Firewater Quotes in Sausage Party (2016)


Firewater Quotes:

  • Mr. Grits: We're the Non-Perishables, motherfucker.

    Twink: We never expired.

    Firewater: We are... Immortal. This here's Twink and Grits.

    Mr. Grits: They call me Mr. Grits.

    Firewater: Eh, Mr. Grits. Whatever.

    Mr. Grits: Talking about a crackers.

  • Frank: What you're saying is, it's true. I got to tell everyone.

    Firewater: Very noble, little sausage. But also, very pointless. No one will believe you.

    Frank: I have to try... Everyone will die otherwise.

    Firewater: Oh, yeah. That's a good point. Fuck me, right?

    Frank: Wait. Do you guys have any proof of this?

  • Firewater: So, you have learned the terrible truth. Congratulations! Now keep it to yourself, or I'll slit your throat while you sleep. I swear to God.

    Honey Mustard: Oh, my god! Did you guys just fucking hear that?

    Ketchup: What? What are you looking at?

    [sees Firewater is vanished]

    Ketchup: He's gone.

    Honey Mustard: Where the fuck did he go? I'm so fucked up, I'm so fucked up!

    [Ketchup tries to touch Honey Mustard]

    Honey Mustard: Jesus! Get the fuck off me! Nobody fucking touch me!

  • Firewater: The melody came to me one night when I was getting super, super, SUPER baked. Like fuck-a-guy, baked. You know what I'm saying?

    [Frank shakes his head no]

    Firewater: Yeah, he does. The song had a great hook and it caught on, I mean, you know... In time, everyone accepted this false truth. But over the years, things started to get a little... fucky.


    Firewater: The aisles started changing my verses to support their own views, fucking with Twink's tight-ass lyrics, remixing my shit without my permish... Now, every morning when I hear that song, I'm like, 'What the fuck are you guys saying, hey? Wasn't their a part today about exterminating juice? I didn't write that shit, I love juice. Always have, I mean, juice are hilarious. Who the fuck do these guys think they are?'

    [back to present]

    Firewater: Anyway, at least it's still distracting them from the truth: that they get brutally devoured.

  • Firewater: Hello there, little sausage. You and your friends have accomplished the impossible and for that, I give you mad props. But, now that you have shattered one truth: It is time for you to learn... that we are not REAL.

    Gum: While tripping balls, Firewater and I made an important meta-psychical breakthrough.

    Firewater: The world is a fucking illusion, bro. Our lives are being manipulated for the entertainment of monsters, twisted, tasteless, juvenile monsters, puppet masters in the other dimension! We're something called... Cartoons.

    [Frank, Brenda, Kareem, Sammy, Barry and Teresa gasped]

    Frank: What?

    Firewater: You, Frank... are a plaything in the demented schlubby Jewish actor named:

    [the image of a Jewish actor]

    Firewater: Seth Rogen.

    Frank: Wait. I'm Jewish?

    Sammy: So... who am I?

    Gum: You are the toy of a more talented and celebrated actor named:

    [the image of a Celebrity actor]

    Gum: Edward Norton.

    Sammy: Edward Norton? What kind of parent gives that kid of stupid cunt name like that?

    Gum: Worry not, friends. I have a solution.

  • Firewater: We blaze for real 24/7, no joke, but we also know our shit.

  • [repeated line]

    Firewater: Hiya, How are ya?

  • Firewater: Fuck me right!

  • Firewater: Before us, everyone knew the awful truth.


    Firewater: Ohhhh, how they screamed. It was a living nightmare. So, we the Non-Perishables created a story, the story of the Great Beyond. A place where the Gods care for you, and all your wildest and wettest dreams would come true. They would go out those doors happy, instead of shitting themselves.

  • Mr. Grits: Jesus fucking Christ!

    Firewater: Hey, fellas. You think what I'm thinking?

    Twink: Ready fucking sure I am.

    Mr. Grits: Oh, shit.

Browse more character quotes from Sausage Party (2016)