Fawcett Brooks Quotes in G.B.F. (2013)


Fawcett Brooks Quotes:

  • Fawcett Brooks: This is an 'A' and gay conversation, so kindly see your next Tuesday out of it.

  • Tanner Daniels: You're doing it again.

    Fawcett Brooks: What?

    Tanner Daniels: That noise girls make when they see two gay guys together.

    Christian: Yeah, it's the same annoying sound people make when they see cute animals dressed in human clothes.

    Fawcett Brooks: "Ew." "Gross." "Barf." Is that better?

    Christian: Much.

  • Fawcett Brooks: You wanna stay a four-pack queer forever? Let's go!

  • Tanner Daniels: Is it just me or is she, like, the worst Mormon ever?

    Fawcett Brooks: It is SO not just you. She's cray-cray.

  • Caprice Winters: This hack-tivist doesn't give a flying fairy about gay rights. She just did it to gain the advantage with you.

    Fawcett Brooks: Oh, you mean like what you did with that male-bate, Christian?

    Caprice Winters: Whatever! At least I tried to bride him with sex. I treated him like an actual human being and not some asexual, neutered little purse puppy.

    Fawcett Brooks: Come on, Tan. I've have enough bad dinner theater dramatics for one day. We've got a revolution to plan.

    Caprice Winters: Do not come for my craft, bitch!

    Fawcett Brooks: Do not come for my BITCH, bitch!

  • [Sophie and Glenn approach the ticket table for Fawcett's "cool" prom]

    Sophie Aster: [to Tanner] I hear you and "Spigot" here are denying certain less-than-favorable people tickets.

    Fawcett Brooks: Relax, "So-Fat." You and "Memoirs of a Gay Nerd" are allowed to come. I'm giving you a temporary pass to the cool kid's table.

    Sophie Aster: We wouldn't come if you paid us, Fawcett - or should I say "Fascist?"

    Fawcett Brooks: It's your social funeral, sweetie.

    Sophie Aster: I'll start mourning now.

  • Fawcett Brooks: As for queen, they've got us in a three-way.

  • Fawcett Brooks: Don't think me presumptuous when I say "bottoms up."

    Tanner Daniels: Ugh! This tastes like ass!

    Fawcett Brooks: Mm-hm. Perfect for you.

  • Tanner Daniels: I thought carbs were like gay kryptonite or something.

    Fawcett Brooks: Alcohol is the one exception. Duh. Now, down it, bitch.

  • Tanner Daniels: You know, I actually started to believe that you were my friend, but what is this, really? Am I... am I just some tool to you, a... a... a wrench so that you can screw over Caprice and 'Shley?

    Fawcett Brooks: Wrenches don't screw things. God, you ARE gay.

  • Fawcett Brooks: Well, I can't help it that the school is devoid of the gay. I mean, if there were some, they'd obvi worship me.

  • Hamilton: We're history, which means you don't tell me what to do anymore.

    Fawcett Brooks: History - now, that's an appropriate word, because that's what you sex life is gonna be if you don't leave him alone. After all, I know things - tiny, little, pinky-sized details. Touch him again and you won't be able to get as much as a half-ass handjob from some flag-twirling color guard skank.

  • Fawcett Brooks: I'd rather say hello to a new handbag than a friend or boyfriend, and they're much easier to return.

  • Fawcett Brooks: I'm actually kind of brills when it comes to science-y stuff.

  • Fawcett Brooks: Everyone can relax. The people who matter have arrived.

  • Fawcett Brooks: Look, don't let Caprice pressure you. If you're really that nervous, then just blow off blowing what's-his-name and come to prom as MY arm candy.

  • Mindie: Tan-pon, I heard you bulimed cuisine all over a Mormon.

    Fawcett Brooks: I thought I told you to always drink on an empty stomach.

  • Mrs. Hogel: Listen, girls, I get the appeal. Now, I myself had a gay best friend once and, oh, we were roommates for many fruitful years, but now he's no longer with us.

    Tanner Daniels: Oh.

    Viola: Oh, damn.

    Soledad Braunstein: What? Where'd he go?

    Fawcett Brooks: He obvi died of the hiv, dumbass.

  • Fawcett Brooks: If you can't take your boy-toy to prom, I will lead a school-wide boycott, and if they don't meet my - I mean, OUR - demands, then I will just host my own cooler alterna-prom.

  • Student: [at the ticket table for the alterna-prom] Can I have one, please?

    Fawcett Brooks: No.

    Viola: I'm sorry. You're not on our list of approved students.

    Tanner Daniels: What?

    Fawcett Brooks: This being an indie operation, we've got very limited space, but I'm sure Caprice's old-fashioned loser dance has plenty of tickets available.

  • Fawcett Brooks: Look, I didn't make up these rules, but a fugly prom is a failed prom.

  • Fawcett Brooks: Hey, Shley, you know Caprice calls you a ginger-snatch behind your back, right?

    'Shley Osgoode: She does?

    Caprice Winters: Well, Fawcett said your religion is just Scientology without birth control or famous people.

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