Eve Quotes in Skyfall (2012)

Eve: [watches Bond shave] Cut-throat razor. How very traditional.

James Bond: Well, I like to do some things the old-fashioned way.

Eve: Sometimes the old ways are the best.

James Bond: [a mirror on Land Rover's right door falls] That's all right. You weren't using it.

Eve: [makes left mirror fall] I wasn't using that one, either.

[Bond is gifted the porcelain bulldog]

Eve: I think she was encouraging you to take a desk job.

James Bond: Just the opposite.

James Bond: Not enough excitement in Istanbul?

Eve: I've been reassigned. Temporary suspension from field work.

James Bond: Really?

Eve: Mmm. Something to do with killing 007.

James Bond: Well, you gave it your best shot.

Eve: That was hardly my best shot.

James Bond: I'm not sure I could survive your best.

Eve: I doubt you'll get the chance.

James Bond: [about getting shot] In your defense, a moving target is harder to hit.

Eve: Then you'd better keep moving.

Eve: She's ready for you.

James Bond: I'm sorry, have we met before?

Eve: I'm the one who should say sorry.

James Bond: It was only four ribs. Some of the less vital organs. Nothing major.

Eve: She's pretty.

James Bond: Now, now.

Eve: If you like that sort of thing.

James Bond: I'll keep you posted.

[puts his earpiece into her glass]

M: [last line before opening credits] Take the bloody shot!

Eve: Agent down.

Eve: You know, Mallory's not as bad as you think.

James Bond: He's a bureaucrat.

Eve: You should do your homework. Gareth Mallory was a Lieutenant Colonel...

James Bond: Lieutenant Colonel in Northern Ireland. Hereford Regiment. Spent three months at the hands of the IRA.

Eve: So there's more to him than meets the eye.

M: [via Eve's earpiece] What was that?

Eve: VW Beetles... I think.

James Bond: You know, we've never formerly been introduced.

Eve: Oh? Well, my name's Eve. Eve Moneypenny.

James Bond: Well I look forward to our time together, Miss Moneypenny.

Eve: Me too. I'm sure we'll have one or two close shaves.

Eve: [to Bond] Keep still. This is the tricky part. Now, that's better.

James Bond: You look beautiful in that dress.

Eve: You don't scrub up so bad yourself.

James Bond: Well, its amazing what one can do with an extra pair of hands.

James Bond: Do you gamble?

Eve: I like a little flutter, now and then. Who doesn't like to take chances?

Eve: I dreamt of the day we would meet. Like a silly little girl. You're as cold as one already dead.

Selene: Yesterday, I was with your father. He was only a little further away from than you are now. I went to sleep. And when I awoke the next day, I learned that, overnight, 12 years had passed. And instead of the only man I ever loved, there stood a girl with his eyes. My heart is not cold. It's broken.

Eve: [Rips out Dr. Jacob Lane's throat] It's worse if you tried to fight it. Trust me.

Shirt Factory Supervisor: [to Chev] Hey, asshole! Asshole!

Eve: Don't talk to him like that! My boyfriend kills people!

Eve: [bullets flying all over the place] I forgot to take my Birth-Control Pills!

Chev Chelios: [Eve abruptly stops a blow job as he drives] What's the matter?

Eve: So you can fall asleep like you always do? I don't think so.

Chev Chelios: [screams and hits the gas pedal] Jesus, fuck!

Eve: Oh, you are so big!

Eve: Take me now, in front of all these people!

Eve: You're so stressed out. Do you want some pot?

Chev Chelios: Yeah. No!

[He's driving recklessly while she abruptly stops performing fellatio on him]

Chev Chelios: Hey, you can't stop! I'm not finished!

Eve: And have you fall asleep? No way!

Eve: If I tell you I already have a boyfriend, you promise not to take it as some kind of big macho challenge and try to steal me away from him?

Mommy: WHAT! That bitch! That god damn black bitch! Ohhhhhh, how dare she mess around with my poppies! My god, everybody in Turkey must be flying and I'll kill her and I will kill her! 30-million dollars up in smoke! God damn her, that trouble-makin' coon!

Eve: Here's some brandy. It will calm your nerves.

Mommy: Oh, thank you, Eve, darling. Mmmm. Ahhhh. You're the only one around here, gives a shit about Mommy. Mmmm. Well, now, as long as she's over there, nothings gonna get through! I want her black ass back here!

Patrick Ross: Eve.

Eve: Patrick.

Eve: Good and evil are just imaginary friends.

[last lines]

Wrecks: What do you say?

Eve: I'm sorry

Wrecks: And?

Eve: It won't happen again

[last lines]

Eve: [as Wrecks deserts her to unsuccessfully escape the ensuring blast wave] WRECKS... YOUR FIRED!

Eve: I need your help, Mark. The enemy's I mentioned are here to extract the data stored here in my memory matrix. Once they have it, they will destroy the Earth. The process is already under way I don't know who it is but someone with access to my higher functions has begun transmitting the information to them. Soon, they will have everything they want.

Eve: Do you like metal?

Jason Flannery: Only if it's heavy.

EVE: Name?

WALL.E: WALL-E.

EVE: WALL-E?

[giggles]

EVE: EVE.

WALL.E: [attempting to pronounce it] Eeee...

EVE: EVE.

WALL.E: Eeeee... aah.

EVE: "EVE"! "EVE"!

WALL.E: Eeeee... va?

[EVE giggles]

EVE: [EVE repeats "Directive" in multiple languages, ending with... ] Directive?

[WALL-E demonstrates his trash-compacting function]

WALL.E: Ta-dah!

EVE: Ohhh...

WALL.E: Dirrrrr-ect-tivvve?

EVE: Directive?

[WALL-E nods]

EVE: [Eve turns away, sharply] Classified.

WALL.E: Oh.

[repeated line]

EVE: WALL-E!

[repeated line]

EVE: Directive.

Eve: [to the eastern pack] I just want to say one thing, if any of you wolves have hurt my daughter I will personally rip out your eyes and shove them down your throat so you can see my claws tearing your carcass open!

[All the eastern wolves back away in fear]

Lilly: Uhh... mom?

Eve: Not now dear, mommy's in a rage.

Lilly: Well, well since Kate 'stood up' Garth, I could show him around until she gets back.

Garth: [Scoffs] I wouldn't say stood up.

Tony: [Off screen] Garth!

Garth: [Gulps] Sounds good to me.

Lilly: Well come on Garth.

Eve: [Growls at Garth] Aw, isn't that sweet? She gets it from me.

Eve: Aww Kate, you look so beautiful. Now, if Garth gets out of line, take those beautiful teeth of your's, go for the throat and don't let go until the body stops shaking.

Kate: [Looks around in shock]

Winston: [Clears throat] My little girl doesn't want to do this, she's not ready.

Kate: Don't worry dad, I'm ready.

Winston: [laughs]

Kate: Come on Lilly.

Lilly: Ok, ok.

Winston: An Alpha and an Omega. An Omega and an Alpha. Eve, help me out!

Eve: Oh!

[Faints]

Eve: It looks like a man. I have never seen a man before, but it looks like one. I think it's the most unusual of the reptiles. It has frizzy hair, no hips, and tapers like a carrot, so it must be a reptile, although it could also be architecture.

Eve: What is that?

Adam: It's a... valentine.

Eve: Valentine? Where did you get that word?

Adam: It... looks like a valentine.

Eve: It's a good word, and bears repeating.

Benjamin Blake: [Seeing sailing ship approach] This time is no derelict; Eve...

Eve: You will go! If you stay out of pity, I will throw myself in sea.

Benjamin Blake: Eve!

Eve: I can only be happy if you are happy.

Eve: [raising fork up inside her fist] What's this?

Benjamin Blake: It's to eat with.

Benjamin Blake: [seeing Eve fail to pick up any food]

[laughs]

Benjamin Blake: No, no, no; like this.

Eve: [failing to pick up food again, at Ben laughing] Why?

Benjamin Blake: Go on, try again!

Eve: No; I am too stup'!

Benjamin Blake: No, perhaps I am the one that's stupid.

[looks at utensils]

Benjamin Blake: These things have no place here.

Durante: [Dreaming he is Adam in the Garden of Eden] One, two, three, four, five. There's a rib missing. They promised me a woman for that rib. There's something screwy around here. Where's that beautiful baby doll?

"Eve": [Enters Eve sporting a large schnoz] Oh, Daddy!

Durante: A carbon copy! I've been ribbed!

Eve: And if you're smart enough, you learn from your mistakes. You figure it out. You... you think. You realize that life isn't some elaborate stage play with directions for the actors. Life's a mess, Sara. It's... it's chaos personified.

Eve: You know who plays golf? Guys who are too fat to play tennis, like this guy.

[Discussing the Cool Hand Luke poster Sara saw]

Eve: Sara, it was a movie poster, it's no big deal.

Sara: It's peculiar though, right? Don't you think?

Eve: I thought you were through with all this new-age bullshit, feng-shuey and all that crap.

Sara: Eve, for someone who owns a new-age store you're incredibly earth-bound

Eve: Oh yeah, well, for a shrink-in-training, you're a little bit crazy, I'll tell you that much.

Eve: Prada! Ooh! Prada! I love this stuff!

Salesman: That's 20 bucks.

Sara: Eve, that's a horrific knockoff! At least my knockoff says 'Pradi,' yours says 'Prado!'

Eve: Well, I say for a dollar I can buy a magic marker and fix it. I'll take it!

Eve: You see that is what happens when people get hooked on the new age life they end up sitting at home burning candles for mister right, when mister good enough for right now is waiting at the corner bar!

Eve: [commenting on Sara's craziness] They should make pills for this.

Eve: I'm sure she'll be very famous.

Adam: God, I hope not. She's way too good for that.

Eve: Tell me now about entanglement. Einstein's spooky action at a distance. Is it related to quantum theory?

Adam: Hm. No I mean, it's not a Theory it's proven.

Eve: How does it go again?

Adam: When you separate an entwined particle and you move both parts away from the other, even at opposite ends of the universe, if you alter or affect one, the other will be identically altered or affected.

Eve: Spooky. Even at opposite ends of the universe?

Adam: Yeah.

Eve: How can you've lived for so long and still not get it? This self obsession is a waste of living. It could be spend in surviving things, appreciating nature, nurturing kindness and friendship, and dancing. You have been pretty lucky in love though, if I may say so.

Eve: [after seeing Ian's body melt in acid] That certainly was visual.

Eve: I'm gonna get you that present. Give me all your money, baby.

Ava: [after she has drained Ian of blood] Oh, I didn't mean to, he was just so cute. And now I feel sick.

Eve: What do you expect, he's from the fucking music industry!

Adam: It's probably blood poisoning.

Eve: Don't joke Adam.

Adam: I'm not!

Eve: So this is your wilderness. Detroit.

Adam: Everybody left.

Eve: What's that?

Adam: It's the Packard plant, where they once built the most beautiful cars in the world. Finished.

Eve: But this place will rise again.

Adam: Will it?

Eve: Yeah. There's water here. And when the cities in the South are burning, this place will bloom.

Eve: Now hold on, hold on just a minute! In the first place I do not fall in love with weirdos who I've only known for four or five days!

Troy: Yes you do.

Eve: And I don't fall in love with grown men who collect baseball cards!

Troy: Yes you do.

Eve: Or pee in their pants when they see the ocean!

Troy: Yes you do.

Eve: Or have perfect table manners!

Troy: You know, I asked him about that. He said, good manners are just a way of showing other people we have respect for them. See, I didn't know that, I thought it was just a way of acting all superior. Oh and you know what else he told me?

Eve: What?

Troy: He thinks I'm a gentleman and you're a lady.

Eve: [disgusted] Well, consider the source! I don't even know what a lady is.

Troy: I know, I mean I thought a "gentleman" was somebody that owned horses. But it turns out, his short and simple definition of a lady or a gentleman is, someone who always tries to make sure the people around him or her are as comfortable as possible.

Eve: Where do you think he got all that information?

Troy: From the oddest place - his parents. I mean, I don't think I got that memo from mine.

Eve: So for four thousand dollars, all I have to do is drive you to your hotel?

Adam: Uh-huh!

Eve: That's it?

Adam: Yes.

Eve: And I don't have to take a physical in your spaceship?

[Adam has bought rollerblades]

Adam: Eve, can I skate around your block?

Troy: [suggestively] How about it, Eve - can he *skate* around your block?

Eve: No.

Troy: Just a few laps.

Adam: It won't take long.

Eve: No.

Eve: What kind of wife are you looking for?

Adam: Oh um, well... one who's not a mutant.

Eve: [laughs] No dogs, huh. OK. Cool.

Adam: And if it's possible, I'd like to marry someone from Pasadena.

Eve: [laughs] Um, when do you need her by?

Adam: Two weeks?

Eve: Well, I can probably get you laid in two weeks, but to locate a non-mutant wife from Pasadena takes some time.

Adam: That's what I was afraid of.

Eve: Where are you parked?

Adam: I came on a bus.

Eve: Why does that not surprise me.

Adam: I dunno. Why doesn't that sunrise you?

Eve: Well, I guess because I'm a little psychic. I have this thing.

Adam: Oh, that's nice.

Eve: Yeah, let me guess something. This is your first visit to La-La-Land. You're staying somewhere in Hollywood because like an idiot you thought that would be an exciting place to stay. Am I right so far?

Adam: So far?

Eve: Yes, I'm right?

Adam: Right.

Eve: I knew it. So anyhow, you get on a bus and before you know it you're stuck in the San Fernando Valley without a clue, which brings us to here. Correct again?

Adam: Again.

Eve: Where are you staying? The Holiday Inn.

Adam: Oh. Yes! Yes! The Holiday Inn. That's exactly right.

Eve: See, I'm psychic. I mean not completely but pretty much. Pretty good, huh?

Adam: No, that was amazing!

Eve: Yeah I know. Thanks.

Eve: Oh, you coward.

Troy: Gentleman coward.

Eve: What have you been doing?

Adam: Watching television... in color.

Eve: Have you ever had sex before?

Adam: No.

Eve: How is that possible?

Eve: Here ya go, one champagne cocktail.

Adam: Oh, thank you.

Eve: I thought only hookers drank those things?

Adam: Well, I know Mom sure likes 'em.

Troy: Eve, a man walks into your life, who's the kindest, most polite, most incredibly rich guy you've ever met...

Eve: And I have him committed.

Troy: Yes. Yes you did.

Eve: Well, at least I fell for him before I knew he was rich. That's new.

Eve: [to Adam, about Troy] He's gay, by the way.

Adam: [thinking she means that Troy is happy] Well, good for you!

Adam: What do mean you can get me laid?

Eve: Uh, can we talk about that a little later?

Adam: Of course.

Eve: Great.

[Adam, Eve and Troy are at the club, looking for a girlfriend for Adam. Adam spots a lovely young woman]

Adam: How about her?

Eve: No way.

Adam: No way? Why not? I, I think she's very attractive.

Eve: Adam! She's got 'bitch' written all over her. You do know what 'bitch' means, don't you?

Adam: [nodding] Well, well, yes, I do. I do have a dictionary. But I can't understand for the life of me why you would say that about her. Or why Cliff would say that about *you*!

[Troy stifles a laugh; Eve glares at him and then at Adam]

Eve: [Trying to get rid of Troy] You! Go to the bathroom!

Troy: What, right *here*?

[pause while Eve stares at him]

Troy: Well I thought I should check, you're being so bossy!

Eve: Whenever Adam gives me, such obviously incorrect information. I just smile, slap him on the knee and look out the window. Why spoil his dreams? They're such wonderful dreams.

Eve: And now I suppose he's trying to make those two dancers feel as comfortable as possible.

Troy: No. He didn't go home with them.

Eve: [Eve gives a happy look to Troy] ... Well.

Troy: He went home with Sophie.

Eve: [screams really loudly] No!

Troy: Yep.

Eve: No!

Troy: She swept him out of the room, whispering little sweet French nothings into his ear.

Eve: Rule number one in North America: no strangers in the car.

Adam: Well if it will make you feel any better, I don't have a gun.

Eve: Oh, well that changes everything.

Eve: I'm sick of working for that dickhead.

Adam: What?

Eve: You know, a walking penis capable of intelligent speech. A dickhead!

Dave: Don't we get a last request?

Eve: What would you like?

Dave: Would you scratch my nose for me?

[Eve scratches his nose with a coin and then kisses him]

Dave: You're a very sick woman.

Eve: Thank you. Mr Karew, what would you you like?

Wally: I suppose a fuck is out of the question.

Eve: I'm afraid so.

Eve: But you see, you're the ones they're looking for. Not me. If I get on that helicopter with the coin, I get out of here squeaky clean.

Dave: You're too tall for me anyway.

Eve: We don't die inhaling. We exhale. We leave it all behind.

[last lines]

Eve: [on answering machine] Hola, my beautiful sister. It's Eve. Happy belated Easter, for what that's worth, I don't know. I got your message and I think that would be so awesome. Lady, you pick the date, I am there. We'll eat, we'll surf, do everything you're supposed to do here in beautiful Encinitas. Which is, uh, eating and surfing, now that I think about it. Anyway, call me. I love you.

Eric: [on answering machine] Hey,it's, uh, it's Eric. I just called to let you know I dropped off some o' your mail. Uh, your landlord said he'd put it inside your apartment for you so I just wanna make sure you got it. I hope you're doing OK. Um, that's it. Okay. Bye.

Diane: Oscar and I...

Oscar: Both speak French!

Diane: Oscar and I... are lovers.

Eve: What?

Oscar: What? Are you drunk?

Albert: Man, she ain't nuttin' but a groupie with a pen.

Eve: I hear a pen is all you have in your pants and it's already out of ink.

Eve: When are you going to forgive him?

Kelly: When am I going to forgive him? That's quite a question, mom. When am I going to forgive him, hmm. I don't know, maybe, maybe when I forget all the lyrics to Little Mermaid sound track that he'd play me every time so he could go score. Maybe when we don't live in a house that's always for sale. I don't know - you know, I'll forgive him when I go to college. That's when I'll forgive him. I can't go, can I? 'Cause he took all the money out of my college fund, and bought Mexican black tar with it. And you're asking me to forgive this guy. No way.

Eve: [after a dinner where Terry Randall has evidently spoken very eloquently about Shakespeare] Well, I don't like to gossip, but that new gal seems to have an awful crush on Shakespeare!

Susan: [jokingly] I wouldn't be surprised if they get married!

Mary Lou: [with genuine naiveté] Oh, you're foolin'! Shakespeare's dead!

Susan: [Feigning surprise, playing along to entertain the others] No!

Mary Lou: Well, if he's the same one that wrote "Hamlet", he is!

Eve: [playing along, too] Never heard of it.

Mary Lou: Well, certainly you must have heard of "Hamlet"!

Eve: Well, I meet so many people.

Jean Maitland: Hey, you're not gonna catch the opening tonight, huh?

Eve: No, I'm going tomorrow and catch the closing.

Eve: A pleasant little foursome. I predict a hatchet murder before the night's over.

Eve: It must have been counterfeit. There's no such thing as a fifty dollar bill.

Judy Canfield: You know, I think she's as phony as that bill.

Terry Randall: The trouble with you is you're all trying to be comics. Don't you ever take anything seriously?

Judy Canfield: After you've sat around for a year trying to get a job, you won't take anything seriously either.

Terry Randall: Well, do you have to just sit around and do nothing about it?

Judy Canfield: Maybe it's in the blood. My grandfather sat around until he was 80.

Terry Randall: Well, my grandfather didn't. And if he and a lot of others hadn't crossed the country in a covered wagon, there'd still be Indians living in Wichita.

Eve: Who do you think's living there now?

Eve: You can't have peace without a war.

Terry Randall: You sound very superior. What have you ever done in the theater?

Eve: Everything but burst out of a pie at a Rotarian banquet.

Kay Hamilton: Do you have appointments too?

Judy Canfield: We're waiting for Randall. If she doesn't crack Powell's office by two o'clock, she's buying us lunch.

Eve: We're starting off with caviar. Oh, not that small sturgeon kind; but, nice big whale caviar.

Eve: Looks like there's a new Queen Bee buzzing around the hive.

Judy Canfield: Well, it seems to be the same King.

Jean Maitland: Hey, you're not going to catch the opening tonight, huh?

Eve: No, I'm going tomorrow and catch the closing.

Eve: I'll never put my trust in males again.

Terry Randall: What happened to Eve?

Jean Maitland: She's broken hearted. Henry's in a cat hospital.

Terry Randall: An accident?

Jean Maitland: He just had a litter of kittens.

Terry Randall: Well, that's easy to solve. Change his name to Henrietta.

Susan: Hang onto your chairs girls, we're going to get another load of Shakespeare.

Terry Randall: Is it against the rules of the house to discuss the classics?

Eve: No. Go right ahead. I won't take my sleeping pill tonight.

Eve: I thought I was through getting involved with men who were trouble. Falling in love on a look.

Song: Away, away, away.

Eve: I can't look at you.

Mickey: You have perfection about you.

Song: Feels so nice.

Eve: Oh, brother. Perfection. Me.

Song: What delight!

Mickey: Your eyes have music. Your heart's the best part of your body. And when you move, every man, woman and child is forced to watch.

[last lines]

Woman on Bus: Marriage is a very sacred thing.

Eve: Yeah. So I've heard. Marriage is a sacred thing. Isn't it?

Mickey: In a beautiful but sordid way.

Eve: I don't know why I ask you anything. You're a lunatic.

Mickey: That's why you chose me.

Eve: Who do you think you are, lying to me all the time?

Nancy: Well, with the dilemma you're in, Jane, we could discuss sexual attitudes, early childhood, but the truth is, when you make changes, you sometimes have to endure pain.

Eve: Is that what you do with your pain?

Eve: [on the phone on the air with Dr Nancy love] Sex? Are you kidding? I wrote the book on sex. I'm a prisoner of it. Hell, I'm a victim of it. I know all about that feeling you get in your belly when a man says he wants you, and if I know he's lying, I still get that feeling. I'm conditioned now.

Nancy: From Mickey, I learned that perhaps when a man enters your life through your sex, it might just be as good a way as any. isn't that marvelous? And all along I'm thinking it's the wine! And Eve, seeing how - how you admit that you don't really know him all that well, well I'm - I'm wondering - if we might share him?

Eve: Are you telling me that Mickey found out where I lived, and that he came here, and that you were home, and that you fucked him?

Nancy: [nods]

Eve: [slaps Nancy]

Nancy: He said you barely knew each other, Eve, you just said that yourself.

Eve: [pointing gun at Mickey] Get away from me! I'll kill myself, I swear I will!

Eve: I've ruined too many marriages to have one of my own.

[Before Max's grand robbery]

Noodles: I'm gonna be gone for a while.

Eve: I'll be waiting at the hotel. I like it when you come home late and wake me up.

Noodles: I'm not gonna be home tonight. I'm not gonna be home tomorrow either.

Eve: I thought these things only take a couple of hours...

[Elsewhere, the gang is making a toast to the end of Prohibition]

Eve: How long will I have to wait?

Noodles: A year and a half, more or less. Six months off for good behaviour.

Eve: What are you gonna do?

Noodles: Don't ask.

Noodles: We gotta reorganize, Max. And I got a couple of good ideas...

Max: Me too.

Eve: If I had a million bucks, I'd take it easy.

Max: We'll take it easy when we got twenty... fifty!

Noodles: Where're you gonna get THAT?

Max: Right here...

[draws a diagram in the sand]

Noodles: What's that?

Max: It's a dream. A dream I've been dreaming all my life. I swear to God, you and me together, we can make it come true!

Noodles: What is it?

Max: The Federal Reserve Bank. It's the biggest step we can take, Noodles!

Noodles: You're really crazy.

Max: Don't you ever say that to me! Don't ever say that to me again!

[first lines]

[In 1933, two goons rudely question a young woman]

Beefy: Where is he? Where's he hiding?

Eve: I don't know... I've been looking for him since yesterday.

[second goon slaps her harshly; she falls onto the bed]

Beefy: I'm gonna ask you for the last time: Where is he?

Eve: I don't know... What are you gonna do to him?

[Two shots are heard]

Beefy: [to his partner] Stay here in case that rat shows up...

[Sam is making a video phone call from the Moon to his home on Earth, while covering the camera with his hand]

Eve: Hello?

Sam Bell: Is this the Bell residence?

Eve: This is the Bell residence. Could you call back? There's something wrong with the picture.

Sam Bell: I'm trying to reach Tess Bell.

Eve: I'm sorry, she passed away some years ago.

[long pause]

Sam Bell: Are you sure?

Eve: Yeah, I think so. I'm her daughter. Can I help you?

Sam Bell: ...Eve?

Eve: Yeah.

Sam Bell: Hi! Hi, Eve. How old... How old are you now?

Eve: I'm 15. Do I know you?

Sam Bell: Sweetheart... How did mommy die, sweetheart? How did mommy die?

Eve: [turns around and calls to someone off-screen] Dad!

Dad: Yeah.

Eve: There's someone asking about mom.

Dad: Who's asking about mom?

[Sam immediately breaks off the call]

James Phelps: Watch out for this one. She's a bad influence.

Eve: I'll take that as a compliment.

James Phelps: She'll have you ditching classes in no time.

Eve: As I recall, there's a certain someone that likes to ditch them with me.

Eve: [Katey knocks into Javier's tray; he drops the glasses] Shit!

Katey Miller: Oh, I am so sorry! It's my fault!

Eve: [to Javier] No, just, just go get new drinks! Stupid Spic!

Eve: [about Katey's skin-tight dress] God, what'd she do? Paint it on?

Addison DeWitt: You could sleep now, couldn't you?

Eve: Why not?

Addison DeWitt: The mark of a true killer: Sleep tight, rest easy, and come out fighting.

Margo: Don't get up. And please stop acting as if I were the queen mother.

Eve: I'm sorry, I...

Bill Sampson: [to Eve] "Don't let it worry you", said the camera man, "Even De Mille couldn't see anything looking through the wrong end!" So that was the first and last...

Margo: [entering] Don't let me kill the point. Or isn't it a story for grownups?

Bill Sampson: You've heard it - about the time I looked into the wrong end of the camera finder.

Margo: Remind me to tell you about the time I looked into the heart of an artichoke.

Eve: I'd like to hear it.

Margo: Some snowy night, in front of the fire.

Margo: Thank you, Eve. I'd like a martini, very dry.

Bill Sampson: I'll get it.

[to Eve]

Bill Sampson: What'll you have?

Margo: A milkshake?

Eve: A martini, very dry, please.

Eve: If nothing else, there's applause... like waves of love pouring over the footlights.

Karen: [Eve walks in, carrying the fur coat of a new arrival to Margo's party] Who'd show up at this hour? It's time people went home. Hold that coat up.

Karen: [Eve holds up a luxurious full-length fur coat, Karen lets out a whistle] Whose is it?

Eve: Some Hollywood movie star's. Her plane got in late.

Karen: Discouraging, isn't it? Women with furs like that where it never even gets cold.

Eve: Hollywood.

[tosses the fur coat on the bed]

Eve: I will regard this great honor not so much as an award for what I have achieved, but a standard to hold against what I have yet to accomplish.

Eve: It's not modesty. I just don't try to kid myself.

Addison DeWitt: A revolutionary approach to the Theater.

Eve: I won't play tonight. I couldn't, not possibly. I couldn't go on.

Addison DeWitt: Couldn't go on? You'll give the performance of your life.

Eve: I'll never forget this night as long as I live, and I'll never forget you for making it possible.

Eve: When you're a secretary in a brewery, it's pretty hard to make-believe you're anything else. Everything is beer.

Karen: A part in a play. You'd do all that just for a part in a play?

Eve: I'd do much more for a part that good.

Addison DeWitt: What do you take me for?

Eve: I don't know that I'd take you for anything.

Addison DeWitt: Is it possible, even conceivable, that you've confused me with that gang of backward children you play tricks on, that you have the same contempt for me as you have for them?

Eve: I'm sure you mean something by that, Addison, but I don't know what?

Addison DeWitt: Look closely, Eve. It's time you did. I am Addison DeWitt. I am nobody's fool, least of all yours.

Eve: I never intended you to be.

Addison DeWitt: Yes you did, and you still do.

Eve: I still don't know what you're getting at, but right now I want to take my nap. It's important...

Addison DeWitt: It's important right now that we talk, killer to killer.

Eve: Champion to champion.

Addison DeWitt: Not with me, you're no champion. You're stepping way up in class.

Eve: Addison, will you please say what you have to say, plainly and distinctly, and then get out, so I can take my nap?

Addison DeWitt: Very well - plainly and distinctly - though I consider it unnecessary because you know as well as I do what I'm going to say: Lloyd may leave Karen, but he will not leave Karen for you.

Eve: What do you mean by that?

Addison DeWitt: More plainly and more distinctly: I have not come to New Haven to see the play, discuss your dreams, or pull the ivy from the walls of Yale. I have come here to tell you that you will not marry Lloyd, or anyone else for that matter, because I will not permit it.

Eve: What have you got to do with it?

Addison DeWitt: Everything, because after tonight, you will belong to me.

Eve: Belong? To you? I can't believe my ears!

Addison DeWitt: What a dull cliché.

Eve: Belong to you - why, that sounds medieval, something out of an old melodrama!

Addison DeWitt: So does the history of the world for the past twenty years. I don't enjoy putting it as bluntly as this. Frankly, I'd hoped that somehow you would have known, that you would have taken it for granted that you and I...

Eve: Taken it for granted that you and I...

[laughs]

Addison DeWitt: [slaps her] Now, remember, as long as you live, never to laugh at me - at anything or anyone else, but never at me.

Eve: [walks to the door and opens it] Get out!

Addison DeWitt: You're too short for that gesture. Besides, it went out with Mrs. Fiske.

Margo: I distinctly remember, Addison, crossing you off of my guest list. What are you doing here?

Addison DeWitt: Dear Margo, you were an unforgettable Peter Pan. You must play it again, soon. You remember Miss Casswell.

Margo: I do not. How do you do?

Miss Casswell: We've never met. Maybe that's why?

Addison DeWitt: Miss Casswell is an actress, a graduate of the Copacabana school of the dramatic arts.

[Eve enters]

Addison DeWitt: Ah, Eve.

Eve: Good evening, Mr. DeWitt.

Margo: I'd no idea you two knew each other.

Addison DeWitt: This must be at long last our formal introduction. Until now, we've only met in passing.

Miss Casswell: That's how you met me... in passing.

Margo: Eve, this is an old friend of Mr. DeWitt's mother. Miss Casswell, Miss Harrington.

Eve: Miss Casswell.

Miss Casswell: How do you do?

Margo: Addison, I've been waiting for you to meet Eve for the longest time.

Addison DeWitt: It could only have been your natural timidity that kept you from mentioning it.

Margo: You've heard of her great interest in the theater.

Addison DeWitt: We have that in common.

Margo: Then you two must have a long talk.

Eve: I'm afraid Mr. DeWitt would find me boring.

Miss Casswell: You won't bore him long, you won't get a chance to talk.

Addison DeWitt: Claudia, come here.

[takes her aside]

Addison DeWitt: You see that man, that's Max Fabian, the producer. Now, go do yourself some good.

Miss Casswell: Why do they always look like unhappy rabbits?

Addison DeWitt: Because that's what they are.

[taking her coat]

Addison DeWitt: Now, go and make him happy.

[goes back to Margo and drapes the coat over her arm]

Addison DeWitt: Now, don't worry about your little charge, she'll be in safe hands.

[walks off with Eve]

Margo: [watches them go, then lifts her martini] Ah-men.

Mozelle Batiste Delacroix: [looking in mirror, where she see's a reflection of her three dead husbands] ... I loved him, I swear I did.

Eve: I know. It's not your fault they die.

Eve: I think you just hate people.

James: I don't mind people, I just can't stand collective idiocy.

Eve: I know I have to eat, and I know how to eat. I know I wasn't looking after myself, but I'll do okay.

Eve: I want to be better. I want to be well. I want to be better, I want to be well.

James: I bet if I touched your hands they'd be freezing cold.

Eve: My hands are fine.

James: [slowly reaches over a pokes her hand] Cold, knew it. I couldn't stand that, I mean, I'd get sick instantly. I've got the constitution of an abandoned rabbit.

Eve: [comes out of the dressing room]

Anton: No, that is not suitable to your shape. Your breasts are exquisite. The dress looks like a potato sack. You're not a potato.

James: I know discos are frowned upon in bird society.

Eve: Oh really? How do you know that?

James: I was a young ornithologist.

Cassie: [resting on the river bank] We're definitely a band now.

Eve: Why are we a band now?

Cassie: This is something only a band would do. This is band shit. Day trips, canoeing, kayaking.

Eve: What do you think, James?

James: I think we are three people paddling a boat, that's all.

Eve: So what makes a band then?

James: You don't make a band, a band makes you. It comes up and sweeps you along.

Cassie: So, is the band going to have a name?

James: Oh, no, not a name conversation.

Cassie: Why not a name conversation?

James: Don't you think it's stupid just to give yourself a name just because you sing songs?

Eve: What, so the Beatles were stupid?

James: Well, they were kind of stupid if they actually stopped to think about it.

Cassie: You definitely think too much. You think the fun out of things.

James: I mean, I... I'm a lifeguard, I work at a pool with three other guys. We didn't give ourselves a name.

Cassie: What, like the Lifeboys or something? That's pretty good.

God: What hast thou done?

Eve: The serpent beguiled me and I did eat.

Eve: [after Cain is born] I have made a man from the Lord!

Eve: [Opens the door to find Liza] You came.

Liza: My mother made me.

Eve: Is she making you stay?

Liza: Do you want me to leave?

Eve: Do you want to leave?

Liza: Are you asking me to go home?

Eve: Do you always answer questions with questions?

Liza: Do you?

Eve: [Whisper, a guy Eve likes walks away] He is so perfect.

Chapin Wright: You are so obvious!

Eve: Was I?

Chapin Wright: Yes. You were practically slobbering on his jock.

Eve: Ew! Ear rape!

Eve: I'll be cool if you're cool.

Liza: I'm cool.

Eve: Liza came.

Chapin Wright: No shiz?

Eve: Shiz.

Chapin Wright: [Eve waves at Nina, Cecily and Sarah] Ugh, why do you talk to them?

Eve: They're nice.

Chapin Wright: They're like a sorority. Do you know what happens to sorority girls? They turn into Kelly Ripa.

Kayla: [the soccer team is running warm-ups. They run across The Jogger Bridge. Each girl kisses her hand and sets it on the rail] Pay your respects, new girl.

[Eve does it]

Eve: What's that for?

Kayla: Stacy St. Clair.

Coach Cowan: You'll move faster if your lips stop flapping!

Toni: She needs to get stuffed.

Coach Cowan: Got some three nights ago, Toni! Move it!

Todd: [Eve and chalin knock on his door. He opens it and just burps. Chalin burps louder and longer. To Chapin] Nice.

[to Eve]

Todd: You stink.

Eve: You're ugly. Pizza and cake downstairs if you want it.

Todd: Did you take ten bucks from me the other day?

Eve: Yeah. Now you owe me $71.19. And where's my birthday present?

Todd: I refuse to celebrate it.

[to Chapin]

Todd: I wanted a dog.

Eve: You're Liza, right?

Liza: Left.

Chapin Wright: Al I know is that we were at a party. Stacy was depressed. And then she ran off.

Eve: Just like that?

Chapin Wright: Just like that.

Eve: She wasn't stoned or seeing butterflies?

Chapin Wright: Look, people who are depressed do crazy things. Maybe her mom hit her. Maybe her dog died. Maybe she was pregnant. Or maybe she was just a coked-out junkie who lost her will to live. I don't know. I didn't ask her. All I know is that she jumped, okay?

Liza: Then why'd you get expelled?

Chapin Wright: Because I was there! Just like that 'lesbonaut' Mallory Silvers.

Liza: That's not what I heard, Chapin.

Eve: Sometimes being around you is like babysitting a kid with ADD!

Eve: [Tryig to hit on Whisper] I like your shirt.

Whisper: So do I, that's why I bought it.

Chapin Wright: What is your problem, Mallory?

Mallory Silvers: What really happened to Stacy St. Clair?

Chapin Wright: She jumped.

Mallory Silvers: Yes, she did. Because someone dared her to.

Eve: Is that true?

Chapin Wright: Nothing had was supposed to happen. It was supposed to be fun.

Mallory Silvers: Fun? Are you guys having fun?

Chapin Wright: People jump off that bridge all the time and nothing happens.

Mallory Silvers: There's a current, idiot. But you weren't thinking about that. You needed to be the center of attention, so you Triple Dog Dared Stacy St. Clair to do something you knew you couldn't.

Chapin Wright: I could've.

Mallory Silvers: I don't think so.

Chapin Wright: You daring me, Mal?

Mallory Silvers: I wouldn't be that dumb.

[Chalin runs off to The Jogger Bridge]

Eve: [Chapin has resurfaced, unharmed] You moron!

Chapin Wright: Look, if we're not cool anymore, then I can just walk home.

Eve: The walk yourself home!

Chapin Wright: Fine, I will, bitch!

Eve: How could you be so selfish?

Chapin Wright: [Starts crying] I just needed to see for myself because it was my fault, so fuck you for not understanding that!

[Starts to walk away, but stops. Starts sobbing]

Chapin Wright: I shouldn't have done it. I should've just kept my big mouth shut! The current was really, really rough. I didn't know. I shouldn't have dared her.

Eve: That wasn't your fault, Chapin.

Chapin Wright: Yes, it was.

Eve: No, it wasn't.

Chapin Wright: I didn't know about the current, I just... I just... I didn't know.

Liza: It was an accident, Chapin.

Chapin Wright: God, I totally suck.

Eve: Yeah, ya kinda do. Are you okay?

Chapin Wright: Yeah, I think I'll be alright.

Nina: Hey, Eve.

Eve: What's up?

Cicely: Hey.

Chapin Wright: Oh, I forgot. I'm invisible today.

Cicely: Hello, Chapin.

Chapin Wright: What's the bitch-uation, Cecily? Has anyone ever told you you look exactly like Kelly Ripa?

Cicely: [Flattered] Oh.

Sarah: I love Kelly Ripa!

Whisper: [Eve starts to go down on him, but he stops her] Eve, look, I think you're cool, but...

Eve: But?

Whisper: I've got my eye on someone else.

Eve: Who?

Whisper: Your girl.

Eve: Chapin?

[Whisper nods]

Eve: Are you serious?

[She kisses him, he pushes her off]

Whisper: Eve, look, you're cute. I'm sorry.

Eve: Shut up! I knew it.

[Storms out]

Eve: [Repeated] You bitch!

Eve: You spoke to my analyst about this behind my back? How could you! This is humiliating!

[repeated line]

Eve: I think it's exquisite.

Eve: [spoken to Joey with tense emotion] Will you please not breathe so hard?

Eve: Do I have to pay this invoice to get the ten day discount or do I wait for the statement at the end of the month?

Scott: Well, you wouldn't expect a - beach cowboy like me to know much about invoices, would you?

Jamal: Eve thought she saw a snake out there.

Curt: Wait. She saw a snake? Did you get a good look at it?

Eve: It looked like a black snake.

Jamal: A black mamba.

Shelly: A black mamba?

Jamal: Yeah. A big one.

Gary: Those things are like seriously dangerous.

Dana: Should we move camp?

Curt: It wasn't a black mamba. The mamba is an African snake. Only place you're going to see them are zoos and habitats. So we don't need to move. We're fine. Could have been a cottonmouth. They're pretty dangerous as well. Not as bad as a mamba but be careful guys.

Jamal: All I know is, it was big and black.

Eve: Yeah.

Parson: Hello, Adam and Eve. What are you doin' 'round here?

Adam: Well, we just come down to see if you had time to marry us?

Eve: That's right.

Parson: To marry you? Are these eleven children yours?

Adam: That's right! And we thought it was about time for us to make it more permament.

Eve: That's right.

[laughs]

Parson: Seems like you made it mighty late to get 'round here to be married. The damage is all done!

Mammy: I'm certainly glad to see ya done make up your mind to do the right thing.

Eve: Thank you. 'Cause you know I've always been a respectable woman and I don't want *that* to come up against my character.

Eve: You don't have to go today.

Will: Not today, no.

Eve: Stay with me.

Will: For a while.

Eve: Sing for me.

Eve: It took you long enough.