Elle Quotes in Starcrash (1978)

Elle: I only have logic and emotion circuits. No room for craziness.

Elle: Time for a little robot chauvinism.

Elle: It's so nice to be turned on again.

Elle: Circuits don't fail me now!

Elle: Now maybe is a good time to use your ancient system of prayer and hope it works for robots as well.

Elle: [fighting a giant statue] Watch out, you big broad!

[last lines]

Elle: Hey, Jay! Zed called. The high consulate from Solaxiant 9 wants floor seats for the next Bulls game.

Jay: All right, let's put in a call to Dennis Rodman. He's from that planet.

Elle: Rodman? You're kidding.

Jay: Nope.

Elle: Not much of a disguise.

Elle: Love is a fragile thing. Love that is bright in the morning fades by the sunset. To keep love always fresh, and prevent spoilage, I developed this Refrigerator Of Love.

Elle: How dare you interrupt the sacred ceremony of love.

Shinobu: What ceremony of love? This is just a sick collection. The warm love between a man and a woman can't be frozen like tuna.

Elle: So you're Lum, the Oni-girl.

Lum: And you're Elle, the Darling-thief.

Elle: I just don't think that Brooke could've done this. Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't.

Elle: [Elle is cross-examining Chutney Windham] Ms. Windham, what had you done earlier that day?

Chutney Windham: I got up. Got a latte. Went to the gym. Got a perm and came home.

Elle: Where you got in the shower?

The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: I believe the witness has made it clear that she was in the shower.

[Courtroom audience laughs]

Elle: Yes, your Honor.

Elle: [a sudden brainstorm comes over Elle] Ms. Windham, had you ever gotten a perm before?

Chutney Windham: Yes.

Chutney Windham: Two a year since I was 12. You do the math.

Elle: You know, a girl in my sorority, Tracy Marcinco got a perm once. We all tried to talk her out of it. Curls weren't a good look for her. She didn't have your bone structure, but thankfully that same day she entered the Pheta Delta Phi wet t-shirt contest where she was completely hosed to down from head to toe...

DA Joyce Rafferty: Objection, why is this relevant?

Elle: I have a point, I promise.

The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Then make it.

Elle: Chutney, why is it Tracy Marcinco's curls were ruined when she got hosed down?

Chutney Windham: Because they got wet.

Elle: Exactly. Because isn't the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you're forbidden to wet your hair for at least 24 hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the immonium thygocolate?

Chutney Windham: Yes.

Elle: And wouldn't somebody who had, say, 30 perms before in their life be well aware of this rule, and if in fact you weren't washing your hair as I suspect you weren't because your curls are still intact, wouldn't you have heard the gunshot, and if in fact you had heard the gunshot Brooke Windham wouldn't have had time to hide the gun before you got downstairs. Which means you would have had to found Brooke Windham with a gun in her hand to make your story plausible, isn't that right?

Chutney Windham: She's my age! Did she tell you that? How would you feel if your father married someone who was your age?

Elle: You, however, Chutney had time to hide the gun after you shot your father.

Chutney Windham: [Chutney is in tears] I didn't mean to shoot him!

[points at Brooke]

Chutney Windham: I thought it was YOU walking through the door!

[Courtroom audience gasps]

Elle: Oh my God.

The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Oh my God.

Brooke: Oh my God.

The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Balliff, take the witness into custody, where she will be charged for the murder of Joseph Windham. Case dismissed. Mrs. Windham, you're free to go.

Brooke: Thank you, your honor.

Warner Huntington III: You got into Harvard Law?

Elle: What? Like it's hard?

Vivian: Nice outfit.

Elle: Oh, I like your outfit too, except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.

Enrique Salvatore: Don't stomp your little last season Prada shoes at me, honey.

Elle: These aren't last season!

[looks down, gasps, runs back into court room]

Elle: He's gay! Enrique is gay!

Emmett: I can't believe you just called me a butthead. I don't think anybody has called me a butthead since the 9th grade.

Elle: Maybe not to your face.

Elle: I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life.

[someone whistles at her]

Elle: I object!

[Elle sees David the geek trying unsuccessfully to get a date with two lovely girls, who mock him, and decides to help by making the girls think she dated David]

Elle: Excuse me.

[Elle turns around and slaps David]

Elle: Why didn't you call me? We spent a beautiful night together and I haven't heard from you since.

David: [pause] I'm sorry?

Elle: Sorry for what? For breaking my heart, or for giving me the greatest pleasure I've ever known and just taking it away?

David: Both?

Elle: Well, forget it. I've spent too much time crying over you.

[Elle walks away, and the girls change their mind about him]

Girl: So, when did you wanna go out?

Elle: [on video essay] ... and that's why you should vote for me. Elle Woods: future lawyer for the class of 2004.

Admissions Guy: She does have a 4.0 from CULA and she got a 179 on LSATs.

Head of Admissions: Fashion major?

Admissions Guy: Well sir we've never had one before and aren't we always looking for diversity?

Admissions Guy: Her list of extra-curricular activities is impressive.

Head of Admissions: She was in a Ricky Martin video.

Admissions Guy: Clearly, she's interested in music.

Head of Admissions: She also designed a line of faux-fur panties for her sorority's charity project.

Admissions Guy: Uh huh, she's a friend to the animals as well as a philanthropist.

Head of Admissions: Elle Woods.

[pause]

Head of Admissions: Welcome to Harvard.

Elle: For that matter, any masturbatory emissions, where the sperm is clearly not seeking an egg, could be termed reckless abandonment.

Professor Callahan: You've just won your case.

Elle: And last week I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, and I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.

Elle's Mother: Honey, you were First Runner-Up at the "Miss Hawaiian Tropics" contest. Why are you going to throw that all away?

Elle: Going to Harvard is the only way I'm going to get the love of my life back.

Elle's Father: Oh, sweetheart, you don't need law school. Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious. And you, button, are none of those things.

Elle: Hi. I'm Elle Woods and this is Bruiser Woods. We're both Gemini vegetarians.

Warner Huntington III: Pooh bear, just get in the car.

Elle: No.

[starts walking away, sniffling]

Warner Huntington III: You're gonna ruin your shoes.

Elle: Okay.

[gets in car]

Elle: Did you see him? He's probably still scratching his head.

Paulette: Yeah, which must be a nice vacation for his balls.

Elle: Oh Warner, do you remember when we spent those four amazing hours in the hot tub together after winter formal?

Warner Huntington III: Uhh, ye... no?

Elle: Well this is so much better than that! Excuse me, I have some shopping to do.

Elle: You're breaking up with me because I'm too... blonde?

Warner Huntington III: Well, no. That's not entirely true...

Elle: Then what? My boobs are too big?

Elle: [wearing a bunny costume and shopping for a laptop computer] Don't ask.

Emmett: Wasn't gonna.

Brooke: Are you one of my lawyers?

Elle: Sort of.

Brooke: Well thank God one of you has a brain.

Elle: [after Warner asks her out after the trial] But if I'm going to be a partner in a law firm by the time I'm 30, I need a boyfriend who's not such a complete bonehead.

Elle: I don't need back-ups. I'm going to Harvard.

C.U.L.A. Advisor: Well then, you'll need excellent recommendations from your professors.

Elle: Okay.

C.U.L.A. Advisor: And a heck of an admissions essay.

Elle: Right.

C.U.L.A. Advisor: And at least a 175 on your LSATs.

Elle: I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me, I can handle anything.

Paulette: Is she as pretty as you?

Elle: She could use some mascara and some serious highlights, but she's not completely unfortunate looking.

Elle: This is what I need to become.

Old Lady at Manicurist: What? Practically deformed?

Elle: No, a law student.

Elle: [to Emmett] So, if you don't know an answer they're just gonna kick you out.

Emmett: So you have Stromwell, huh?

Elle: Yes. Did she do that to you too?

Emmett: No, but she did make me cry once... not in class I waited until I got back to my room, but yeah she'll kick you right in the balls, or wherever.

Margot: Here, you're gonna need this.

Elle: Your scrunchie?

Margot: My LUCKY scrunchie. It helped me pass Spanish.

Serena: You passed Spanish because you gave Professor Montoya a lap dance after the final.

Margot: Yeah... Luckily!

Vivian: You know, I'm still shocked that you didn't give Callahan the alibi.

Elle: It wasn't my alibi to tell.

Vivian: I know, I thought that was very... classy of you.

Elle: The rules of hair care are simple and finite. Any Cosmo girl would have known.

Elle: Because I'm not a Vanderbilt, suddenly I'm white trash? I grew up in Bel Air, Warner. Across the street from Aaron Spelling. I think most people would agree that's a lot better than some stinky old Vanderbilt.

Brooke: I was getting...

[whispers]

Brooke: liposuction.

Elle: I'm sorry, what?

Brooke: [whispers a little louder] Liposuction.

Elle: What?

Brooke: LIPOSUCTION!

Elle: [gasps] OH MY GOD!

Brooke: I KNOW!

Elle: [low voice] NO...

Brooke: Yes! I know I'm a fraud, but its not like normal women could have this ass! If anyone found out about this, I would be ruined!

[sadly]

Brooke: You must understand me, Elle... I had just lost a husband...

[bitterly]

Brooke: I would rather go to jail than to lose my reputation!

Elle: [understanding] Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me.

Brooke: [tearfully, yet thankfully] Thank you, Elle.

[Elle is presiding at her sorority meeting]

Elle: It has come to my attention that the maintenance staff is switching our toilet paper from Charmin... to generic. All those opposed to chafing, please say "Aye".

Entire Sorority Group: Aye.

Warner Huntington III: Excuse me, I'm sorry... are you here to see me?

Elle: No, silly. I go here!

Elle: Is that low-viscosity rayon? With a half-loop top stitching on the hem?

Boutique Saleswoman: Of course. It's one of a kind.

Elle: It's impossible to use a half-loop stitching on low-viscosity rayon. It would snag the fabric. And you didn't just get it in - I saw it in the June Vogue a year ago. So if you're trying to sell it to me for full price, you've picked the wrong girl.

Elle: I promised her, and I can't break the bonds of sisterhood.

Professor Callahan: Screw sisterhood! This is a murder investigation! Not some scandal at the sorority house!

Elle: Bend and snap.

Elle: All people see when they look at me is blonde hair and big boobs.

Elle: [from deleted scene] She told me I look like Britney Spears! Why would she say that if she doesn't like me?

Elle: No more boring suits or pantyhose, I'm trying to be somebody I'm not.

Elle: I'm reading about the LSATs.

Serena: My cousin had that once. Apparently you get a really bad rash on your...

Elle: Uh. I'm sorry. I just hallucinated.

Warner Huntington III: How was your first class?

Elle: Oh, it was okay, except for this horrible preppy girl who tried to make me look bad in front of the professor, but no biggie.

[sees Elle in her Bunny costume]

Warner Huntington III: Hey, well, don't you look like a walking felony.

Elle: Thanks, you're so sweet.

Elle: That's great, Paulette. Is that the only interaction you two have ever had?

Paulette: No! Sometimes I say "okay" instead of "fine."

Elle: This is gonna be just like senior year, except for funner!

Brooke: You know a Delta Nu would never sleep with a man who wears a thong.

Elle: Never!

Brooke: I just liked to watch him change the filter.

Warner Huntington III: Pooh-bear, you're not serious enough...

Elle: [firmly] Well, I'm serious about this, Warner.

Warner Huntington III: No. I mean, I'm sorry but, you're never going to be smart enough for lessons in law.

[Elle silently, yet suddenly discovers that Warner doesn't respect her and never will respect her]

Elle: I'm never going to be good enough for you, am I?

Elle: Warner, what kind of shoes are these?

Warner Huntington III: Umm... black ones.

Elle: Here it is!

Professor Callahan: It's pink...

Elle: Oh! And it's scented! I think it gives it a little something extra, don't you think? Okay, well, see you next class!

Emmett: You know what I thought when I first met you?

Elle: God, that woman wears a lot of pink?

Elle: Hi everyone!

Timothy McGinn: Look, it's Capitol Barbie.

Reena: She's so shiny.

Elle: I'm here to speak for those who can't speak for themselves.

Elle: Hello, Patriots! I don't think I've been this excited since Gucci became a publicly-traded company.

Timothy McGinn: Oh my God, it's capital Barbie.

Reena: She's so... shiny.

Elle: I didn't know I could be this happy without incurring credit card debt!

Elle: Ughhh. All day long I felt like white open-toed shoes after Labor Day.

Sid: I hate that feeling, whatever that means.

Elle: Oh, my God. I almost forgot.

Detective Finchley: You want me to what?

Elle: A biological birth parent search.

Detective Finchley: For your dog?

Elle: For my Chihuahua-American Bruiser Woods. I found him abandoned years ago.

Detective Finchley: Miss, I'm the highest-paid most sought after private investigator in the greater Boston area.

Elle: And that's precisely why we came to you, Detective. It is absolutely vital that we find Bruiser's mother, and pronto. His father might be a little more difficult. You know dogs.

Detective Finchley: May I ask why?

Elle: Of course. "Martha Stewart Weddings" recommends a 4 to 6-week window for RSVPs and naturally I can't send the invitation without an address. And the sooner I get started on all that calligraphy, really, the better.

Detective Finchley: You wanna send an invitation to your wedding to your dog' mother. Are you serious?

Elle: Detective, if I have to make room for my second cousin's vegan diet coach, you better believe I'm gonna make room for the mother of the one loving creature who's always been there for me. In fact, I can't believe I haven't done this sooner.

Detective Finchley: I'm thinking the same thing.

Rep. Rudd: You can't get people to care.

Elle: Watch me.

Emmett: You fall asleep during the West Wing.

Elle: Yeah, but have you seen what they're wearing?

Elle: So speak up, America. Speak up for the home of the brave. Speak up for the land of the free gift with purchase. Speak up, America!

Elle: Paulette, I taught Bruiser to shop online, I think I can handle congress.

Elle: I have always respected redheads as members of a hair color minority.

Elle: Who wants to talk animal testing?

Timothy McGinn: Write a bill, Britney.

[Elle first arrives in Washington DC]

Sid: Welcome, to the Wellington, ma'am.

Elle: It's a thrill to be here.

Elle: This is just like CSpan, except I'm not bored.

Elle: I don't think I've been this excited since Gucci became a publicly traded company!

Security Guard: No, ma'am. Unless you have a pass, you cannot go up there.

Elle: Lucky I always keep it on me. Hold on. It's right here. There you go.

Security Guard: What is it?

Elle: It's my double platinium VVIP VERSACE Preferred Customer identification card, of course. Available only to those that have shopped on at least five continents. If that fails to satisfy you, you can also contact Billy Dailey, head of customer relations.

Security Guard: You got the wrong VERSACE, lady.

Elle: Really? So Donatella's not here?

Elle: Oh, Bruiser! Your mother lives at the top secret VERSACE think-tank. I told you they had one.

Stanford Marks: You're the girl with the perfumed poo-poo bags, aren't you?

Elle: Actually I'm the woman with the scented waste receptacles, but yes

Elle: You blocked this bill, nobody else and I want to know why.

Rep. Rudd: why? Why does anything happen in Washington, survival. You have no idea what it takes to get here, to stay here. The money it takes. And it just so happens my chief financial contributor happens to have purchased half-share in a major cosmetics company, and THEY want to continue testing on animals. So much so that they are willing to backroll my opponent in next years elections if I did not kill YOUR bill.

Elle: I trusted you. I looked up to you.

Rep. Rudd: I can't do anyone any good if I'm no longer here.

Elle: But you're not doing anybody any good. Nobody in your district. Not even yourself.

Elle: Oooooh! Nice briefcase!

Elle: You destroy me. You are good for me.

Elle: They make advertisements for soap. Why not for peace?

Elle: I have dubious morals, you know.

Lui: What do you call "having dubious morals"?

Elle: Being dubious about other people's morals.

Elle: The illusion, quite simply, is so perfect, that tourists weep. It's easy to be cynical. But what else can a tourist possibly do, but weep?

Elle: Sometimes we have to avoid thinking about the problems life presents. Otherwise we'd suffocate.

Elle: All these years I've been looking for an impossible love.

Elle: [Last lines] Hi-ro-shi-ma. Hiroshima. That is your name.

Lui: Yes, that is my name. And your name is Nevers. Nevers, in France.

Elle: I loved the taste of blood since I tasted yours.

Elle: Like you, I have fought with all my might not to forget. Like you, I have forgotten.

Elle: Were you here in Hiroshima?

Lui: Of course not.

Elle: That's right. How silly of me.

Lui: But my family was in Hiroshima.

Lui: I was off fighting the war.

Elle: Lucky for you, eh?

Lui: Yes.

Elle: Lucky for me, too.

Elle: I'm beginning to forget you. Forgetting so much love is terrifying.

Elle: I felt the heat on Peace Square. Ten thousand degrees, on Peace Square. That I know. The temperature of the sun, on Peace Square. How could one ignore it? The grass, quite simply...

Elle: Just as in love, there is this illusion, this illusion that you will never be able to forget, the way I had the illusion, faced with Hiroshima, that I would never forget. Just as in love.

Lui: What's the film you're in?

Elle: A film about peace. What else would we be making in Hiroshima?

Elle: I was so young once!

Elle: One thinks one knows. But, no. Never.

Elle: Time will pass. Only time. And time will come. A time will come, when we can no longer name what it is that unites us. The name will gradually fade from our memory. Then it will disappear entirely.

Lui: [First lines] You saw nothing in Hiroshima. Nothing.

Elle: I saw everything. Everything.

Lui: Where are you going? To Nevers?

Lui: No, Paris. I'll never set foot in Nevers again.

Elle: Never?

Lui: Never.

Lui: What did Hiroshima mean to you, in France?

Elle: [pauses for a second] The end of the war... completely, I mean. Amazement that they dared, amazement that they succeeded. And for us, the start of an unknown fear. Then, indifference. And fear of that indifference.

Elle: Four times at the museum in Hiroshima. I saw people walking around. People walking, thoughtful, past the photographs and reconstructions, for lack of anything else. Photographs, photographs and reconstructions, for lack of anything else. Explanations, for lack of anything else. Four times at the museum in Hiroshima. I looked at the people. I myself looked, thoughtfully, at the iron. Iron, burned and twisted. Iron made vulnerable as flesh. I saw the bouquet of bottle tops. Who could imagine such a thing? Human skin, floating, surviving, still in the bloom of agony. And stones. Burned stones, shattered stones. Anonymous locks of hair, that Hiroshima's women, when they awoke, discovered had fallen out.

Elle: I have always wept for the fate of Hiroshima. Always.

Lui: No. What would you have wept about?

Elle: I have made nothing up.

Lui: You have made it all up.

Elle: Like you, I wanted an inconsolable memory. A memory of shadow and stone. Each day I fought, all alone, with all my might, against the terror of no longer knowing the reason to remember. Like you have forgotten.

Elle: Why deny the obvious necessity for memory?

Elle: Listen to me. I know this, too. It will happen again. 200,000 dead, 80,000 wounded in nine seconds. Those are official figures. It will happen again. It will be 10,000 degrees on the earth. "Ten thousand suns," they will say. The asphalt will burn. A deep chaos will prevail. A whole city will be raised and once more crumble into ashes.

Elle: I meet you. I remember you. Who are you?

Elle: How could I have known this city was big enough for love? How could I have known you were a perfect fit for my body?

Elle: I have time. I beg you. Devour me. Deform me, make me ugly. Why not you? Why not you, in this city and on this night, so indistinguishable from any other? I beg you.

Elle: I don't mind being like a thousand women to you.

Lui: Why are you in Hiroshima?

Elle: A film.

Lui: What film?

Elle: I am acting in a film.

Lui: Does it mean anything else in French, "Nevers"?

Elle: No, nothing.

Elle: Sometimes it's important to ignore the difficulties this world presents. Otherwise, it would become unbearable.

Elle: Sad little romance.

Elle: If we were a bit more tolerant of each other's weaknesses, we'd be less alone. I know one can live alone but... Did you see that couple next door? I envied them. Stay with me. Stay. Give us that chance.

Elle: I know you hate me. There's nothing I can do about that. But at least try to be a little consistent.

Elle: Look at you wife, who has made herself pretty for you. Look. Open your eyes.

James Miller: This is just not the moment. It's 5 o'clock, I'm hungry, I need a drink.

Elle: After we've seen so many copies of something over so many years, we're not all experts who can stand before an original and understand it. It takes our breath away. Therefore, without the existence of copies, we wouldn't understand originals.