Fats Quotes in House Party (1990)

Kid: [when the prisoners were drawing straws to see who gets Kid] Is there any way to stop this?

Fats: Richard Pryor said that when he was in prison, he kept folks laughing to keep their mind off his booty. Do you know any jokes?

Kid: I don't know any jokes.

Fats: Well, you better think of something.

Kid: What if I can't think of anything?

Fats: Light's out, party's over, cake's on the griddle, and you're already greased.

Bugs: [seeing Goofy in an ill-fitting suit] What are you all dressed up for?

Goofy: Me and Pops was over to see Mom. She's in the county jail.

Fats: Yeah? What for?

Goofy: Thirty days. Pop's goin' next 'cause he's gonna beat up Mama when she gts out.

Fats: They'll put you somewhere dark and mooo-dy...

Fats: Hey, you know what I think?

Corky: What do you think?

Fats: We're gonna be a staaaaaaar!

Corky: There was never me, only us.

Fats: Schmucko... us was you.

Corky: ...Wha...?

Fats: It was you the whole time... I hope I don't die first, is all...

Corky: We'll go together, chances are...

Fats: Yeah...

Fats: [to Corky as he returns from Peggy Ann's] So how was the orgy? Didja score?

Corky: I tried to stop him.

Fats: Tried... tried... ya failed!

Fats: Hey, Corky? I'm feeling light-headed.

Fats: Stop the Postman!

Corky: How? How? With what?

Fats: Me! Me! Me! Me! Meeee!

Fats: Fasten your seatbelts, everybody. It's going to be a bumpy night.

Corky: What would you say if I... called the police?

Fats: You ain't bein' logical.

Corky: There's snapping turtles out there! And once there was a water moccasin scare.

Fats: I don't care if the Loch ness monster's out there and he's ravenous.

Fats: Whoo, she goosed me!

Ben Greene: Hey kid. I'm gonna ask you to do something. It's a little something anybody oughta be able to do. Now if you can do it fine, we'll forget this whole thing, but if you can't we'll think about getting you to see somebody fast. Is it a deal?

Corky: Name it!

Ben Greene: Make Fats shut up for five minutes.

Corky: [awkward pause] Five minutes? I can make him shut up for five years.

Ben Greene: Wonderful.

[looks at watch]

Corky: [puts Fats aside] I feel like the village idiot, if you want to know the truth. Can we talk, or is it going to be strictly semaphore?

[silence]

Corky: How long so far?

Ben Greene: [readying a cigar] It's uh... Thirty seconds.

Corky: Gosh, that's uh... four-and-a-half minutes to go! Think I'll make it? Don't happen to have another of those, do you?

[receives a cigar]

Corky: Thanks. "Take two, they're big." Remember when you said that, Ben?

Ben Greene: A pro never forgets his good lines, kid.

Corky: How long now?

Ben Greene: Comin' up two minutes.

Corky: You think we'll laugh about this someday?

Corky: Might.

Corky: [starting to talk nervously faster] Make a terrific scene if you ever decide to write your autobiography. Hey, I know what you should call it! "Failing Upwards", or "How to Succeed in Show Business by Outliving Everybody".

[silence]

Corky: Two minutes yet?

Ben Greene: A minute forty-five.

Corky: This is very cruel of you, you know that?

Ben Greene: I don't mean it to be.

Corky: I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you.

Ben Greene: Well that would be sad.

Corky: Time?

Ben Greene: It's two-and-a-half minutes to go.

Corky: [pause] I can't make it.

Ben Greene: Well, I didn't think you could.

Fats: [snatched by Corky, and talking rapidly] Hello everybody! This is Mister Norman Maine! My mother thanks you, my father thanks you, my sister thanks you, and I thank you! You have nothing to fear but fear itself, nothing to give but blood, sweat, and tears, nothing to lose but your change! Here he is boys, here he is world - heeeeeere's FATS!