Gavin Quotes in Ice Age: Collision Course (2016)

Gavin: While you run for your lives, we'll be high in the sky, safe as those birdies.

[One meteor hits a bird]

Gavin: Lucky shot.

[More meteors hit more birds]

Gavin: Another lucky shot.

Gavin: [finding Elliot's paw print] Hey, guys. What do you think?

Bobby: A bear?

Gavin: Have you ever seen a bear that big?

Gavin: There are two dilemmas... that rattle the human skull. How do you hold onto someone who won't stay? And how do you get rid of someone who won't go?

Gavin: My father used to say there are four things that tell the world who a man is: his house, his car, his wife and his shoes.

[last lines]

Gavin: [on the phone with his wife] Hi, what're you doing? I'm coming home. Love you.

[smooches]

Gavin: Bye.

Barbara Rose: Have you ever made angry love?

Gavin: Is there any other way?

Gavin: Oliver, my father used to say that a man can never outdo a woman when it comes to love and revenge.

Gavin: There is no winning! Only degrees of losing!

[first lines]

Gavin: [Gavin is talking to a client] You have some valid reasons for wanting a divorce.

[blows his nose with a handkerchief]

Gavin: Excuse me. My sinuses are very sensitive to irritants.

[sprays nasal decongestant up his nostrils]

Gavin: In the past five months, I think I've breathed freely with both sides working maybe a week total.

[pulls a cigarette out of a pack]

Gavin: I gotta cut this out. It's gonna kill me.

[lights his cigarette]

Gavin: I hadn't smoked for thirteen years. I kept the last cigarette from my last pack. I said if I never smoked this one cigarette I'll never smoke again, period. Thirteen years I kept that cigarette.

[fetches a plastic case out of a drawer]

Gavin: I had this little case made for it.

[opens it and shows it to him]

Gavin: Thirteen years. And then, one Thursday afternoon, Barbara came to see me. And when she left...

Barbara Rose: Besides money...

[Barbara kicks off one of her heels and puts her foot in Gavin's crotch]

Barbara Rose: what would it take to get you to help me, Gavin?

Gavin: Come on, put your shoes on, Barbara. I haven't been into feet since '82.

Oliver Rose: What the hell is wrong with you?

Gavin: [cut to interior of Gavin's office] If you're with a woman for any length of time, eventually you'll ask her that question.

Gavin: At 15 I became an evolutionist; and it all became clear. We came from mud. And after 3.8 billion years of evolution, at our core is still mud. Nobody can be a divorce lawyer and doubt that.

Gavin: I should have seen her toes in the pit of my crotch as a cry for help.

Shmally: Well, i'll use my +1 throwing daggers so I know i'll hit.

Gavin: Where did you get +1 throwing daggers?

Shmally: From your mom!

Gavin: [after using his giant Hummer to run over some guy's car] This section of the lot is for Huns only, enema head.

Jackie O'Hara: So... Teddy fuckin' Timmons, huh? I heard you were back.

Teddy: Yeah.

Jackie O'Hara: You don't call me!

Teddy: Well, no, you see, Jackie, I-I just got back...

Jackie O'Hara: -What are you boys drinkin'? Hey, Shang, get a round in here will you?

Shang: [calls out] Sure, Jack.

Jackie O'Hara: Fuckin' Celtics, huh?

Teddy: I-I-I g-guess you've been hearin' stories about me, huh, Jackie?

Jackie O'Hara: I heard you was back was all.

Teddy: Well, let me tell ya. This is fuckin' hilarious, you're gunna piss your pants. Remember that Perez, that fuckin' spic from Dorchester? Remember him?

Jackie O'Hara: What, the little guy?

Teddy: R-remember you sent me and Gavin down to talk to him? Gavvy, you remember that?

Gavin: [nods] Sure, I remember that.

Teddy: So about a month ago these F.B.I. guys come to talk to me in the joint. And, I don't even talk to regular cops, ever, you know? Like when they came to me after I got busted for all that coke... And they said 'Jackie O' and I said 'I know the guy, but I don't work for anyone'.

Jackie O'Hara: Hey, thanks for that by the way.

Teddy: That's no problem, Jackie. So, these F.B.I. guys want to know about Perez 'cause they're building a case against him, right? You're going to love this. I say, 'You mean Junior Perez of Columbia Avenue in Dorchester, about five-two, got a fat-assed girlfriend that looks like a fuckin' pitbull?' They said yeah, and I said 'No, never heard of the guy'.

[everyone laughs]

Teddy: Right? So now they roll up their sleeves. They're not going nowhere. And I sit there for three hours, fuckin' sweatin', shakin'. I almost start cryin'. It's like fuckin' Academy Award time. Finally I break down. And you know, I tell 'em the truth. I-I'm like George fuckin' Washington, I cannot tell a lie. 'I know Perez, and I used to work for him.'. I-I give 'em Perez, that fat fuckin' Columbian prick Menendez, locations, everything. And then they come back to me, and they want me to testify. It's like Witness Protection bullshit, and i'm like, 'Fuck you. I'm not going into any Witness Protection bullshit fuckin' plan. Fuck that! We made a deal!'. So now this lawyer they gave me is all over 'em. I'm not even safe in the joint with the witness protection and shit, and they got no choice! They gotta let me go.

Jackie O'Hara: [pause, everyone looks at each other] Fuck! Can you believe that? Fuck!

Teddy: Yeah, I tell ya it was a fuckin' nightmare. Never trust those Feds, man, they fuckin' lie. I'm lucky to be here.

Jackie O'Hara: Yeah, fuckin' Feds. Cocksuckers, huh?

Red: Pricks.

Jackie O'Hara: They're in Boston looking for Puerto Ricans. In Washington they're stealing us blind!

Red: Absolutely right.

Jackie O'Hara: Hey, here's to Teddy.

[raises glass]

Jackie O'Hara: Welcome home!

[all toasting, shouting]

Jackie O'Hara: When the cops gonna learn, huh? This town don't talk. Especially this kid right here.

[points and playfully slaps Seamus]

Jackie O'Hara: A fuckin' chatterbox, the gift of gab, huh?

[everyone laughs]

Jackie O'Hara: Hey guys I gotta go. Katy's mother's cookin' dinner. Anyone got any rolaids?

[laughing]

Teddy: Hey, hey, Jackie, uh, we're cool, right?

Jackie O'Hara: Sure, sure, hey. Give me a call on the weekend. We got some work.

Gavin: Tommy knew he'd caught the virus, but he never knew he'd gone full-blown.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: What was it, pneumonia or cancer?

Gavin: No, toxoplasmosis. Sort of like a stroke.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Eh? How's that?

Gavin: He wanted to see Lizzy again. Lizzy wouldn't let him near the house. So he bought a present for her, bought her a kitten.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: But Lizzy told him where to fucking stick it.

Gavin: Exactly. "l'm not wantin' that cat," she says. "Get the fuck," right? So there's Tommy stuck with this kitten. You can imagine what happened. The thing was neglected... pissing and shitting all over the place. Tommy's lying about fucked out of his eyeballs... on smack or downers. He never knew you could get toxoplasmosis from cat shit.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Neither did l. What is it?

Gavin: Fucking horrible. It's like an abscess on your brain.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Fucking hell. Then what happened?

Gavin: He starts getting these headaches. So he just uses more smack, you know, for the pain. And then he has a stroke. A fucking stroke, just like that. Gets home from the hospital and dies three weeks later. He'd been dead for ages before the neighbors complained about the smell and got the police to break down the door. Tommy was lying facedown in a pool of vomit.

[long pause]

Gavin: The kitten was fine.

Gavin: I have all these characters inside my head and they want to live.

Melissa: I feel so dirty.

Gavin: That's how I like it.

Gavin: As soon as I got back, I just feel like... I feel like there's someone else there. And then last night, I thought I heard something, like a woman singing.

Melissa: What like a ghost? A singing ghost?

Gavin: I guess. And then I saw something; I actually ran into someone. I saw...

Melissa: Was it the singing ghost?

Gavin: It was a man.

Melissa: Oh.

Gavin: I think it was me.

Melissa: Your house is haunted by yourself?

Gavin: Hey.

[Susan holds up her finger to signal him to wait while she talks on the phone]

Gavin: No, I'll break your fucking finger!

Gavin: [to a cameraman following him] I'm not going to be your fucking puppet!

Streetwalker: Are you alright?

Gavin: Yeah, I'm fine.

Streetwalker: Who are you talking to?

Craig Morrison: I could use a good man with a tape measure, if you think you're up to it.

Gavin: It depends.

Craig Morrison: On what?

Gavin: Is this a paying job?

Craig Morrison: Depends.

Gavin: On what?

Craig Morrison: If you're any good or not.

Gavin: You know, when I leave home my missus won't even stand on the porch, let alone the observation deck at Heathrow.

Martijn: You're married?

Gavin: Well, why do you think I do all this traveling, huh?

Gavin: My mom likes me to be prepared. So I grabbed everything I thought we need find a ghost. Flashlights, rope, bubblegum, compass.

Toddster: Yeah, well, I hope you brought clean underwear. 'Cause Bayou Bob will make you...

Gavin: We are lost in the swamp having a close encounter of the bizarro kind. I say play the harp for the mud monkey.

Gavin: Hey, what if we made up a name? Sometimes it's cool to take half of two words and put them together. Like the first half of turtle and the last half of monkey.

Emily: That would be turkey. He's not a turkey.

Gavin: Cindy... um... as you know there's a royal masquerade ball this Friday...

Cindy: I know, it's a... it's at the castle.

Gavin: Right, of course you know. You might not want to be seen with me but...

Cindy: Well, I'm standing with you now, aren't I?

Gavin: Right, but would you want to be standing by me at the... no, of course you wouldn't...

Cindy: I wouldn't?

Gavin: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Dimitri: Oh, so that's what they told your mother when you were born.

Dimitri: [Enters wearing cape] Fear not fair princess, I am here to rescue you from those who have to actually work for a living. Consider me your blue eyed knight in shining...

Gavin: Velvet

[repeated line]

Gavin: Vincent we're brothers... we're friends... were brothers!

[repeated line]

Gavin: [strikes his brother with a cleaver] Vincent... I'm sorry... i'm sorry... Vincent!

[last lines]

The Creature: Like a virgin!

[last lines]

Sophie: [repeatedly as she stabs continously in his left eye] I'M NOT A FUCKING VIRGIN!

Gavin: [on his younger brother] It wasn't his fault... he was made that way

Gavin: for me the virgin Mary stood for comfort... but for Vincent all it stood for was pain

Gavin: lots of kids play with dead things... but for father Jacob he didn't like it so he punished Vincent only it didn't work

Gavin: father Jacob ended up locking Vincent in with the dogs treating him like an animal

Gavin: Bob, you're not seriously going to pack in 72 bottles of beer.

Bob: What, not enough? Don't worry, I brought hard stuff, too. And if all fails, there's rubbing alcohol in the first aid kit.

George: I love you, Gavin. Remember that...

Gavin: That's how it is.

Paul: I'm almost afraid to ask about the rest of your hopes and dreams.

Gavin: You know. Get married, have a family - the usual.

Paul: Hey, me, too, although I hear adopted children can be a... a real handful.

Gavin: Yeah, I know. I met a few and... I liked them.

Gavin: My mum says she's worth her weight in gold.

Jenny: Ooh, in that case, she must be very valuable indeed.