Father Fyodor Quotes in The Twelve Chairs (1970)


Father Fyodor Quotes:

  • Ippolit Vorobyaninov: You're not worth spitting on!

    Father Fyodor: Oh yeah? Well, you are!


  • Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Why are you after my chair?

    Father Fyodor: It's not yours.

    Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Then whose is it?

    Father Fyodor: It's nationalized property. It belongs to the workers

    Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Did you said the workers?

    Father Fyodor: Yes, the workers.

    Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Maybe the holy father is a member of the communist party.

    Father Fyodor: Maybe.

    Ippolit Vorobyaninov: But the party is for atheists. How can a priest join the party?

    Father Fyodor: The church must keep up with the times.

  • Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Why are you after my chair?

    Father Fyodor: It's not yours!

    Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Then who's is it?

    Father Fyodor: It's nationalized property! It belongs to the workers?

    Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Did you say "the workers"?

    Father Fyodor: Yes, the workers!

    Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Maybe the Holy Father is a member of the Communist Party?

    Father Fyodor: Maybe...

    Ippolit Vorobyaninov: But the Party is for atheists. How can a priest join the PARTY?

    [Kicks the priest in the shin]

    Father Fyodor: [Grimacing from the kick] Mm... The Church must keep up with the times...

  • Father Fyodor: Oh, God! You're so strict!

  • Father Fyodor: A memento of your lovely home!

    [to the family in Syberia, as he attempts to steal a chair, and they attempt to throw him out]

  • Father Fyodor: What detail. What fine workmanship. What a gorgeous chairrrrr!

  • Ippolit Vorobyaninov: [They've torn one of chairs to pieces when Vorobyaninov realizes] How did you find out about the jewels?

    Father Fyodor: [pause, then] People talk.

    Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Why, you disgusting creature! You used the sacred sacrement of confession to further your own ends!

    Father Fyodor: Not really.

    Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Well, you are just about the most contemptible creature it has even been my misfortune to meet! You're not worth spitting on!

    Father Fyodor: Well, you are!

    [He spits on Vorobyaninov]

  • Father Fyodor: [Bender is masquerading as a government official as Father Fyodor walks into the office to get information about the chairs] I am Vorobyaninov's son.

    [Ostap stares at him]

    Father Fyodor: His first-born. He was like a father to me.

    Ostap Bender: So... you are Vorobyaninov's son.

    Father Fyodor: Yes, I am.

    Ostap Bender: [quickly] How old are you?

    Father Fyodor: 46... 44.

    Ostap Bender: Which is it?

    Father Fyodor: 42... 42.

    Ostap Bender: According to our records, Vorobyaninov is 53. That means that when you were born, your father was... 11.

    [Father Fyodor gives an impressed whistle]

  • Father Fyodor: [to Madam Bruns] My dear lady... don't you understand?

    [he goes totally manic]

    Father Fyodor: I need those chairs!

  • Ostap Bender: [Father Fyodor has just handed supposed government official Ostap a pocket watch] Are you trying to bribe a Soviet official?

    Father Fyodor: Oh, no, no, no, no, no... I was hoping for the best.

  • Father Fyodor: I want to grovel at your feet! I must grovel at your feet!

    Madam Bruns: No groveling! There will be no groveling in this house! This is a Soviet household! We don't allow groveling!

  • Father Fyodor: [desperately trying to think of a motive to get the chairs from the Bruns] C'mon, brain!

  • Ippolit Vorobyaninov: [Father Fyodor is on the top of a mountain, ripping a chair apart] It's very quiet... what do you supposed he's doing? Do you think he found the jewels?

    Ostap Bender: In a moment, the jury will bring in a verdict.

    [They wait]

    Father Fyodor: Oh Lord, you're so strict!

  • Father Fyodor: Oh Lord... oh Lord, if this is your pun... ish... ment...

    [he realizes that he's trapped on top of a mountain with no way down]

    Father Fyodor: How did I get here? There's no way down... there's absolutely no way down! I'm gonna need a great deal of help to get down!

    [he sees Ostap and Vorobyaninov leaving]

    Father Fyodor: Boys! Oh, boys! Yoo-hoo, Vorobyaninov! I have always liked you, you know that? We come from the same village. For twenty-five years, I have been your priest... oh, for Christ's sake, get me down!

    [they walk away]

    Father Fyodor: Get... me... down!

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Characters on The Twelve Chairs (1970)