Garth Quotes in Mighty Joe Young (1998)

[At Strasser's estate in Africa, watching a news report on Joe, recently moved to a conservatory in California]

Andrei Strasser: My God... Pindi was right.

[Garth enters the room]

Andrei Strasser: He's beautiful. The most beautiful animal I ever seen.

Garth: And the most valuable, that's for sure.

[sits down, watches as Jill appears on screen]

Garth: Isn't that the...?

Andrei Strasser: Wait! Be quiet!

[Both men's expressions are of recognition as Jill is identified as the daughter of the primatologist they had killed twelve years earlier]

Garth: Bloody hell! That's him!

[pointing at the screen]

Garth: That's him, that's the little feller who bit your finger off!

[Strasser glances down at his mangled right hand, missing the thumb and index finger]

Andrei Strasser: I'm always amazed how, if you wait long enough, the opportunity for justice finally comes. Garth, book us two tickets to America. We are going to pay a visit to this incredible animal.

[smirking, puts a half-glove on his right hand]

Andrei Strasser: I think I know how to convince his current owners to part with him.

Garth: [after Strasser tried to shoot Jill] You're not a hunter. You're a murderer! And I don't want any part of this!

Garth: You jeopardize everything by coming here.

Violet: I don't have any place left to go, Garth. Besides, you have all my guns.

Garth: Why won't you ever let anyone in?

Violet: [darkly, speaking from a deep hurt] Because... these moments... as beautiful as they are... they're evil when they're gone.

Garth: And you - get me another roll of licorice!

Lilly: I told you, I don't hunt.

Garth: Here, maybe this'll help.

[pushes the fur out of her eyes]

Garth: Wow...

Lilly: 'Wow' what?

Garth: Your eyes, they're beautiful.

Eve: [to the eastern pack] I just want to say one thing, if any of you wolves have hurt my daughter I will personally rip out your eyes and shove them down your throat so you can see my claws tearing your carcass open!

[All the eastern wolves back away in fear]

Lilly: Uhh... mom?

Eve: Not now dear, mommy's in a rage.

Lilly: Well, well since Kate 'stood up' Garth, I could show him around until she gets back.

Garth: [Scoffs] I wouldn't say stood up.

Tony: [Off screen] Garth!

Garth: [Gulps] Sounds good to me.

Lilly: Well come on Garth.

Eve: [Growls at Garth] Aw, isn't that sweet? She gets it from me.

Garth: [about Humphrey] Who's the coyote?

Humphrey: "Who's the coyote?"... Oh, i get it. That's good... Cuz i'm like...

Kate: [Interrupting] No one important. Lilly, why don't you take little coyote Humphrey and run along?

Kate: [Kate and Garth are about to be married] I... can't.

Garth: You can't!

[Pumps his fist and sighs in relief]

Garth: I mean... you can't?

Tony: What's this, Winston? Why can't she marry Garth?

Winston: Quiet!

[Softly, to Kate]

Winston: Kate, why can't you marry Garth?

Kate: Because I, sort of, uh... fell in love with an Omega.

Garth: So, why's this called "Rabbit-Poo Mountain"?

Lilly: Because this is where rabbits like to poo.

Garth: Ewwww! Gross!

Lilly: [giggles] I was just kidding.

Garth: Whoa, i get it. You're a funny omega.

Lilly: Mhm.

Garth: Okay. Make me laugh!

Garth: Lilly, i just wanted to thank you. Ya know, for showing me around this place.

Lilly: You mean, you liked it?

Garth: Of course i liked hanging out with you. Hell, in fact, i don't remember having such a great time before. Especially with a girl.

Lilly: [giggles shyly] Well, i'm glad you had fun, Garth.

Hood 1: Hey, who do you think you are, huh?

Garth: Just a dumb kid, Hub. Don't kill him.

Hub: [to Garth] Right.

[Grabs Hood 1 by the throat]

Hub: I'm Hub McCann. I've fought in two World Wars and countless smaller ones on three continents. I led thousands of men into battle with everything from horses and swords to artillery and tanks. I've seen the headwaters of the Nile, and tribes of natives no white man had ever seen before. I've won and lost a dozen fortunes, KILLED MANY MEN and loved only one woman with a passion a FLEA like you could never begin to understand. That's who I am. NOW, GO HOME, BOY!

Garth: The Sheik *knew* that he would sure die now, without even the right to beg for mercy... But Hub just said "Twice I have held your life in my hands. And twice I have given it back to you. The next time..."

Young Hub: Your life is mine!

[Hub and Garth are getting ready to shoot at a traveling salesman]

Walter: Why not see what he's sellin'?

Hub: What the hell for?

Walter: Well what's the good of having all that money if you're never gonna spend it?

Garth: Could be the kid has a point.

Hub: Well. We'll see what the man's sellin'. THEN we'll shoot him.

Garth: Good plan.

Garth: Look, we don't know nothing about children, so if you need something...

Hub: [interrupts] -find it yourself. Better yet: learn to do with out.

Hub: WE'RE OLD, DAMNIT! LEAVE US ALONE!

Garth: The last thing we need is some little sissy boy hanging around all summer

Walter: Is it okay if I go inside and watch television?

Garth: Ain't got one.

Walter: No television?

Garth: [after Walter leaves] Salesman should be by in about three, four hours.

Hub: Whoop-de-do.

Walter: What's wrong with him?

Garth: Well, a man's body may grow old, but inside his spirit can still be as young and as restless as ever.

Garth: And him - in his day, he had more spirit than twenty men.

Garth: Hey! You, in the crate! Get your lion butt outta there!

Walter: What happened to her?

Garth: Looks like her heart gave out in all the excitement. She was plenty old, you know.

Walter: Look, I think she's smiling.

Garth: I guess she died happy.

Hub: She died with her boots on, that's the main thing.

Garth: Protecting her cub.

Walter: She was a real lion, wasn't she, there at the end? A real jungle lion. A real Africa lion.

Garth: [sarcastic] That's SOME lion you bought.

Hub: Huh. SOME garden seeds YOU bought!

[last lines]

Garth: Hey, how do you like the new wheels?

Dick Harper: Nice.

Garth: Hooked up with a new company. Great benefits.

Dick Harper: Yeah?

Garth: Yeah. They trade energy. It's called Enron!

Dick Harper: Huh.

Honey Horne: So Garth, would you like to have dinner some night?

Garth: Oh, I like to have dinner every night.

Honey Horne: I'll bet you like to be in control. Tell me.

Garth: Well, um, when I was 17, my little sister tried to borrow my Def Leppard record. I said, "No way!".

Garth: Wayne, we don't wanna end the movie this way, do we?

Wayne: Good call. Let's do the "Thelma and Louise" ending!

Wayne: Garth, it's Heather Locklear. And she's signaling to us! There is a god!

Garth: Heather be thy name.

Wayne, Garth: Scwiiiiiiiiing!

Wayne: Here we are, at Piccadilly Circus!

Garth: Wow, what a shitty circus.

Wayne: Good call. There's no animals or clowns! What a ripoff!

Wayne: Okay, you've probably already noticed by now that we're on a little early tonight.

Garth: Usually at this time on Aurora cable, you're watching "Plant World".

Wayne: But they didn't want our 10:30 time slot. But we were able to talk "Plant World" into changing with "Cooking World".

Garth: Although they didn't want to change at first.

Wayne: But fortunately, "White Supremacy World" was cancelled, and all the trades worked out

Garth: How can you sleep like that?

Del Preston: Listen, sonny Jim. Sleeping like this will add ten years to your life. I learned it from Keith Richards when I toured with the Stones. This may be the reason why Keith cannot be killed by conventional weapons.

Honey Horne: I'm going to be frank.

Garth: OK. Can I still be Garth?

Concert Nerd #1: Aren't you those two guys from that TV show, Wayne's World?

Wayne: No.

Concert Nerd #2: Well, you guys sure look like them.

Garth: Look, if Wayne says we're not, we're not, okay?

Jerry Segel: What? Is something wrong?

Wayne: What do you mean?

Jerry Segel: It's my eye, isn't it.

Garth: Why would we want to look at your eye? Is there something wrong with that... weird... eye?

Jerry Segel: There's nothing wrong with my eye. This one just has no pigment. I'm what you call a partial ocular albino, but I'm fine with it. I have perfect 20/20 vision with both eyes. You're serious about putting on a rock concert?

Wayne: Are you kidding? I'd give my right eye.

Jerry Segel: You realise there are certain jurisdictions you'll need to follow.

Garth: I'd like to think I have an eye for details.

Garth: Ok, we've had some word that there is some bad red rope licorice circulating in the crowd. Please stay away from the red rope licorice. Do not bite any off or chew it. It could cause a dental emergency...

Del Preston: Alright, ladies and gentlemen. It takes two people to run a concert: one back stage, and one out front. One man alone cannot do this. Wayne, you will run the backstage team. Milton, you are my liaison between Wayne's backstage team and Garth's front-stage team which includes myself in the booth. To the left and right of the stage are machine-gun pillboxes, M-60 Browning. Now these babies tend to heat up so shoot in 3 second bursts. In the event of capture I will personally distribute these cyanide capsules to be placed under the tongue like so.

[Places a capsule in his mouth]

Del Preston: Any questions?

Garth: Yes, I have a question. When did you turn into a nutbar?

Honey Horne: Take me, Garth!

Garth: Where? I'm low on gas and you need a jacket.

Wayne: Excuse me, what are you guys doing here in the middle of the street?

Chicken-man: Well, I'm putting these chickens in crates, and stacking them right here. Jim's job is to make sure we always have plenty of watermelons.

Wayne: Oh, so you're selling watermelons.

Jim: No, no sir. We just have to make sure we have plenty of them stacked at all times, just like with these here chickens.

Garth: What do these guys do?

Chicken-man: Well, their job is to walk back and forth with this big plate-glass window every couple of minutes.

Garth: Weird.

Wayne: Yeah, you've got to wonder if this is gonna pay off later on.

Wayne: Where are you going?

Garth: Mikitas. Aren't you coming?

Wayne: No, I'll just embarrass you. I'll just stay here and lick the cat's butt.

Garth: Okay.

Milton: I hate my father. I hate my life. But I feel great! You guys are great. I'm gonna go pick a fight.

Wayne: He's gotten a lot better.

Garth: Way better.

Del Preston: Did he have a naked Indian?

Wayne: Yes.

Garth: Wow.

Del Preston: I have to ask, didn't you think it was a trifle unnecessary to see the crack in the indians bottom.

Wayne: Yes, absolutely

Del Preston: I had the same dream.

Garth: A *sphincter* says *what?*

Bobby Cahn: ...I'm supposed to say what... like I don't get it right?

Garth: [nervously;adressing crowd] ... We-Welcome to A-Aurora...

Guy in Crowd: [yells] Eat me!

Garth: ...not just a town, but a st-state of mind.

Garth: Nice to meet you, Miss Horny.

Honey Horne: That's *Horné*. It's French.

Garth: God, Handsome Dan is so cool. He must get a million chicks. I bet he's totally studly and buffed.

Wayne: With a voice like that, man, he's got to be a babe magnet.

Del Preston: Woodstock? That was quite a show, man.

Garth: You were at Woodstock?

Wayne: Excellent! What was it like?

Del Preston: It rained all morning, and then it cleared up in the afternoon. And that's it, I almost remembered something else, but it's gone.

Garth: So, did Jim Morrison give you Del Preston's exact address?

Wayne: Yeah, he said EXACTLY London, England.

Garth: Uh, Wayne, you know, I don't think you should mention that Jim Morrison thing anymore. It's just that people have started to talk, you know. They're saying things like, "Hey, there goes Garth and his friend Wayne... the psychopath."

Garth: Wow. Look at this scrapbook.

Wayne: Wow!

Garth: That's you with Led Zeppelin.

Del Preston: Yeh. My old lady put that together. We must've toured every concert hall and venue in America. Me, my old lady, and the road.

Wayne: Is that you and Bob Dylan? Who's that old lady?

Del Preston: That's my old lady.

Garth: [the morning after Honey seduces Garth. Garth comes out of the bathroom holding a smoking pipe. He speaks with a posh British accent] Good morning, Darling! I trust you slept well? I hope I wasn't too much of an animal?

Honey Horne: [Honey wearing a white night dress raises her arms and holds grapes in her right hand] Come. Hold me.

Garth: You know I will.

[Garth puffs on his smoking pipe and blows bubbles]

Garth: Party on!

Honey Horne: Take me, Garth.

Garth: Where? I am low on gas and you need a jacket.

Honey Horne: I am gonna be frank.

Garth: Okay. Can I still be Garth?

Honey Horne: Shut up and kiss me!

Garth: [Honey pulls Garth towards her and kisses him. Garth is floating in the air. Honey lets go of Garth and Garth drops and hits the floor hard. Honey picks up Garth and carries him in her arms and carries him into the bedroom to have sex] Can I have some coco later?

[Garth hits his head and groans]

Garth: [the telephone rings, Jaffar, who is sleeping with a mistress, answers it] Hello?

Queen: Did I wake you?

Garth: No.

Queen: Are you alone?

Garth: No, I am in bed with a beautiful woman.

Queen: Don;t tease, even in fun.

Garth: I just spoke to our friend in France, something's,come up, and he plans to visit Uncle Idris.

[King Haroak is listening to the conversation, which is being taped in a separate surveillance room]

Queen: So soon?

Garth: Evidently, he had no alternative.

Queen: Rumor has it that the king is returning to the city tomorrow.

Garth: Good; this place is getting a little too close to Uncle Idris for comfort.

Queen: Will I see you tomorrow?

Garth: Of course, good night.

[the Queen hangs up her phone]

Garth: Why don't you play magic digit?

Damon: Hey Garth, check out this magic digit

[flips Garth the bird]

Garth: [reviewing children] Fred Tate, 7 years old, 2nd grader at Eisenhower Elementary School. He writes poetry, paints in both oils and water, plays the piano at competition level, all the while maintaining what appear to be unlimited skills in math and physics. Can't explain it Jane, I mean, it's not so much what he knows, but - what he understands.

Garth: Lots of trials we rode together, Cord. Lots of things I learned from you.

John Cord: You can forget 'em.

Garth: Some things a man doesn't forget, like John Cord's rule for a herd-drinking special - always carry your own keg of whiskey. Let the men break it open in camp to let off some steam. Keeps them from werecking an innocent town.

John Cord: I don't seem to remember that at the trial.

Garth: Nothing to it, Cord. Betwen us we could build the biggest cattle empire this country has ever seen.

John Cord: I'm not interested in cattle empires, but for the Fort Clemson drive, you got yourself a trail boss.

Garth: Got your rump in two saddles at once, huh? Aren't you spreadin' your influence a little too far?

John Cord: Keep your herd pointed due East. You should hit Horse Thief Creek in about ten days.

Garth: Where are you taking them?

John Cord: Northeast.

Garth: The Dismal River... it's bone dry, isn't it?

John Cord: No. They'll be able to smell it. It's too thin to plow and too thick to drink.

Garth: Those cows will go berzerk.