Gazelle Quotes in Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)

Valentine: Is he dead?

Gazelle: That tends to happen when you shoot someone in the head.

Gazelle: Looks like a lot of people are going to die.

Valentine: Do I look like I give a fuck?

[Valentine receives a notice that Professor Arnold has been terminated]

Valentine: Fuck that guy, whoever he is! I'm gonna... He made me kill Professor Arnold. Goddamn loved Professor Arnold.

Gazelle: Well the good news is we know the emergency surveillance system works.

Valentine: You know what's not good news? 'My colleague died,' that's what he said. This is an organization and they're all over us. Whoever you spoke to...

Gazelle: I told you. I made contact with the KGB, MI6, Mossad, and Beijing. They all insist it wasn't one of theirs.

Valentine: Beijing. So freaky how there's no recognizable name for the Chinese Secret Service. Now that's what you call a secret, right? You know what? Fuck it. We need to speed things up. Bring the product release forward.

Gazelle: We're only halfway into production. Speeding it will cost a fortune.

Valentine: Do I look like I give a fuck? Just get it done.

[Valentine notices the people in the party room looking gloomy]

Valentine: The fuck's wrong with them?

Gazelle: I don't know. Could be something to do with the mass genocide.

Valentine: Give me the mic.

[Gazelle hands Valentine a microphone. Valentine stands up]

Valentine: Hey all! Everybody listen up! What the fuck is wrong with you people? I just want to remind you all that today is a day of celebration. We must put aside all thoughts of death, and focus on birth. The birth of a new age. We mustn't mourn the ones who give their lives today. We should honor their sacrifice, and their role in saving the human race. We must put aside doubts and guilt. You are the chosen people. When folks tell their kids the story about Noah's Ark, is Noah the bad guy?

[Crowd says no]

Valentine: Is God the bad guy?

[Crowd says no]

Valentine: How about the animals marching two by two?

[Crowd says no]

Valentine: Of course not! Yeah, that's it! Let's turn those frowns upside down. Eat, drink, and paaaaarty!

[Gazelle places the blankets over the corpses, then opens the door to welcome Valentine with a glass of whisky]

Gazelle: Everything is clean.

Valentine: My kind of welcome.

[Valentine sips whisky before approaching Professor Arnold]

Valentine: No stomach for violence. I mean, literally. I see one drop of blood, that is me, done. I'm like...

[simulating a vomiting motion]

Valentine: projectile. Listen, I'm so sorry you had to witness all this unpleasantness, due to our uninvited guest. But I promise you: By the time I find out who he works for, you and I will be the best of friends.

[Harry Hart is in a hate group church]

Church Leader: And I say to you, bear witness! Watch the news. Watch the news. AIDS! Floods! The blood of the innocent, spilled! And yet, there are those who doubt this is the wrath of God. Our filthy government condones sodomy, divorce, abortion! And yet, some still doubt this is the work of the Antichrist! You do not have to be a Jew, a nigger, a whore or an atheistic, science-loving evolution spouter...

Merlin: [watching the sermon] Charming sermon. Can you see Valentine anywhere?

Church Leader: So, my friends, although he is a just God, he is just a vengeful one and there can be no turning back from the almighty wrath...

Gazelle: Are you sure we're out of range?

Valentine: We're over 1,000 feet away. What's wrong?

Gazelle: What if the calculations are wrong?

Valentine: You just have to trust me.

Church Leader: ...Jew, nigger, fag lovers, and the devil is burning them for all eternity.

Harry Hart: Would you excuse me?

Church Blonde Woman: Where are you going?

[Harry tries to leave the church]

Church Blonde Woman: Hey! What's your problem?

Harry Hart: I'm a Catholic whore, currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black, Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. So hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam.

Valentine: Oh, shit. He's leaving. I'm starting the test now. Let's hope enough of these freaks have our SIM cards.

Church Leader: [continuing his sermon] I kindly ask you to sit down, my friend!

Church Blonde Woman: Just leave this church! You just leave this church like the infidel you are! Satan cannot save you now! You will eat your babies! You will drown in the blood of the Lord! He will not save you!

[as Harry is about to shoot the woman Valentine starts his test and Harry, under the effects of the test, shoots the woman and everyone in the church attacks each other]

Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: [surprised at what happened] Holy fuck!

Valentine: Oh, shit, I can't watch this. Get over here.

[Harry is in a hate group church]

Church Leader: And I say to you, bear witness! Watch the news. Watch the news. AIDS! Floods! The blood of the innocent, spilled! And yet, there are those who doubt this is the wrath of God. Our filthy government condones sodomy, divorce, abortion! And yet, some still doubt this is the work of the antichrist! You do not have to be a Jew, a nigger, a whore or an atheistic, science-loving evolution spouter...

Merlin: [watching the sermon] Charming sermon. Can you see Valentine anywhere?

Church Leader: So, my friends although he is a just God, he is justly a vengeful one and there can be no turning back from the almighty wrath...

Valentine: Are you sure we're out of range?

Valentine: We're over 1,000 feet away. What's wrong?

Gazelle: What if the calculations are wrong?

Valentine: You just have to trust me.

Church Leader: ...Jew, nigger, fag lovers, and the devil is burning them for all eternity.

Harry Hart: Would you excuse me?

Church Blonde Woman: Where are you going?

[Harry tries to leave the church]

Church Blonde Woman: Hey! What's your problem?

Harry Hart: I'm a Catholic whore, currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black, Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. So, hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam.

Valentine: Oh, shit. He's leaving. I'm starting the test now. Let's hope enough of these freaks have our SIM cards.

[the church leader continues his sermon]

Church Blonde Woman: I kindly ask you to sit down, my friend! Just leave this church! You just leave this church like the infidel you are! Satan cannot save you now! You will eat your babies. You will drown in the blood of the Lord! He will not save you!

[as Harry is about to shoot the woman Valentine starts his test and Harry, under the effects of the test, shoots the woman and everyone in the church attacks each other]

Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: [surprised at what happened] Holy fuck!

Valentine: Shit, I can't watch this. Get over here.

Gazelle: Eat my dust, dingo!

Gazelle: Zootopia is a unique place. It's a crazy, beautiful, diverse city, where we celebrate our differences. This is not the Zootopia I know. The Zootopia I know is better than this. We don't just blindly assign blame. We don't know why these attacks keep happening. But it is irresponsible to label all predators as savages. We cannot let fear divide us. Please, give me back the Zootopia I love.

Gazelle: [Bogo is in his office, using the Dancing with Gazelle app] Wow, you are one hot dancer, Chief Bogo.

Clawhauser: [Clawhauser storms in] Chief Bogo!

Chief Bogo: Not now!

Clawhauser: Wait, is that Gazelle?

Chief Bogo: [dismissing] No!

Gazelle: [from the app] I'm Gazelle, and you are one hot dancer.

Clawhauser: You have the app too?

[excited]

Clawhauser: Aww, Chief!

Chief Bogo: Clawhauser! Can't you see I'm working on the missing mammal cases?

Clawhauser: Oh, oh, oh, yes, of course, about that sir. Officer Hopps just called - she found all of them.

Gazelle: Wow, I'm impressed!

Clawhauser: [while Judy is trying to radio for reinforcements to the ZPD, Clawhauser is showing his Dancing with Gazelle app to a wolf convict] Are you familiar with Gazelle, greatest singer of our lifetime, angel with horns? Huh. Okay, hold on, keep watching.

[shows his phone with a tiger dancer with Clawhauser's face]

Clawhauser: Who's that beside her? Who is it?

Gazelle: [from the app] Wow, you are one hot dancer, Benjamin Clawhauser.

Clawhauser: [laughs] It's me!

[chuckles again]

Clawhauser: Do you think it was real? It looks so real! It's not, it's just a new app.

[Turns to his radio]

Clawhauser: Hold on a second.

Gazelle: [from a Zootopia billboard] I'm Gazelle. Welcome to Zootopia.

Gazelle: [Last Lines] Good evening Zootopia! Come on everybody, put your paws up!