Elwood Quotes in The Blues Brothers (1980)

Elwood: It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses.

Jake: Hit it.

Mrs. Murphy: May I help you boys?

Elwood: You got any white bread?

Mrs. Murphy: Yes.

Elwood: I'll have some toasted white bread please.

Mrs. Murphy: You want butter or jam on that toast, honey?

Elwood: No ma'am, dry.

[Mrs. Murphy gives him a look, then turns to Jake]

Jake: Got any fried chicken?

Mrs. Murphy: Best damn chicken in the state.

Jake: Bring me four fried chickens and a Coke.

Mrs. Murphy: You want chicken wings or chicken legs?

Jake: Four fried chickens and a Coke.

Elwood: And some dry white toast please.

Mrs. Murphy: Y'all want anything to drink with that?

Elwood: No ma'am.

Jake: A Coke.

Mrs. Murphy: Be up in a minute

[repeated line]

Elwood: We're on a mission from God.

Jake: What's this?

Elwood: What?

Jake: This car. This stupid car! Where's the Cadillac?

[Elwood doesn't answer]

Jake: The Caddy! Where's the Caddy?

Elwood: The what?

Jake: The Cadillac we used to have. The Bluesmobile!

Elwood: I traded it.

Jake: You traded the Bluesmobile for this?

Elwood: No, for a microphone.

Jake: A microphone?

[pause]

Jake: Okay I can see that. What the hell is this?

Elwood: This was a bargain. I picked it up at the Mount Prospect city police auction last spring. It's an old Mount Prospect police car. They were practically giving 'em away.

Jake: Well thank you, pal. The day I get outta prison, my own brother picks me up in a *police* car!

Elwood: Illinois Nazis.

Jake: I hate Illinois Nazis.

Elwood: What kind of music do you usually have here?

Claire: Oh, we got both kinds. We got country *and* western.

Elwood: We're so glad to see so many of you lovely people here tonight. And we would especially like to welcome all the representatives of Illinois's law enforcement community that have chosen to join us here in the Palace Hotel Ballroom at this time. We certainly hope you all enjoy the show. And remember, people, that no matter who you are and what you do to live, thrive and survive, there're still some things that makes us all the same. You. Me. Them. Everybody. Everybody.

[after a burst of gunfire from the Mystery Woman, Jake climbs to his feet, covered in mud from the tunnel floor]

Jake: It's good to see you, sweetheart.

Mystery Woman: You contemptible pig! I remained celibate for you. I stood at the back of a cathedral, waiting, in celibacy, for you, with three hundred friends and relatives in attendance. My uncle hired the best Romanian caterers in the state. To obtain the seven limousines for the wedding party, my father used up his last favor with Mad Pete Trullo. So for me, for my mother, my grandmother, my father, my uncle, and for the common good, I must now kill you, and your brother.

[Jake falls to his knees]

Jake: Oh, please, don't kill us! Please, please don't kill us! You know I love you baby. I wouldn't leave ya. It wasn't my fault!

Mystery Woman: You miserable slug! You think you can talk your way out of this? You betrayed me.

Jake: No, I didn't. Honest... I ran out of gas. I... I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!

[Elwood covers his head in anticipation of more gunfire, Jake removes his sunglasses to make a wordless appeal, and the Mystery Woman visibly softens]

Mystery Woman: Oh, Jake... Jake, honey...

[Jake embraces the Mystery Woman and they kiss]

Jake: [to Elwood] Let's go.

[He drops the Mystery Woman and walks off]

Elwood: [to the Mystery Woman as he steps past her] Take it easy.

[while standing at the entrance to the Triple Rock church watching the service with much dancing and Hallelujah choruses, a heavenly light shines down on Jake and he has an epiphany]

Jake: The band? The band.

Reverend Cleophus James: DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?

Jake: THE BAND!

Reverend Cleophus James: DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?

Elwood: What light?

Reverend Cleophus James: HAVE YOU SEEEEN THE LIGHT?

Jake: YES! YES! JESUS H. TAP-DANCING CHRIST... I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!

Jake: How often does the train go by?

Elwood: So often that you won't even notice it.

Jake: We're putting the band back together.

Mr. Fabulous: Forget it. No way.

Elwood: We're on a mission from God.

[Elwood Blues Jake Blues has a fight over the police car Elwood Blues got after he traded away the original bluesmobile for a microphone]

Elwood: You don't like it?

Jake: No I don't like it...

[Elwood Blues floors the pedal and jumps over an open drawbridge]

Jake: Car's got a lot of pickup.

Elwood: It's got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?

[a brief thinking pause while Jake attempts to light a cigarette]

Jake: Fix the cigarette lighter.

Jake: We'll put the band back together, do a few gigs, we get some bread. Bang! Five thousand bucks.

Elwood: Yeah, well, getting the band back together might not that be that easy, Jake.

Jake: What are you talking about?

Elwood: They split, they all took straight jobs.

Jake: Yeah, so you know where they are. You said you were gonna keep in touch with them.

Elwood: Well... I got a couple of leads, a few phone numbers, but I mean, how many of them visited or even wrote you, huh?

Jake: They're not the kinda guys who write letters. You were outside, I was inside. You were supposed to keep in touch with the band. I kept asking you if we were gonna play again.

Elwood: Well, what was I gonna do? Take away your only hope? Take away the very thing that kept you going in there? I took the liberty of bullshitting you, okay?

Jake: You lied to me.

Elwood: It wasn't a lie, it was just bullshit.

Mrs. Tarantino: Are you the police?

Elwood: No, ma'am. We're musicians.

Jake: First you traded the Cadillac in for a microphone. Then you lied to me about the band. And now you're gonna put me right back in the joint!

Elwood: They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God.

[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood with her stick]

Elwood: Ow, you fat penguin!

[Elwood Blues has just passed on a red light, and a police car rolls up behind them. The words are said in the same rhythm as a blues song ("Soothe Me") on the car stereo]

Elwood: Shit.

Jake: What?

Elwood: Rollers...

Jake: No.

Elwood: Yeah.

Jake: Shit.

Elwood: Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail me now.

Elwood: The light was yellow, sir.

Jake: [to Sister Mary Stigmata] Five grand? No problem, we'll have it for you in the morning. Let's go, Elwood.

Sister Mary Stigmata: No, no! I will not take your filthy stolen money!

Jake: Well then... I guess you're really up Shit Creek.

[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues with a ruler for using that kind of language]

Sister Mary Stigmata: I beg your pardon, what did you say?

Jake: I offered to help you... You refused to take our money. Then I said: I guess you're really up Shit Creek!

[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues with the ruler again]

Elwood: Christ, Jake. Take it easy man.

[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood Blues]

Jake: Oh shit!

[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues]

Elwood: Jesus Christ!

[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood Blues]

Jake: Shit!

Jake: How are you gonna get the band back together, Mr. Hot Rodder? Those cops have your name, your address...

Elwood: They don't have my address. I falsified my renewal. I put down 1060 West Addison.

Jake: 1060 West Addison? That's Wrigley Field.

Elwood: Hey you sleaze, my bed!

Elwood: [Police have surrounded the Blues Brothers concert] ... And we would especially like to welcome all the representatives of Illinois's law enforcement community that have chosen to join us here in the Palace Hotel Ballroom at this time...

Mrs. Murphy: Don't you "Don't get riled, sugar" me! You ain't goin' back on the road no more, and you ain't playin' them ol' two-bit sleazy dives. You're livin' with me now, and you not gonna go slidin' around witcho ol' white hoodlum friends.

Matt Murphy: But babes, this is Jake and Elwood, the Blues Brothers.

Mrs. Murphy: The Blues Brothers? Shit! They still owe you money, fool.

Jake: Ma'am, would it make you feel any better if you knew that what we're asking Matt here to do is a holy thing?

Elwood: You see, we're on a mission from God.

Mrs. Murphy: Don't you blaspheme in here! Don't you blaspheme in here! This is my man, this is my restaurant, and you two are just gonna walk right out that door without your dry white toast, without your four fried chickens, and without Matt 'Guitar' Murphy!

Jake: Book us for tomorrow night.

Maury Sline: Hold it, hold it. Tomorrow night? What are you talking about? A gig like that, you gotta prepare the proper exploitation.

Elwood: I know all about that stuff. I have been exploited all my life.

Elwood: This is definitely Lower Wacker Drive! If my estimations are correct, we should be very close to the Honorable Richard J. Daley Plaza!

Jake: That's where they got that Picasso.

Elwood: Yep.

[Carrie flame throws a propane tank next to a phone booth they are in - it blows sky high and crashes down to earth - the phone breaking in half]

Elwood: Hey, Jake. Gotta be at least seven dollars worth of change here.

[while they are driving around in the shopping mall with 2 police cars on their tail]

Elwood: Baby clothes...

Jake: This place has got everything.

Elwood: Hey, Jake. Jake. I gotta pull over.

[he drives the Bluesmobile off the road, right through a guardrail]

Elwood: You on the motorcycle... You two girls... tell your friends.

Elwood: This is glue. Strong stuff.

[Camille has fired a machine gun at Jake and Elwood]

Elwood: Who *is* that girl?

[the brothers race around the mall parking lot]

Elwood: We'll be all right if we can just get back on the expressway.

Jake: This don't look like no expressway to me!

Elwood: Don't yell at me.

Jake: Well whadda you want me to do, Motorhead?

Elwood: Try not to be so negative all the time. Why don't you offer a little... constructive criticism?

Jake: You got us into to this parking lot, pal. Now you get us out!

Elwood: You want outta this parking lot?... O.K.

[Arriving at the Orphanage]

Jake: What are we doing here?

Elwood: You promised you'd visit the penguin the day you got out.

Jake: Yeah? So I lied to her.

Elwood: You can't lie to a nun. We got to go in and visit the penguin.

Jake: No... fucking... way.

Elwood: [during "Everybody Needs Somebody to Love"] People, when you do find that special somebody, you gotta hold that man, hold that woman! Love him, please him, squeeze her, please her! Signify your feelings with every gentle caress, because it's so important to have that special somebody to hold, to kiss, to miss, to squeeze, and please!

Jake: Disco pants and haircuts...

Elwood: Yeah, lots of space in this mall.

Elwood: Tonight only, the fabulous Blues Brothers. Rhythm and Blues review. The Palace Hotel Ballroom. Route 16. Lake Wazzapamani. The fabulous Blues Brothers show band and review.

Elwood: [the Mystery Woman sprays the tunnel with gunfire as Jake and Elwood dive for the ground] Who *is* that girl?

Mystery Woman: Well Jake, you look just fine down there, slithering in the mud like vermin.

Jake: [makes a reassuring gesture to Elwood] No problem.

Mrs. Tarantino: Are you the police?

Elwood: No ma'am. We're musicians.

Reverend Cleophus James: Praise God!

Elwood: And God bless the United States of America!

Elwood: Oh no.

Jake: What the fuck was that?

Elwood: The motor. We've thrown a rod.

Jake: Is that serious?

Elwood: Yup.

Elwood: [after crashing the Bluesmobile in a car dealership] The new Oldsmobiles are in early this year!

Elwood: I bet these cops got SCMODS.

Jake: SCMODS?

Elwood: State County Municipal Offender Data System.

Elwood: You want I should wash the dead bugs off the windshield?

Elwood's Boss: [deleted scene] Hello Elwood, sit down. What's on your mind?

Elwood: I gotta quit.

Elwood's Boss: Why is that, Elwood?

Elwood: I'm... I'm going to become a priest.

Elwood's Boss: Well okay! Listen I'll call payroll and have them get your severance pay ready.

[they rise and shake hands]

Elwood: God bless you, sir.

[last lines]

Cook County Assessor's Office Clerk: Can I help you?

[the brothers back him up and lift him onto the counter]

Jake: This is where they pay the taxes, right?

Cook County Assessor's Office Clerk: Right.

Elwood: This money is for the year's assessment of Saint Helen of the Blessed Shroud Orphanage in Calumet City, Illinois.

Jake: 5,000 bucks, it's all there pal...

Elwood: Our blessed Lady of Acceleration, don't fail me now.

Elwood: If I ain't drinking, you sure ain't shopping.

Elwood: The problem with elves is they ain't got no meat on their bones. You gotta get yourself a nice 250 pound dwarf, with hair on her chin you can hang on to! Ah, ah, ah!

[after finding the guys while singing "Do you Really Want to Hurt Me"]

Dennis, Elwood: [singing] Yes we really want to hurt you. Yes we really want to make you cry. Yes we really want to shoot you. Yes we really want to make you DIE.

Elwood: How you like me now? Huh? How you like me now, fishie? Oh, yeah, that's right you can't talk - cause you don't have a head!

[repeated line]

Elwood: How do ya like me now?

Elwood: Those assholes are dead! D-E-A-D, dead! Assholes! A-S-S-H-O...

Dennis: Stop spelling!