Franz Liebkind Quotes in The Producers (2005)

Franz Liebkind: Stand still! How can I shoot you if you keep moving!

Leo Bloom: Elizabeth?

Franz Liebkind: Ja. Not many people know this, but the fuhrer was descended from a long line of English queens.

Max Bialystock: [after a long pause] Is that right?

Franz Liebkind: Ze penalty for braking ze Siegfried Oath is DESS!

Max Bialystock: Dess? Is that anything like death?

Franz Liebkind: YETH!

Franz Liebkind: The Fuhrer wasn't a mousy little mama's boy! The Fuhrer was BUTCH!

Franz Liebkind: I was never a member of the Nazi Party! I only followed orders. I had nothing to do with the war! I didn't even know there was a war on. We lived in the back, right across from Switzerland. All we heard was yodelling... yoodle le he hoo

Franz Liebkind: I must tell my birds!

Franz Liebkind: That is not how you sing Haben Sie geh^rt das Deutsche band! This is how you sing Haben Sie geh^rt das Deutsche band!

Franz Liebkind: [while waving a gun around] You made a fool of Hitler!

Carmen Ghia, Roger De Bris: [Carmen and Roger peer over the couch where they are hiding] He didn't need our help.

Franz Liebkind: You know, not many people know zis, but der F¸hrer was a terrific dancer.

Max Bialystock: Really? Gee, we didn't know that, did we, Leo?

Leo Bloom: No, we sure didn't.

Franz Liebkind: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU WERE TAKEN IN BY THE BBC! Filthy British lies! But did they ever say a bad word about Winston Churchill? CHURCHILL!

[gags]

Franz Liebkind: With his cigars, and his brandy, and his ROTTEN paintings! ROTTEN! Hitler, there was a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in one afternoon! Two coats!

Leo Bloom, Max Bialystock, Carmen Ghia, Roger De Bris: Break a leg!

[CRASH!]

Max Bialystock: Franz, what happened?

Franz Liebkind: I broke my leg!

Franz Liebkind: You sniveling cowards! Cringing under a desk. Clinging on for life like baby butterflies. Franz Liebkind will show you how to die like a man!

Franz Liebkind: [points gun to his own head and attempts to kill himself but is unsuccessful] Yada. Mmm yada! Boy, when things go wrong!

[he throws the gun onto the couch and a bullet shoots out]

Franz Liebkind: [making Max and Leo take the Siegfried Oath] All right. First you will raise your right forefingers, und repeat after me.

[they do]

Franz Liebkind: I solemnly svear...

Leo Bloom, Max Bialystock: [holding up their forefingers] I solemnly svear...

Franz Liebkind: To obey ze Zacred Siegfried Oas...

Leo Bloom, Max Bialystock: To obey ze Zacred Siegfried Oas...

Franz Liebkind: Und!

Max Bialystock: [switching to his Middle Finger] Und!

Leo Bloom: [switching to his Middle Finger] Und!

Franz Liebkind: [wagging his finger] Never, Never, Never!

Leo Bloom, Max Bialystock: [flipping Franz off] Never, Never, Never

Franz Liebkind: Dishoner ze spirit und ze memory of Adolph Elizabeth Hitler

Leo Bloom, Max Bialystock: Dishonor the spirit und ze... Elizabeth?

Franz Liebkind: Jah. Dat vas his middle name. Not many people know zis, but der F¸hrer vas descended from a long line of English qveens.

[long pause]

Max Bialystock: Is that right?

Leo Bloom, Max Bialystock: [shrugging] Adolph ELIZABETH Hitler.

Franz Liebkind: [at end of credits] Don't forget to buy "Mein Kampf" in paper back. Avaliable near you... at Borders Books... or Barnes and Noble... und Amazon.com

[With one leg already broken Franz Liebkind falls down the stairs]

Officer O'Rourke: [Calling down the stairs] What happened?

Franz Liebkind: I broke... the other leg!

Franz Liebkind: [at end of credits] Don"t forget to buy "Mein Kampf" in paper back. At Borders Books or Barnes and Knoble, or Amazon.com

Franz Liebkind: Hilda, where are you going? Argentina's that way!

Franz Liebkind: Broadway! I haven't been so happy since we crushed Poland!

Franz Liebkind: This is no good. I'm not killing anybody. YOU MUST CO OPERATE!

Max Bialystock: [patting Franz comfortingly] There, there.

Franz Liebkind: Where? Where?

Franz Liebkind: AQAP!

[beat]

Franz Liebkind: As quick as possible!

Max Bialystock: Franz Liebkind?

Franz Liebkind: I was not a member of the Nazi party!

Franz Liebkind: Nein.

Max Bialystock: Nein?

Franz Liebkind: No.

Max Bialystock: That's what nein means.

[preparing to perform "The Guten Tag Hop-Clop"]

Franz Liebkind: First, you must roll up your pants.

Max Bialystock: Okay.

[He and Leo begin to roll up their pant legs]

Franz Liebkind: Rolling?

Max Bialystock: Rolling.

Franz Liebkind: Rolling?

Max Bialystock: Rolling.

Franz Liebkind: Come on, don't be stingy! Show some LEG!

Max Bialystock: Franz Liebkind?

[Franz slams his back against the pigeon roost]

Franz Liebkind: [yells] I vaz never a member of the Nazi party! I had nossing to do vith the var! I didn't even know there vas a var on! Vee lived in zee back... near Svitzerland! All vee ever heard vas yodeling!

[Max and Leo have just left after agreeing to produce Franz's play]

Franz Liebkind: Vatt nice guys! Oh... Broadvay! I haven't been zis happy since vee crushed Poland!

Franz Liebkind: [sung] Guten Tag clap clap / Guten Tag slap slap.

Franz Liebkind: Hitler... there was a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in ONE afternoon! TWO coats!

Lady: [during the Springtime for Hitler performance] Will you please, shut up!

Franz Liebkind: You shut up! You are the audience! I am the author! I OUTRANK you!

Franz Liebkind: Not many people know it, but the Fuhrer was a terrific dancer.

Franz Liebkind: Baby! Baby!... Why does he say this "baby"? The Führer has never said "baby". I did not write, "baby". What is it with this, "baby"?

Franz Liebkind: [runs backstage to try to stop the play]

Stagehand: Hey, what can I do for you?

Franz Liebkind: You will please be unconscious.

[hits him on the head]

Franz Liebkind: Der Führer does not say, "Achtung, baby."

Franz Liebkind: Gentlemen. Ve have here a technical problem. Hmm? I do not know if vat ve have here is ze quick burning fuse or ze slow buring fuse. Ja, ja, I must find zis out.

[snips dynamite fuse]

Franz Liebkind: Zis is critical.

[lights fuse with match]

Franz Liebkind: Ha ha ha, ja ja, you see zis? You see zis here vat I have told you? Yeah, zis is an example of smartness here. I have said that zis is ze quick fuse. Huh? And zis IS ze quick fuse.

[pause]

All: THE QUICK FUSE!

[explosion]

[holding a gun to his head]

Franz Liebkind: Soon, I shall be with mein Führer... and Himmler. I'm coming to join you boys!

Max Bialystock: Listen. Every night people are laughing at your beloved Fuhrer. Why?

Franz Liebkind: It's that L.S.D., und his verdampter "babies"!

Max Bialystock: Have I ever steered you wrong?

Franz Liebkind: Always.

Max Bialystock: Never mind.

Leo Bloom: There, there.

Franz Liebkind: [crying] Where, where?