Fletcher Munson Quotes in Schizopolis (1996)

Fletcher Munson: Hello!

Neighbor: Hello.

Fletcher Munson: How are you?

Neighbor: Fine.

Fletcher Munson: Is your wife coming over tonight? Because her big ass always leaves me satisfied.

Neighbor: Nice of you to mention her. She enjoys sex with you much more than she does with me.

Fletcher Munson: I'm sure she says that to all the men in the neighborhood.

Neighbor: You may be right about that one.

Fletcher Munson: I'll see you later.

Neighbor: Okay.

Fletcher Munson: [sunnily, on homecoming] Generic greeting!

Mrs. Munson: [warmly] Generic greeting returned!

[they kiss and chuckle at each other]

Fletcher Munson: Imminent sustenance.

Mrs. Munson: Overly dramatic statement regarding upcoming meal.

Fletcher Munson: Oooh! False reaction indicating hunger and excitement!

Fletcher Munson: [wife snuggles up amorously] Ooh! *Really* well-rehearsed speech about workload and stress.

[pause]

Fletcher Munson: Genuine sorrow. Um... truthful-sounding promises of future satisfaction? Enticement to agree?

Mrs. Munson: [pause] Accepted.

Fletcher Munson: Gratitude.

Right Hand Man: Munson!

Fletcher Munson: [Runs into office]

Right Hand Man: I don't need to tell you how critical this is. Hometown. Pay-per-view. The eyes of the media. Here's what I need. It should be lengthy enough to... seem substantial... yet concise enough to feel breezy. It should be serious... but with a slight wink. It should lay out a new course of action... but one that can change direction at any moment. If you must mention facts and figures, don't do so directly.

Right Hand Man: I don't need to tell you how critical this is. Hometown. Pay-per-view. The eyes of the media. Here's what I need. It should be lengthy enough to... seem substantial... yet concise enough to feel breezy. It should be serious... but with a slight wink. It should lay out a new course of action... but one that can change direction at any moment. If you must mention facts and figures, don't do so directly. It should be on my desk Friday morning.

Fletcher Munson: Is there something you want me...

Right Hand Man: [Yelling] Lester Richards... has fucked me... has fucked Mr. Schwitters... and has fucked the entire corporation. You're writing the speech!

Fletcher Munson: I can't.

Right Hand Man: Are you telling me that you can't... take a substantial raise or that huge new office? Is that what you're telling me?

Fletcher Munson: Friday?

Right Hand Man: a.m.

Fletcher Munson: [after long uncomfortable silence, he motions to leave] I'll just...

Right Hand Man: Who's that... that moron, the one who used to work in your sector. The one who wears the brown shirt all the time?

Fletcher Munson: Oh, Nameless Numberhead Man?