Friday Quotes in Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Friday: [after Iron Man is attacked by Scarlet Witch] Multiple contusions detected.

Iron Man: Yeah, I detected that too...

Friday: You can't beat him hand-to-hand!

Iron Man: [as Cap batters him relentlessly] Analyze his fight pattern!

Friday: Scanning... Countermeasures ready.

Iron Man: [blocks Cap's shield attack] Let's kick his ass!

Friday: Targeting systems knackered, boss.

Draper: How Long have you had these things on?

Friday: Sixty-two years.

Draper: How old are you?

Friday: Seventy eight.

Robinson Crusoe: How can you worship a banana?

Friday: Worship any way you like. So long as you mean it, the god won't mind.

Robinson Crusoe: You can swim?

Friday: Only in the water.

Friday: I thought you said white man could not be killed by gun because of science magic.

Robinson Crusoe: I laid that spell myself, Friday, so I can take it off when I like.

Friday: The Romans *used* to live in Italty shaped like a boot?

Robinson Crusoe: Correct.

Friday: Where do the Romans live now?

Robinson Crusoe: The Romans are all dead now. but that's not the point about the Romans. The point about the Romans is they had a great deal of *education*.

Friday: I feel sorry for the Romans.

Robinson Crusoe: When we first met you were nothing but a savage, but I have educated you.

Friday: When I first met you, you were a killer possessed by demons and I taught you how to sing and dance. Not very well, but I taught you that much at least. And your head was full of nothing but your own power, your own guilt, and the fear of a cruel god. But perhaps I was a very bad teacher, because your head is still full of thoughts of power and guilt and fear.

Friday: There is not enough love on this island.

Robinson Crusoe: Love... What do you suggest? We should pray for a boatload of women to be shipwrecked on the beach?

Friday: You're not dancing at all. Only your feet are dancing.

Robinson Crusoe: What am I supposed to bloody dance with?

Friday: I think you are starting to sing, Master. But I do not think it is a true song.

Friday: Look out. Muppets!

Captain Gannon: Frank won't be coming into work today Joe.

Friday: 24 hour virus?

Captain Gannon: Or tomorrow.

Friday: 48 hour?

Captain Gannon: Frank quit, moved to Ukiah, bought a goat farm...

Pep Streebeck: Are you crazy? Silvia Wiss wanted you!

Friday: Now let me tell you something, Streebeck. There are two things that clearly differentiate the human species from animals. One, we use cutlery. Two, we're capable of controlling our sexual urges. Now, you might be an exception, but don't drag me down into your private Hell.

Pep Streebeck: You've got a lot of repressed feelings, don't you, Friday? Must be what keeps your hair up.

Friday: Can you tell me how much a monthly run of your "magazine" is worth?

Jerry Caesar: Well, let's just thay it's more money than you'll ever thee in your life. And I do that every month.

Friday: At least my money is clean.

Jerry Caesar: Tell you what you can do, Friday, before you go home and thtart polithing your pennieth. Why don't you go out there and get my magathineth back on the thtandth where they belong?

Friday: Listen, hotshot. I'm gonna tell you something right now. I don't care for you or for the putrid sludge you're troweling out. But until they change the laws and put you sleaze kings out of business, my job is to help you get back your stench ridden boxes of smut. And since I'll be doing it holding my nose, I'll be doing it with one hand.

[Friday's car was stolen]

Friday: With the exception of you and canned cling peaches I'd be hard pressed to find anyone or anything that doesn't know you should never leave your car keys in the ignition.

Pep Streebeck: It's called a mistake, Friday, but I don't suppose you ever make any of those, do you?

Captain Gannon: Friday, Streebeck, we got another one. Chemical train hijack down at the freight yards. Damn Pagans must be living on No-Doz!

Friday: Yessir, Captain. We'll roll as soon as we requisition a new...

Captain Gannon: Oh, one more thing. Police and fire departments all over the county have been reporting vehicles stolen. So keep an eye on your car!

Sylvia Wiss: [pulls her top off] Do these look like the breasts of a forty year old woman?

Friday: No ma'am. They're quite impressive... bordering on spectacular.

[on a multi-lane highway, traffic all around is passing and sounding horns]

Pep Streebeck: You know, uh, Friday, we're allowed to go 55... On some occasions, even faster.

Friday: I'm well aware of the federally mandated speed limit, Streebeck. But, did it ever occur to you that, by going eight miles an hour slower, we might save some gasoline and ease the burden on the poor taxpayers out there who pay our salaries?

Pep Streebeck: Friday, a little extra gas isn't gonna put the city in hock; besides, this looks bad! Come on, live a little - it's the vertical pedal on the right.

Pep Streebeck: Well, what a pleasant surprise... Grannie Friday...

Friday: Not that it's any of your business, she's my maternal grandmother, her name is Mundy.

Friday: But that's all Greek to you, isn't it, Mr. Gingivitis?

Friday: [on a motorcycle with Pep] Streebeck, there's no road here!

Friday: [to Pep] They ought to transfer you to Missing Persons, Streebeck. You know everybody.

Caesar Mansion intercom: Oh, thank God, vibrator repair!

Friday: No, ma'am, LAPD. Sorry.

[after kissing Mike Hammer]

Friday: You don't taste like anyone I know.

Friday: Who are you?

Mike Hammer: Who am I? Who are you?

Friday: I'm Friday. I'd have been named Tuesday if I'd been born on Tuesday. I'm Carl's sister, half-sister. Same mother, different father. You know, you're not like the others - Carl's friends, I mean.

Mike Hammer: Maybe that's because I'm not his friend.

Friday: Oh, wonderful. Then you can be my friend, all mine; nothing to do with Carl.

Friday: Will you be my friend?

Mike Hammer: What do I have to do?

Friday: I want to be a close friend. Ask me something.

Mike Hammer: And no matter what it is, the answer's 'yes', isn't it?

Friday: Maybe.

Mike Hammer: Let's see how good you are at spelling. Can you spell the word "no"?

Friday: N-O spells "no."

Mike Hammer: That's a good girl. Now you practice saying that. Because one of the best ways to be friendly is to know when to say no.