Gaylord Patie Quotes in The Ghost and Mr. Chicken (1966)

[Springer calls his "surprise" witness to the stand]

Springer: Your full name, sir?

Gaylord Patie: Gaylord Patie.

Springer: And what is your occupation?

Gaylord Patie: I'm a certified public accountant for the state.

Springer: Now then, I understand that you, Mr. Patie, have heard the organ playing in the Simmons Mansion. Am I correct, sir?

Gaylord Patie: You are. I have heard organ music coming from the tower of the Simmons Mansion on three seperate occasions.

[gasps of awe come from the audience]

Gaylord Patie: That's why I came to you, Mr. Springer.

Springer: And at what time did you hear this music?

Gaylord Patie: At the stroke of midnight.

[more gasps of awe come from the audience]

Springer: And what else have you heard coming from the Simmons Mansion, Mr. Patie?

Gaylord Patie: On the first occasion, a woman's scream. And on the second and third occasions, a man's scream.

[even more gasps of awe come from the audience]

Springer: And what kind of screams were they, Mr. Patie?

Gaylord Patie: Oh wild, maniacal screams.

[audience is really excited now]

Springer: Thank you. Your witness.

Whitlow: [cross-examining] Mr. Patie, I understand that you're president of the Internation Conclave for Unidentified Flying Objects

Gaylord Patie: That is correct, sir.

Whitlow: Where was your last meeting held?

Gaylord Patie: On Mars.

[courtroom erupts in laughter]