Floyd Quotes in The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962)

Tom Doniphon: [Valance has tripped Rance in the diner, causing him to spill a tray of food] That's *my* steak, Valance.

Liberty Valance: [laughing] You heard him, Dude. Pick it up.

Ransom Stoddard: No!

Tom Doniphon: Pilgrim, hold it. I said you, Valance; *you* pick it up.

Liberty Valance: Three against one, Doniphon.

Tom Doniphon: My boy, Pompey; kitchen door.

[Valance looks and sees Pompey at the door holding a rifle]

Floyd: I'll get it, Liberty!

[Doniphon kicks Floyd in the face as he bends down to retrieve the tray]

Floyd: It's Liberty! He - he's hurt!

[Doc approaches Valance's body]

Floyd: It's Liberty.

Doc Willoughby: Whiskey, quick.

Person on street: Here, sir.

Doc Willoughby: [takes a drink, turns Valances body over with his foot] Dead.

[walks off]

Zoot: Hey man, I can't figure out what side we're on. Are we with the pirates or the frog captain?

Floyd: Oh, hey, man. Just play the gig. Never get involved in politics.

Animal: Politics! Politics!

Floyd: [talking about Detective Boyd's style of work] He sounds to me like a loose cannon, sir.

Supt. Lewis: Loose cannon? Him a cannon!

Rizzo the Rat: [Rizzo walks by with a plate of food] Gangway! Coming through! Hey Watch it, will ya?

Fozzie Bear: Hey, that waiter's a rat!

Floyd: I'm glad we got no money, now I got no appetite.

Rizzo the Rat: Ok, what'll ya have?

Floyd: The number for The Board Of Health!

Kermit: How are we supposed to cut through the bars if nobody brought stuff to cut with?

Floyd: I brought some hot mustard, maybe that will eat through the bars.

[going over the checklist]

Fozzie: Peanut butter?

Floyd: Animal ate it.

Animal: Sorry!

Kermit: Now, we're about to embark on a potentially dangerous mission. There could be physical violence, there could be gunplay, and there is the slightest chance that somebody might even get killed. So if anybody wants out, now is the time to say it.

Floyd: I'm out.

Rowlf: Me too.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Ditto.

Beaker: Meep meep.

Zoot: Hey, don't we have a gig around here, or something, or somewhere?

Pops: Sorry, I got a dental appointment.

Janice: It's like this, Kermit, I have to go to work all day...

[everyone starts talking at once]

Fozzie: [shouting] Hold it!

[everyone stops talking]

Fozzie: Shame on you! I thought we were in this thing together. I'm just as scared as you are, but this has to be done! We don't want the bad guys to win. We gotta do this f-f-for justice! For freedom! For honesty!

Floyd: You're the biggest chicken I've ever seen.

Big Bird: Oh, I'm not a chicken actually. I'm a bird on the run.

Ruthie: Oh yeah. Floyd, he's the bird on TV who ran away.

Big Bird: Oh, I didn't run away. I'm going back to my real home on Sesame Street where I belong.

[yawns]

Ruthie: Are you tired?

Big Bird: Well, maybe a little. I sure wish I had a place to sleep.

Ruthie: Have you ever slept in a barn?

Big Bird: [looking toward the barn] Hmm.

Mitch: [after being interrupted yet again, Mitch has had enough] Hey turn down the music for minute... Hey would you turn down the music?

Kid at Stereo: Dude, chill.

Mitch: Would you turn down the fucking music for a minute! Jesus!

[Mitch turns the power off on the stereo and turns to everyone]

Mitch: This is fucking bullshit! I have been here all goddamned day and you haven't let me say one thing! None of you!

Monty: Well, damn, Mitch, I...

Mitch: Oh, no, asshole! You shut the fuck up now. It's my turn to talk! You're all fucked in the head! All of you! I mean you.

[points at Naomi]

Mitch: Change your fuckin' tampon and have another drink you crazy, fuckin' bitch!

[Points at Dean]

Mitch: And you! "Waaahh, I don't know what to be when I grow up!" Join the fucking army or something! Goddamn.

[Points at Calvin]

Mitch: Oh, and you! You know what? You're too easy. And you.

[Points to Monty]

Mitch: FUCK YOU MONTY! Always gotta be right, with your little quips! We get it, man. You're fuckin' edgy and cool. Yeah! You're the coolest fuckin' guy at Shenaniganz! WHOOO! That's like being the smartest kid with Down syndrome! Oh and, oh, yeah. Why aren't you in jail? I mean what

[looks at Natasha]

Mitch: are you like 13, 14?

Monty: She's almost 18.

Mitch: You know what? Fuck this! You all suck. I quit.

[Goes to leave and gets to the door and turns around]

Mitch: Oh, and yeah. There is one more thing.

[Points at Floyd]

Mitch: You... You are the biggest piece of shit in this entire restaurant.

[Floyd looks around to see if Mitch is actually talking to him]

Mitch: And I hope you burn in hell.

Floyd: Me? What the fuck did I do to you, man? Seriously?

Raddimus: [Mitch pulls down his pants and everyone says "Oh shit!] The goat! The goat, you bastard!

Mitch: [Mitch pulls up his pants and opens the door and walks out] Fuckin' faggots.

Monty: That was the shit!

[he runs out after Mitch]

Monty: Mitch! Mitch! Stop please. Look, look. Stop, stop. Okay I am sorry, and I hearby swear my undying allegiance to you. You are the fucking man.

Dan: We need to seize the day. Be enthusiastic.

Floyd: [enthusiastically] Yeah! Carpe deez nuts! God I can't wait to quit this job!

Calvin: Come on guys, this is bull crap. Where the hell's my chicken sandwich?

Floyd: [Picks up chicken with tongs, drops in on the prep board. Points tongs over counter at Calvin] Fuck you, bitch!

Calvin: What the hell did I do to you, Floyd?

Floyd: [Using chicken and tongs as microphone, sings] Eat at Shenaniganz, Enjoy your food. Eat at Shenaniganz, Calvin works here!

Calvin: Oh, that's hardly sanitary.

Floyd: [to Mitch] Welcome to Thunderdome, Bitch.

Floyd: We almost had to move it up to the 10 second rule!

Mitch: All Right. Fuck this, I Quit

Mitch: [looks around the room, sees Floyd] You. You are the biggest piece of shit at this entire restaurant. I hope you burn in hell.

Floyd: Me? What the fuck did I ever do to you? I mean seriously.

Dean: Hey, Floyd, make sure there's no bacon on the chef salad. It's against their religion.

Floyd: Yes Masta. Right away, Masta. Ain't gon' be no, no bacon on the salad Masta.

[while getting whipped with a towel]

Floyd: NO! AH! NO!

Floyd: [singing] Mm-hmm-hmm, no bacon on the salad!

Dean: Hey Floyd, no bacon on that salad.

Floyd: [Looks at Dean and speaks with a southern twang] Yes massa, ain't gon' be no bacon on the salad

[Cook starts whipping Floyd with a towel while Floyd starts singing devotional-style]

Floyd: Oh lord, no bacon... No bacon the salad...

Floyd: Doyle, I KNOW I gave him four THREES. He had to make a SWITCH. We can't let him get away with that.

Doyle Lonnegan: What was I supposed to do - call him for cheating better than me, in front of the others?

Addie Loggins: Say, you know that red headed lady who comes down here named Miss Trixie Delight?

Floyd: Yeah.

Addie Loggins: Well, she thinks you're real cute.

Floyd: Oh yeah, says you and who else?

Addie Loggins: No, honest. She says you're better lookin' than Dick Powell.

Trixie Delight: Say, you're not one of these fellas that goes around babblin' are ya, honey?

Floyd: What do you mean?

Trixie Delight: Well, you know, most of the time I don't mind. But it's important to me, right now, not to get talked about.

Floyd: Hey, now, do I look like that kind of a feller?

Trixie Delight: Now, say, you're a wild one, aren't ya. Hold it. Hold it. Now, wait a minute. You're going to tear it! Now, now, just let me slip it off. Hey, there. Well now, ain't you a show dog. Oo! Ooo!

Floyd: [knock at the door] That's her, that's the dog

Regina: Dogs don't knock, Floyd.

Regina: People in California generally swallow before they start talking.

Floyd: [Has banana in his mouth] Hey. I know how to eat in California, okay?

[Regina and Floyd fall into a pool of mud from Beethoven]

George Newton: Hold on!

Regina: Ugh, shut up! And don't do us any favors! Take your stinkin' puppies and stuff it!

Floyd: Yeah, stuff it!

Regina: Shut up!

Alice Newton: We're going to help you and it will be alright!

Regina: [to Floyd] You idiot!

Floyd: What, me? This whole dog business was YOUR idea!

Regina: My idea?

[the dam comes apart spilling mud and Regina and Floyd into the raging river]

Regina: [to Floyd] I HATE YOU!

Floyd: You stupid! You got me into this! It's all your fault!

Regina: No, it's not!

Floyd: I didn't even care about those dogs!

Regina: Let go of me!

Alice Newton: [to George] Well... ya hungry?

Floyd: It's supposed to be Ryan gets pickle in Ashley. Not Ashley gets Ryan into a pickle!

Vernon Hightower: First one comes close gets a face full of rattlesnake.

Buford Pope: Oh, goddamn it, man. You lost your mind? You let them snakes out of there, they'll go after you as well as us.

Vernon Hightower: [to Floyd] All right, you. Get your car keys out, put them on the desk. Get against the wall.

Buford Pope: You do that, boy, you'll be wrestling duck shit come Thursday night.

Vernon Hightower: Floyd, you *don't* get those car keys out here... you're gonna be wrestling a diamondback in about one minute.

Floyd: [glumly hands over the car keys] You're gonna' pay for this.

Floyd: Say, brother, you got the wrong idea. I'm workin' for the Commodores.

Trooper: Yeah, brother, and I'm Baretta.

[last lines]

Floyd: The first thing that I can remember is when I got a sparkler from my mother on New Year's Eve. The sky was full of rockets and fireworks that exploded and sparked. That was loud. But I wasn't afraid. I just held my sparkler up to the dark sky... and shook it like crazy. I shook it so hard, so incredibly hard, as hard as I could. And even harder. Until I couldn't any more and on and on. Senseless and harder and harder. And I was small. And so was the sparkler. But I was part of the biggest and most incredible thing... I've ever seen. The greatest and biggest ever, and I was there. Without me knowing it, without me knowing anything. I think, I've never done anything like that in my life again. So hard and uncompromisingly and totally. I think, I never experienced anything in my life again, that was so big and so gigantic. What time is it, by the way?

Heywood: The Count of Monte Crisco...

Floyd: That's "Cristo" you dumb shit.

Heywood: ...by Alexandree Dumb-ass. Dumb-ass.

Andy Dufresne: Dumb-ass? "Dumas". You know what it's about? You'll like it, it's about a prison break.

Red: We oughta file that under "Educational" too, oughten we?

Captain Hadley: Dufresne!

[to Dekins]

Captain Hadley: That's him. That's the one.

Guard Dekins: I'm Dekins. I was thinking about setting up some kind of trust fund for my kids' educations.

Andy Dufresne: Oh, I see. Well, why don't we have a seat and talk it over. Brooks, do you have a piece of paper and a pencil? Thanks. So, Mr. Dekins...

Brooks: [at lunchtime to the other prisoners] And then Andy says, "Mr. Dekins, do you want your sons to go to Harvard... or Yale?"

Floyd: He didn't say that!

Brooks: God is my witness! Dekins just looked at him a second and then he laughed himself silly and afterwards he actually shook Andy's hand.

Heywood: My ass.

Brooks: Shook his hand! I near soiled myself, I mean all Andy needed was a suit and a tie and a little jiggly hula gal on his desk and he woulda been *Mister* Dufresne, if you please.

Red: Making a few friends, huh Andy?

Andy Dufresne: I wouldn't say friends. I'm a convicted murderer who provides sound financial planning - it's a wonderful pet to have.

Heywood: It's a fine morning, ain't it? You know why it's a fine morning, don't ya? Come on, set 'em down. I want 'em all lined up, just like a pretty little chorus line.

[the cons pull out cigarettes and hand them over to Heywood, who lines them up in front of him. He takes a long whiff]

Heywood: Ah, yes. Richmond, Virginia.

Floyd: Smell my ass.

Floyd: Takin' bets today, Red?

Red: Smokes or coins, better's choice.

Floyd: Smokes. Put me down for two.

Red: All right, who's your horse?

Floyd: That little sack o' shit. Eighth, eighth from the front. He'll be first.

Heywood: Aw, bullshit. I'll call that action. You out some smokes, son, let me tell you!

Floyd: Well, Heywood, you so smart, you call it!

Heywood: I'll take the chubby fat-ass there. Fifth from the front. Put me down for a quarter deck.

Floyd: [Dismissing Red's theory on why Brooks killed himself] Red, I do believe you're talking out of your ass.

Floyd: Don't condescend me, man. I'll fuckin' kill ya, man.

Floyd: Hey! Get some beer and some cleaning products!

Dr. Grace Goode: Floyd, you're wearing panties!

Floyd: Well... I like them. Normal underwear hurts.

Floyd: I've been wondering, how did a girl like you get mixed up in a thing like this in the first place.

Dr. Lisa Van Horn: I suppose you think that women should only cook and sew and bear children.

Floyd: Isn't that enough?

[Floyd and Lisa comfort Eckstrom, who was mortally wounded by a Martian's axe]

Floyd: Murdering savages!

Dr. Eckstrom: No Floyd. Poor fear-crazed despairing wretches. Pity them. Pity them!

Floyd: [Aloud about Lisa after the blood pressure reading have been taken on the entire crew] The weaker sex! She's the only one whose blood pressure is normal!

Floyd: You like the feel of a roaring beast between your legs?

Floyd: You need to call off your pet chihuahua before I slap the bitch straight. Ya get me?

Joey: Least he can remember my bloody name, ya sad, bloody man-slack!

Floyd: Have I got this right? Our team has just been penalized for gay-bashing?

Archer: How cool is that?

Archer: Joey is not my "piece," thanks. He's my...

Floyd: Boyfriend?

Archer: Partner.

Floyd: You're shaggin', not opening up a restaurant together.

Archer: Joey is not a queen. I'm not into queens. "Gay" means you're into men. Look, it don't mean we all have to be queens, does it?

Floyd: It means we can be whatever the fuck we wanna be as far as I'm concerned.

Archer: Well, if you wanna be a queen, you can be a queen on your own time.

Floyd: This is my time.

Archer: Mate, this is soccer. This is lethal, savage caveman shit, and queens will not be tolerated. Queens will get a kickin'.

Floyd: Well, speak for yourself, MATE. This queen DOES the kickin'. It's a new fuckin' day, okay?

Benji: We are officially like boyfriends, right?

Floyd: I've been with ya nearly twelve hours now and you ain't got on me nerves yet. For me that's practically married.