Firewater Quotes in Sausage Party (2016)
Firewater Quotes:
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Mr. Grits: We're the Non-Perishables, motherfucker.
Twink: We never expired.
Firewater: We are... Immortal. This here's Twink and Grits.
Mr. Grits: They call me Mr. Grits.
Firewater: Eh, Mr. Grits. Whatever.
Mr. Grits: Talking about a crackers.
-- Firewater -
Frank: What you're saying is, it's true. I got to tell everyone.
Firewater: Very noble, little sausage. But also, very pointless. No one will believe you.
Frank: I have to try... Everyone will die otherwise.
Firewater: Oh, yeah. That's a good point. Fuck me, right?
Frank: Wait. Do you guys have any proof of this?
-- Firewater -
Firewater: So, you have learned the terrible truth. Congratulations! Now keep it to yourself, or I'll slit your throat while you sleep. I swear to God.
Honey Mustard: Oh, my god! Did you guys just fucking hear that?
Ketchup: What? What are you looking at?
[sees Firewater is vanished]
Ketchup: He's gone.
Honey Mustard: Where the fuck did he go? I'm so fucked up, I'm so fucked up!
[Ketchup tries to touch Honey Mustard]
Honey Mustard: Jesus! Get the fuck off me! Nobody fucking touch me!
-- Firewater -
Firewater: The melody came to me one night when I was getting super, super, SUPER baked. Like fuck-a-guy, baked. You know what I'm saying?
[Frank shakes his head no]
Firewater: Yeah, he does. The song had a great hook and it caught on, I mean, you know... In time, everyone accepted this false truth. But over the years, things started to get a little... fucky.
[flashbacks]
Firewater: The aisles started changing my verses to support their own views, fucking with Twink's tight-ass lyrics, remixing my shit without my permish... Now, every morning when I hear that song, I'm like, 'What the fuck are you guys saying, hey? Wasn't their a part today about exterminating juice? I didn't write that shit, I love juice. Always have, I mean, juice are hilarious. Who the fuck do these guys think they are?'
[back to present]
Firewater: Anyway, at least it's still distracting them from the truth: that they get brutally devoured.
-- Firewater -
Firewater: Hello there, little sausage. You and your friends have accomplished the impossible and for that, I give you mad props. But, now that you have shattered one truth: It is time for you to learn... that we are not REAL.
Gum: While tripping balls, Firewater and I made an important meta-psychical breakthrough.
Firewater: The world is a fucking illusion, bro. Our lives are being manipulated for the entertainment of monsters, twisted, tasteless, juvenile monsters, puppet masters in the other dimension! We're something called... Cartoons.
[Frank, Brenda, Kareem, Sammy, Barry and Teresa gasped]
Frank: What?
Firewater: You, Frank... are a plaything in the demented schlubby Jewish actor named:
[the image of a Jewish actor]
Firewater: Seth Rogen.
Frank: Wait. I'm Jewish?
Sammy: So... who am I?
Gum: You are the toy of a more talented and celebrated actor named:
[the image of a Celebrity actor]
Gum: Edward Norton.
Sammy: Edward Norton? What kind of parent gives that kid of stupid cunt name like that?
Gum: Worry not, friends. I have a solution.
-- Firewater -
Firewater: We blaze for real 24/7, no joke, but we also know our shit.
-- Firewater -
[repeated line]
Firewater: Hiya, How are ya?
-- Firewater -
Firewater: Fuck me right!
-- Firewater -
Firewater: Before us, everyone knew the awful truth.
[flashbacks]
Firewater: Ohhhh, how they screamed. It was a living nightmare. So, we the Non-Perishables created a story, the story of the Great Beyond. A place where the Gods care for you, and all your wildest and wettest dreams would come true. They would go out those doors happy, instead of shitting themselves.
-- Firewater -
Mr. Grits: Jesus fucking Christ!
Firewater: Hey, fellas. You think what I'm thinking?
Twink: Ready fucking sure I am.
Mr. Grits: Oh, shit.
-- Firewater
Browse more character quotes from Sausage Party (2016)
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Characters on Sausage Party (2016)
- Druggie
- Beer Can
- Sandwich
- Pop Tart
- Tickilish Licorice
- Cookies
- Toilet Paper
- Gum
- Twink
- Pizza
- Baby Carrot
- Camille Toh
- Mr. Grits
- Potato
- Peanut Butter
- Honey Mustard
- Ketchup
- Used Condom
- Douche
- Sally Bun
- Italian Tomato
- Refried Beans
- Juice Box
- Light Bulb
- Indian Chutney
- Chunk Munchers Cereal
- Lettuce
- Licorice Rope
- Relish
- El Guaco
- Queso
- Fat Guy
- Lavash
- Female Shopper #2
- Lollipop
- Gumball
- Male Shopper #2
- Mariachi Salsa
- Sauerkraut
- Coconut Milk
- Pop Bottle
- Geronimints
- Old Pork Sausage
- Beet
- Tampon
- Jamaican Rum
- Gefilte Fish
- Baba Ganoush
- Female Shopper #1
- Loretta Bun
- Sergeant Pepper
- Fit Man
- Male Shopper #1
- Ice Cream
- Frozen Fruitz