Gaylord Oaks Quotes in Bad Company (2002)

Gaylord Oaks: Where are You?

Jake Hayes: At the corner of eat shit and fuck you.

Gaylord Oaks: [after trying to guilt Jake into coming back] Well, that didn't work did it?

Jake Hayes: No!

[mocking Oaks]

Jake Hayes: "I'm going to go outside and count to ten"? Who the hell are you? You'd would have done better with "Bitch, get in the car".

Gaylord Oaks: Okay. Get in the car... bitch.

Seale: Bomb on American soil. That's a nightmare we always talked about. How do you think they got it here?

Gaylord Oaks: You'd be surprised what you can send by air freight.

Gaylord Oaks: Did you see what happened there?

Jake Hayes: I got jacked!

Gaylord Oaks: No, you panicked. Your brain shut down. What's the good of having a brain if you won't use it?

Jake Hayes: My brain didn't shut down. I knew it was Swanson 'cause I could feel her tits on my back.

[Swanson takes off her mask, looking mad]

Jake Hayes: I knew it was Carew, because his breath smelled like shit, probably from kissing your ass so much!

[Carew takes off his mask, looking mad]

Jake Hayes: I knew it was Seale, 'cause I took his wallet. Hey Seale, why's a married man need a condom? Your wife know?

[Seale takes off his mask and snatches his wallet]

Jake Hayes: You want to know how I knew it was you?

Gaylord Oaks: Okay, that's enough. Thank you very much, goodnight.

[first day]

Gaylord Oaks: Good morning, Mr. Hayes, five A.M., time to begin.

Jake Hayes: [not getting up] How about three more hours of sleep and some breakfast?

Gaylord Oaks: How about a nice shower?

[he pours a pitcher of water on Jake's head]

[second day; Jake wakes up when water is dumped on his head]

Gaylord Oaks: Get dressed.

Jake Hayes: It's 4:59!

[third day: Oaks enters with a pitcher of water]

Gaylord Oaks: Good morning, Mr. Hayes. Five A.M.

[he pours the water on an empty bed]

Jake Hayes: No, 5:01!

[Jake appears, fully dressed, and throws a pitcher of water in Oaks's face]

[after coming back from a meeting with Vas]

Gaylord Oaks: They put a transponder chip in the phone they gave you that tells them everywhere you went in the last two weeks. Which is why we switched the chips, so it wouldn't tell them you went to Langley.

Jake Hayes: And what if you hadn't?

Gaylord Oaks: They'd have shot both of us in the head. I'm feeling hungry, how about you?

Roland Yates: So, what are our chances?

Gaylord Oaks: Oh, I'd say anywhere between... nil and zero.

Roland Yates: Why do you say that?

Gaylord Oaks: Oh well, I grant you he's got potential. He's pretty street-smart. Give me six months, he could probably fool his brother's own parents. But eight days? Come on, you gotta be kidding me. He'll probably get himself killed, and everyone who goes along with him.

Jake Hayes: Is this shit dangerous?

Gaylord Oaks: Yes there's some risk.

Jake Hayes: What kind of risk, you talkin' bank credit risk, or bullet-in-ass risk?

Gaylord Oaks: I'm never going to get married, never again.

Jake Hayes: You never gonna get married again? First thing you gotta learn is, you don't take your girlfriend to a wedding.

Gaylord Oaks: Did you know your brother died saving my life? I wish it had been the other way around, but there it is.

Jake Hayes: How are his parents taking it?

[silence]

Jake Hayes: You haven't told his parents. How would you feel if you died and nobody told your wife?

Gaylord Oaks: I'm not married.

Jake Hayes: What, there's no Mrs. Spy?

Gaylord Oaks: No, relationships and attachments are useless in this business.

Jake Hayes: So that's how it is. Even if they don't shoot you, they take your life.

Gaylord Oaks: I know it sounds hokey, but I honestly believe that our work is about something bigger than ourselves. We're offering you the chance to become part of that, find a purpose.

Jake Hayes: You ain't offering me nothing but a chance to get a bullet in my ass. I don't see the higher meaning in that.

Jake Hayes: You guys still there?

Gaylord Oaks: Yes, Mr. Hayes, we're still here.

Jake Hayes: And you've got guns, right?

Gaylord Oaks: Yes, Mr. Hayes, we have guns.

Jake Hayes: Okay. Well, make sure you got bullets in them.

Gaylord Oaks: Mmm-hmm, lots of bullets.

[while training Jake to deal with a kidnapping]

Jake Hayes: They woke me up, man!

Gaylord Oaks: Yeah, that's the funny thing about an ambush. Next time we'll try to let you know.

Lenka: Mr. Turner, it's so glad to have you back so soon.

Jake Hayes: Thank you, Lepenka, I hope you haven't given up my room.

Lenka: Certainly not, sir.

Jake Hayes: This is beautiful.

Gaylord Oaks: Her name is Lenka. You just called her Lepenka, which means cardboard.

[last lines]

Gaylord Oaks: Your wife is calling you, Mr. Hayes.

Julie: Husband...

Gaylord Oaks: Get in the car - bitch.

Gaylord Oaks: Now this is Adrik Vas. He's a Russian ex-Army colonel and a kingpin in the Russian mafia. He's up to his neck in prostitution, drugs, and extortion.

Jake Hayes: [shrugs] Sounds like anybody I went to high school with.

Gaylord Oaks: Welcome to Prague!

Jake Hayes: Looks like Newark...

Jake Hayes: I'm not goin' nowhere.I just got married.Can't a brother get a piece of cake?

Gaylord Oaks: The guy who escapes is Carlos Palmeros, the world's foremost assassin.

Jake Hayes: Carl - I don't care if it's Carlos Santana, the world's foremost guitarist!