Ford Maddox Quotes in Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death (1989)

Ford Maddox: Dr. Hunt, 98 percent of the avocadoes produced in the United States come from the state of California. Most of these come from a jungle area that spreads from Bakersfield to the Mexican border: the Avocado Belt.

Margo Hunt: I'm aware of that. What does it have to do with me?

Col. Mattel: Miss Hunt, maybe you don't get the point. Avocadoes are vital to this nation's security interests. The Communists are already in control of Nicaragua and Guatemala and El Salvador, strife with revolution. California is the last secure supply of avocadoes in the free world! We're on the verge of a major Avocado Gap with the Soviet Union.

Dr. Margo Hunt: Mr. Maddox. There's something you're not telling me.

Ford Maddox: Why? What do you mean?

Dr. Margo Hunt: You don't expect me to believe I'm the first feminist you've sent in to try and reason with the Piranha Women. What's really going on in that jungle?

Ford Maddox: I suppose you have the right to know the truth. Two years ago, we sent into the Avocado Jungle the leading feminist scholar: Dr. Kurtz.

Dr. Margo Hunt: [astounded] Dr. Kurtz? Internationally famous author of Smart Women, Stupid Insensitive Men?

Ford Maddox: Yes.

Dr. Margo Hunt: That explains her disappearance from the talk-show circuit.

Ford Maddox: We don't care if these girls want to eat their men. That's the Piranha Man's problem. We just want the avocados.