Frank Beardsley Quotes in Yours, Mine & Ours (2005)

Helen North: So... How many kids do you have?

Frank Beardsley: Uh... How many kids do you have?

Helen North: You first

Frank Beardsley: Okay, look. You're going to find out eventually because there's too many to hide in the closet. I have eight kids.

Helen North: [laughs] I have ten.

Frank Beardsley: You have ten?

Helen North: I have ten.

[laughs]

Frank's Kids: Ten kids?

Frank Beardsley: Hey, guys. Guys! It'll be fun... Having ten new brothers and sisters.

Helen North: We don't spank our children.

Michael Beardsley: The admiral does.

Frank Beardsley: Occasionally. A little pat on the butt sends a clear message.

Helen North: Well you're not spanking my children.

Frank Beardsley: I thought they were our children.

Helen North: You're not spanking our children.

Frank Beardsley: Okay, fine. Let's just let them all run naked and wild.

Kids: Yay!

Otter Beardsley: I get the top bunk 'cause I'm older.

Ely Beardsley: By two minutes.

Frank Beardsley: When I was in, I always had the bottom bunk?

Otter Beardsley: Did the guy above you wet his bed?

Frank Beardsley: Good point. Sound off.

Kelly Beardsley: Three, four. Do they have girls' boxing at our new school?

Frank Beardsley: I hope not.

[last lines]

Frank Beardsley: Leave the rest at the beep.

Frank Beardsley: So then I asked her to marry me.

Helen North: And I said "yes".

Frank's Kids: What?

Helen North: Oh, it was spontaneous and so romantic.

William Beardsley: You got married?

Christina Beardsley: Without telling us?

Frank Beardsley: Yeah, yeah.

William Beardsley: At least when you were re-assigned at Guam, there was an e-mail.

[first lines]

Frank Beardsley: Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Move it! Move it! Move it!

Ethan: Move it! Move it! Move it!

Frank Beardsley: That means you too, Ethan. Head ashore, Sailor.

Ethan: Aye-aye! Head ashore.

Frank Beardsley: William, what have you got there?

William Beardsley: Academy applications, S.A.T. forms, Capital Summer Hill entry forms, and the number of the girl two houses down.

Frank Beardsley: [asked his eldest son, William, of what he is holding of entering in their new home] Outstanding!

William Beardsley: One, two.

Frank Beardsley: Well, Mrs. Munion, what do you think about Connecticut?

Mrs. Munion: I'm delighted to be here the birth place of Lyme disease.

Frank Beardsley: Don't worry, you'll soon be doing this in your sleep.

Dylan North: I am asleep.

Ethan: Admiral, is this lady going to be our new mommy?

Frank Beardsley: I don't think so. It's just a blind date.

Otter Beardsley: She can't see?

Ely Beardsley: Can she navigate using sonar? Like a bat?

Christina Beardsley: [on the phone] So that's Christina Beardsley.

Frank Beardsley: Christina!

Christina Beardsley: [on the phone] The zip is oh six three two oh.

Frank Beardsley: Christina! We just moved here, who could you possibly be talking to?

Christina Beardsley: Jay Crew. I want to make sure they change all my shipping information.

Frank Beardsley: Sound off.

Christina Beardsley: Three, four.

Frank Beardsley: [sings] I don't care what I've been told.

Frank's Kids: [sings] Coast guard kid's got lots of soul.

Frank Beardsley: [sings] Sound off.

Frank's Kids: [sings] One, two.

Harry Beardsley: Admiral, this is our twelfth move in my lifetime.

Frank Beardsley: I admire your record keeping Harry. First grade shifts log.

Frank Beardsley: Helen?

Helen North: Frank?

Frank Beardsley: Helen?

Helen North: Frank Beardsley?

Frank Beardsley: What are you doing here?

Helen North: Well, I'm having dinner with my...

Max: Frank. I'm Maxwell Grant.

Frank Beardsley: Pleased to meet you.

[to Helen]

Frank Beardsley: So what are you doing out here? Sit down, sit down, sit down.

Helen North: Well, I've been back here forever. I didn't want my kids growing up in the whole money, status thing.

Frank Beardsley: Yeah, that thing.

Helen North: So are you in town for the reunion?

Frank Beardsley: No, I... Umm... I moved my family back here. And I'm running the Coast Guard Academy.

Helen North: Wow.

Frank Beardsley: I'm an admiral.

Helen North: Yeah.

Frank Beardsley: That's why I'm wearing the uniform.

Helen North: An admiral? Woah. With a family?

Frank Beardsley: You too. It's great, I mean.

Helen North: Yeah.

Max: We're ready.

Helen North: Okay. Well, it was great to see you again.

Frank Beardsley: See you.

Helen North: Okay, bye.

Helen North: Kids!

Frank Beardsley: Sounds like they're bonding.

Helen North: It doesn't sound like bonding to me Frank.

Frank Beardsley: Hey, trust me. One hour of sea together and you'll be best friends.

Frank Beardsley: Listen up. These are your schedules with the tree times. You get seven minutes each, do not waste it.

Otter Beardsley, Ely Beardsley: Hi Dad! How do we stop this thing?

Frank Beardsley: Otter! Ely! Stop! Hit the break! Hit the break!

Michael Beardsley: Does not complaining about the move from Santiago count as my good dead for today?

Frank Beardsley: I'd sign off on that.

Frank Beardsley: Thats it I am putting the hammer down.

Aldo North: Is it a real hammer.

Frank Beardsley: No Aldo its just an expression

Aldo North: I'm scared

Helen North: O dont be honey

Ethan: Should I go get the hammer sir.

Frank Beardsley: Will anyone who lives here, please raise your hand.

[They raise their hands]

Frank Beardsley: Anyone else remaining here after five minutes, will be forcibly conscripted into the United States Coast Guard!

[Everyone runs out]

Commandant Sherman: Now what?

Frank Beardsley: It's my kids.

Colleen North: [Helen is about to have a baby] I know this is a terrible time to talk about it, but Larry says...

Frank Beardsley: I've got a message for Larry. You tell him this is what it's all about. This is the real happening. If you want to know what love really is, take a look around you.

Helen North: What are you two talking about?

Frank Beardsley: Take a good look at your mother.

Helen North: Not now!

Frank Beardsley: Yes, now.

[to Colleen]

Frank Beardsley: It's giving life that counts. Until you're ready for it, all the rest is just a big fraud. All the crazy haircuts in the world won't keep it turning. Life isn't a love in, it's the dishes and the orthodontist and the shoe repairman and... ground round instead of roast beef. And I'll tell you something else: it isn't going to a bed with a man that proves you're in love with him; it's getting up in the morning and facing the drab, miserable, wonderful everyday world with him that counts.

[Leaving the house, they say good-bye to the little kids]

Frank Beardsley: I suppose having 19 kids is carrying it a bit too far, but if we had it to do over who would we skip... you?

Helen North: [getting into the car] Thank you, Frank. I never quite knew how to explain it to her.

Frank Beardsley: If we don't get you to the hospital fast, the rest of it's going to be explained right here!

Frank Beardsley: [narrating] It was a typical wedding: enemies of the bride on the right, enemies of the groom on the left.

Frank Beardsley: We've decided to use our company manners. Helen, the boys have something to say to you.

Greg Beardsley: Mrs. North, I apologize for putting all that gin in your drink.

Helen North: Ooh, *that's* what did it.

Rusty Beardsley: And I apologize for all that vodka.

Mike Beardsley: And I apologize for the scotch.

Helen North: Scotch, vodka, and - ?

Frank Beardsley: Helen, you've been the victim of an alcoholic Pearl Harbor. It's amazing you survived at all.

Colleen North: Larry says he'll never speak to me again unless I grow up. He says that I'm being ridiculous and I don't love him, but I do love him. Am I being ridiculous?

Frank Beardsley: You're not being ridiculous.

Colleen North: Well, do all the other girls, like Larry says? And am I just being old-fashioned?

Frank Beardsley: The same idiots were passing the same rumors when I was your age, but if all the girls did, how come I always ended up with the ones who didn't?

Colleen North: But it's all different now!

Frank Beardsley: I don't know, they wrote Fanny Hill in 1742 and they haven't found anything new since.

Veronica Beardsley: Who's Fanny Hill?

Frank Beardsley: Go to bed, that's who Fanny Hill is.

Frank Beardsley: I don't quite understand. Am I being stupid?

Helen North: No, you're being a man. Which is sometimes the same thing.

Family Doctor: Call my wife, will you, and tell her I'm on my way home?

[beat]

Family Doctor: And tell her thank you.

Frank Beardsley: For what?

Family Doctor: We don't have any children.

Helen North: Frank, there's something I have to tell you before we go any further. I have eight children.

[sudden panic]

Helen North: Frank! We're on a cable car!

Frank Beardsley: Of course.

Helen North: I get sick on cable cars!

Frank Beardsley: Well wait'll you hear what I have to tell you. I have TEN children.

Helen North: Ten. TEN? Frank! Eight and ten is...

Frank Beardsley: Ridiculous.

Frank Beardsley: Is that all? Why didn't she tell me?

Helen North: Because you would have said, "Is that all?".

Frank Beardsley: [narrating why his ten kids resent him] Truthfully, I think they blamed me for neglecting their mother all those years. But there seemed to me that there was enough physical evidence I hadn't neglected her completely!

Helen North: That was a wonderful dinner, I enjoyed all *eight* courses.

Frank Beardsley: So did I.

Helen North: And speaking of children...

Frank Beardsley: We weren't speaking of children.

Helen North: We weren't? Oh thank goodness.

Frank Beardsley: This is the last time I'm going to bring it up but... you do like children, don't you?

Helen North: Yeah, within reason.

Frank Beardsley: In that case, the hell with it.

Helen North: Now that's just wonderful! And where was Veronica born?

Frank Beardsley: In Japan!

[Helen repeats]

Frank Beardsley: In Japan?

Frank Beardsley: I call her my little fortune cookie 'cause she came right after dinner!

Helen North: [Helen begins to laugh loudly] That's funny!

[ring bells in the kitchen]

Helen North: Where's the fire?

Rosemary Beardsley: Dinner is served!