't even know I thought. I noticed that yesterday right after we met in the restaurant.

George: We had instant rapport. Did you notice that too?

Doris: No. But I know we really hit it off.

George: Did you know we've made love 113 times?

Doris: What?

George: I figured that out on my Bowmar calculator.

Doris: Do you have any pictures?

George: What?

Doris: Pictures of your kids.

George: Well, yeah, but I don't think this the the time or place...

Doris: Come on, come on. If you show me yours I will show you mine.

[last lines]

George: Okay, I'm back, goddamn it.

Doris: What about Connie?

George: Connie is 87 years old.

Doris: What?

George: Look, I wanted you to marry me and I figured if you thought somebody else wanted me, I'd stand a better chance. Okay, maybe I didn't think things through. I was desperate, okay? Look, I don't even wanna discuss it. I'm back, and I'm gonna keep coming back every year until our bones are too brittle to risk contact.

Doris: You know, that's a sign of age, don't you?

George: What is?

Doris: When you start worrying about the declining morality of the young.

Brenner: There was three game wardens and a woman.

Ramsjey: [In radio] What did you do?

Brenner: I tied them up.

Brenner: [suddenly sees them escaping in rear view mirror]

Brenner: What the hell?

Brenner: [stops the truck and leaps out] George!

Brenner: [his yell echoes through the canyon]

George: [guilty panic] Yes, boss?

Brenner: [in radio] Big Ben calling...

Brenner: [suddenly turns to George who is driving]

Brenner: What the hell do you think you're doing?

George: What do you mean?

Brenner: You're going the wrong way.

George: I'm going by the compass.

Brenner: [picks coffee cup up] You left that there. This is made of steel.

Brenner: [he circles the mug around the compass and the needle follows it. Angry he throws the coffee mug down and it makes a loud clang]

Brenner: You bugged the compass, you stupid idiot!

George: Oh, geez, boss, I'm sorry. I wasn't think...

Brenner: Stop the bloody truck.

Brenner: I'll get the bastard!

Brenner: [a few moments later he drives near the fleeing people, gets out of the truck and pours some gasoline in some tall dead grass. He then takes his gun out, fires and a deadly area of flames erupts]

George: [groans and falls down]

Brenner: George!

[tosses him a gun]

Brenner: Here. Make him get in.

George: [points it at Xixo like he isn't going to use it] Here. You get in.

Xixo: [speaking own dialect]

George: [gestures with gun to truck] You come with us.

Xixo: [takes the gun out of George's hands]

George: [gets it back quickly, nervously] Hey. Hey. You mustn't do that.

George: [grumbling at how stupid George is being, runs over and knocks Xixo to the ground] Get me a tie down!

George: [with gun pointed in the least threateningly way at Xixo, Dr. Taylor, Dr. Stephen Marshall, and the two soldiers and says] All right, now. You people behave and nobody gets hurt.

Dr. Stephen Marshall: [tucks his gun in his waistband and then hitches up his pants. Not surprisingly the tug causes the gun to go sliding down his pants]

George: [gasps] Oh my God.

[tries to carefully reach down and get his gun, but can't. He then starts to pull his pants down, but stops realizing that the victims, especially Dr. Stephen Marshall are curiously eyeballing him]

George: [chuckles nervously and again tries reaching down his pants, but this time the gun goes off]

George: [groaning painfully and in stupidity, as he falls to the ground] Ow.

Dr. Stephen Marshall: [struggling his way over] Quick get his gun.

[reaching up George's pant leg]

George: [groaning] Oh, no. You mustn't do that. My boss will kill you.

Dr. Ann Taylor: [gets it] Got it!

[the four struggle towards the jeep, and Dr. Taylor calls out to Xixo]

Dr. Ann Taylor: Mister, come with us.

Xixo: [starts hobbling over]

George: Wait, I wanna come too. He's gonna kill me.

Timi: [goes to where the boss is being held] Oky! Get out!

[the boss does]

George: How long will we get?

Timi: I don't know. Maybe you'll get a year, but this bastard

[pointing at boss]

Timi: is going to sit for a long time.

George: Geez, boss.

[the two bad guys place the tied up Xixo in the back of the truck. George then picks up Xixo's things and puts them with Xixo]

Brenner: What the hell do you think you're doing?

George: It's his boss.

Brenner: [grumbles]

Brenner: [the two bad guys place the tied up Xixo in the back of the truck. George then picks up Xixo's things and puts them with Xixo]

Brenner: What do you think you're doing?

George: It's his boss.

Brenner: [grumbles]

George: Get the hell outta my fortress!

George: Agnes!

George: Have you ever seen Three's Company?

Janice: The TV show?

Elaine: [Elaine undresses] Give it a whirl, Abe.

George: Well, I like, I want to, I want to...

Elaine: You want to say something to me?

George: Yes, I do and I want to be completely honest and get this off your chest. I mine, get this off your breast. I mean, my breast. Get this, off my chest.

Elaine: Give it a try.

[Last line (after credits)]

George: Don't ever call my friend a "shithead" again, OK?

Eddie Dash: [Eddie and George are in a duck blind, waiting for the ducks to fly overhead] Steady, Steady, Now!

George: [waving his arms] Fly away! Fly away! There are men with guns here! Fly Away! Go back to your families!

Eddie Dash: Why'd you do that?

George: To keep a harmless creature from suffering a horrible fate, and to keep you from suffering a life of heartache and guilt!

Eddie Dash: They're just ducks!

George: They're not just ducks, they're creatures just like you and me!

Eddie Dash: They're not like you and me! They fly all over and they *shit* on people!

Wax Frankenstein: [stands still pretending to be a statue, then moves and places a hand on George's chest] Hi, how ya doin'?

George: Waaahhh! Ahhhh!Aaaaaaaahhhh!

[runs off, flailing his arms]

Eddie Dash: George? George!

[backhands Frankestein on the chest]

Eddie Dash: Damn you! You see what you did to my friend? You big, green, fuck!

George: Eddie, lemmie kiss Elaine goodbye...

Eddie Dash: [whispering] Nah, shhhh! You'll wake her up!

George: [whispering] just one kiss, I won't wake her up.

[Bends down, kisses Elaine's forehead. Elaine slightly stirs, then goes back to sleep]

George: . Oh, look at her, isn't she cute?

Eddie Dash: Shhh! come on let's go!

[hands George something]

George: What is this?

Eddie Dash: Shhhh! This is your gun!

[hands George a large two-barreled shotgun]

George: Oh, I could never shoot a gu... yipe!

[George drops the shotgun which discharges, destroying a large vase]

Elaine: Gasp!

[Elaine, thinking she is under attack, rolls to the other side of the bed and onto the floor]

Elaine: HOLY SHIT!

[Elaine's head slowly appears at the side of the bed, nervously whispers]

Elaine: George? What happened, are you all right?

George: [whispers] Sorry, honey!

Eddie Dash: [gritting his teeth] Fuckin' lunatic!

Rupert Dibbs: Listen, I want to know who you are, and I mean Right Now!

Eddie Dash: Well who the fuck are you?

Eddie Dash: Elaine?

Eddie Dash: Look, I'm Abe Fielding's BEST FRIEND asshole!

Rupert Dibbs: Oh come on!

Eddie Dash: What, you think you can just come in here and talk to me like I'm shit?

Rupert Dibbs: You wouldn't even know Abe Fielding if you were talking to him! Elaine?

Eddie Dash: Wait, are you Abe Fielding?

Rupert Dibbs: No I'm not. Elaine? I'm Rupert Dibbs, I run Abe Fielding's business.

George: [George has been listening to the bickering between Eddie and Rupert and now pops out from where he was hiding] Dibsy!

Rupert Dibbs: Abe? Abe!

George: You ol' duffer! Howsa the boy!

Rupert Dibbs: My God, you're back!

George: Long time no see Pal! Eddie,

[George puts his hand on Eddie's shoulder]

George: I bet you thought this was Abe Fielding, huh?

Eddie Dash: yeah...

George: Well, you know how I knew he wasn't Abe Fielding?

Eddie Dash: No.

George: [leans into Eddie's ear and shouts] BECAUSE I'M ABE FIELDING!

Eddie Dash: [Eddie rubs his ear] Oh! Abe! Howsa the boy!

George: Fine!

[looks to Rupert]

George: Come on Dibsy, give me a wet one!

Rupert Dibbs: A what?

[George kisses him on the cheek]

Rupert Dibbs: Ah, ah ha!

[He kisses George back playing along]

Rupert Dibbs: Well what do you expect, you run off to God knows where, you don't write, you don't let anyone know where you are going, leaving me to run things...

George: Oh, no lectures, no lectures!

Rupert Dibbs: Well? What do you expect? You let everyone think you were dead!

George: All right, all right! Come on, have a drink with me!

Rupert Dibbs: I... I don't drink.

George: Geez, I still can't get this guy to take a drink! By the way, Rupert, this is my best friend, Eddie.

Rupert Dibbs: Elaine!

Eddie Dash: No, Eddie.

Elaine: Rupert! What are you doing here?

Rupert Dibbs: Well, I had actually come to see you, but now that Abe is back, I actually need him to sign a few papers.

George: OK!

Rupert Dibbs: All right. Abe, if you would just...

George: You want my Abe Fielding on that?

Rupert Dibbs: Yes.

George: OK!

Rupert Dibbs: Sign here... and here.

Eddie Dash, George: [Eddie and George are walking out of the duck blind back towards the car]

George: [singing] Be kind to your web-footed friends, for a duck maybe somebody's mother...

Eddie Dash: Would you knock it off with the web-footed friends shit?

George: Oh, I'm sorry Eddie, I'm just thinking about all those poor little ducks!

Eddie Dash: Wait!

[Eddie stops]

George: What?

Eddie Dash: I heard something.

George: What?

Eddie Dash: It was a bear!

George: Oh!

[George runs away a short distance, then looks back at Eddie]

George: Where?

Eddie Dash: [loading his shotgun] Hold on, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get it

George: Oh! Eddie, you're right! There is a bear!

Eddie Dash: I know, I'm gonna...

[Eddie hears a roar behind him, and slowly turns around to see a large kodiak bear standing behind him]

Eddie Dash: Aaaaaaahhhh! Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

George: [hands raised, walking toward the bear] Don't worry, Eddie, Don't worry.

Eddie Dash: Ahhhhhhh! He's gonna rip off your dick!

George: [hands still raised] We want to express... Love, to you.

[the bear still is standing, looking at George]

George: Now, if you can understand what I'm saying, wave your right paw

[the bear waves his right paw growling]

George: and now the left one

[the bear waves the left paw and growls]

George: Good!

George: We just came from the cabin a little while ago, and saw some of your friends stuffed, and let me tell you we were pretty sick by it...

George: [the bear waves his paw and growls] Yeah, I know what you mean. Well, rest assured, Eddie and I would never harm any of God's creatures like that.

Eddie Dash: George, get the fuck out of the way, I'm gonna shoot it!

George: [George raises his hands and starts walking back towards Eddie] No Eddie, don't shoot. Don't shoot!...

Eddie Dash, George: Blam! Blam!

[the camera pans back to Rupert, who has been listening to George and Eddie via a hidden microphone on George's hunting jacket. Rupert looks down at a complete file makeup of George as Abe Fielding, sighs, and closes the folder]

George: Elaine, I am not your husband. I am... a Volvo Salesman...

Therapist: George, we have a nice man coming by to take you to the theater, the musuem, help you re-introduce yourself to the world. Are you ready for that, George?

George: I don't know.

Therapist: What did you tell me the other day? You said, I'm a Ready Teddy Yo! What did you say yesterday?

George: I'm a ready teddy yo.

Therapist: Are you afraid, George? That you'll go out there and start lying again?

Phil: [in a crazy English accent] No, No. He's just afraid of lyin. Isn't that right, Pinoch?

[means pinocchio]

Phil: Ya Ha Ha Ha Ha! He starts lyin', then his nose starts growin', I hate it when that happens. Ya Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Therapist: Now that's enough Phil, you let him talk.

Brad: Nah, he's afraid he'll see his old girlfried, and he won't be able to get it up.

Therapist: Is that true George?

George: No! Anyway, she dumped me.

Therapist: Why did she dump you, George?

Male patient: [stands up and points at George] She dumped you because you told her you were a brain surgeon!

Therapist: Did you tell her that, George?

George: No.

Therapist: What did you tell her?

George: Told her I was a paratrooper in the navy seals.

Phil: [in a Peter Falk Columbo voice] Wait! Are you saying that this man is not in our armed service? Did you know this? I didn't know this! I have egg on my face!

Therapist: George, George why did you feel like you had to lie to her?

George: Oh! She never would have looked at me twice if I had told her I was a Volvo Salesman for Horsch Muller!

Therapist: The guys put a little something together for you George, to help give you confidence in your new life.

Phil: [in William Shatner's voice] Very well Mister Spock. Gentleman, set your phasers on stun.

Tim: Ha Ha!

Phil: [still in William Shatner's voice] George, on behalf of my entire crew, Spock, Bones, Scotty

[makes the hand motions for emphasis]

Phil: We'd like to present to you a little gift we picked up on Rigel 4. It's our way of saying, good luck out there in the world. God Speed, show 'em what you're made of mister!

[salutes]

Tim: [makes the Vulcan hand sign for greetings and goodbye]

Phil: [still in the William Shatner voice] Live Long and Prosper! Go where no *man*, has... gone before!

Therapist: Phil, for God's sakes! Put a sock in it, will ya?

Phil: I was simply sayin...

[trails off and sits down as he finishes the last word, like a toy with its battery pulled]

George: [George begins to open the tall box Phil placed on his lap] I can honestly say I didn't expect to get...

[opens the box]

George: a hat!

[the gift is a tall top hat much like Abe Lincoln wore during his presidency]

Tim: It's an Honest Abe hat.

Brad: Yeah, its to house your mickey, after a busy day of lyin'!

Therapist: I know it doesn't look like much George, but the fellas did work pretty hard on it.

George: I'm not ashamed of this hat! Far from it! I'm gonna wear this hat! I'm not afraid anymore!

[stands]

George: I'm ready for my new life!

Therapist: Then say it, George!

George: I'm a ready teddy yo!

Elaine: What on earth have you got in that foolish-looking little bag?

George: My raincoat and rubbers.

George: [Elaine undresses] I have to, I have to...

Elaine: What?

George: I have to, I have to...

Elaine: What?

George: I have to, I have to...

Elaine: What!

George: I'm honor breast to tell you the titty whoth.

Elaine: Angela didn't forewarn you about her implants, did she?

George: Honest truth.

Elaine: Did you find out in bed? Or, did they rattle when you danced?

George: Good evening, honey. Um, you know, as we look towards the east and see a united Deutschland it behooves us to stop and think about what walls can do. Walls between nations. Walls between peoples. And walls between you and me, Elaine. But, if that darn wall in Berlin-town can come down, then, maybe, it is not too much to expect the wall between us to come down, too. Who knows? Maybe it just takes a dance. Or, a glance. Or a chance, to sing a song. I call this, Yodelaine... Yo-del-e-laine, my hearts a flame, Yodeli-Yodeliane-Yodeli-Yodeli-o-eli, Yodelaine, I'm not insane, Yodeli-Yodeliani-i-i...

George: I want to know everything about you and I'd like you to know all about me, too. Because we might just find out that we have a heck of a lot in common.

Elaine: What? What? What could we have in common?

George: Basil! I love basil. You like basil, Elaine?

Elaine: It doesn't sweep me off my feet.

George: Alright, try this, my favorite color is brown, I subscribe to the Reader's Digest, I love yodeling, and my favorite food is wiener schnitzel mit rotkraut and kartoffel. You like wiener schnitzel mit rotkraut and kartoffel? You do! I-I-I hit a bone. I hit a nerve. I hit something. I can see it in your eyes. You like it too. I'm going to win you over, Elaine. You'll see. I'm going to romance you and I'll wine you and I'll dine you and one day you're going to feel about me, the way I feel about you.

George: [paralyzed with fear from the angry doberman barking ferciously in the car window, with it's paws on the car door] Eddie?

Doberman Dog: Bark!

George: Eddie?

Doberman Dog: Bark!

George: Eddie?

Doberman Dog: Bark!

George: Eddie?

Doberman Dog: Bark!

George: Ed...?

Doberman Dog: Bark!

George: Eh?

Doberman Dog: Bark!

Eddie Dash: [Eddie leans out the window to shout to the angry dog, Duane, that is stopping George from getting out of the car] Hey, Duane. Give the man a break. Come on! Hey, I'll let you hump my leg. Come on, baby.

Eddie Dash: [Duane takes off]

Eddie Dash: It's all right George, you can come out now.

Al: Abe didn't say he was bringing a friend

[nods to Eddie as he is sitting down, not bothering to shake Eddie's outstretched hand]

Al: . Hi, I'm Al.

Eddie Dash: Hi.

[hand still outstretched, looks at it, confused when Al doesn't shake his hand]

Al: So Abe? Where ya been all this time? Last I heard you were down in the jungle area someplace.

George: [looks to Eddie] Eddie...

Al: Something the matter, Abe?

Eddie Dash: No, nothing's wrong Al! My man just doesn't like to talk...

Al: [interrupts] Hey, I'm askin' Abe.

[looks back to George, awaiting an answer]

Eddie Dash: Well, he can't talk about it right now. But I Can.

Al: Hey! Butt out, shithead!

George: [nervously shakes his head] Eddie, Eddie...

Eddie Dash: Listen Al...

Al: [interrupts again] Hey! butt out, shithead! I'm talkin' to A, mmmmpphhh!

[George has clamped his hand over Al's face and is nose to nose with Al]

George: I don't like it when you call my friend a shithead!

[has not released his hold on Al's face]

George: And if you do it one more time, I'll cut your fuckin' balls off! Which is something I'm very good at!

[releases Al's face]

George: K?

Al: sure!

George: Say K!

Al: K! K! Su... Sure Abe!

George: You lookin' at me?

Al: No, no! Sure thing Abe!

[looks towards the ceiling]

George: Now I know you came to bring us a bunch of money, and all that shit!

Eddie Dash: But...

George: But!

[interrupts Eddie from interjecting]

George: But! Don't call my friend a shithead again!

[looks back to Al]

George: Now you can talk!

George: [silence between the three, then George puts a hand on Al's shoulder] Look,

[looks to Eddie]

George: , just don't call him...

[Al shakes his head nervously]

George: all right. Maybe I had you pegged wrong.

Al: I'm sorry, I...

Eddie Dash: Hey, no big thang! You know, people call me shithead all the time! Just like if you were bringing me a lot of money, and you handed it to me and said, here shithead,

[Al nervously shakes his head no, not wanting to set George off again]

Eddie Dash: you know what I would say? Thank you, Al!

George, Don, Rex: Kick his ass Ben, Kick his ass Ben!

Patty Winston: Shut up!

George, Don, Rex: Kick her ass then, Kick her ass then!

George: [character can't say anything except variations on "Hello"] Hello. How the hell are ya?

Emelia: Who are you guys?

George: We're the sci-fi club.

George: [of Dave the comedian] Is he getting better or have I finally lost the will to resist?

George: Sam, sperm is like flatulence. It's different when it's your own.

Sam Bell: Lucy and I have to have a post-coital compatability test. Which means having it off and having a doctor look at the aftermath.

George: Why would you imagine I would want to know that?

George: [Wrestling Sarah to the ground] A kiss at the point of death is more pleasurable than the most intense orgasm imaginable...

Scarabis: [Sarah has reacted negatively to Scarabis's Master Plan] Does this mean you don't love me anymore?

Sarah Brightman: You bet it does, brother of mine.

Scarabis: Well, that does shed a bit of a different light on things. George. Kill the bitch.

George: Totally.

Scarabis: You don't suppose they...?

George: It's a distinct possibility.

Scarabis: I want her checked!

Simon Garden: I've got to go back.

George: Never go back.

Simon Garden: I left the tape.

George: In that case, go back.

[demonstrating a remote-controlled toy fire-engine with a camera on the ladder]

Kirsty: What is it?

George: It's a GOTLER.

Kirsty: A what?

Colin: A George-operated time-lock equalising robot.

George: I know my own tailcoat!

Diane: Well, you didn't last night!

[first lines]

Maddie: Jeffers morning, George.

[gives him the finger]

George: Jeffers morning.

[returns the finger]

George: [knocking on his son Howard's door] Howard... have you been reading books about wolves?

George: ...and I thought, if I touched her hand it would be just like stepping into a pool of deep water.

George: [reading note left by his son] We wish, of course, that our women would die like biting rats in the cellars, our men like wolves on the mountain.

[first lines]

narrator: Welcome to the Jeffers Corporation, the largest and friendliest and most profitable corporation in the history of mankind.

George: [gives middle finger to wall portrait] Good morning Mr. Jeffers.

Michelle: [arrives giving middle-finger-salute] Jeffers morning.

George: [returns middle-finger-salute] Jeffers morning.

George: Outer space is empty of all thoughts and desires... Just as life is empty and meaningless and can only be enjoyed when we realize this essential connection with the Universe. Wear hat twelve hours a day. See DVD for complete instructions.

Jack: Hey, George... How does this relationship nonsense usually work?

George: Usually, you go on a couple of dates, see if you like each other. Eventually you have sex.

Jack: Right. I, uh... I sort of skipped the whole dating thing. So what then?

George: And then, if you're happy with the action, you become boyfriend and girlfriend. It's really fun for, like, three months, and then you realize it's work. Then you dump her. Or not.

Jack: Okay, let's say not.

George: You move in together.

Jack: I did that.

George: Right. Well... Then you get married. You start your trajectory of acquisitions. Knives, forks, juicer, barbecue. You move to the 'burbs. You buy a house. You pop some kids out. You fight, you cheat, you separate, divorce, you split the shit, and see the kids on weekends. Then you start all over again.

Jack: It all sounds so promising.

George: It's just an outline, Jack.

Richard Russell: Call the airport. We're leaving.

George: Oh, airport!

Richard Russell: No, on the phone.

[Foghorn, now a falsetto, is at the door]

Richard Russell: Who is it?

George: I don't know, sir, but it sounds like Jenny Lind.

[George throws the contents of a goldfish bowl over Richard]

Richard Russell: George, did you have to throw the fish?

George: It's Friday, sir.

George: Invisible women! These days you can't believe your own eyes, even if you don't see anything.

Prof. Gibbs: [pointing to stuffed head] Did you shoot that elk?

George: No, I think it was born there.

George: Looking at a woman is only the first step to trouble. You look, she smiles. You soften, she sues.

Richard Russell: Stop breathing down my neck.

George: It's the breath of pleasure, sir. And perhaps a touch of garlic.

[first lines]

Attorney: Where is he? Where is he? Get up! Get up!

George: I am up. I was up. And I've been up all night. I would have stayed up if you hadn't knocked me down.

Mr. Black: [angry] Look, I told you: I don't know who you've been talking to but he's a fucking liar! You'll find no herpes here!

Colm: [surprised] Herpes?

Mr. Black: That's what you said.

George: No sir.

[points to his head]

George: Hair pieces.

Mr. Black: Oh. I thought you said 'herpes'.

Charles "Charley" Jasper: You bore me. Fill my glass.

George: Yeah, where's your money?

Charles "Charley" Jasper: What is money? Pathetic scraps of metal, paper crawling with germs. Fill my glass.

George: Yeah, as soon as you toss a few germs my way.

Vicky Lowndes: You don't think I'm crazy do you, Dad?

George: No.

Vicky Lowndes: These things always happen when I eat veal.

Vicky Lowndes: I like my husbands to love me, to fight for me.

George: Vicky!

Vicky Lowndes: Is that wrong?

George: I don't know. It sounds wrong when you use the plural.

George: If they're going to do something desperate, let's get a good night's sleep. In the morning we can call the morgue.

George: What about intellectually? What about emotionally?

Sal: What about emotionally or intellectually? Now a days most women think monogamy is a type of wood. They don't know how to be it and they certainly don't know how to spell it. And they say men cheat? Well who the fuck do you think we're cheating with? Certainly not you Wayne. You think I'm going to get emotionally connected to a woman like that, I don't think so. And if I want intellectual stimulation motherfucker I'll read a book.

George: [after seeing Wayne hugging Sal] Oh, my God, Sal's gay!

George: Why are you doing this?

Peter: Why not?

Paul: Okay, let's play another game. It's a guessing game.

[Paul takes out a golf ball]

Paul: What is this?

[Paul drops the ball on the floor]

Paul: [to George] Sir?

George: It's a golf ball.

Paul: Correct! It's a *golf* ball... But why do I have it in my pocket? Hm? The lady knows why. Because... Well?

[Paul, exasperated, turns to Peter]

Paul: Well?

Peter: Because you didn't hit it.

Paul: Correct! Because I didn't hit it! And *why* didn't I hit it?

Peter: Because something stopped you.

Paul: Correct. Because I had to test the club in another way.

Anna: [realizing what has happened] Where is he?

George: [yelling over the truth of why the kids really brought George to the lake] You're a fuckin' lying son of a bitch, Sam! All right? And I hope you fuckin' go to hell.

Millie: Don't make things worse, George...

George: Shut the fuck up, Millie, you fucking stupid JAP cunt.

Clyde: Sit down, George, you're out of control.

George: Shut the fuck up, Clyde! You faggot! Fucking skinny butt-munching faggot. I hate you! You know that? I really do. 'Cause all you do is fuckin' prance around school talkin' about your fuckin' faggoty fairy fathers. I'll tell you what! I don't wanna hear about your fuckin' fathers and how their assholes work, all right? It makes me sick! And I - I - I fuckin' hope they fuckin' die of fag disease! Yeah.

[pause]

George: And, and speaking of... dead... fathers... I just remembered why bonehead white-trash fuckin' donkey-dick Marty got so fuckin' freaked when I started talkin' about his "daddy." His Neanderthal, drunk dad put a gun in his mouth and splattered his brains all over the wall.

[pause]

George: You know, I almost forgot that my mom told me that. She said, "His daddy splattered his brains all over the wall." I thought it was sad at first, but now? I like it.

[chanting]

George: His daddy splattered his brains. All over the wall. His daddy splattered his brains. All over the wall!...

George: So, let's see the penis! Bring on the penis!

[last lines]

George: My name is George... and this... is the inside of my mind.

[sighs]

George: The inside of my mind has a zillion things...

[sighs]

George: The inside of my mind has a zillion things about it but... people that don't see inside of my mind don't know there are a zillion things and... Y'know, since no one sees inside my mind, no one really knows. But... one day people will know. One day people will know 'cause that's my master plan. To film it all. To document every aspect of the life that is me. And put it in a time capsule in my backyard and so that one day some alien or some highly evolved species will find it and... understand.

George: [George takes a bite of the sandwich] Hmmm. Yum. Did you make these yourself? You'll, you'll have to give me the recipe some time.

Clyde: It's peanut butter and jelly.

George: [as Marty drinks a beer while driving] Hey, Marty? My mom made me sign one of those contracts, telling her I wouldn't get in a car with a driver who's been drinking...

Marty: Oh, it's cool. My mom gave me permission to drink and drive. You don't have to worry about it.

George: Your mom must be pretty stupid to let your drive inebriated.

Marty: [Rocky scoffs] You're right, George. My mom *is* pretty stupid. In fact she's got one of those learning disability things.

George: Must be a pretty bad LD. I have an LD, but I should know you're not suppose to drive drunk.

George: Whoever didn't bring life jackets on a boat trip is a moron.

George: [beatboxing] Sammy, you love it, now don't you lie!/Rocky is a pimp/Clyde is a fag!

Marty: What do you guys say we play some Truth or Dare?

George: Yeah. Yeah, I love that game.

Marty: Okay, let's do it.

Millie: No, let's not. People's feelings always end up hurt when we play this game.

Sam: Yeah, she's right.

George: God, Sam and Millie are a couple of little wet pussies, aren't they?

Marty: Clyde, do you wanna start?

Clyde: I dunno. I'm kind of with Sam and Millie on this one.

George: [pointing with his finger] Pussy number one, pussy number two, pussy number three.

Millie: Go ahead, Clyde. Start the game.

[George turns the camera on Millie]

George: Have you ever been stoned, Millie?

Millie: [smirks] Will you please get that out of my face?

George: [George takes off his shoes and socks, before wadding into the water] Hey, you know I have athlete's foot?

[puts his foot in Millie's face]

Millie: [pushes George's foot away, and runs off] You are so disgusting!

Clyde: If anything, it's a beautiful day.

George: It smells like cherry blossoms.

Millie: How do you know what cherry blossoms smell like?

George: I know what they smell like!

Rocky: Does anybody really know what a cherry blossom is?

George: Duh, it's a blossom on a cherry.

Rocky: I don't know. I thought it was a blossom all on it's own. What do you think, Marty?

Marty: I think I'm bored as fuck.

George: [Josh sets his camera down and starts shooting baskets on the basketball court; Sam notices Josh's camera and picks it up, looking at it]

[first lines]

George: Hey! What do you think you're doing?

[knocks over Sam; the camera falls over a fence and lands on the ground, only showing Josh in frame fighting over Sam]

George: You're a punk, Sam! I ought to kill you!

[kids start gathering around the scene]

George: You fucking dickhead! I told you to never touch my camera!

Sam: Stop!

[is pushed down to the ground, still fighting Josh]

George: Didn't I? Fucker! You little wimp! Bitch! Pussy! I told you! I ought to fucking kill you!

[strangles Sam with his arm]

George: And I will kill you, you little punk, if I ever catch you fucking with my camera again.

[sets him down and leaves the scene]

George: Get out of my way!

Vera: Hello George. Oh, hello Peggy, are you off work today?

George: [to Peggy] Sit up then.

Vera: Oh, she's all right, George, bless her. This has slipped a bit. I hope she isn't taken bad again, is she? Well I'll make a fresh pot of tea. And you'll want a biscuit Peggy, I shouldn't wonder.

Al: You got anything to drink?

George: I can give you soda, beer, ginger ale...

Al: I said, 'You got anything to drink?'

George: [intimidated] No.

Al: This is a hot town. Whatta ya call it?

George: Brentwood.

Al: Did you ever hear of Brentwood?

Max: [Max shakes his head, no]

Al: Whatta ya do here nights?

Max: [sarcastically] They eat the dinner. They all come here and eat the big dinner.

George: [showing fear] That's right.

Al: [condescendingly] You're a pretty bright boy, aren't you?

George: [intimidated] Sure.

Max: [contemptiously] Well you're NOT!

Max: [to Al] Is he Al?

Al: He's dumb!

George: What'll it be, gentlemen?

Max: I don't know. Whatta you want to eat, Al?

Al: I don't know what I want to eat.

Max: I'll have the roast pork tenderloin with apple sauce and mashed potatoes.

George: That's not ready yet.

Max: Then what's it on the card for?

George: Well, that's on the dinner. You can have that at six o'clock. That clock is ten minutes fast. The dinner isn't ready yet.

Max: Never mind the clock. What have you got to eat?

George: Well, I can give you any kind of sandwiches: bacon and eggs, liver and bacon, ham and eggs, steak...

Al: I'll have the chicken croquettes with the cream sauce and the green peas and the mashed potatoes.

George: That's on the dinner too.

Al: [with nasty edge to his voice] Everything we want's on the dinner. That's the way want's on the dinner - that's the way you work it, huh?

George: I can give you ham and eggs, bacon and eggs...

Al: I'll take ham and eggs.

Max: Give me bacon and eggs.

George: [through the service window into the kitchen] One ham and, bacon and.

Sam: [loudly] Comin' up!

Max: I'll tell ya what's gonna happen. We're gonna kill the Swede. You know big Swede that works over at the filling station?

George: You mean Pete Lunn?

Max: If that's what he calls himself. Comes in every night at six o'clock, don't he?

George: Yes, if he comes.

Al: We know all about that.

George: What are you gonna kill him for? What did Pete Lunn ever do to you?

Max: He never had a chance to do anything to us. He never even seen us.

Al: He's only gonna see us once.

George: What you gonna kill him for?

Max: We're killin' him for a friend...

George: You like her, don't ya?

Simone: Of course I like her.

George: Yeah, but you like her in that special way. In the songs.

Simone: What songs?

George: Well, I've sold myself for a couple of dykes.

Simone: She needs me George.

George: And you needed me to get her.

Simone: Haven't you ever needed someone?

George: All the time.

George: She was trapped. From the first time he met her. She was trapped. Like a bird in a cage. But he couldn't see it. He liked her, but he was the type who couldn't see what was in front of his face. And there she was, in pain. You can get soppy about someone, well, you can't see these things, and he was, soppy sod. She had faith in him. She believed in him. And he had a lot of hopes for her. And there was love. Yeah. She was in love alright. She really was. But not with him. And that's the story.

Hotel Waiter: A Bloody Mary is it, sir?

George: No, I'd like a pot of tea, please.

Hotel Waiter: Earl Gray or Lapsang Souchong?

George: No. Tea.

Thomas: [shows George a plate of plastic spaghetti] What do you think?

George: Do you melt it down and eat it?

Thomas: No. They're ornamental.

George: Ornamental spaghetti.

Thomas: Yeah. Could go a bomb.

George: Where'd you get them?

Thomas: Contacts, George. You can't find plastic spaghetti just anywhere.

Simone: ...Sometimes they fall for what they think I am.

George: And what do they think you are?

Simone: What you think. A black whore.

George: Did I say that?

Simone: What do you think, then?

George: Well, you ain't no night nurse.

Simone: No, I ain't no night nurse.

George: Well, let's say you're a lady.

Simone: You look better in the daytime.

George: Yeah and so do you. Where do you wanna go?

Simone: Down here.

George: You wanna walk?

Simone: Yes, it's good for you.

George: Bit early, innit?

Simone: I know, but the early bird catches the worm.

George: Clever little bastard...

Thomas: You're not joking, are ye?

George: When did I ever joke?

Thomas: You used to tell that one about the randy gorilla.

George: Yer, well no-one ever laughed, did they?

Thomas: It's the way you tell 'em...

George: [pointing to himself and his rabbit] He'll have a lettuce and I'll have a Bloody Mary.

George: [about Simone] She's a woman of substance. A lady.

Thomas: I thought you said she was a tart. A tall thin black tart.

George: Maybe, but she's still a fucking lady.

George: Get out! Get fucking out! Now tell me I'm fired.

Simone: Alright, you're fired.

George: Lovely! I'm fired and you're street walkin'!

George: Told ya I was cheap, didn't I?

Thomas: You fancy a fiberglass fruit flan? Or a polystyrene tutti frutti? Fancy a cup of tea?

George: What's it made of?

Thomas: Leaves!

Simone: Haven't you someone to rush to?

George: You know I haven't.

Simone: Everyone should have.

George: Well, *you* haven't.

Simone: I'm different.

George: How? How are you different?

Simone: I'm the girl they rush home from.

Thomas: Anyway, listen: what about this tall, thin, black story?

George: Ah... well, we got it wrong, the fella did... actually, she's a nun in disguise.

Thomas: What kind of a nun?

George: A Sister of Mercy. Y'know, those that wear the big white bonnets.

Thomas: Aye, with the big thingummys on it?

George: Yeah.

Thomas: You didn't wear this the whole time, though?

George: Well, she can't, can she, she's on the game, it'd look a bit funny, wouldn't it, and spoil the point of the exercise.

Thomas: How?

George: She wouldn't be in disguise then, would she?

Thomas: [on reflection] Well, that's nuns for ye.

[repeated line]

George: Why am I doing this?

Mike: I think you're bluffin', pal. I think you're trying to BUY it!

George: Then you're gonna have to give me some respect, or give me some money.

Mike: What'd you do, win again?

George: That's right. If you wanna win the hand, you've gotta stay in 'til the end.

George: South Street Seaport, the man says. He can't stand the heat. He can't stand it.

[after the con has failed due to Margaret noticing water dripping from the gun]

George: Told you a squirt gun wouldn't work.

Mike: A squirt gun would've worked- you didn't have to fill it!

George: I'm George. This is Marc.

Claude: Pleased to meet you, boys. Now that we've said hello, let's see how fast we can say goodbye.

George: [referring to Claude] What do you think?

Marc: I hold to my first opinion. He's fresh-fried out of the nut factory.

Sally Cantrell: Who gets the other half?

Morgan Frye: Oh that's not for you to worry about.

Sally Cantrell: Come on I want to know?

Morgan Frye: He is not any better looking than I am.

Sally Cantrell, Morgan Frye: Ha ha ha ha!

Morgan Frye: I'll make a deal with you for the rest of our lives let's worry about ourselves.

Sally Cantrell: Okay that's a deal do you think that you can get this gold out of Mexico?

Morgan Frye: Did you ever hear of floating currency. Ha ha ha ha!

Sally Cantrell: Ha ha ha ha! Oh god, who gets the gold anyway?

Morgan Frye: Hummmm! Mr. Little China Man in Taiwan with tinted glass, and mod haircut, and he wants that gold in the worst way.

Sally Cantrell, Morgan Frye: Ha ha ha ha! Nasty! Ha ha ha ha!You know it. Ha ha ha ha! Yeah he's willing to make a terrific deal on the Heroin. Ha ha ha ha! Ah!

Morgan Frye: Who is it?

George: It's me Mr. Frye it's George.

Morgan Frye: George come in, what's up.

George: There's a little problem at the airport last it's seems like the cops have busted this dumb american for carrying H the only way I saw it looks like to me that they got the wrong guy.

Morgan Frye: Oh greeting to my fellow american at least it will keep the feds busy, and George.

George: Yes Mr. Frye.

Morgan Frye: Tell cook that lunch will be a little late today.

Sally Cantrell: Oh!

George: Yes Mr. Frye.

Sally Cantrell: Ha ha ha ha! Just give him a break.

American Counsel: Sit down Mr. Hollio.

Ralph Hollio: Sure why I'll tell you that it sure is good to see an american face I'll tell you for sure nobody, nobody, speaks a word of English down here you wouldn't believe even I'll tell you the first thing what I'm going to do when I get back into the states, and take one of burlesque courses in Spanish so I learn the language. Ha ha ha ha! So well your the guy that going to get me out of all this huh!

American Counsel: No, Mr. Hollio I'm the American Counsel.

Ralph Hollio: Yeah right, your hear to break me, ah American counsel. Yeah I heard about that uh, your not suppose to be hear for a couple of weeks anyways.

American Counsel: Not everybody hears what is true we have been criticized but we do are best, and these days were making an extra effort to make certain that you won't make any complaints when you get home in the unlikely event that you do.

Ralph Hollio: What!

American Counsel: Do want to know what the Mexican Law does to Heroin smugglers.

Ralph Hollio: Yeah, yeah, I very much like to know that?

Ralph Hollio: Forty years, that's right forty as they say odious amigo.

Ralph Hollio: Ah come on listen there's got to something I could do right.

American Counsel: Well first we can start out by filling in these forms.

Ralph Hollio: But Jesus I am innocent don't you understand can't you get it through your thick head I am innocent this is a frame up.

American Counsel: Do you know what they call it Mr. Hollio.

Ralph Hollio: Oh!

Ralph Hollio: Tough Kitty!

Ralph Hollio: Uh!

Crowd in Bar: Yeah!

George: Have you see Captain Solborg around?

Drunk in Bar: Games Solborgo

George: Games Soloborgo domeo stoge Huh.

Drunk in Bar: Okay!

Carl Solborg: I am not asking a for you do anything that you have done before as I impartibly do something dangerous but where's your since of venture as come from the ocean, and been through the drink I can take a street car as I like pickled pigs feet.

Crowd in Bar: Yeah!

Carl Solborg: Hi Ho Burl, Woah!

Drunk in Bar: Solborgo!

Carl Solborg: Good I havens through the light of me, and in front of me. Now you got to give me a drink don't give that shit!

Crowd in Bar: Ha ha ha ha!

Carl Solborg: Hi Ho Burl.

Juan The Bartender: Waiter get it out of here Solborgo.

Crowd in Bar: Ha ha ha ha!

Carl Solborg: Alright Juan, I want for me, and one for me Burl, Ahhhh I got it, hi ho Burl. Ahh alright the drink but I need a new liver, ah Jesus this is it the Himalayas partner Aretha alright Puerto Varas weeks ago.

Mexican Police Officers: What's is this take it easy.

Carl Solborg: I don't want to sue, what is this you do this for the weekend that a full track of sleep oh gees.

Sally Cantrell: Ha ha ha ha! Ah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

George: I'm sorry Mr. Frye but that stupid Solborg got himself arrested.

Morgan Frye: For What?

George: He got drunk, he rode his mule through Juan's bar.

Sally Cantrell: Oh, ha ha, he's so dumb, ha ha.

Morgan Frye: George go down, and bail him out, and take him to the boat.

Morgan Frye: Yes Sir, Mr. Frye.

Morgan Frye: Ah!

Sally Cantrell: Ha ha ha ha!

Ralph Hollio: Ah Forty, forty years sure.

Carl Solborg: You ain't never gonna to make it.

Ralph Hollio: Oh thanks, thanks a lot.

Carl Solborg: Oh what did you do?

Ralph Hollio: What you believe I didn't do a got dam thing.

Mexican Cellmate, Mexican Cellmate: Ha ha ha ha ha!

Carl Solborg: Oh sure we got us a smack dealer.

Ralph Hollio: I am not a smack dealer man, I am an insurance agent I was on my way home from vacation at airport, and all of a sudden I had this doll full of heroin just thrust into my arms god dam nun.

Mexican Cellmate, Mexican Cellmate: Ha ha ha ha!

Carl Solborg: Ha ha ha ha! Jesus.

Ralph Hollio: Ha ha ha ha!

Carl Solborg: Is that the truth?

Ralph Hollio: Right!

Officer Paco: Senor Captain, you have been just release.

Ralph Hollio: Me!

Carl Solborg: No he means me.

Ralph Hollio: Yes of course.

Carl Solborg: Oh Ralph, I think I'm sprung.

Carl Solborg: Ow, oh god.

Ralph Hollio: Hear you go.

Carl Solborg: Owww oh, odious senor.

Ralph Hollio: Good luck there.

Carl Solborg: Ow, Jesus, what do you want with me?

George: The question is Captain can you sober up long enough to sail.

Carl Solborg: I don't who's your boss?

George: A man with a boat, and this boat has the best gear that money can buy Captain.

Carl Solborg: How the hell would you know?

Morgan Frye: He knows Captain because I told him it's the best am I wrong.

Carl Solborg: Man she's alright.

Morgan Frye: My name is Morgan Frye, I would like you to sail to Hawaii.

Carl Solborg: Why?

Morgan Frye: I saw you win the cup, I'll never forget the series ever your the best, I have to have this boat in Hawaii in twenty one days, I can't sail I need someone who can.

Carl Solborg: What are you running?

Morgan Frye: What?

Carl Solborg: What do you got on the boat, what are you smuggling, and what do you think I am an idiot.

Morgan Frye: Yes Captain, I think you are, and not two many people get a second chance you just threw yours away.

Carl Solborg: But Mr. Frye.

Consuela, Ramona: Ha ha ha ha!

Ralph Hollio: Mam! aw some congratulations sir.

Consuela: Alright!

Carl Solborg: The party starts here sure. Ha ha ha ha! Alright Rock uh good.

Consuela: Ummm!

Ralph Hollio: I Went to a party at the county jail.

Carl Solborg: Come on let's go.

Ralph Hollio: Were going to make it.

Carl Solborg: Were going to be casting off.

Ralph Hollio: Okay!

George: I think we bought us some trouble Solborg's first mate is the same guy I saw busted the airport the stories right there in the paper on top of that he Captain broke him out of jail.

Morgan Frye: So we go ourselves a convict drug felon on board ah wonderful.

George: Do you want I to go after him.

Sally Cantrell: You going to have a lot of trouble with Solborg, and who's going to sail your boat.

Morgan Frye: Now we just got to make sure that we're on the docks when are ship comes in.

Ralph Hollio: Woo wee! I looks really great huh! You know I have been watching that compass all night long, and I can't help but notice that were heading on a course straight west without changing where are we going anyway?

Carl Solborg: Sure were going to the states.

Ralph Hollio: What do you mean where going to the states, and how are we going there by the way of Japan.

Carl Solborg: Why don't you go below, and find some Scotch then pull all of the charts for course in Hawaii in three weeks to Kahana Bay.

Ralph Hollio: Kahana Bay!

Carl Solborg: Well Hawaii is the states you know.

Herb: Woah! Ha ha ha ha!

Doris: You got him Herb keep him steady, and can I get you anything, a tuna fish sandwich, I got tuna, bologna, and some nice lean corn beef.

Herb: Water, and no talk.

Doris: Right, Herb, right. Herb, Herb!

George: He was right. You are stupid.

Clark: You talk?

George: Yeah.

Clark: Why didn't you talk before?

George: I'm not a verbal chick.

Clark: Lewis was right. After... shit!

George: And I'd stay and chat and all but I gotta get back on the road.

Clark: [Talking to Lewis's dead body] You were right buddy. It was stupid. I fucked up.

George: He was wrong about one thing.

Clark: Oh, whats that?

George: I didn't sell you out.

Clark: Oh you didn't?

George: I may be bad - but I'm not a bitch.

Clark: This is a joke right?

[George pulls the trigger]

George: Oh, forget it, Millie, forget it. Here try this.

[Offers her a cocktail]

George: The cup that cheers and turns all your woes into rosy nothings.

George: [Barking] Real Coney Island hot dogs! They're all pedigree and they're all housebroken!

Myrtle: How was Mitch's party last night?

George: Great! Say, was that some party. A real high class affair. I never saw so many drunken dames in all of my life.

Myrtle: Did you do yourself any good?

George: Not me, baby. When a dame falls for me, I want to know what she's falling about.

Myrtle: Not a bad idea.

George: Say, you wouldn't fool a poor old blind man, would ya, lady?

Detective Sikes: This place is closed until this thing is settled!

George: What am I gonna do with all my weenies?

Detective Sikes: Eat 'em yourself!

George: Want another barbequed sandwich?

Jeff: I can hear the warden ask if I have any last words before they turn on the heat and you ask if I want another barbequed sandwich?

George: [to Edward] Hi, George Monroe. Woah. That's a heck of a handshake you got there, Ed.

George: Eddie. The guys and I were talking, we'd like want to invite you to our card game on Friday night. Would you like that? Only thing is, you can't cut!

C.I.A. Director: What's this - this cluster of buildings down here?

George: The PMA - it's the Pakistani Military Academy.

C.I.A. Director: [looks at him incredulously]

George: It's their West Point.

C.I.A. Director: And how close is it to the house?

George: About a mile.

Maya: Four thousand, two hundred, twenty one feet; it's closer to eight-tenths of a mile.

C.I.A. Director: Who are you?

Maya: I'm the motherfucker that found this place. Sir.

National Security Adviser: If this was political, we'd be having this conversation in October when there's an election bump. This is pure risk, based on deductive reasoning, inference, supposition, and the only human reporting you have is six years old, from detainees who were questioned under duress. The political move here is to tell you to go fuck yourself and remind you that I was in the room when your old boss pitched WMD Iraq. At least there you guys brought photographs.

George: You know, you're right. I agree with everything you just said. What I meant was, a man in your position, how do you evaluate the risk of *not* doing something? Hmm? The risk of potentially letting bin Laden slip through your finger. That is a fascinating question.

George: I want targets. Do your fucking jobs. Bring me people to kill.

[At the wake, Denise is cruising for men]

Denise Hennessey: Hi. I'm Denise.

Gay Man #1: Matt.

Denise Hennessey: I love your tie.

Gay Man #1: Oh, thanks.

Denise Hennessey: Are you single, Matt?

Gay Man #1: Yes.

Denise Hennessey: Are you gay?

Gay Man #1: Yes.

Denise Hennessey: Okay.

[With a smile, she walks away]

Denise Hennessey: [a few frames later, she approaches another man] Hi.

George: Hi.

Denise Hennessey: I like your chain.

George: Thanks!

Denise Hennessey: Denise.

George: George.

Denise Hennessey: Are you single?

George: [He smiles, knowing where this is going] Yes.

Denise Hennessey: Are you gay?

George: No.

Denise Hennessey: Are you working?

George: No.

[He looks up from his plate of food, but she is already walking away]

Brenda Woodberg: [at the door, with her sister Nadine] I'm busy tonight, so is it okay if Nadine sits?

George: [pause] Could I get both of you?

[Billy falls to an opponent at boxing]

George: Jesus Christ, Billy Elliot! You're a disgrace to them gloves, your father, and the traditions of this boxing hall!

George: [to the boxing class] I'm going to let Mrs. Wilkinson use the bottom end of the boxing hall for her ballet lessons. So no hanky-panky, understood?

[last lines]

George: [talking about their dream] We're gonna get a little place.

Lennie: Okay, yeah, we're gonna get a little place and we're gonna...

George: We're gonna...

Lennie: ...have...

George: [Lennie mouths what he says] We're gonna have a cow, and some pigs, and we're gonna have, maybe, maybe, a chicken. Down in the flat, we'll have a little field of...

Lennie: Field of alfalfa for the rabbits.

George: ...for the rabbits.

Lennie: And I get to tend the rabbits.

[George shoots Lennie in the head, Lennie dies; George looks at Lennie sadly, sighs and walks to Lennie, leans down to him; scene cuts to George sitting on train at night again; scene cuts to George remembering his and Lennie's final happy memory as they both toss a bag of flour onto a horse wagon, both look at each other, and walk away happily]

George: Guys like us that work on ranches are the loneliest guys in the world. They ain't got no family and they don't belong no place. They got nothin' to look ahead to...

Lennie: But not us George. Tell about us.

George: ...well, we ain't like that. We got a future. We got somebody to talk to that gives a damn about us. If them other guys gets in jail they can rot for all anybody cares.

Lennie: But not us, George, because I... see, I got you to look after me, but you got me to look after you.

Lennie: You said I was your cousin!

George: That was a lie. If I was a relative of yours, I'd shoot myself.

George: Go to sleep, Lennie.

Lennie: George?

George: Go to sleep, Lennie!

Lennie: I am sleepin', George.

Slim: You travel around together?

George: Yeah.

Slim: There ain't many guys travel around together. I don't know why. Maybe everybody in the whole damn world's scared of each other.

[first lines]

[George sits on a train on a dark night looking depressed, scene cuts to girl with red dress running through field whimpering as George and Lennie escape from her]

George: [to Lennie] Come on.

[woman continues running in fright as George and Lennie continue running away from her as sergeants on horses with dogs track George and Lennie]

Lennie: George, they're gone. They're gone.

George: [angrily] Come on! Keep moving!

[both keep running as sergeants continue following them]

Curley's Wife: Nobody can't blame a person for looking. See y'around.

[She exits the bunkhouse]

Lennie: She's pretty.

George: Lennie! Listen to me, God damn it! Don't you even look at her! I don't care what she says or what she does, she's a rat trap if I ever seen one.

Lennie: But I wasn't doing nothing.

George: No, but when she was shoving her legs around you weren't looking the other way neither. Keep away from her!

Lennie: I don't like this place.

George: [sees the bus passing by] Hey! HEY! HEY!

[the bus ignores him]

George: [yells] SONOFABITCH!

Lennie: What'd you say, George?

George: I said son of a bitch. That bus driver lied to us. Just too damn lazy to stop at the ranch gate.

[kicks dust]

George: [yells again] SONOFABITCH!

Lennie: SONOFABITCH!

[George laughs]

Lennie: Jesus Christ, George, I said it too.

George: Yeah, I heard you.

Lennie: George, we - we wasn't supposed to say that.

George: Yeah, why not?

Lennie: Aunt Clara don't like it

George: Yeah, well, she's dead.

George: [noticing Lennie carrying something] Lennie. I told you not to bring that pup in here.

Lennie: I ain't go no pup.

[Lennie quickly flattens his overalls and laughs, Whitt and George laugh at Lennie's joke as well]

Slim: [about Lennie] He's a nice fella. A guy don't need no sense to be a nice fella.

George: Yeah, but he gets in trouble all the time because he's so goddamn dumb, like what happened up north in Weed.

Slim: [curiously pauses] What he do in Weed?

George: He seen this girl... in a red dress. And the dumb bastard that he is, he just - he wants to touch everything he likes. So he reaches out to touch this red dress. So the girl starts screaming and that gets Lennie all mixed up. So he holds on and he won't let go, because that's the only thing he can think to do.

Slim: So what happened?

George: Well, she runs off across the field screaming. So me and Lennie take off running, and pretty soon here are a bunch of guys with dogs coming after us. We had to hide in the irrigation ditch until it was safe to get away.

Slim: He didn't hurt the girl none?

George: Hell, no, he just scared her.

Slim: Well, he ain't mean. I can tell a mean guy a mile off.

George: [last lines; voiceover] A few times in my life I've had moments of absolute clarity, when for a few brief seconds the silence drowns out the noise and I can feel rather than think, and things seem so sharp. And the world seems so fresh as though it had all just come into existence. I can never make these moments last. I cling to them, but like everything, they fade. I have lived my life on these moments. They pull me back to the present, and I realize that everything is exactly the way it was meant to be.

George: Let's leave the Jews out of this just for a moment. Let's think of another minority. One that... One that can go unnoticed if it needs to. There are all sorts of minorities, blondes for example... Or people with freckles. But a minority is only thought of as one when it constitutes some kind of threat to the majority. A real threat or an imagined one. And therein lies the fear. If the minority is somehow invisible, then the fear is much greater. That fear is why the minority is persecuted. So, you see there always is a cause. The cause is fear. Minorities are just people. People like us.

George: You know that only thing that has made the whole thing worthwhile has been those few times that I was able to truly connect with another person.

Jim: Do you ever just live in the moment? It's like now, what could be better than being tucked here with you?... I mean, if I died right now it would be OK.

George: Well it wouldn't be OK with me, so why don't you just shut up and go and change the record.

Jim: Good answer.

George: If one is not enjoying one's present, there isn't a great deal to suggest that the future should be any better.

Carlos: No one has ever picked me up and not wanted something.

George: I think you picked me up. This is kind of a serious day for me.

Carlos: Come on. What could be so serious for a guy like you?

George: I'm just trying to get over an old love I guess.

Carlos: My mother says that lovers are like buses. You just have to wait a little while and another one comes along.

George: [whispered] Just get through the goddamn day.

George: It takes time in the morning for me to become George, time to adjust to what is expected of George and how he is to behave. By the time I have dressed and put the final layer of polish on the now slightly stiff but quite perfect George I know fully what part I'm supposed to play.

George: The bathroom's just down the hall, if you'd like to take a shower.

Kenny: Aren't you taking a shower too, Sir?

George: Oh, I'm fine, I'm English, we like to be cold and wet.

Grant: There will be no time for sentiment when the Russians fire a missile at us.

George: If it's going to be a world with no time for sentiment, Grant, it's not a world that I want to live in.

George: I always used to tell him that only fools could possibly escape the simple truth that now isn't simply now: it's a cold reminder. One day later than yesterday, one year later than last year, and that sooner or later it will come.

George: Waking up begins with saying am and now. For the past eight months waking up has actually hurt. The cold realization that I am still here slowly sets in.

George: For the first time in my life I can't see my future. Every day goes by in a haze, but today I have decided will be different.

George: Looking in the mirror staring back at me isn't so much a face as the expression of a predicament.

Jennifer Strunk: Would you like to meet Charlton Heston? He's our scorpion. Every night we throw in something new to him and watch him kill it. Daddy says it's like a Coliseum. Daddy says he wants to throw you into the Coliseum.

George: No kidding. Why?

Jennifer Strunk: Well, he says you're light in your loafers. But you're not even wearing any loafers.

Carlos: No one has ever picked me up and not wanted something.

George: I think you picked me up.

George: It's all becoming so bland. That's not why I came to America. It's like a complete breakdown of culture and manners.

Charley: The young ones have no manners. The other day at the car wash, a young man looked me up and down and asked me if I was a natural blonde.

George: What did you say?

Charley: I looked him straight in the eye and said, "Let's just say, if I stood on my head, I would be a natural brunette with lovely breath."

George: There's no such thing as old anymore. The other day, one of my students called me a senior citizen.

Charley: I wouldn't mind if old didn't exist. But I'm not sure that senior is what I'm aiming for, either.

George: [to Charley] Go to London. Change your life. And if you're not happy being a woman, stop acting like one.

George: Let's leave the Jews out of this just for a moment and think of another minority, one that can go unnoticed if it has to.

George: You know the great thing, though, is that change can be so constant you don't even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don't even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is. Or it can just blow you away, make you something different in an instant. It happened to me.

George: Do I still Love you? Absolutely. There is not a doubt in my mind. Through all my mind, my ego... I was always faithful in my Love for you. That I made you doubt it, that is the great mistake of a Life full of mistakes. The truth doesn't set us free, Robin. I can tell you I Love you as many times as you can stand to hear it and all that does, the only thing, is remind us... that Love is not enough. Not even close.

Sam: Whats wrong with your back? Do you have to have surgery on it or what? Because those pills you are taking are for a lot of pain. And you seem to be going though them pretty quick, that's all

George: Your not still taking any,are you?

Sam: No. But i count them. In a sock isn't exactly new,you know.

George: I'm having a problem with cancer.

Sam: I don't know what that means. What kind of problem?

George: The kind where there isn't any answer.

Sam: I still don't know what it means.

George: Sam I wanted us to... You know ,spend a few months together. Here. Sometimes things happen for a reason. Something bad to force something good.

Sam: So your dying. And you told mom today.

Sam: fuck you, ok fuck you.

Sam: You knew you were dying from the start?

George: We're all dying from the start. I just got pushed to the head of the line.

Sam: But you lied to me.

George: I would've lied to myself if i thought I'd believe it.

Sam: so this whole thing... this whole summer, having me here,was for your sake. You selfish fuck. Having me here trying to get me to like you.

George: No,Sam I wasn't trying to get you to like me. I was trying to get you to love me.

Sam: Well,congratulations... Because you fucking pulled it off.

George: I put a gun to my father's head once. Ever think like that? He was passed out. Had just been yelling at my mom over nothing. Under-cooked meat. I went to my room, I held the barrel right up to his ear, and then I chickened out again. Of course it was a BB gun but still it would have hurt like hell.

Sam: I've been using since I was 12! You're also unbelievably stupid, you know that? You didn't give a shit about anything I did up until now!

George: Well, I'll apologize for everything but today! Today I give a shit!

George: Sam, if you were a house, this is where you would want to be built. On rock, facing the sea, listening.

George: Please, take that thumbtack out of your face.

[grabs hammer]

George: Let me just get it out.

Sam: Why?

George: Come on.

Sam: Why?

George: It bugs me!

Sam: You snore at night. That really bugs me. Can I take you out?

Sam: You knew you were dying from the start?

George: We're all dying from the start. I just got moved to the head of the line.

Sam: So this whole thing, this whole Summer having me here was for your sake. You selfish fuck! Having me here trying to get me to like you?

George: No, Sam, I wasn't trying to get you to like me. I was trying to get you to love me.

Sam: Well, congratulations... 'cause you fucking pulled it off!

Sam: How do you become something you're not?

George: What do you want to become?

Sam: What I'm not.

George: What are you now?

Sam: I'm nothing.

George: I always thought of myself as a house. I was always what I lived in. It didn't need to be big. It didn't even need to be beautiful. It just needed to be mine. I became what I was meant to be. I built myself a life. I built myself a house.

George: My dad used to play this game... I never really understood what it was until after he was gone...

Sam: I was holding for somebody else; it wasn't even mine!

George: THE GAME was to make me smaller than he was. Smaller. Always smaller. No matter what! He could be almost invisible as a human being, but... I still had to be smaller. So that i-if I got good grades in school, then I was a pussy for not playing football, or-or if I... cut my hair for him, it was never short enough. Or if I shaved my head then I looked like a psycho. I never won the game, never! And if he couldn't... make me smaller with words...

Sam: ...I'll have to pay him back.

George: Sam... I won't ever hit you. Ever. I don't want you smaller. I want you to be happy and you're not. Not here with me, not home with your mother, not alone, not anywhere. You're what I was most of my life, Sam. I see it in your eyes, in your sleep, in your answer to everything! You're barely alive!

Sam: [whispers] I'm not even listening.

Sam: Why don't you just go and beg some money off my Dad, so you can move into some place decent, with a real kitchen and a real bathroom.

George: I'd rather sell my nuts to a castrati.

Colleen: Does it give you some sort of perverse pleasure to expose your... penis in front of my 16-year-old daughter?

George: My... exposure does not face your windows.

Colleen: George, this is the third time.

George: The plumber's due out tomorrow.

Colleen: You will just have to explain that to the police.

George: You were the one neighbor I could tolerate.

[George goes to walk away, then turns back]

George: Colleen! Just how far out that window did you have to stick your head to be able to see my dick?

George: It's not my back that's killing me.

George: Hindsight. It's like foresight without a future.

Sam: I like how it feels to not feel.

George: I know the feeling.

George: [to Robin] I can tell you I love you as many times as you can stand to hear it, but all it does is remind us that love is not enough.

George: You're the most beautiful woman I have ever known.

Robin: What?

George: Not just physically. Even your anger's perfect.

George: I've not been touched in years.

Nurse #1: Really? No, I mean... not a friend? Your, your mother, I mean... people have to be touched, everyone gets touched by somebody they love.

George: I know. It's weird, isn't it?

George: You're a great architect, and a miserable human being.

[Proceeds to smash one of his architectural models to bits]

Bryan Burke: [Angrily, holding the shattered model in his hands] You're not even a fucking architect, and you're a miserable human being!

George: You're right. You win.

[Calmly walks out]

George: What would you do if you had three or four months to live?

Nurse #1: Um... I'd eat a lot of red meat?

George: Good for you.

Nurse #1: What would you do?

George: Build a house.

George: When does school let out?

Robin: Friday. Tomorrow. Oh, God. I hate the thought of him home all day.

George: I'll be by Saturday to pick him up.

Robin: He doesn't want to spend the weekends with you anymore.

George: Not for the weekend. For the summer.

Robin: One of you would end up dead.

George: Yeah, but at least we have a house to show for it.

Robin: Forget it, really. I'll survive.

Robin: Oh, I dreamed about your house last night.

George: Finished or unfinished?

Robin: It was perfect George. Amazing

George: Didn't you once dream that you could lick people well?

George: I'm having a problem with cancer

Sam: I don't know what that means. What kind of a problem?

George: The kind where there is no answer

Sam: I still don't know what that means

[Alyssa has just kissed George]

George: Why did you do that?

Alyssa: When you were dating my mom you seemed like a really good kisser. Oh god, she'd die if she found out.

George: Let's shut up and let her live.

George: Build this house with me.

George: I have hated this house from the moment my father put it in my name. Imagine, 29 years of hating what you're living in, hating what you *are*. This is the end of it, Sam. I'm finally building something of my own. Something I can be proud to give you.

Sam: Don't. I don't want it.

George: Fine. You can do what you want with it. All I want you to remember is that we built a house together.

Sam: You didn't build shit. You're just tearing your father down.

George: That's right. It feels good.

George: You've worn out your welcome at this house, Sam. This may very well be the worst summer of your life but you've earned it.

George: Tell them how you made me fall in love with you.

Robin: I smiled at him.

George: Watch out for the smile boys.

George: I always thought of myself as a house. I was always what I lived in. It didn't need to be big; it didn't need to be beautiful; it just needed to be mine. I became what I was meant to be. I built myself a life... I built myself a house.

[last lines]

George: With every crash of every wave, I hear something now. I never listened before. I'm on the edge of a cliff, listening. Almost finished.

[pause]

George: If you were a house , Sam, this is where you would want to be built: on rock, facing the sea. Listening. Listening.

Bryan Burke: How's your wife?

George: Well, uh, when we divorced a decade ago she was very, very angry. Now she's just hostile.

Nurse #1: Can you build a house in four months?

George: I can die trying.

Robin: You are inconsiderate and absolutely devoid of emotion.

George: You are the most beautiful woman that I have ever known.

Robin: [Taken aback] What?

George: I don't mean just physically. Even your anger is perfect.

George: [Sternly] Go get in the truck.

Sam: Go fuck yourself!

George: Listen to me... Listen! I want that thing out of your chin, okay? You got nipple rings, navel rings - those come out, too. And there's no makeup at my house. No glue sniffing, no huffing, no pills, no grass. You've worn out your welcome at this house, Sam. This may well be the worst summer of your entire life, but you've earned it. Now go pick up the suitcase, get in the truck, now!

Sam: I'll hate you for the rest of my life.

George: Well, you can't even begin to know how much I hate my father. Think of it as a family tradition!

George: I almost saw Catalina!

George: Your mom and the boys can come by anytime.

Sam: What? To check up on me?

George: I'll be there to check up on you.

Sam: Why would you be there?

[he lights a cigarette]

George: Well, I live there.

Sam: You live in Corey's parents cabin in Tahoe?

George: What are you talking about? Who's Corey?

Sam: Corey's my friend, I'm going to spend the summer, ok?

George: No, you're not going anywhere.

[he takes the cigarette from Sam]

George: You're spending the summer with me.

George: [deleted scene]

[George struggles to move the couch out of the house]

George: Sam. Sam. Three minutes. Just give me three minutes.

[puts couch on the ground]

George: Never mind. Break my back, that's fine.

[Sam smokes a cigarette]

George: Don't smoke. Sam. I want you to put on some sunscreen.

[throws bottle of sunscreen]

George: You should wear that all over and I want you down here helping me. Now.

[Sam refuses to get down]

George: [George sprays water onto Sam]

Sam: It's cold! Fucking asshole.

George: Works with Guster.

[Sam climbs down the ladder]

George: [George grabs Sam's arm for attention] You know what else helped Guster? Neutering.

Alyssa: It's not what I was expecting.

George: What did you think it would be?

Alyssa: I don't know. More like when I kiss Sam. Yeah. More like that.

Alyssa: [Alyssa kisses George and lays next to him] Did you feel anything?

George: Maybe a tongue.

Sam: [George starts to apply sunscreen on Sam's chest] What are you doing? Don't touch me!

George: I warned you yesterday.

Sam: You can't touch me.

George: Sam, do you ever... get like the slightest inkling that you might wanna help me instead of doing absolutely nothing?

Sam: I hate turkey.

George: No, you don't.

Sam: If I say I do, I do.

George: [to Sam] Everything about you is my business. What you smoke, what you sniff, what you swallow. It's all my business.

[Martha has changed into an embarrassingly tight and revealing outfit]

George: Why Martha! Your Sunday chapel dress!

George: Martha is 108... years old. She weighs somewhat more than that.

Martha: You make me puke.

George: That wasn't a very nice thing to say, Martha.

Nick: Who did the painting?

George: Some Greek with a moustache that Martha attacked one night.

George: Martha, will you show her where we keep the, uh, euphemism?

George: You can sit around with the gin running out of your mouth; you can humiliate me; you can tear me to pieces all night, that's perfectly okay, that's all right.

Martha: You can stand it!

George: I cannot stand it!

Martha: You can stand it, you married me for it!

Martha: I looked at you tonight and you weren't there... And I'm gonna howl it out, and I'm not gonna give a damn what I do and I'm gonna make the biggest god-damn explosion you've ever heard.

George: Try and I'll beat you at your own game.

Martha: Is that a threat George, huh?

George: It's a threat, Martha.

Martha: You're gonna get it, baby.

George: Be careful Martha. I'll rip you to pieces.

Martha: You're not man enough. You haven't the guts.

George: Total war.

Martha: Total.

Honey: Oh, I don't know, a little brandy maybe. "Never mix, never worry!"

George: Martha? Rubbing alcohol for you?

Martha: Sure! "Never mix, never worry!"

Honey: They dance like they've danced before.

George: It's a familiar dance, monkey nipples, they both know it.

Martha: [derogatorily, to George] Hey, swamp! Hey swampy!

George: Yes, Martha? Can I get you something?

Martha: Ah, well, sure. You can, um, light my cigarette, if you're of a mind to.

George: No. There are limits. I mean, a man can put up with only so much without he descends a rung or two on the old evolutionary ladder, which is up your line. Now, I will hold your hand when it's dark and you're afraid of the boogeyman and I will tote your gin bottles out after midnight so no one can see but I will not light your cigarette. And that, as they say, is that.

Martha: Jesus.

[George takes a corner far too fast, tossing everyone in the car from side to side. Pause]

Martha: Aren't you going to apologize?

George: Not my fault, the road should've been straight.

Martha: No, aren't you going to apologize for making Honey throw up?

George: I didn't make her throw up.

Martha: What, you think it was sexy back there? You think he made his own wife sick?

George: Well, you make me sick.

Martha: That's different.

George: Martha, in my mind you're buried in cement right up to the neck. No, up to the nose, it's much quieter.

Martha: Hey!

George: Hark! Jungle sounds.

Martha: Hey!

George: Animal noises.

George: I used to drink brandy.

Martha: You used to drink bergen, too.

Nick: May I use the... uh... bar?

George: Oh, yes... yes... by all means. Drink away... you'll need it as the years go on.

George: [to Honey] Hi, sexy. You wanna dance, angel boobs?

Nick: What'd you call my wife?

George: All I said was that our son, the apple of our three eyes, Martha being a cyclops, our son is a beanbag, and you get testy!

George: Vanish!

George: You take the trouble to construct a civilization, to build a society based on the principles of... of principle. You make government and art and realize that they are, must be, both the same. You bring things to the saddest of all points, to the point where there is something to lose. Then, all at once, through all the music, through all the sensible sounds of men building, attempting, comes the Dies Irae. And what is it? What does the trumpet sound? Up yours.

Martha: Well, you're going bald.

George: So are you.

George: Martha's got money because Martha's father's second wife, not Martha's mother but after Martha's mother died, was a very old lady with warts who was very rich.

Nick: She was a witch!

George: She was a good witch, and she married the white mouse with the tiny red eyes and he must have nibbled her warts or something like that, because she went up in a puff of smoke almost immediately. Poof!

Nick: Poof!

George: Poof! And all that was left, aside from some wart medicine, was a big fat will.

Nick: Your wife never mentioned a stepmother.

George: Maybe it isn't true.

Nick: Who did the painting?

George: Some Greek with a mustache Martha attacked one night.

Nick: It's got a...

George: Quiet intensity?

Nick: Well, no, a...

George: Well then, a certain noisy relaxed quality maybe?

Nick: No, what I meant was...

George: How about a quietly noisy relaxed intensity?

Martha: [regarding "What a dump!"] It's from some damn Bette Davis picture, some goddamn Warner Brothers epic.

George: Martha, I can't remember all the pictures that came out of Warner Brothers.

George: You're a monster - You are.

Martha: I'm loud and I'm vulgar, and I wear the pants in the house because somebody's got to, but I am not a monster. I'm not.

George: You're a spoiled, self-indulgent, willful, dirty-minded, liquor-ridden...

Martha: SNAP! It went SNAP! I'm not gonna try to get through to you any more. There was a second back there, yeah, there was a second, just a second when I could have gotten through to you, when maybe we could have cut through all this, this CRAP. But it's past, and I'm not gonna try.

George: So you get testy, naturally, don't worry about it! Anybody who comes here ends up getting testy, it's expected. Don't be upset.

Nick: I'm not upset.

George: You're testy.

Nick: Yes.

George: And that's how you play "Get the Guests".

George: Good. Better. Best. Bested.

Honey: I'm gonna be sick.

George: Ah yeah that's nice.

Honey: I'm gonna die.

George: Good, good. Go right ahead.

George: Now that's it! You can take over a few classes from the older men, but until you start plowing pertinent wives, you really aren't working. The broad, inviting avenue to man's job is through his wife, and don't you forget it.

Nick: And I'll bet your wife has the broadest, most inviting avenue of the whole damn campus.

[long pause]

Nick: Her father president and all.

George: And please keep your clothes on, too. There aren't many more sickening sights in this world than you with a few drinks in you and your skirt up over your head. Or "your heads", I should say.

George: Now, I think we've been having a real good evening, all things considered. We sat around, we've got to know each other, and we've had fun and games. Curl up on the Floor, for example. The tiles. Snap the Dragon.

Honey: Peel the Label"

George: Peel... Peel the What?

Martha: Label. Peel the Label.

Martha: [holds up a wine bottle] I peel labels.

George: [bringing the core of the movie down to one simple line] We all peel labels, sweetie.

George: I'm very impressed.

Martha: You're damn right.

George: I said I was impressed. I'm beside myself with jealousy. What do you want me to do, throw up?

Nick: [to Honey] We'll go in a little while.

George: Oh no. No, you mustn't. Martha is changing, and Martha is not changing for me, Martha hasn't changed for me in years. If Martha is changing, that means we're going to be here for days. You're being accorded an honor, and you mustn't forget that Martha is the daughter of our beloved boss. She is his right... arm. I was going to use another word, but we'll leave that sort of talk to Martha.

George: Did you really think I was going to kill you, Martha?

Martha: You, kill me? That's a laugh.

George: Well now, I might some day.

Martha: Fat chance.

George: So, where are these people, this good looking young professor and his slim hipped wife? What did they do? Go home and get some sleep first?

Nick: You're gonna' regret this.

George: No doubt. I regret everything.

Nick: No, no, I mean *I'm* gonna' *make* you regret this.

George: Go clean up the mess.

Nick: You just wait, mister.

Martha: [after George has said hurtful things to humiliate Nick and Honey] You really are a bastard.

George: That's all right for you. You can go around like a hopped-up Arab, slashing at everything in sight, scarring up half the world if you want to. But let somebody else try it? No.

Coach Norman Dale: First of all, let's be real friendly here, okay? My name is Norm. Secondly, your coaching days are over.

George: Look, mister, there's... two kinds of dumb, uh... guy that gets naked and runs out in the snow and barks at the moon, and, uh, guy who does the same thing in my living room. First one don't matter, the second one you're kinda forced to deal with.

Coach Norman Dale: Translate. That some sort of threat?

George: I don't know why Cletus drug your tired old bones in here, he musta owed you somethin' fierce. Fact is, mister, you start screwin' up this team, I'll personally hide-strap your ass to a pine rail and send you up the Monon Line!

[George angrily turns and storms out of the gym]

Coach Norman Dale: Leave the ball, will you, George?

Rollin: [as Jimmy walks in on the town meeting that determines Coach Dale's fate] What can I do for you, Jimmy?

Jimmy Chitwood: I got something to say.

Rollin: All right, say what you've gotta say.

Jimmy Chitwood: [to crowd] I don't know if it'll make any change, but I figured it's time for me to start playing ball.

George: [as crowd is cheering, points to Dale] I told you, once we got rid of him!

Jimmy Chitwood: But, there's just one thing... I play, Coach stays. He goes, I go.

George: [crowd starts murmuring] Uhhh, the coach is dismissed by a vote of 68 to 45...

Opal Fleener: I think we should vote again!

Rollin: All those in favor of the coach staying, say 'Aye'

[majority of crowd says 'Aye']

Rollin: , all opposed...

[a handful say 'nay', tears up George's tally sheet]

Rollin: ...Coach stays!

George: What are you drinking, Bruiser? Oh, is that a bottle of Cock Block?

George: I believe the world is a better place if people aren't lying.

Bartender: Are you guys new in the neighborhood?

Ben: Are you kidding? There was a famous "sip in" right here in this bar to challenge the New York State regulation that prohibited bars from serving homosexuals.

Bartender: Yeah, we have a clipping from The New York Times framed here somewhere.

Ben: 1966. Me and four other guys, we came in here accompanied by five reporters. When we were denied service, we denounced the State Liquor Authority.

Bartender: Oh my God. You're that guy?

Ben: Yeah, I was one of the guys.

Bartender: Wow. Well, this round's on me, fellas.

[Ben and George start laughing as soon as the bartender leaves]

George: You are such a liar!

Ben: What?

George: You'll do anything for a free drink!

Ben: Well, I knew the guy who thought it up.

George: Who, Frank?

Ben: Yeah. That was his claim to fame.

George: Oh, I thought his claim to fame was something entirely different.

Ben: Well, that too.

[both start laughing even harder]

George: I had a wonderful time.

Ben: Me too.

Ben: What did you think of the Wieniawski?

George: Not bad. I thought she milked it a bit.

Ben: You think so?

George: Well, when the piece is that romantic, there's no need to embellish.

Ben: Oh. I don't know. I loved it. I kept thinking about him and his beloved Isabella.

George: Oh yeah? But that's not true. You know that whole "he composed it to convince her parents to let him marry her," it's a myth.

Ben: I'm not like you. I prefer a little embellishment.

George: I guess they're about done. Ready? You got enough beans there for four men.

Lennie: I like 'em with ketchup.

George: I told you we ain't got none! Whatever we ain't got, that's what you want! If I was alone I could live so easy. The end of the month I could take my 50 bucks and go into town, get whatever I want - a gallon of whiskey, set up a pool room, play cards or shoot pool. And what do I get? I get you!

Lucy: What are you studying at school?

George: College.

Lucy: College.

George: Oh, lots of useless guff.

Lucy: Why don't you study some useful guff?

George: What do you mean, useful?

Lucy: Something you'd use later in your business or profession.

George: I don't intend to go into any business or profession.

Lucy: No?

George: No.

Lucy: Why not?

George: Well, just look at them. That's a fine career for a man, isn't it? Lawyers, bankers, politicians. What do they ever get out of life, I'd like to know. What do they know about real things? What do they ever get?

Lucy: What do you want to be?

George: [fatuously] A yachtsman!

[Lucy reacts with astonishment]

Maj. Amberson: So your devilish machines are going to ruin all your old friend, eh Gene? Do you really think they're going to change the face of the land?

Eugene: They're already doing it major and it can't be stopped. Automobiles...

[cut off by George]

George: Automobiles are a useless nuisance.

George: What did you say George?

George: I said automobiles are a useless nuisance. Never amount to anything but a nuisance and they had no business to be invented.

Jack: Of course you forget that Mr. Morgan makes them, also did his share in inventing them. If you weren't so thoughtless, he might think you were rather offensive.

Eugene: I'm not sure George is wrong about automobiles. With all their speed forward they may be a step backward in civilization. May be that they won't add to the beauty of the world or the life of the men's souls, I'm not sure. But automobiles have come and almost all outwards things will be different because of what they bring. They're going to alter war and they're going to alter peace. And I think men's minds are going to be changed in subtle ways because of automobiles. And it may be that George is right. May be that in ten to twenty years from now that if we can see the inward change in men by that time, I shouldn't be able to defend the gasoline engine but agree with George - that automobiles had no business to be invented.

George: I said, automobiles are a useless nuisance. Never amount to anything but a nuisance. They had no business to be invented.

George: I'm a hero because I like to save people's lives. Stuff like that.

George: Life is short.

George: Teenagers mess up. You know man, that's what they do best.

Jeremiah: I think as we prepare to go on this journey; it might be appropriate to have a prayer.

[praying]

Jeremiah: Dear Lord, we ask you to...

Flip: [running onto the bus] Damn, I'm glad ya'll ain't left. I didn't think I was ever goin' to...

George: [angrily] Hey; CP Time, we tryin' to have a prayer here!

George: Let's go get something to eat, Rick, then I'll drive the bus for awhile.

Rick: I need you to do me a favor, George.

George: Rick, you can't drive the Spotted Owl the whole way, now.

Rick: That's not it. If the base calls in, you tell them I got sick.

George: Why?

Rick: Because I'm not coming back.

George: Shit, what the hell do you mean you're not coming back?

Rick: I can't do it.

George: Oh come on, stop bullshitting, you're just trying to go to Graceland.

Rick: I'd be safer there.

George: Meaning what, what do you think we're going to do, put you in a pot of boiling water and have you for supper?

Rick: You already got the damn African drums in there.

George: You know Rick, that's the epitome of cultural disrespect. I could come back at you with something anti-Semitic or I could whip your ass, which would you prefer, Rick?

Rick: I'm sorry. Alright, George, here it is. Maybe I am a little bit prejudiced against blacks but no more than you're prejudiced against white people. You want me to stay on and prove how liberal and shit I am? I don't have to prove anything to anybody. I mean I think affirmative action has been fucked up. I think OJ was guilty, he's a cold blooded murderer who slaughtered two innocent human beings, okay. There it is.

George: I'll bet you wish there were more white players in the NBA, too, huh? Well okay, let's just get it out in the open. I'll bet you'd like to call me a nigger or, what do you call it, a schvartze, or whatever the fuck it is. Well, I'm going to allow you to say it, go ahead.

Rick: I never called anybody that in my life. All I'm saying is that if this bus is going to the Farrakhan march, I can't be a part of that.

George: This is not just Farrakhan's march.

Rick: I don't want to debate this thing. He called Judaism a gutter religion; he said Hitler was a great man. I wouldn't expect you to drive a bus to a Ku Klux Klan rally, so don't expect me to do this.

George: So now you're comparing this to a Klan rally.

Rick: Look George, either you're going to kick my ass, you're going to cover for me or I'm going to get fired. But no way am I getting my white ass back in that bus, so what's it going to be?

George: Well, if you feel that way, then you shouldn't get your white ass back on that bus. I'll cover for you, Rick. See you in LA.

Rick: Thanks, George.

Tod Waggner: I never thought anything could look worse than my yearbook photo...

George: How do you think I feel having to look at you all the time?

[Alex sees a crying baby upon boarding the plane]

George: That's a good sign. Younger, the better. It'd be a fucked up God to take down this plane.

[they see a mental patient in the front row]

George: A *really* fucked up God.

George: Go and let everyone else know breakfast is ready.

Reggie: Yo! Breakfast! Come and get it!

George: I could've done that.

Lady in Elevator: Look George. Some child left their doll on the elevator.

George: Leave it alone. Let whoever is looking for it find it, and it will be there.

George: 'Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.'

Scarlett: Oh.

Papillon: What?

Scarlett: According to mythology, that's the inscription over the gates of hell.

Papillon: What? I'm... I'm not going in there.

George: [talking to the presence in the house] What do you want from us? Goddamnit, this is *MY* house!

[the wedding/food caterer confronts George with the bill in the men's room]

Caterer: Look, the deal was cash. You know? Cash.

George: [washing his face] The cash was lost. You gotta take a check.

Caterer: I don't like checks. Let me tell you something about checks. Checks get cancelled. Checks bounce. Checks is not cash. Cash is cash.

George: You listen to me, pal. I don't like lectures and I don't like being hassled in the men's room. I'm going to write you a check. Either that's good enough for you or you're going to eat your own goddamn food.

George: [shouts] I'm coming apart! Oh, mother of God, I'm coming apart!

Kathy Lutz: Would you please leave that damn fire alone and listen to me?

George: I'm not going anywhere. You're the one that wanted a house. This is it, so just shut up!

Kathy Lutz: [With tears in her eyes] You... bastard!

George: [Smacks Kathy, hard]

Kathy Lutz: I just wish that... all those people hadn't died here. I mean... ugh! A guy kills his whole family. Doesn't that bother you?

George: Well, sure, but... houses don't have memories.

George: What do you think?

Kathy Lutz: I love it. But, honey... Eighty thousand dollars? It may as well be eight hundred thousand dollars.

George: Peace to this house and all who enter in it. Peace to this house and all who enter in it.

Kathy Lutz: Forgive our sins, and save us from all illness. Grant this through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

George: Peace to this house and all who enter in it.

Kathy Lutz: What, what's happening?

Tony the Pimp: Come on grab her legs and help me throw her over the stall! Come on what you waiting for?

George: I won't give you a hand! Christ she's dead... Leave her alone!

Tony the Pimp: You ain't worth shit! How do you know she's really dead?

[last lines]

George: Jenny, come out here. I'm not leaving without you.

Kate: What's your name?

George: George.

Kate: I was supposed to meet a George tonight... this wasn't exactly what I had in mind.

Arthur: It depends which area you're in. If you're in the areas around Chinatown, there's a strange sort of *seafood* smell, whereas in Soho...

George: Oh wow wow wow stop right there! This ain't the fuckin' Discovery Channel!

Arthur: I'm just trying to educate you, that's all.

George: Trust me, there's nothing I wanna know about *shit*.

[Arthur has just left George alone to see where a tunnel leads to]

George: Arthur!

[silence after Arthur has been attacked by the creep]

George: You'd best not be fucking with me

[steps into deeper water leading into the tunnel]

George: Tsk - SHIT!

George: Fucking travesty that's what, I got busted for dealing weed, and that shit's legal now. Had I gotten caught now, for what I had then, they would have thrown *it* down the drain, and not me!

Arthur: Ah, you're a drug dealer, chap I had last week was a pimp!

George: The dead don't walk around, except in very bad paperback novels!

George: [to The Inspector] Hail Hitler!

Sue: [Abby is preparing to counsel a young married couple. Emmett arrives, and the demon in Abby takes over] Hi there, pastor.

Rev. Emmett Williams: Hello, Sue. This must be George Preston, huh?

George: Pastor. I didn't know you were coming down.

Abby Williams: Why Emmett.

[Abby slowly lapses into the Demon's voice]

Abby Williams: I have a few special tips for Sue, and I didn't want to pass up this golden opportunity.

Sue: What do you mean, Abby? Tips?

Abby Williams: [demon voice in full force] Like the facts of life, stupid! All men are not created equal; better make sure what he's got first! As a matter of fact, I'm gonna take ol' long George upstairs AND FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF HIM! THAT's WHAT I'M GONNA DO!

George: I think I'm falling in like with you.

Allison: I think you said that without a stutter.

George: [laughs] I did.

Allison: Hm-hmm.

George: And you know what like leads to?

Allison: What?

George: Love.

George: She's as fine as muscadine wine, fellers!

Lord John Marshmorton: Miss Allen, is he coming here tonight, your friend Mr. Halliday?

Gracie: Oh, well sure he's not coming here and do you know why he's not coming here tonight? Because he wasn't invited, that's why he's not coming here tonight, Lord Marshmallow.

George: Gracie, it's Marshmorton, not Marshmallow.

Gracie: That's what I said, Marshmallow.

George: Look, Gracie, "marshmallow" is soft and mushy.

Gracie: Oh, please, George! You don't know this gentleman well enough to say that about him.

George: [to Lord Marshmorton] I'm sorry, would you explain that please?

Lord John Marshmorton: Certainly. Miss Allen, have you ever seen a toasted marshmallow?

Gracie: No, but I'm dying to see that. I bet you're a scream!

Gracie: [Gracie answers the telephone] It's a Hawaiian.

George: A Hawaiian?

Gracie: Well he must be. He says he's Brown from The Morning Sun.

Jerry Halliday: What's today?

Gracie: Oh, I don't know.

George: Well, you can tell if you look at that newspaper on your desk.

Gracie: Oh, this is no help, George. It's yesterday's paper.

Gracie: You know, if it weren't for two things you'd be a terrific dancer.

George: What's that?

Gracie: Your feet.

George: Seems like you're trying to find something wrong with these people.

Frank: No way George. You saw all that weird stuff at the garage sale.

George: You mean the stuff that we all bought?

Harry Stanton: Are you still on the wagon, doctor?

George: Oh certainly sir, most certainly. These old lips of mine have taken to water like a duck.

Henry: [Making phone call to New York] George! How's New York? Where is my check?

George: Henry, we have cheaper journalists, you know.

Henry: Yeah, but none of them is named Henry Howell.

George: They'll have names of their own if I give them a chance. Listen, child star Shirley Temple released a toy collection with her face. And all the papers opened with that. There's a war on, Henry...

Henry: All right. Here's what we can do. I've got a hand-drawn battle map. Make a great illustration. But...

Henry: Speaking of illustrations, how about a week in Paris, George? Picasso is preparing a new exhibition. Let's do Picasso. Together. He'll talk to me, you know.

George: Nothing about Paris. Bergara. Do you remember that article? That's war. And WAR SELLS, Henry. I WANT WAR! I...

George: [after Mick agrees to do the hit] Thank you! Hey, you're a beautiful man. If you had pants on, I'd kiss you.

George: I love you, Gavin. Remember that...

Gavin: That's how it is.

[first lines]

George: I'm standing without you, on the bridge of the boat, cutting its way into the black night towards the end of the world.

George: You never really understood my rejection. But there was one truth you did understand... that the one who speaks the language of reason is the one who loves the less.

George: I was happy to be back in the Old World, with the detached indifference of the English.

Fat Woman: George, do you know what I think caused the virus? It's 'cause them Chinese fertilize everything with human shit!

[husband George, sitting by her side, ignores her, so she elbows him]

Fat Woman: George, ya hear what I said?

George: [turning to look directly at her] Yes, I did. And if it's true, I could sell you to them chinks for a blooming fortune!

Vito: That's another thing. Anakin. He's too moody! He's a downer.

George: He's a *slave*!