Fraida Felcher Quotes in Dumb and Dumber To (2014)

Harry Dunne: Okay, Dr. Picasso, what's your definition of sex?

Fraida Felcher: Well...

[whispers to Harry and Lloyd]

Lloyd Christmas: No way! That's just... Not my mom! Ew!

Harry Dunne: But that's where she pees!

Lloyd Christmas: It's in my head, and I can't unlearn it! You're bad!

Harry Dunne: Can you show us?

Lloyd Christmas: I call sloppy seconds.

Lloyd Christmas: [Harry and Lloyd mistake Freida as her daughter] Suck me sideways!

Harry Dunne: You're the spitting image of her!

Fraida Felcher: You morons! This is the return address. Her's is on the side with the stamp.

Lloyd Christmas: But it's still uncanny!

Lloyd Christmas: Cheers!

Fraida Felcher: Whoa! Wait. Where'd you get that?

Lloyd Christmas: The Slurpee machine in the back.

Fraida Felcher: That's embalming fluid.

Lloyd Christmas: Oh. Does it have aspartame?

Fraida Felcher: No.

Lloyd Christmas: Cool.

Harry Dunne: Let me ask you something Freida. If I'm not Penny's father and Lloyd's not her father then who's her father?

Fraida Felcher: Funny you should ask.

[to Penny]

Fraida Felcher: Honey how would uou like to meet some relatives?

[Points towards the Stainers]

Lloyd Christmas: Mr Stainer? I should have known. You horny old goat!

Fraida Felcher: No Lloyd. Mr Stainer is Penny's grandfather.

Harry Dunne: You mean Pee Stain's the dad?

Lloyd Christmas: Duh!

Fraida Felcher: Look, guys. It's me. Fraida Felcher.

Lloyd Christmas: Yeah, right. Like we'd be fighting over those blowfish jowls. No offense.

Fraida Felcher: Harry, Lloyd, I'm gonna say this one more time. I'm Fraida.

Lloyd Christmas: [whispers to Harry] Tattoo.

Harry Dunne: Oh, yeah. Then show us your tattoo. 'Cause Fraida had a cute little smiley face on her back, right above her bikini line. Well?

[Fraida shows her tattoo]

Harry Dunne: Hmm. It's close.

Lloyd Christmas: Mmm.

[Fraida pushes up the smiley face]

Lloyd Christmas: Oh. Hi, Fraida.

Harry Dunne: Oh, hey! How ya been?

Lloyd Christmas: Have you been doing yoga?

Fraida Felcher: Yeah, but, Lloyd, Lloyd. She isn't your daughter either.

Lloyd Christmas: Nice try, Fraida. But Penny read me the letter. I know all about Oyster Swallow Cove, which is exactly where you took me in the van!

Fraida Felcher: So? That was my spot. I must've taken hundred of guys there. What can I say. I was a titanic whore.

Fraida Felcher: So, guys, there's still one thing I don't understand. How could either of you have possibly thought that you were Penny's father?

Harry Dunne: Well, why wouldn't we?

Lloyd Christmas: Yeah!

Fraida Felcher: Because we never had sex.

Lloyd Christmas: Oh. Yeah. Well, you could've fooled us.

Harry Dunne: Yeah, nice try, Snow White. Does the word "hot tub" jog your memory? If I recall, I played with your boobies for a long time that night. The mother boat, the windshield wipers, the punching bag.

Fraida Felcher: You know Harry, you can't get a woman pregnant by manhandling her breasts.

Harry Dunne: Oh, really? Well, then, why'd your doorbells get so hard?

Lloyd Christmas: Yeah. And did you forget about the French tickler in the back of the van?

Fraida Felcher: Putting a frilly glow-in-the-dark condom on your finger is not the same as having sex.

Lloyd Christmas: What if I go like this?

Lloyd Christmas: [wiggles his finger]

Fraida Felcher: No.