Fernando Quotes in Rio (2011)

Marcel: [a boy places the cage holding Blu and Jewel on the table in front of Marcel] Well, what do you know? Good work, Fernando. You see, boys. What did I tell you about this one?

Tipa: That you were going to pay him half as much as you said?

[Marcel slaps Tipa in the face to shut him up]

Marcel: No! You idiot! That he reminds me of myself when I was that age. Smart, resourceful. Here you go, kid.

[he hands the boy some money]

Fernando: Hey! This is only half of what you promised me!

Marcel: Ah, shut up, kid!

[takes the cover off the cage to see Blu and Jewel looking dead]

Marcel: What the...?

[he picks up Jewel]

Marcel: I thought I told you I needed these birds alive! Tell me, Fernando, does this look alive to you? Huh?

[Jewel bites Marcel's thumb and flies away]

Fernando: So, what's going to happen to them?

Marcel: Don't worry. We're gonna find good homes for them. Now, go home to your mama.

Fernando: But I don't have a mama.

Marcel: Father?

Armando: Brother?

Tipa: Goldfish?

[Fernando shakes his head]

Tipa: Aw, can we keep him, boss?

Marcel: No!

[he shuts the door in Fernando's face]

Fernando: [exasperatedly] Now Burt, let me give you some advice. When you're driving, not only here in America but anywhere else in the world, the driver should always be in the *centre* of the road. *In the centre*. If you're not in the centre, you're on the wrong side of the road.

[after buying his used car, Burt says he needs some wheels to build a trailer for the motorcycle]

Fernando: Well, I got a couple wheels in the shop I could let you have, but first you got to do me a favor.

Burt Munro: Oh, well just say the word.

[cut to Burt fixing the engine of one of Fernando's cars]

Burt Munro: Okay, give it a try, Fernando.

[Fernando turns the ignition, and it turns over]

Fernando: Burt, you're a goddamn genius! Hey listen, why you gotta go? Why don't you stay here and work for me? I'll pay you well.

Burt Munro: Oh, no thanks, mate. Me and the motorcycle have got to pick up and be in Bonneville by the 18th.

Fernando: Well, you always got a job here. Good luck.

Fernando: Where are you going?

Emiliano Zapata: I'm going home.

Fernando: So you're throwing it away! Leave tonight and your enemies will be here tomorrow in this room at that desk. They won't walk away. They'll hunt you down till you get your rest in the sun with the flies at your face. Leave now I promise you you won't live long.

Emiliano Zapata: I won't live long anyway.

Fernando: Zapata, in the name of all we fought for, don't go!

Emiliano Zapata: In the name of all we fought for, I'm going.

Fernando: I won't go with you.

Emiliano Zapata: I don't expect you to. Now I know you. No field... no home... no wife... no woman... no friends... no love. You only destroy... that is your love, and I will tell you what you will do now. You will go to Obregon or Caranza, and you will never change.

Fernando: This is all very disorganized.

Fernando: Cut off the head of the snake and the body will die.

Fernando: [to a vistor wanting to see Zapata] General Zapata is busy.

Fernando: [after a firing squad gunshot is heard] General Zapata will see you now.

Fernando: Will Laguna Beach "A" hang for a second straight title? Will they look sexy doing it? Will Batman escape the clutches of the Penguin and run off with his crazy boyfriend Robin? I don't know. We'll just have to see the answer tomorrow.

Fernando: [Roach wipes put] Oh, ho! I got hit by a wave like that once, except its name was Frank.

Fernando: I learned long ago that you lose the battle on your own.

Fernando: How long will that smile last before it becomes a grimace?

Fernando: I felt my phoenix rise from the ashes.

Fernando: "Thou shalt not kill." Why? Taking someone's life is doing them a favor. A huge favor. Let them live. It's what they deserve.

Fernando: Glory is a statue that gets shit on by birds.

Fernando: You can't live without sex. People go crazy without sex. Look how nutty the Pope's become. Spouting crap everywhere and kissing floors. Saying that homosexuality and all that is a sin. That's a sin? Having kids is a sin! There's no space left, the Planet will explode!

Fernando: Everyone's rotten. The world is run by crooks. Look at our despicable President: "A decision that will benefit all Colombians!" Ha.

Alexis: If you want, I'll shoot him. I mean it.

Fernando: That's just a waste of bullets.

Fernando: Where to?

Alexis: New York?

Fernando: No! Its full of Colombians.

Alexis: Miami?

Fernando: It's full of Cubans.

Alexis: France?

Fernando: France is full of shit. They have problems with everybody.

Alexis: Tell me something. Do you also like women?

Fernando: Depends...

Alexis: Depends on what?

Fernando: If they have little brothers. When they have cute little brothers I do. Otherwise, no.

Isabel: Papa, have you ever picked a bad mushroom?

Fernando: No. You know why?

Isabel: Why?

Fernando: Because I always do like my grandfather told me.

[he gets up and starts to walk; the girls follow]

Fernando: If you're not sure a mushroom's good, don't pick it. Because if it's bad, and you eat it, it's your last mushroom and your last everything too.

Dinho: Good evening. Did you see anybody using that phone there?

Clodoaldo: Man, some guy made a call, what, five, ten minutes...

Dinho: Hey, look. Did you guys call me?

Clodoaldo: No, sir. No one here knows you, who are you?

Dinho: You don't know me, but you should. Look, this street right here, belongs to my family. Yeah, big people, with money. This is no favela, man. And this is no favela pay phone either, for poor people. This pay phone is not located in a favela, and it's not a "take-leave" message type of phone either.

Fernando: You shouldn't talk to us like that, doctor.

Dinho: I'm no doctor, man, nor patient. If I find out that you called me, you're all fucked. Good night.

Fernando: [Points] That's the bank! As soon as I get some money, I'll put it in.

Monco: But you're gonna have to earn it first.

Monco: Why this hotel and not some other?

Fernando: You probably wouldn't that other place as much, signor. At that place you'd stay up half the night shooting cockroaches. At this hotel, the rooms will cost you so much less. And there's a landlady at this one, signor!

Monco: Married?

Fernando: Yes, but she doesn't care!