Elmo Quotes in Stripes (1981)

John Winger: [knocking on the door of the room the soldiers are being held prisoner in] Hello? Hello?

Dewey Oxburger: Hello?

John Winger: [in a falsetto voice] Hello.

Dewey Oxburger: Who is it?

John Winger: It's Idi Amin.

Elmo: It's Winger!

Felix: Oh, bollocks!

Elmo: Dog's bollocks?

Felix: No, just plain fucking bollocks!

Elmo: No dog involved?

Elmo: You're gonna kiss the sun and taste the motherfuckin' rainbow.

Elmo: [explaining his new drug to Durant] MDMA utilizes Serotonin. Opiates, like heroin, utilize dopamine. Sort of like the same sensation you get after sex. Amphetamines increase adrenaline. And cocaine gets those synapses in the brains firing really fast. My product is 51 times stronger than cocaine, 51 times more hallucinogenic than acid, and 51 times more explosive than ecstasy. It's like getting a personal visit... from God!

Durant: It's that good?

[first lines]

Elmo: I mean, rules are like, arbitrary, you know. Made up for people who believe in fairy tales like, you know, like Santa Claus. Hey, but not us, right? I mean, we know what's important. There's a war going on, man. A war. Ain't that a bitch?

[cop sucks his teeth]

Elmo: I just graduated today, man. With honors. Got my degree in pharmacology. I'm licensed. Look, if you write me up on this drug charge, I won't be able to practice. So what we're talking about here is, is my life. The rest of it.

[cop lights joint, takes one hit, then discards it]

L.A. Highway Patrol: The Sixties are over... MAN!

Elmo: Ain't that always the way? Elevator music, a nigger in a kilt, and a chick with a nickel-plated nine.

Elmo: Look, if I wanted cuisine, I'd have gone to Paris, all right?

Felix: You can still go to France, mate, it's not too far, it's full of pricks and they hate fucking yanks as well!

[as the nightclub gets raided by cops]

Elmo: Aw, fuck... Can't a brother just deal some GODDAMN DRUGS?

Elmo: What the fuck did they do to this fish? Batter it to death?

Felix: Fish and chips, national dish mate.

Elmo: More like a national disaster!

[last lines]

Elmo: Elmo's in the house!

Elmo: It takes ten seconds for an imbibed liquid to reach the stomach... It takes the human body eighty-one seconds to heat that liquid to the point of chemical volatility... You,

[points to the Lizard]

Elmo: have twelve seconds left.

The Lizard: It ain't often that a blowed-up motherfucker gets to chat to the motherfucker that blowed him up!

Elmo: You got that right. Usually, the blowed-up motherfucker has the courtesy to stay blowed up.

The Lizard: I'll try to be more accommodating next time, Elmo.

Elmo: So, let me get this straight. "Bollocks" is bad, whereas "the dogs bollocks" is good, huh?

Felix: Yeah.

[Felix sees Kane's car]

Felix: Oh, Bollocks!

Felix: So, how much are they paying you to wear that dress?

[Elmo glares at Felix]

Felix: ...fag?

[offers Elmo a cigarette]

Elmo: No, motherfucker.

Elmo: Ain't that always the way. Elevator playing music, a nigga in a kilt, and a chick with a nickel-plated nine.

[At a diner, Frank and Elmo, members of the Black Widows, have bought a beer for Lynn, to which Philo "cheers" to them. Frank and Elmo walk towards Philo, Lynn, and Orville]

Philo Beddoe: That's mighty nice of you.

Elmo: [shows Philo his Widow tattoo] You see that?

Philo Beddoe: An arm?

Elmo: No, that!

Philo Beddoe: A tattoo?

Elmo: He don't know what this means.

Frank: [shows Orville his Widow tattoo] Do you see that?

Orville Boggs: [sneezes] Ah-choo! Oh, sorry.

Philo Beddoe: Two tattoos.

Elmo: Them's Black Widows.

Frank: Did you know that more people die from black widows than rattlers every year?

Orville Boggs: Is that right?

Frank: Yeah, that's right.

Orville Boggs: Well, listen, I sure do appreciate knowing that because most of the people I know just - puh - step on them and squish them

Frank: I don't need this cheap shit.

Philo Beddoe: Orville, that's no way to thank you two guys just bought us a beer. Why don't you get the check and I'll go outside and thank them properly

Elmo: Oh, okay.

Cholla: The very first thing we do is find out who we're talking about. I mean, we don't even know where to find him.

Elmo: How are we gonna find him?

Cholla: Well it appears to me that there can't be too many guys driving around this valley with an ape.

[Biker's Theme sax intro; Elmo enters the Widow compound]

Cholla: You're late, pretty boy. I don't believe this.

Frank: Damn, I've never knowed nobody who hit so hard or so fast.

Elmo: Yeah. He could've been Denver Tank Murdock.

Frank: That's right.

Cholla: Sound like him?

Dallas: Don't know. Didn't get to see him so close as Elmo.

[Dallas and Woody laugh]

Elmo: At least I didn't drop my bike and run.

Frank: Yeah, like you two, goofy suckers!

Cholla: [screams] Shut up!

[the four quiets down]

Cholla: Now is it bad enough that you let somebody else kick your butts without you trying to do it to each other? Now if we're all talking about the same man, and I think we are... it appears he's got a rather growing collection of our bikes.

Frank: Yeah, but we don't know for sure if he took them or not. We were...

Woody: Unconcious for two hours!

[Dallas and Woody laughs again]

Elmo: [yells] That's not true!

Cholla: [screams] SHUT UP!

[Cholla hits Elmo in the groin with his cane]

Cholla: The very first thing we do is find out who we're talking about. I mean, we don't even know where to find him.

Elmo: How are we gonna find him?

Cholla: Well, it appears to me that there can't be too many guys driving around this valley with an ape.

Louden Swain: You never took a night off to see me wrestle before. They'll dock you for that.

Elmo: Hey, kid - money ain't everything.

Louden Swain: It's not that big a deal, Elmo. I mean, it's six lousy minutes on the mat, if that.

Elmo: You ever hear of Pele?

Louden Swain: Yeah, he's a, a soccer player.

Elmo: A very famous soccer player.

[pause]

Elmo: I was in the room here one day... watchin' the Mexican channel on TV. I don't know nothin' about Pele. I'm watchin' what this guy can do with a ball and his feet. Next thing I know, he jumps in the air and flips into a somersault and kicks the ball in - upside down and backwards... the goddamn goalie never knew what the fuck hit him. Pele gets excited and he rips off his jersey and starts running around the stadium waving it around his head. Everybody's screaming in Spanish. I'm here, sitting alone in my room, and I start crying.

[pause]

Elmo: That's right, I start crying. Because another human being, a species that I happen to belong to, could kick a ball, and lift himself, and the rest of us sad-assed human beings, up to a better place to be, if only for a minute... let me tell ya, kid - it was pretty goddamned glorious. It ain't the six minutes... it's what happens in that six minutes.

Elmo: [looks at Louden's book] What the fuck is this?

Louden Swain: What? You don't recognize it?

Elmo: Wait a minute! This is coos!

Louden Swain: Yeah, I'm thinking very seriously of becoming a gynecologist

Elmo: A coos doctor in outer space? Man, you're flippin' out!

Elmo: It's a pay before you pray deal.

Elmo: And no speaking in tongues on the air.