Friar Tuck Quotes in Robin Hood (2010)

Friar Tuck: So why do they call you 'Little John'?

Little John: What are you tryin' to get at? I'm proportionate!

Friar Tuck: [regarding his bees] I keep them and they keep me.

Friar Tuck: This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption. Let us give praise to our maker and glory to his bounty by learning about... BEER.

Friar Tuck: By the power vested in me, of God's holy church, I say let any man who has reason why these two should not be joined, let him speak now or forever hold his peace.

[silence]

Friar Tuck: Then, I now pronounce you...

King Richard: Hold, I speak!

[Everyone turns around to see knights coming]

Marian: Richard!

[Everyone, except Marian and a confused Azeem, bows]

King Richard: I will not allow this wedding to proceed...

Robin Hood: [gets up] My lord...

King Richard: ...unless I'm allowed to give the bride away! You look radiant, cousin.

Marian: Oh, Richard.

[they exchange kisses on the cheeks]

Robin Hood: I'm deeply honored, your majesty.

King Richard: It is I who is honored, Lord Locksley. Thanks to you, I still have a throne. Friar, proceed!

Friar Tuck: Husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.

Robin Hood: I know that.

[They kiss, and everyone cheers. The camera shifts to the Friar, who breaks the fourth wall and looks at the camera]

Friar Tuck: Now, get out of it! We're wasting good celebration time!

Friar Tuck: So, you sold your soul to Satan, Your Grace? You accused innocent men of witchcraft and let them die!

Bishop of Hereford: Brother Friar, you would not strike a fellow man of the cloth?

Friar Tuck: No, no, I wouldn't. In fact, I'll help you pack for your journey.

[weighs the Bishop down with several heavy sacks]

Friar Tuck: You're going to need lots of gold to help you on your way - you're a very rich man, eh? This too, and that!

[holds up one last bag]

Friar Tuck: Here's thirty pieces of silver, to pay the Devil... ON YOUR WAY TO HELL!

[shoves the Bishop to his death out a window]

Will Scarlett: It was your anger that drove them apart! It's not a lie! You ruined my life! I have more reason to hate you than anyone. But I found myself daring to believe you. What I want to know brother, is will you stay with us and finish what you've started?

Robin Hood: I have a brother? I have a brother!

[hugs and holds Will]

Robin Hood: So I'll stand with you, side by side. Until the end.

Bull: Until the end!

Little John: We are all bloody in!

Friar Tuck: Damn buggers!

Robin Hood: We finish this.

Friar Tuck: Let us open a bottle and do our best to save each other's souls.

Azeem: Alas, I am not permitted.

Friar Tuck: Fine then, you talk, I'll drink.

Robin Hood: Do you yield?

Friar Tuck: I'd rather roast in hell.

Friar Tuck: [singing drunkenly] Old King Richard's gone to war, loves his wine and warring/But for those of us who stay at home, there's only beer and whoring/Play the music, dance the day, think not on tomorrow...

Guy of Gisborne: FRIAR! I'm sure you shall find it much more difficult to sing with a sword in your gullet!

Friar Tuck: Yes, my lord.

[laughs, to himself]

Friar Tuck: You pig.

Little John: It'll take all the deer in Sherwood Forest to fill that belly!

Friar Tuck: And twice that to fill your empty head!

Little John: You'll sweat the lard out of that fat carcass of yours before this day is over, my pudgy friend.

Friar Tuck: And I hope some Norman sword whittles you down to size.

Friar Tuck: Welcome to hell!

Friar Tuck: [Robin and two outlaws have their swords at Tuck's throat] So you'll be Robert Hode then?

Friar Tuck: [Swings his sword at Robin Hood] Shall I bless you now or when you're dead?

Maid Marian: Just what do you think you are doing?

Robin Hood: Getting up.

Maid Marian: You are not. Come now, a sup of barley broth.

Robin Hood: I'm sick to death of barley broth. And once more I've been bullied long enough by you and that turniped faced friar.

Friar Tuck: Hmph!

Maid Marian: Now you drink this!

Robin Hood: You drink it!

Friar Tuck: [sits on Robin Hood so he can't move] Pour it down his throat.

Friar Tuck: [the Sheriff has taken the only coin from the Poor Box, and Friar Tuck is furious] You thieving scoundrel!

Sheriff of Nottingham: Now, take it easy, Friar, I'm just doing my duty.

Friar Tuck: Collecting taxes for that arrogant, greedy, ruthless, no-good Prince John?

Sheriff of Nottingham: Listen, Friar, you're mighty preachy and you're gonna preach your neck right into a hangman's noose.

Friar Tuck: [shouts] Get out of my church! Out! Out! Out! Out!

[pushes the Sheriff out into the rain]

Friar Tuck: You want taxes? I'll give you taxes!

[begins assaulting the Sheriff]

Little John: You're burning the chow!

Robin Hood: Sorry, Johnny. Guess I was thinking about Maid Marian again. I can't help it. I love her, Johnny.

Little John: Look, why don't you stop moonin' and mopin' around? - Just - Just marry the girl.

Robin Hood: Marry her? You don't just walk up to a girl, hand her a bouquet and say, "Hey, remember me? We were kids together. Will you marry me?" No. It just isn't done that way.

Little John: Aw, come on, Robbie. Climb the castle walls. Sweep her off her feet. Carry her off in style.

Robin Hood: It's no use, Johnny. I've thought it all out, and... it just wouldn't work. Besides, what have I got to offer her?

Little John: Well, for one thing, you can't cook.

Robin Hood: I'm serious, Johnny. She's a highborn lady of quality.

Little John: So she's got class? So what?

Robin Hood: I'm an outlaw, that's what. That's no life for a lovely lady. Always on the run. What kind of a future is that?

Friar Tuck: Oh, for heaven's sake, son. You're no outlaw. Why, someday you'll be called a great hero.

Robin Hood: A hero? Do you hear that, Johnny? We've just been pardoned.

Little John: That's a gas. We ain't even been arrested yet.

Friar Tuck: Alright, laugh, you two rouges, but there's gonna be a big to-do in Nottingham.

[tastes the stew and coughs]

Friar Tuck: Well done, ain't it? Old Prince John's having a championship archery tournament tomorrow.

Little John: Archery tournament? Huh! Old Rob could win that standing on his head. Huh, Rob?

Robin Hood: Thank you, Little John, but I'm sure we're not invited.

Friar Tuck: No, but there's somebody who will be very dissapointed if you don't come.

Little John: Yeah, ol' Bushel Britches, the Honorable Sheriff of Nottingham.

Friar Tuck: No, Maid Marian.

Robin Hood: Maid Marian?

Friar Tuck: Yeah. She's gonna give a kiss to the winner.

[laughs]

Robin Hood: A kiss to the winner? Oodelaly! Come on, Johnny! What are we waiting for?

Friar Tuck: Wait a minute, Rob. Hold it. That place will be crawling with soldiers.

Robin Hood: Ah, but remember faint hearts never won fair lady. Fear not, my friends.

[he shoots an arrow, it ricochets off a washing tub; Robin then throws his hat in the air, where it is ran through by the arrow and lands back on his head]

Robin Hood: This will be my greatest performance.

Friar Tuck: Little John? It can't be.

Little John: [unchains Friar Tuck] Shh. Quiet, we're busting out here.

Friar Tuck: Thank God. My prayers have been answered.

Little John: [singing] All the world will sing of an English king a thousand years from now / And not because he's passed some law or had that lofty brow / While bonnie good King Richard leads the Great Crusade he's on / We'll all have to slave away for good for nothing, John / Incredible as he is inept / Whenever the history books are kept, they'll call him the Phony King of England.

Friar Tuck: [singing] A pox on the Phony King of England.

Sheriff of Nottingham: It smarts, don't it, Otto? But Prince John says if taxes should hurt.

Friar Tuck: [shouts] Now, see here, you evil, flint-hearted leech-!

Sheriff of Nottingham: Now, now, now, now! Save your sermin, preacher. It ain't Sunday, you know.

Friar Tuck: Praise the Lord, and pass the tax rebate!

Sheriff of Nottingham: Well, greetings from your friendly neighborhood tax collector.

Otto: Oh, take it easy on me, Sheriff. What with this busted leg and all, I'm way behind on my work, Sheriff.

Sheriff of Nottingham: I know, Otto, but you're way behind on your taxes too.

Friar Tuck: Oh, have a heart, Sheriff. Can't you see he's laid up?

Mother Church Mouse: Friar Tuck, we've saved this. It's not much, but please take it for the poor.

Friar Tuck: Your last farthing? Oh, Little Sister, no one can give more than that!

[deposits farthing into the poor box]

Friar Tuck: Bless you both!

Father Saxton: Oh, we were just saving it for a rainy day.

Friar Tuck: Well, it's raining now!

Robin Hood: That's all of them. Get going!

Little John: This ain't no hayride. Let's move it outta here. Ho!

Friar Tuck: On to Sherwood Forest!

Robin Hood: They've turned us into heroes, Johnny. Will, you didn't make it up.

Will Scarlett: These songs, I don't know where they come from, but you hear them everywhere. We go from town to town and ...

Robin Hood: What do you do for a living?

Friar Tuck: While I take confessions, he takes the horses.

Will Scarlett: And everywhere we go, they want to hear about the things you did.

Robin Hood: We didn't do them.