Fergus Quotes in Jarhead (2005)

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: [Swoff and Fergus are disassembling and reassembling their rifles in their tent. Cortez is sitting a few bunks down, messing with his radio] What would you say if I told you I was gonna kill you for fucking me over like that?

Fergus: I already told you, it was an accident.

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: An accident. Right. Like when the trigger slips. Of course, your nice little mom and dad are where?

Fergus: Cottonwood Falls.

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Cottonwood Falls. They'll be sad. THey won't have their little boy to send fucking cookies to. I'll say it was an accidental discharge. I might spend some time in the brig... but it'll end this fucking waiting. And I don't knwo what it's like to kill a man.

[loads rifle and points it at Fergus]

Fergus: What are you doing?

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: I'm in the firing position known as the sitting position. After the prone position, it is the platform most likely to enable a Marine to effectivley kill his target. His target being a human, generally an enemy but sometimes a friend or friendly. We call this frinedly fire, or friendly fucking or getting friendly fucked.

Fergus: Come on Swoff, it was your watch! It was Christmans Eve, and I was just thinking about home. That's it.

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: What do you think Cortez? You think I'll accidentally kill your homeboy from boot camp?

Cortez: Sure you'll kill him. Accidents happen.

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: You don't see shit right?

Cortez: I don't see shit. This ain't even my tent. Matter of fact, I ain't even here, Swoff.

[exits tent]

Fergus: [after seeing pictures of Swofford's girlfriend in his USMC shirt] She have her own clothes?

Fergus: [to the reporter] Yes, ma'am. I'm very happy to be here. I love my country. I miss my parents. Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. They're treating me alright here.

Ramon Escobar: [to the reporter] It was an opportunity for me to defend America, the country which has given freedom to me and to my family. And it is an honor to, to fight for that freedom.

Fergus: I'm Fergus, the Ostler.

Hawkins: Who-whogus the Whatsler?

Fergus: Fergus, the Ostler. It is I, not Ravenhurst, who is your friend.

Hawkins: [ushering Fergus back to the window] Look, my good man, you pick your friends, and I shall pick mine. At the moment, I have a very important mission with the king. After all, I am the incomparable Giacomo, king of jesters and jester of kings.

[Griselda enters unnoticed]

Hawkins: I have entertained in all the courts of Europe and speak a ready wit in their every tongue.

[turns and runs into Griselda]

Hawkins: [without missing a beat] Now, who are you?

Griselda: I am Griselda.

Hawkins: Gri-who-lda?

Fergus: Little Con, bark.

Little Con: What?

Riley: And all the stuff, when we get it, where will we put it?

Fergus: In our HQ.

Little Con: What's an HQ?

Fergus: That's right, don't show your ugly mugs, the shock would sink our boat.

Fergus: For Ballydowse and Ireland... Charge.

Fergus: Tell them all what they get if they mess with the boys from Ballydowse.

School Master: By the way, what was the joke back there, I could do with a laugh?

Fergus: I messed up my clothes a bit last night, and my mammy, said she'd send me to school bare-assed.

School Master: I find that prospect more horrifying than amusing.

Fergus: Yes sir, but its just given me a funny idea.

Fergus: Have you finished scrubbin' the paint off the old chaple board?

Geronimo: And what would you know about scrubbin'? You dirty bunch of knackers.

Gorilla: Knacker socks.

Carrick Boy: Does our mammy still wash your socks in the kitchen sink?

Carrick Boy: He doesnt have a kitchen sink.

Gorilla: Here come over to Carrickdowse and we'll lend you a bath.

Fergus: A bath, does it have your rubber ducky in it Gorilla?

Tim: Does your mommy still powder your bum? You big girl's blouse.

Geronimo: Why did we do it?

Fergus: What?

Geronimo: Why did we fight?

Fergus: For the hell of it. What else is there?

William Hare: I thought life round here was supposed to be cheap.

Fergus: It is. But the price rockets once you're dead.

Alex: Why are you attracted to women?

Fergus: Because they're beautiful creatures!

Alex: Why do you think I am attracted to them?

Fergus: Because you're a lesbian!

Fergus: And you think you're just gonna bump into her in London?

Libby: Well, you know, make a few calls. Made a list of all her favorite things. You know, list of her mates and stuff. She liked bloody marys.

Fergus: Oh, that'll help.

Libby: Roller skating.

Fergus: This is eight years ago, right?

Libby: And the Elgin Marbles. British Museum, eh?

Fergus: So you might find her roller skating around the Elgin Marbles drinking a bloody mary.

Libby: Well, you never know, do you?

Fergus: Have you ever tried to pick up your teeth with broken fingers?

Deveroux: Does Pat have a tart?

Fergus: She's not a tart.

Deveroux: No, of course not. She's a lady.

Fergus: No, she's not that either.

Fergus: Do they know?

Dil: Know what, honey?

Fergus: Know what I didn't know? And don't call me that.

Dil: Can't help it! A girl has her feelings.

Fergus: Thing is, Dil, you're not a girl.

Dil: Details, baby, details.

Fergus: So they do know?

Dil: Alright, they do.

Fergus: Don't. I should've known, shouldn't I?

Dil: Probably.

Fergus: Kind of wish I didn't.

Dil: You can always pretend.

Fergus: That's true. Your soldier knew, didn't he?

Dil: Absolutely.

Dil: Ask to meet me again, Jimmy.

Fergus: Do you think that's wise?

Dil: Nothing's wise.

Fergus: I didn't mean to hit you.

Dil: I know that.

Fergus: I kind of liked you as a girl.

Dil: Well that's a start.

Fergus: So I'm sorry.

Dil: So make it up to me.

Fergus: How?

Dil: Ask to meet me again.

Col: You could always make it up to her. When a girl runs out like that, she generally wants to be followed.

Fergus: She's not a girl, Col.

Col: Whatever you say.

Dil: Got you the multivitamins and the iron tablets, hon.

Fergus: Don't call me that.

Dil: Sorry, love. Now, the white ones are magnesium supplement.

Fergus: Stop it, Dil.

Dil: I've got to keep you healthy, Jimmy. I'm counting the days. Two thousand three hundred and thirty-four left.

Fergus: Thirty-five.

Dil: I'm sorry, darling. I keep forgetting the leap year. What am I supposed to call you then, Jimmy?

Fergus: Fergus.

Dil: Fergus. Fergus my love, light of my life.

Fergus: Please, Dil.

Dil: Can't help it. You're doing time for me. No greater love, as the man says. Wish you'd tell me why.

Fergus: As the man said, it's in my nature.

Jody: Tell me a story. Tell me anything.

Fergus: When I was a child, I thought as a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things.

Jody: What does that mean?

Fergus: Nothing.

Jody: Nothing. Tell me something, anything.

[Fergus doesn't respond]

Jody: Not a lot of use, are you Fergus?

Fergus: Me? No. I'm not good for much.

Dil: You gonna tell me what it is?

Jude: What is it?

Dil: Do you know her, Jimmy?

Jude: Jimmy, is it? Do you know me, Jimmy?

Fergus: Dil, this is Jude.

Dil: Are you following me?

Jude: Yeah! Just checking. Is he being nice to you, Dil?

Dil: Ever so nice, aren't you, Jimmy?

Jude: That's good. I'm glad. Young love, as they say?

Dil: Absolutely. The younger the better. Doesn't come YOUR way much, I suppose.

Jude: Don't go looking for it, Dil.

Dil: Well, maybe you'll get lucky... someday.

Jude: Bit heavy on the powder, isn't she?

Dil: A girl has to have a bit of glamour.

Jude: Oh, absolutely. As long as she can keep it. Isn't that right, James?

Dil: What you thinking of, hon?

Fergus: I'm thinking of your man.

Dil: Why?

Fergus: I'm wondering why you keep his things.

Dil: I told you. I'm superstitious.

Fergus: Did he ever tell you you were beautiful?

Dil: All the time. Even now.

Fergus: What do you mean?

Dil: He looks after me. He's a gentleman, too.

Fergus: The thing is, Dil, you're not a girl.

Dil: Details, baby. Details.

Dil: There. That should make her happy.

Fergus: Who's she?

Dil: Don't know. Who is she?

Fergus: [kisses Dil lightly] Now are you happy?

Dil: Delirious.

Jude: What do you think of the hair?

Fergus: It suits you.

Jude: Aye. I was sick of being a blonde. I needed a tougher look, and you know what I mean.

Fergus: What the fuck, do you know about my people?

Jody: Only that you're all tough, undeluded motherfuckers... And it's not in your nature, to let me go!

Fergus: Shut the fuck up, will ya?

Fergus: So who's he?

Col: He's what she should run a mile away from.

Fergus: Then why doesn't she?

Col: Who knows the secrets of the human heart?

Fergus: What are you doing here?

Dil: Got your note. So let's kiss and make up, honey.

Fergus: Don't call me that.

Dil: Sorry, darling.

Fergus: Stop it, Dil.

Dil: Apologies, my sweet.

[last lines]

Dil: What am I supposed to call you then, Jimmy?

Fergus: Fergus.

Dil: Fergus... Fergus. My love. Light of my life.

Fergus: Please, Dil.

Dil: Can't help it. You're doing time for me. No greater love as the man says. I wish you'd tell me why.

Fergus: As a man said, it's in my nature.

Dil: What's that supposed to mean?

Fergus: Well... there's this scorpion, you see, and he wants to go across a river. Well, he can't swim so he goes to this frog, who naturally enough can swim. And he says,

[imitating the scorpion's voice]

Fergus: "Excuse me, Mr. Froggy. I want to go across the river."

[continues narrating]

Fergus: So the frog accepts the idea. The scorpion hops on the frog's back. Suddenly, the frog: "Aah!" He feels this sting! "You stung me! Why did you go and do that?" The scorpion looks at him and says, "I can't help it, it's in my nature".

Deveroux: [Dil and Fergus are having a conversation] Do it on your own time, Pat.

Fergus: What?

Deveroux: Whatever it is she does for you.

Fergus: I consider that an insult.

Deveroux: Well consider what you like, just get the bloody tart out of here!

Fergus: [getting up angrily] You ever try picking up your teeth with broken fingers?

Deveroux: What's that supposed to mean?

Fergus: Simple question.

[pause]

Fergus: [to Dil] Come on, hon.

Dil: He didn't answer, honey.

Col: Came to see *her* didn't you. Listen, there's something I should tell you. She's, uh...

Fergus: She's what?

[audience applauds as Dil takes the stage]

Col: She's on!

Col: So I see you're a regular, sir.

Fergus: Is that good or bad?

Fergus: Leave him be!

Fergus: It's harder to live for your country than to die for it.

[first lines]

Fergus: His name is Martin McGartland, and when I met him he was an unemployed Catholic hood selling stolen goods.

Fergus: In war, truth is the first casualty. Information is as powerful as bullets.

Fergus: The price of a conscience is death. None of us can afford it.

Martin: Anyway, look, I've got to get back... Like, Lara's not exactly buying my excuses anymore.

Fergus: Yeah, I was married to a nice girl once. She hung in there until I... until I tried the alien abduction excuse.

Fergus: Mitchell's late again?

Blackadder: ROLAND, asked for another day off, Fergus.

Fergus: Oh, really? Where's he gone?

Blackadder: I didn't ask, and he didn't say. He's an American for God's sake. He's probably off trafficking drugs.

Roland Michell: What do you charge an hour? Roughly.

Fergus: Oh uh, I don't know, 500.

Roland Michell: Pounds?

Fergus: Mm.

Roland Michell: Jesus! No wonder you have a nice hallway.

Fergus: Thank you.

Roland Michell: Okay, I want to buy 7 minutes of attorney-client privilege, right now.