Father Brian Kilkenney Finn Quotes in Keeping the Faith (2000)

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: I keep thinking about what you said in seminary, that the life of a priest is hard and if you can see yourself being happy doing anything else you should do that.

Father Havel: That was my recruitment pitch, which is not bad when you're starting out because it makes you feel like a marine. The truth is you can never tell yourself there is only one thing you could be. If you are a priest or if you marry a woman it's the same challenge. You cannot make a real commitment unless you accept that it's a choice that you keep making again and again and again.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Sometimes we don't see certain things until we're ready to see them in a certain way.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: I don't doubt myself because of you. I feel like the best version of myself when I'm with you, and that makes me doubt everything else.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Let me just say... Oy.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Amen to your oy.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: The seven deadly sins. Who can name the seven deadly sins? People! It was a very popular film with Brad Pitt, you have the ultimate cliff note.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: You're a Sikh, Catholic Muslim with Jewish in-laws?

Indian Bartender: Yes. Yes. It gets very complicated. I'm reading Dianetics.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Don't blame you.

Anna Riley: [to Jake] So what's your chick situation?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh, don't ask, it's not a good story.

Anna Riley: Why?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Because his whole congregation is trying to set him up and it makes him very uncomfortable.

Anna Riley: What's wrong with that?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: There's a reason pandas don't mate in captivity.

Anna Riley: What does that mean?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: It means these mothers keep making these dates for me that I can't refuse. They're very intimidating, they're like the Kosher Nostra. They're little women but very determined.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: I think you get a little melodramatic about this, don't you think?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Oh, yeah? Today one of them faxed me her daughter's resume.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Let me see that. Ali Decker.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Look at the bottom.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh. She has a skills section.

Anna Riley: Yes?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh, you win. She put jogging as a skill.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: See? She doesn't even know the difference between a hobby and a skill.

Anna Riley: All right, so maybe she's a skilled jogger.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I have to go on a date with this woman. Why can't I just say no?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: I don't know, why can't you?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I can't alienate these women, I need body count at the temple.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: You know you better not lie in here man, this is the big room! God does not look favorably on you. He has a tendancy to throw... lightning bolts at things... At liars!

Indian Bartender: Let me guess. Your old lady got fed up because you're out here chasing the skirt so she took these little ones and left you.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: It's a little more complicated than that.

Indian Bartender: Sure it is. Everyone thinks his story is the one with a twist. Well let me tell you, I've heard just about everything there is to...

[Brian unzips his jacket, revealing his priest's collar]

Indian Bartender: Holy shit.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Exactly.

[Brian, a celibate priest, confesses his love for Anna, to Jake's astonishment]

Jacob: I mean, she's like your sister!

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Thank you for adding new depth to my confusion.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: The truth is, I don't really learn that much about your faith by asking questions like that... because those aren't really questions about faith, those are questions about religion. And it's very important to understand the difference between religion and faith. Because faith is not about having the right answers. Faith is a feeling. Faith is a hunch, really. It's a hunch that there is something bigger connecting it all... connecting us all together. And that feeling, that hunch, is God. And coming here tonight, on your Sunday evening... to connect with that feeling, that is an act of faith. And so all I have to do is look around the room at this packed church... to know that we're doing pretty well as a community. Even if all of you failed my pop quiz miserably.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Who is the coolest woman you and I have ever known, ever.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: That's easy. Anna Reilly, eighth grade. No question.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: You got it.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: What? She called you? Anna Reilly called you?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yeah. Totally out of the blue.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Why?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: 'Cause she's coming to New York, uh, for work... and she wanted to get together with us. She just looked me up.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Really? Anna Reilly. What is she doing now?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: She - She's, like, analyzing synergies, or synergising analogies, or, or some such thing. I couldn't follow it. She's, like, this very high-powered business - You know.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Woman?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Woman, yes. Thank you.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Wow. And you told her about us?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yeah. She flipped, in a - in a good way. You know, I mean, she laughed for about ten minutes, but she was excited.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Man, that is so cool.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: I know.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I wonder why she called you.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: What do you mean?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: No, I mean, she called you.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: What, are you in the eighth grade still?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: What? That's a legitimate question. I just - I mean, we're both listed.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Finn before Schram, okay? You're ridiculous.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: That's a good point. Alphabetical.

Anna Riley: Rachel Rose. Yeah. When's that going down?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Thursday.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [in Rain Man accent] Thursday night, 8p.m., dinner.

Anna Riley: Are you excited?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Yeah. I have a pretty good feeling.

Anna Riley: Where are you taking her?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I don't know. I thought, uh, Ernie's.

Anna Riley: Ernie's? You can't take her to Ernie's. Ernie's has been around since we were kids. You might as well take her to Houlihan's. You cannot take Rachel Rose to Ernie's.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [still in Rain Man accent] Definitely not Ernie's. Definitely not. Mm-mmm. Uh-oh.

Anna Riley: No, you gotta take her someplace new and hot.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [still in Rain Man accent] No, hot. Definitely hot.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Well, what's - Okay, what's new and hot?

Anna Riley: What do we know about this girl?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [still in Rain Man accent] Rachel Rose, 29 years old, Columbia School of Journalism. Middle East affairs expert.

Anna Riley: Perfect. Middle Eastern. She can order in Arabic. Give her a chance to shine. What's a good place?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [still in Rain Man accent] Delphini's. Definitely Delphini's. Four stars, New York Times. Definitely Delphini's. Need a reservation. Delphini's.

Anna Riley: Now, are you gonna wear a suit, or are you gonna go cas'?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I don't know. I don't know. I hadn't thought about it. I guess cas'.

Anna Riley, Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: No, suit.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [still in Rain Man accent] Definitely suit. Definitely...

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Hey, shut up, Rain Man. Seriously. Enough, all right? Now you're making me think about this.

Anna Riley: Oh, relax. You'll do great.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Jews want their rabbis to be the kind of Jews they don't have the time to be.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yeah, and Catholics want their priests to be the kind of Catholics they don't have the discipline to be.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: What happened to our youth?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: I'm telling you, it ended at 30, pal.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Whoah! Are you seriously telling me that unless you find a nice Jewish girl and settle down in the next six months they're not going to give you this job?

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I'm seriously telling you there has not been a bachelor head rabbi of B'Nei Ezra since the beginning of the synagogue.

Anna Riley: Can I ask you a question?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yeah, of course, anything.

Anna Riley: It's personal, so...

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh, are we gonna have the sex talk here?

Anna Riley: Yes, you're my friend and I wanna know how this works for you.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Fire away, you must have a list of questions.

Anna Riley: Really?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Really?

Anna Riley: So you... don't. Right?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Right.

Anna Riley: At all.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: At all.

Anna Riley: Have you ever, er?

[getting uncomfortable]

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Had sex? Yes.

Anna Riley: With women.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yes.

Anna Riley: So you're not gay.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: No. No.

Anna Riley: Are you sure?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yes, but even if I was the rules are the same.

Anna Riley: Do you miss it?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: No.

Anna Riley: Are you tempted?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Nah!

Anna Riley: Oh, admit it. If they changed the rules you'd be psyched.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: If I was to tell you that I loved you and I'd give it all away just to be with you, what would you say?

Woman in Bar: Good night, Paulie.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yep. That's about par for the evening.

Paulie Chopra: I would like to thank you for telling me that story.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Why?

Paulie Chopra: Because now I have heard it all, and I can retire.

Indian Bartender: Um, let me get this straight. I am talking to a pries who went on a bender because his best friend, a rabbi, stole his girl.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Right.

Indian Bartender: Thank you. I want to thank you for telling me this story.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Why?

Indian Bartender: Because now I can retire.

Don: [in an thick Philipino accent] How you guys doing? I'm Don. Don, rhyme with flon. You have any question?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yes, Yes indeed Don we do. Is this a good machine?

Don: Yeah it is good if you cheap bastard. No jus... jus doing comedy with you. That one is okay. But if you are serious about Kar'-oke.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh we are!

Don: Okay then... there is only one model for you. The AUDIO 2000. This baby got the 16-bit dual D/A converter, 3 beam checking, digital key controller, so you can change the pitch if your voice sucks. But I don't need that.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: That's nice. How much?

Don: Price is not important

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: No price is very important, actually.

Don: Okay you got me; take me away. Okay it's a lil' bit expensive. But let me tell you, it's worth it. When you sing to your girlfriend.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Uh huh.

Don: And her heart thweaaaatt-boom! fall down on the floor, you say thank you Don.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: How much does it cost, exactly?

Don: [Motions them over and begins to talk quietly in an American accent] Alright, here's the real deal. Um, I don't usually do this but you guys look like cool guys, and uh, I got a little piece of ass last night, so I am feeling extra generous.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Oh!

Don: I'm gonna let you guys have it for $1,300.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: $1,300?

Don: Final offer.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: uh, excuse me, I just got a little warm.

[unzips jacket to reveal priest's collar]

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: My friend, he gets, he gets a little warm.

Don: [Sees priest's collar] Oh man! What is that? What is... get out of here with that. Is that real?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh yeah!

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: I got you something. I almost didn't because I was so mad but this is too good.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Holy shit! It's the Rabbi Schlomo Schnurson rookie card! It's like the last in the series!

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: It's customary to sneak out after communion.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: You're not gonna tell me what to do here, are you.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: No, I'm glad you saved it because it's definitely less weird for me now.

Anna Riley: What's happening with Ruth and Ethan?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh. Ethan married a Catholic girl and that did not go over well.

Anna Riley: That's why they're fighting?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: They're not fighting, they're not talking. Two years now no communicado.

Anna Riley: Are you serious?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yeah.

Anna Riley: What? Weren't they really close though?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: As close as Ruth and Jake.

Anna Riley: That explains a lot.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: You see why tonight was not just a date.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [to Anna] Excuse me if I say that I don't think I'm the best person to offer objective advice on this particular confession.

Rachel Rose: [to Brian and Anna] So how long have you two been together?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh, right!

Anna Riley: Oh, we go way back.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yeah, we've known each other since we were kids 'cause we grew up together and we connected again a couple months back this was and we just clicked, really unexpectedly.

Father Havel: I remember I fell in love with this girl in Prague. She was beautiful. She looked like Carol Lombard. She grabbed me in the alley behind my church, she pressed me up against the wall, she kissed me. I was so happy I thought I would die, I felt like Richard Chamberlain in "The Thorn Birds", you know with Meggie in the attic.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: You never told me this. Did anything happen between you?

Father Havel: Not really. Flirtations, little moments, but soon after the Russians invaded Czechoslovakia and I moved to the United States.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: You wanna bring a priest to your first good date in two years? What kind of strategy is that?

Anna Riley: You look so hot in your suit, can I just tell you.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Thank you. You look beautiful.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yeah, you really do.

Anna Riley: Thanks, men!

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I don't know what it is.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: An absence of something.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Yeah, the cell phone.

Anna Riley: Uh, uh, uh. It's set to vibrate.

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Wow, that's... sexy.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: You must think I'm such an idiot!

Anna Riley: No, Brian!

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: No, no no, I think I'm an idiot!

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: I'm Irish! This is milk to me baby! Milk!

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: I feel like I'm on some bad new Aaron Spelling show - "Melrose Priest."

Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: You're in love with her?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [to himself] No one seems to have picked up on this. It's very strange.

Omar: [speaking passionately in Spanish to Father Brian inside a confessional] Mrs. Lopez, she's seriously hot, she's got a rack like

[gestures with his hands]

Omar: ... Forgive Father...

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [in Spanish] Really, don't worry about it. It's completely normal to have those feelings, everyone has them. What's important is what you do with those feelings. Understand?

Omar: Sí.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Sí?

Omar: Mmmhmm.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [Omar bumps into Brian and Anna] Omar!

Omar: [in Spanish] Sorry, father, hey she has a nice ass!

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [in Spanish] You're the expert, huh?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: I'm God's consiglieri.

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: What could possibly be holding you back at this point?

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: [voiceover] My parents had basically given up on children when I came along, so my mother always called me her 'gift from God.' That really stuck with me and when I was eight I told her I had a feeling I was supposed to return the favor. She was so happy she cried. My dad just wanted to know if working for God came with dental.