Eunice Quotes in The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day (2009)

Eunice: Well, since we've already broken the fuck barrier, allow me to be blunt. It is because I'm so fucking smart that I make smart people feel like they are retarded.

Father Sibeal MacManus: We just wanted you to know that you aren't alone.

Eunice: There you go again saying "we" again. Who is "we"?

Paul Smecker: [offscreen] You ready to go?

[long pause]

Paul Smecker: I hear they party pretty hard in that monastery.

[Another long pause as Eunice approaches and looks to see if it's really him]

Paul Smecker: I'm not sure I'm in love with that new look you're sporting, Betty Boop.

Eunice: I went to your funeral you son of a bitch!

Paul Smecker: I know. Loved your shoes. The skirt was a tad risque for a funeral. But then again, who am I to question one's sense of *individuality*.

Murphy: Dolly, Duffy and Greenly?

Eunice: The very same.

Connor: How are the lads?

Eunice: Two of them are scared. One's just horny.

Murphy: Bet'cha I can guess which one.

Eunice: On a sultry Saturday in September, the Saints saved seventeen souls.

Eunice: I am a FBI agent controlling this investigation from within in order to ensure that you gentlemen never see the inside of a prison cell. Now I am conspiring with 3 like minded individuals who have aided you in the past though I have yet to inform them of my agenda because, well a girl's got to have her fun.

Eunice: With all due respect... man I hate it when people say that because it is inevitably followed by a disrespectful remark. Here let me give you an example: With all due respect detective, this matter falls under whatever jurisdiction I fuckin' say it does.

Poppa: Will you be all right, dear?

Eunice: I hear Costa Rica's nice.

Eunice: A .22? Oh you've gotta be kidding me. That's like bringing a knife to a gunfight.

Detective Greenly: Yeah, or bringing a really small gun... to a gunfight.

Eunice: [to Sid] I never thought I would see my little baby again, we've been searching everywhere for you.

Sid: You have? I knew it, I knew it! Deep down I knew I wasn't abandoned.

Marshall: Ah, that's incorrect, we totally abandoned you.

Eunice: But we always missed you.

[sharply to Milton]

Eunice: Right?

Milton: Yeah, right! Yeah, yeah, yeah... and we just knew Sid would want to see his poor dear Granny before... her time is up.

Granny: [angrily] I'll bury y'all and dance on your grave!

Diego: [Roars] Yeah, you don't scare me mother nature! There's nothing you can throw at me that I can't handle.

[Hears whooping]

Diego: Huh?

[Gets hit by log being driven by sloths]

Eunice: I think we're almost there!

Milton: We'd better be! I just lost the steering!

Granny: Has anyone seen Precious? It's her feeding time.

Marshall: Mom! Granny's talking about her dead pet again.

Uncle Fungus: Hey, paws up, everybody!

Marshall: Paws down, Uncle, please! That is nasty.

Uncle Fungus: Whoo-hoo!

Eunice: Be careful, Milton, you're gonna hurt somebody!

[Diego tries to reach safety]

Eunice: Aah! Bad kitty!

Marshall: Rock!

Granny: [Diego flies into Granny] Whoo!

Diego: [When log has finally stopped] That was fun. Now, who should I eat first?

Eunice: English, please! Your voice is REALLY annnoying!

Dracula: I know I lied. I was wrong. But you have to believe this: Johnny wasn't a bad guy. The truth is, I don't know if humans are bad anymore. Frank, come on, buddy. You understand.

Eunice: He's not talking to you. First you tell us humans are bad, now they're good, what else? Up is down, cold is hot, gremlins don't smell.

Gremlin Man: Hey!

Eunice: Baby proofing a guillotine? So you cut your finger off. It's part of the fun.

Frankenstein: She made me baby-proof the whole hotel.

[pretending to whisper in Eunice's ear]

Frankenstein: Someone's overprotective.

Sebastian: Folks, I'm a boy. I promise.

Malcolm: Prove it.

Sebastian: Okay.

[pulls down his soccer shorts, everyone sees his privates]

Roger: [His Dad in the audience] That's my boy.

Eunice: Soccer is the world's favorite sport.

Viola: [as Sebastian] Eunice!

[clears throat]

Viola: Uh, Eunice! Why didn't you wake me?

Eunice: You looked so serene. I made breakfast, darling.

Duke: [after being left with Eunice in Cesario's] So, uh, do you... like cheese?

Eunice: More than almost any other animal by-product.

Viola: [as Sebastian] Hi, Eunice. Sorry for running out on our date.

Eunice: It's okay. My intensity scares some people.

Olivia: We could double. I'm sure Eunice is available.

Eunice: I am so there, it's insane.

Eunice: [wheezing] I'll be the best lab partner you ever had

Eunice: I know tricks.

Eunice: Don't you know the meaning of propriety?

Judy: Propriety; noun: conformity to established standards of behavior or manner, suitability, rightness, or justice. See "etiquette."

Eunice: [while Judge Maxwell is making a list of crimes with which to charge a group of people] They tried to molest me.

Judge Maxwell: That's...

[looks at Eunice]

Judge Maxwell: unbelievable.

Judge Maxwell: Officer! What are these people being charged with

Arresting Officer: It's kind of hard to explain, Judge.

Judge Maxwell: Give it a shot.

Arresting Officer: Well we picked most of them out of San Francisco bay.

Judge Maxwell: Entering the country illegally?

Arresting Officer: No sir, they drove in.

Judge Maxwell: Into the country?

Arresting Officer: Into the bay.

Judge Maxwell: Ah, that's better. Unauthorized use of public water.

Arresting Officer: Mostly in stolen cars.

Judge Maxwell: Ah ha, that's grand larceny.

Arresting Officer: Then there was a shooting...

Judge Maxwell: That's assault with a deadly weapon.

Frederick Larrabee: They broke into my home.

Judge Maxwell: That's breaking and entering.

Frederick Larrabee: [indicating Eunice] And brought her with them forcibly!

Judge Maxwell: That's kidnapping.

Eunice: They tried to molest me.

Judge Maxwell: That's... unbelievable.

Eunice: I'm not looking for romance, Howard.

Howard: Oh?

Eunice: No, I'm looking for something more important than that, something stronger. As the years go by, romance fades and something else takes its place. Do you know what that is?

Howard: Senility?

Eunice: Trust!

Howard: That's what I meant.

Eunice: Now, tell me how you are going to introduce yourself.

Howard: What? Oh, well, I'll probably say something like "Hello there, Mr Larrabee. I'm Howard."

Eunice: You are not.

Howard: I am not Howard.

Eunice: You are not going to say "Hi, my name's Howard." Anyone could say that! Anyone.

Howard: Anyone named Howard.

Eunice: [fighting off a waiter trying to restrain her] Howard! Howard Bannister! They're trying, they're trying to keep me out!

Frederick Larrabee: [to Howard] Who is that dangerously unbalanced woman?

Eunice: Howard! Howard! Tell them who I am. Tell them who I am. I *demand* that you tell them who I am right this minute.

Howard: [after a long pause] I never saw this woman before in my life.

[Eunice faints and is dragged from the room, leaving scuff marks on the floor. Judy whistles]

Judy: Steve, you didn't tell me you were married.

Howard: We're not married.

Judy: Congratulations.

Eunice: But we will be soon.

Judy: Condolences.

Howard: Eunice. Eunice. Eunice, please open the door, I have wonderful news.

Eunice: I do not want your apologies Howard. I think it is too late for that.

Howard: All right. No apologies.

Eunice: Have you no heart? I would have thought after all you have done you would come crawling for forgiveness.

Judy: I think I'll get dressed now.

Eunice: [on telephone] Howard, who was that?

Howard: Who was what?

Eunice: I heard a voice say something about getting dressed.

Howard: It's the television set, Eunice. There's a movie on, a war movie. They're getting dressed for the big battle.

Eunice: It was a woman's voice!

Howard: Yes, they're lady soldiers, Eunice. It's called the "Fighting WACs".

Fritz: I am afraid one of our guests has lost something.

Eunice: Well, I fail to see how it could possibly be in here unless it crawled here under its own power.

Fritz: Precisely Miss Burns.

Eunice: What are you saying?

Fritz: It appears one of our guests, a wealthy eccentric, has lost his pet snake.

[Eunice screams and jumps onto the bed]

Fritz: Calm yourself, Miss Burns. May I suggest you shut yourself in the bathroom for a few moments while I search your room?

Eunice: What if it's in there?

Fritz: Impossible, madam. Snakes, as you know, live in mortal fear of... tile.

[Eunice scurries into the bathroom]

Fritz: [reaches under bed and pulls out one of the cases] It's all right Miss Burns. You can come out now.

Eunice: What more can they do to me?

Banquet Receptionist: This woman claims to be a Eunice Burns.

Eunice: I am not "A" Eunice Burns, I am "THE" Eunice Burns!

Eunice: Well come in, I'll do your tie.

Howard: What tie is that Eunice?

Eunice: Your tie. The tie in your hand.

Eunice: Why are your rocks in the bathroom?

Judy: [to operator on hotel phone] Uh, Miss Eunice Burns, please.

Eunice: [Answers phone] Yes?

Judy: [Switches to heavy Brooklyn accent] Miss Burns, uh this is Sylvia, Mr. Larrabee's personal secretary. There's been a little mixup in the invitation for this afternoon.

Eunice: Yes.

Judy: Yes. The luncheon has been switched from Mr. Larrabee's home to one of the Larrabee Foundation offices.

Eunice: Oh, but Mr. Bannister has already gone for the...

Judy: Oh yes, I managed to catch Mr. Bannister on his way out and tell him. The address of the luncheon is - uh do you have a pencil, darling?

Eunice: Yes.

Judy: 459 Dirello Street.

Eunice: Dirello...

Judy: Yes, Second floor.

Eunice: I see. Well thank you, Miss...

Judy: Uh Louise.

Eunice: I thought you said 'Sylvia'?

Judy: Uh yes, Sylvia-Louise, you know, with a hyphen.

Eunice: What is that?

Howard: It's a bath, Eunice. I was going to take a bath.

Eunice: Since when do you take bubble baths?

Howard: It came out of the faucet that way.

Fritz: Don't touch his rocks.

Eunice: I'll take care of those.

Eunice: Don't kick those rocks, you Philistine!

Eunice: Mr Larrabee.

Frederick Larrabee: Frederick.

Eunice: Frederick. Will you help me?

Frederick Larrabee: Yes, I will. Who are you?

Eunice: I am Eunice Burns.

Hugh: Who cares who she is. We're going to be killed.

Eunice: Since when have you taken bubble baths?

Howard: It came out of the faucet that way, Eunice.

Eunice: I know I'm a bad person

Miriam: Don't be daft. There's no such thing as a bad person.

Eunice: Killing people is nothing. I've done much worse than kill people.

Eunice: Evil is in your heart, if you don't go out, you'll never get away from it.

Eunice: Think you'll make me good? I'll make you evil before you make me good.

Eunice: People who nobody loves always end up killing someone, aye even if it's only themselves.

Eunice: Do you remember how Elijah beat the prophets of Baal? They were up on Mount Carmel and Baal's prophets put the sacrifice on the altar and called for Him to come and take it... and they never came. And Elijah poured water all over his sacrifice, drowned it with water, water swirling all round the altar! And the fire of God came and turned it all to steam, and consumed the sacrifice and the altar with it. So you see, you never know. Have you entered the springs of the sea or walked into the dark recesses of the deep?

Miriam: No.

Eunice: Have you entered the storehouses of the snow, or seen the storehouses of the hail?

Miriam: I've been nowhere.

Eunice: Do you know the way to the place where the light is distributed, or where the winds are scattered to the earth?

Miriam: I know nothing.

Eunice: Can you draw out Leviathan with a fishhook, or press down his tongue with a cord?

Miriam: I'm useless. I am useless but you can do all things.

Stanley Kowalski: Hey, Stella!

Eunice: You quit that howling down there and go back to bed!

Stanley Kowalski: Eunice, I want my girl down here!

Eunice: You shut up! You're gonna get the law on you!

Stanley Kowalski: Hey, Stella!

Eunice: You can't beat on a woman and then call her back, Because she ain't gonna come! And her going to have a baby.

Stanley Kowalski: Listen, Eunice...

Eunice: I hope they haul you in and turn the fire hose on you like they did last time!

Stanley Kowalski: Eunice, I want my girl down here!

Eunice: You stinker!

Eunice: What the hell? Why is there a hog in your hotel room?