Elizabeth Quotes in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

Jack Sparrow: [Wakes up and sees Elizabeth burning the rum] No! Not good! Stop! Not good! What are you doing? You burned all the food, the shade... the rum.

Elizabeth: Yes, the rum is gone.

Jack Sparrow: Why is the rum gone?

Elizabeth: One: because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two: that signal is over a thousand feet high. The entire Royal Navy is out looking for me. Do you really think there is even the slightest chance they won't see it?

Jack Sparrow: But why is the rum gone?

Elizabeth: Just wait captain Sparrow. You give it one hour, maybe two; keep a weather eye out and you will see white sails on that horizon.

[Jack momentarily considers shooting her with his single bullet he has been saving for ten years before stomping off]

Jack Sparrow: "Must have been terrible for you to be trapped here Jack. Must have been terrible for you." Well it bloody is now!

[Seeing Norrington's ship off shore, vindicating her plan]

Jack Sparrow: There'll be no living with her after this.

Elizabeth: Captain Barbossa , I am here to negotiate the cessation of hostilities against Port Royal .

Barbossa: There are a lot of long words in there, Miss; we're naught but humble pirates. What is it that you want?

Elizabeth: I want you to leave and never come back.

Barbossa: I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means "no".

Elizabeth: Very well. I'll drop it.

[dangles medallion over the sea]

Barbossa: Me holds are burstin' with swag. That bit of shine matters to us? Why?

Elizabeth: It's what you've been searching for. I recognized the ship. I saw it eight years ago on the crossing from England .

Barbossa: Did ya, now?

Elizabeth: Fine. Well, I suppose if it is worthless then there's no point in me keeping it.

[it drops a bit, the pirates lunge forward]

Barbossa: No! Ah.

[chuckles]

Barbossa: You have a name, Missy?

Elizabeth: Elizabeth... Turner. I'm a maid in the Governor's household.

Barbossa: Miss Turner...?

[turns to face the pirates]

Pintel: Bootstrap.

Barbossa: And how does a maid come to own a trinket such as that? Family heirloom, perhaps?

Elizabeth: I didn't steal it, if that's what you mean.

Barbossa: Very well, you hand it over and we'll put your town to our rudder and ne'er return.

Elizabeth: [she hands it over] Our bargain?

[Barbossa walks away from her]

Bo'sun: Still the guns and stow 'em, Signal the men, set the flags and make good to clear port.

Elizabeth: Wait! You have to take me to shore. According to the Code of the Order of the Brethren...

Barbossa: First, your return to shore was not part of our negotiations nor our agreement so I must do nothing. And secondly, you must be a pirate for the pirate's code to apply and you're not. And thirdly, the code is more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual rules. Welcome aboard the Black Pearl, Miss Turner .

Jack Sparrow: I love this song. Really bad eggs. Ooh.

[falls]

Jack Sparrow: When I get the Pearl back, I'm gonna teach it to the whole crew, and we'll sing it all the time.

Elizabeth: And you'll be positively the most fearsome pirates in the Spanish Main.

Jack Sparrow: Not just the Spanish Main, love. The entire ocean. The entire wo'ld. Wherever we want to go, we'll go. That's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, that's what a ship needs but what a ship is... what the Black Pearl really is... is freedom.

Elizabeth: Will, how many times must I ask you to call me Elizabeth?

Will Turner: At least once more, Miss Swann, as always.

Jack Sparrow: Last time... I was here a grand total of three days, all right? Last time, the rum runners used this island as a cache, they came past and I was able to barter passage off. By the look of things, they've long been out of business. Probably have your bloody friend Norrington to thank for that.

Elizabeth: So that's it, then? That's the secret, grand adventure of the infamous Jack Sparrow. You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum.

Jack Sparrow: Welcome to the Caribbean, love.

Elizabeth: Whose side is Jack on?

Will Turner: At the moment?

Jacoby: I'm gonna teach you the meaning of pain.

Elizabeth: You like pain?

[hits pirate in the head with a pole]

Elizabeth: Try wearing a corset.

[to Elizabeth]

Jack Sparrow: Where's the medallion?

Elizabeth: Wretch.

[attempts to slap him]

Jack Sparrow: [grabs her wrist] Ah, where is dear William?

Elizabeth: Will.

Will Turner: Elizabeth.

Jack Sparrow: Monkey!

Elizabeth: This is the fastest ship in the Caribbean.

Anamaria: You can tell them that after they've caught us.

Elizabeth: You're pirates. Hang the code, and hang the rules. They're more like guidelines anyway.

Will Turner: Barbossa, you lying bastard! You swore she'd go free!

Barbossa: Don't dare impugn me honor, boy! I agreed she go free, but it was you who failed to specify when or where. Though it does seem a shame to lose somethin' so fine, don't it, lads?

The Crew: Aye.

Barbossa: So I'll be havin' that dress back before ye go.

Jack Sparrow: I always liked you.

Bo'sun: Grr...

Elizabeth: Goes with your black heart.

Barbossa: Ooh, it's still warm.

The Crew: Off you go! Come on! Get on with it!

Bo'sun: Too long!

Jack Sparrow: I really rather hoped we were past all this.

Barbossa: Jack... Jack! Did you not notice? That be the same island we made you the governor of on our last little trip.

Jack Sparrow: I did notice.

Barbossa: Perhaps you'll conjure up another miraculous escape, but I doubt it. Off you go.

Jack Sparrow: The last time you left me a pistol with one shot.

Barbossa: By the powers, you're right. Where be Jack's pistol? Bring it forward.

Jack Sparrow: Seeing as there's two of us, a gentleman would give us a pair of pistols.

Barbossa: It'll be one pistol as before, and you can be the gentleman and shoot the lady; and starve to death yourself.

Elizabeth: I hardly believe in ghost stories, Captain Barbossa.

Barbossa: Aye. That's exactly what I thought when first told of the tale. Buried in the island of the dead that which cannot be found except by those who already knows where it is. Find it, we did. And there be the chest... and inside, be the gold. We took them all! Spent 'em, traded 'em and fritted 'em away, for drink and food and pleasurable company. But the more we gave them away, the more we came to realize. The drink would not satisfy, food turned to ash in our mouths, nor the company in the world would harm or slake our lust. We are cursed men, Miss Turner. Compelled by greed, we were. But now, we are consumed by it.

[Elizabeth is being laced into a corset]

Governor Swann: Elizabeth, how's it coming?

Elizabeth: It's difficult to say.

Governor Swann: I'm told it's the latest fashion in London.

Elizabeth: Well, women in London must have learned not to breathe.

Governor Swann: So, this is the path you've chosen? After all, he is a blacksmith.

Elizabeth: No.

[pause]

Elizabeth: He's a pirate.

Jack Sparrow: That's the second time I've had to watch that man sail away with my ship.

Elizabeth: But you were marooned on this island before, weren't you? So we can escape in the same way you did then.

Jack Sparrow: To what point and purpose, young missy? The Black Pearl is gone and unless you have a rudder and a lot of sails hidden in that bodice - unlikely - young Mr. Turner will be dead long before you can reach him.

Elizabeth: But you're Captain Jack Sparrow. You vanished from under the eyes of seven agents of the East India Company. You sacked Nassau Port without even firing a shot. Are you the pirate I've read about or not? How did you escape last time?

[protesting Jack's arrest]

Elizabeth: Commodore, I really must protest. Pirate or not, this man saved my life.

Norrington: One good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness.

Jack Sparrow: Though it seems enough to condemn him.

Norrington: Indeed.

Pintel: [Pintel and Ragetti burst into the room] We know you're here, Poppet.

Ragetti: Poppet.

Pintel: Come out... and we promise we won't hurt you.

Ragetti: Eh?

Pintel: [smiles at Ragetti] We will find you, Poppet. You've got something of ours, and it calls to us. The gold calls to us.

Ragetti: Gold calls...

Pintel: [opens door of the closet] 'Ello, Poppet.

Elizabeth: Parlay!

Ragetti: What?

Elizabeth: Parlay. I invoke the right of parlay. According to the Code of the brethren, set down by the pirates Morgan and Bartholomew , you have to take me to your Captain.

Pintel: I know the code.

Elizabeth: If an adversary demands parlay you can do them no harm until the parlay is complete.

Ragetti: To blazes with the code.

Pintel: She wants to be taken to the Captain. And she'll go without a fuss. We must honor the Code.

Town Clerk: Jack Sparrow.

Jack Sparrow: Captain... Captain Jack Sparrow.

Town Clerk: ...for your willful commission of crime against the crown. Those crimes being numerous in quantity and sinister in nature...

Elizabeth: This is wrong...

Governor Swann: Commodore Norrington is bound by the law, as are we all.

Town Clerk: ...impersonating an officer of the Royal Navy; impersonating a clergy of the Church of England...

Jack Sparrow: Oh yeah, heh heh

Town Clerk: ...arson; kidnapping; perjury; piracy; pilfering; deprivation of a Federal Loyalist. For these crimes you will be hung by the neck until dead. May God have mercy on your soul.

Norrington: I, uh, apologize if I seem forward, but I must speak my mind... Ah, this promotion throws into sharp relief that which I have... not yet achieved: a marriage to a fine woman. You have become a fine woman, Elizabeth.

Elizabeth: [her corset is choking her] I can't breathe!

Norrington: Yes, I'm... I'm a bit nervous myself.

[Elizabeth faints and topples over the wall]

Elizabeth: I had a dream about you last night.

Will Turner: About me?

Governor Swann: Elizabeth, is that entirely proper for you to c...

Elizabeth: About the day we met. Do you remember?

Elizabeth: You didn't tell them about the curse.

Jack Sparrow: I noticed neither did you. For the same reason, I expect.

Elizabeth: He wouldn't have risked it.

Jack Sparrow: Could have gotten him drunk. Oh, don't get me wrong, love. I admire a person who's willing to do whatever's necessary.

Elizabeth: You're a smart man, Jack. But I don't entirely trust you.

Jack Sparrow: Peas in a pod, darling.

[Elizabeth in rowing boat heading toward shore]

Elizabeth: Bloody pirates!

[back aboard the Dauntless, Ragetti sees the Pearl sailing away]

Ragetti: Is it supposed to be doing that?

Pintel: They're stealing our ship.

Ragetti: Bloody pirates!

Norrington: You forget your place, Turner.

Will Turner: It's right here. Between you and Jack.

Elizabeth: As is mine.

Governor Swann: Elizabeth. Lower your weapons. For goodness sake, put them down.

Norrington: So, this is where your heart truly lies, then?

Elizabeth: It is.

[the Black Pearl is gone]

Elizabeth: I'm sorry, Jack.

Jack Sparrow: [wistfully proud] They done what's right by them. Can't expect more than that.

Barbossa: You don't know what this is, do ye?

Elizabeth: It's a pirate medallion...

Barbossa: This is Aztec gold. One of 882 identical pieces they delivered in a stone chest to Cortez himself. Blood money paid to stem the slaughter he wreaked upon them with his armies. But the greed of Cortez was insatiable. So the heathen gods placed upon the gold a terrible curse. Any mortal that removes but a piece from that stone chest shall be punished for eternity.

Pintel: You'll be dining with the captain. And he requests you wear this.

Elizabeth: Well you may tell the captain that I am disinclined to acquiesce to his request.

Pintel: He said you'd say that. He also said that if that be the case, then you'll be dining with the crew. And you'll be naked.

[looks at him in disgust and hastily grabs dress]

Pintel: Fine.

Elizabeth: Lower the anchor on the right side.

Anamaria: [looks stunned]

Elizabeth: On the starboard side!

Will Turner: It has the element of surprise.

Anamaria: You're daft lady. You both are!

Mr. Gibbs: Daft like Jack.

[turns to the crew]

Mr. Gibbs: Lower the starboard anchor!

[crew looks reluctant]

Mr. Gibbs: Do it you gobs! Or it's you we'll load into the cannons.

Elizabeth: [when Pintel and Ragetti finds her hiding in the closet] Parley!

Pintel: [pauses] What?

Elizabeth: Parley. I invoke the right of parley. According to the Code set down by the pirates Morgan and Bartholomew says you have to take me to your captain.

Pintel: I know the Code.

Elizabeth: Then it would state that if one demands parley you can do them no harm until the parley is complete.

Ragetti: Blazes to the Code!

Pintel: She wants to be taken to the captain! And she'll go without a fuss. We must honour the Code.

Barbossa: There is one way we can end our curse. All the scattered pieces of the Aztec gold must be restored and the blood repaid. Thanks to ye, we have the final piece.

Elizabeth: And the blood to be repaid?

Barbossa: That's why there is no sense to be killing you... yet. Apple?

[Elizabeth angrily knocks the apple out of Barbossa's hand and then takes a knife and stabs him in the chest, only for him to be unaffected; he pulls out the knife]

Barbossa: I'm curious: after you kill me, what is it you plan on doing next?

Elizabeth: [after Barbossa has cut her hand slightly] That's it?

Barbossa: Waste not...

Elizabeth: [Elizabeth and Jack have just been rescued from the rumrunners' island] But we've got to save Will!

Governor Swann: No! You're safe now. We will return to Port Royal immediately, not go gallivating after pirates!

Elizabeth: Then we comdemn him to death!

Governor Swann: The boy's fate *is* regrettable... but then, so was his decision to engage in piracy.

Elizabeth: You're despicable.

Jack Sparrow: Sticks and stones, love. I saved your life, you saved mine. We're square.

Elizabeth: I hardly believe in ghost stories anymore, Captain Barbossa.

Elizabeth: [sighs] "... Drink up me hearties, yo ho".

Jack Sparrow: What was that, Elizabeth?

Elizabeth: It's Miss Swann.

Jack Sparrow: Miss Swann.

Elizabeth: Nothing, it's just a song I learned as a child when I thought it would be fun to meet a real pirate.

Jack Sparrow: Let's hear it, then.

Elizabeth: No.

Jack Sparrow: Come on. We've got the time. Let's be having it.

Elizabeth: No. I'd need a lot more to drink.

Jack Sparrow: How much more?

Jack Sparrow: Is there a problem between us, Miss Swann?

Elizabeth: You were going to tell Barbossa about Will in exchange for a ship.

Jack Sparrow: We could use a ship. But the truth is, I wasn't going to tell Barbossa about Will, as long as I had something to bargain with, which now nobody has, thanks to bloody stupid Will.

Elizabeth: Oh.

Jack Sparrow: [mockingly] Oh.

[of the British ambushing the pirates]

Elizabeth: No... Wait... Stop! The pirates are undead! They'll all be killed! This is Jack Sparrow's doing!

Lt. Gillette: Don't worry, Miss, he's already been informed of that, a little mermaid flopped up on deck and told him the whole story!

[He laughs as she glares at him]

Elizabeth: I'm not entirely sure that I've had enough rum to allow that kind of talk.

Barbossa: Do you not know what this is then?

Elizabeth: It's a Pirate Medallion.

Barbossa: It's a piece of treasure of Isla de Muerta.

Barbossa: Ah, so you don't know as much as you pretend. Back when Cortes was cutting a great bloody swath through the New World, a high priest gave him all the gold they had, with one condition: that he spare the people's lives. Of course Cortes being Cortes, he didn't. He've made a great pirate, that one.

Barbossa: So the priest, with his dying breath, called on the power of the blood of his people, and put on the gold a curse. If anyone took so much as a single piece, as he was compelled by greed, by greed he would be consumed.

Barbossa: Within a day of leaving port for Spain, the treasure ship carrying the gold... something went wrong. The ship run aground, every man aboard dead, save one. He survived long enough to hide the gold ashore. Over time, the dark magic of the curse seeped into the place, making it a cursed island. An island of death. Isla de Muerta.

Elizabeth: That's all very interesting, but I hardly believe in ghost stories any more.

Barbossa: You idiot girl! It's no make believe! My crew and I, we found the gold, and we did more than take one piece, we took it all. Rich men we were and we spent it and traded it and gave it away in exchange for drink and food and pleasant company. But we found out: the drink could not state us, and the food turned to ashes in our mouths, and no amount of pleasant company could ease our torment. We are cursed men, Miss Turner, condemned, to be forever consumed by our own greed. Gold calls to UB, always, and we are driven, always to find more, and add it to the treasure.

Barbossa: There is but one way to remove the curse. All of the scattered pieces of the treasure must be restored in full, and the blood repaid. We've recovered every piece, save for this. And as for the blood... that's what we have you for. And that's why there's no sense in killing you. Yet. Apple?

Barbossa: I'm curious... after killing me, what is it you were planning to do next? Look! Look! The moonlight shows us for what we really are! We are not among the living and so we cannot die...

Barbossa: but neither are we dead! We have all the desires of the living, but cannot satisfy them! Ten years I have been parched of thirst, and unable to quench it! Ten years, I have been starving to death... and haven't died!

Barbossa: And I have not felt anything for ten years... Not the wind on my face, nor the spray of the sea... nor the flesh of a woman...

Barbossa: You'd best start believing in ghost stories, Miss Turner. Because now you're in one.

Elizabeth: I hardly believe in ghost stories, Captain Barbossa.

Barbossa: Aye. That's exactly what I thought when we were first told of the tale. Buried in the island of the dead that which cannot be found except by those who already knows where it is. Find it, we did. And there be the chest... and inside, be the gold. We took them all! Spent 'em, traded 'em and fritted 'em away, for drink and food and pleasurable company. But the more we gave them away, the more we came to realize. The drink would not satisfy, food turned to ash in our mouths, nor the company in the world would harm or slake our lust. We are cursed men, Miss Turner. Compelled by greed, we were. But now, we are consumed by it.

[Darius. and the soldiers plan to rescue Talon from Cromwell's dungeon]

Elizabeth: Let me go with you.

[Darius shakes his head]

Elizabeth: I know the way into the castle.

Darius: Tell me the way.

Elizabeth: I beg you, let me take you to him.

[Darius agrees]

Darius: Take a sword.

[Next scene: The soldiers have all been captured]

Eric: We should never have followed that wench in here.

Brian: [getting rough] It's going to be better for me if it looks like I tried harder to find out.

Elizabeth: Just not my face, okay?

Elizabeth: I don't want to be some monster without a memory, starving in a broken world.

[last lines]

Elizabeth: Observe, Lord Burghley, I am married... to England.

Lord Robert: Marry me.

Elizabeth: On a night such as this, could any woman say no?

Lord Robert: On a night such as this, could a queen say no?

Elizabeth: Does not a queen sit under the same stars as any other woman?

Elizabeth: [referring to Dudley] He shall be kept alive to always remind me of how close I came to danger.

Queen Mary: Why will you not confess your crimes against me?

Elizabeth: Because, Your Majesty, I have committed none.

Queen Mary: You speak with such sincerity. I see you are still a consummate actress. My husband is gone. They have poisoned my child. They say it is a tumor.

[Moans in pain]

Elizabeth: Madam, you are not well.

Queen Mary: They say this cancer will make you queen, but they are wrong. Look there, it is your death warrant. All I need do is sign it.

Elizabeth: Mary, if you sign that paper you will be murdering your own sister.

Elizabeth: Aye, but marry who, Your Grace? Would you give me some suggestion? For some say France and others Spain, and some cannot abide foreigners at all. So I am not sure how best to please you unless I married one of each.

[laughter]

Noble: Now Your Majesty does make fun of the sanctity of marriage.

Elizabeth: I do not think *you* should lecture me on that, my lord, since you yourself have been *twice divorced*... and are now upon your third wife!

[laughter]

Sir William Cecil, Lord Burghley: Forgive me, Madam, but you are only a woman...

Elizabeth: [cuts him off firmly] I may be a woman, Sir William, but if I choose I have the heart of a man! I am my father's daughter. I am not afraid of anything.

Lord Robert: For God's sake, you are still my Elizabeth.

Elizabeth: I am not your Elizabeth. I am no man's Elizabeth. And if you think to rule, you are mistaken.

Elizabeth: [to all]

Elizabeth: I will have one mistress here... and no master.

[Offering Elizabeth his coat before putting her in the tower]

Arundel: Madam, you are cold.

Elizabeth: I do not need your pity.

Arundel: Accept it, then, for my sake.

Elizabeth: Thank you. I shall not forget this kindness.

Elizabeth: Kat... I have become a virgin.

Elizabeth: This is the Lord's doing. And it is marvelous in our eyes.

Elizabeth: When I am queen, I promise... to act as my conscience dictates.

Queen Mary: Well do not think to be queen at all!

Lord Robert: When you are Queen...

Elizabeth: I am not...

[whispering]

Elizabeth: I am not Queen yet!

Lord Robert: You will be. Elizabeth, Queen of England. A court to worship you, a country to obey you, poems written celebrating your beauty, music composed in your honor, and they will mean nothing to you. I will mean nothing to you.

Elizabeth: [laughs gaily] How could you ever be nothing to me? Robert, you know you are everything to me.

[Elizabeth presents her ideas of religious reform to Parliament; the bishops are outraged and begin to argue]

First Bishop: Madam, by this act... by this act, you force us to relinquish our allegiance to the Holy Father.

Elizabeth: How can I force you, Your Grace? I am a woman.

[Bishops laugh]

Elizabeth: I have no desire to make windows into men's souls. I simply ask, can any man, in truth, serve two masters, and be faithful to both?

[Bishops start to argue again]

Bishop #2: Madam, this-this is heresy!

Elizabeth: No, Your Grace, this is... common sense.

[Bishops murmur in semi-agreement]

Elizabeth: Which is a most English virtue.

[Bishops laugh]

[on the Virgin Mary]

Elizabeth: She had such power over men's hearts. They died for her.

Sir Francis Walsingham: They have found nothing to replace her.

Sir Francis Walsingham: All Norfolk need do is sign this paper and treason will have been committed.

Elizabeth: Then let him sign it, and let it all be done.

Elizabeth: I have rid England of her enemies. What do I do now? Am I to be made of stone? Must I be touched by nothing?

Elizabeth: Tonight I think I die.

Elizabeth: There will be no more talk of marriage.

Elizabeth: Just tell me why.

Lord Robert: Why? Madam, is it not plain enough to you? 'Tis no easy thing to be loved by the queen. It would corrupt the soul of any man.

Elizabeth: I do not like wars. They have uncertain outcomes.

Duc d'Anjou: [as he stands before Elizabeth and entourage in a dress, speaking in a heavy French accent] What? Huh? What? Wha-do, what? You stare, Madame.

[snorts]

Duc d'Anjou: What is it, do you see... somesthings... strange perhaps? Heh-heh... Hmm?

Elizabeth: You are wearing a dress, Your Grace.

Duc d'Anjou: Oh, yes, I am wearing a dress! Yes, yes, I'm wearing a dress! Wha- I wear a dress like this, my mother, and you... Hm-hm. But I only dress like this-a, when I'm alone, in private, with my friends... Hmm?

Elizabeth: Your Grace.

[approaches and offers her hand for him to kiss, which he reluctantly does]

Elizabeth: Although my affection for you is undiminished, I have, after an agonizing struggle, determined to sacrifice my own happiness for the welfare of my people.

Duc d'Anjou: [sarcastically, fully expecting her rejection] Oh! My God, ha-ha...

Lord Robert: Monsignor Alvaro! Monsignor Alvaro! Monsignor Alvaro, tell me. As well as ambassador, are you not also a bishop?

De la Quadra: I am, my lord.

Lord Robert: [referring to himself and Elizabeth] Then you can marry us!

De la Quadra: Marry *you*?

Elizabeth: [laughing] Perhaps he does not know enough English to perform the ceremony!

Sir William Cecil, Lord Burghley: Now, I really must...

Elizabeth: The word "must" is not used to princes!

Queen Mary: When I look at you I see nothing of the king, only that whore, your mother. My father never did anything so well as to cut off her head.

Elizabeth: Your Majesty forgets he was also my father.

Elizabeth: Invite the Duke of Anjou. We shall see him in flesh.

[She runs after Lord Robert, who is not happy with the news]

Monsieur de Foix: The Duke will not take kindly to a rival for his suit.

Sir William Cecil, Lord Burghley: He is a traitor and his father before him. Lord Robert's head will end up on a spike, not on the pillow of a Queen.

Elizabeth: Hemingway has his classic moment in "The Sun Also Rises" when someone asks Mike Campbell how he went bankrupt. All he can say is, "Gradually, then suddenly." That's how depression hits. You wake up one morning, afraid that you're gonna live.

Elizabeth: If only my life could be more like the movies. I want an angel to swoop down to me like he does to Jimmy Stewart in "It's a Wonderful Life" and talk me out of suicide. I've always waited for that one moment of truth to set me free and change my life forever. but he won't come. it doesn't happen that way.

Elizabeth: Sometimes it feels like we're all living in a Prozac nation. The United States of Depression.

Elizabeth: You know, if you're going to suggest therapy, don't. I'm living proof it doesn't work.

Elizabeth: If only my life could be more like the movies.I want an angel to sweep down to me like it does to Jimmy Stewart in it's a wonderful life and talk me out of suicide,I've always waited for that one moment of truth to set me free and change my life forever,but he wont come,it doesnt happen that way.All the drugs,all the therapy,fights,anger,guilt,rave,suicidal thoughts,all of thta was part of some slow recovery process,the same way i went down i came back up,gradually... and then suddenly.The pills werent the cure at all,God knows,but they gave me breathing space which allowed me to start writing again only this time it was not as if my life deppended on it.

Elizabeth: One night there was something in my pants, like blood. My mom said, oh, hell, your period. This is where all the trouble starts. She was right.

Elizabeth: He told me afterwards in terms of absolute value, sex and drugs were equally meaningless to him. Just two different ways to have fun. Which is all well and good, until a girl tries out the same approach.

Elizabeth: Boys never used to notice me before. I wasn't even on their list of alternatives.

Elizabeth: I want to forget everything that has happened to me before. I want to freeze this moment... forever.

Dr. Sterling: Have you had any drugs in the last 24 hours?

Elizabeth: No. Well... I guess I snorted some coke and smoked some pot but uh, you know, that was just to make the ecstasy last longer.

Dr. Sterling: Sure you're not forgetting anything?

Elizabeth: Maybe a few beers?

Dr. Sterling: Did you ever think you might have a substance abuse problem?

Elizabeth: The only substance problem I have right now is that I need you to get me some trank so I can come down off this fucking coke.

Dr. Sterling: And then what happens?

Elizabeth: [to Ruby] We'll be like this beautiful literary freaks. Being brilliant, and dark. Sexy.

[both laugh]

Elizabeth: [to herself] Trouble is, I'm deadly serious.

Grandmother: No one acts this way when they are not on drugs...

Elizabeth: [interrupts] I fucking DO!

Elizabeth: I don't think Rafe realized he'd just been appointed to save my life.

Mrs. Wurtzel: Come on, this is the most important day of your life!

Elizabeth: I thought that's when you get married.

Mrs. Wurtzel: Huh, no honey, that's the worst day of your life.

Mrs. Wurtzel: [on the phone] Mom, she looks beautiful.

Elizabeth: Pity, I was aiming for psychotic.

Elizabeth: Ever since I was a little kid, my mum and I hang out together. I didn't fit in with most kids at schools. They thought I was strange, so they made me feel like a stranger. And my mother took advantage of it from an early age, throwing me into plays, spelling bees, studying, writing, museums, concerts, and even more writing. She convinced me this would lead to the Holy Grail: Harvard. A place where I would finally be surrounded by people I had something in common with.

Elizabeth: That article... it was just wish fulfillment. I was writing about how I wanted things to be. And the way people talking about it, the way you talked about it, it made it seem real.

Ruby: Well maybe it can be.

Elizabeth: No, it was just a dream I held onto for way too long.

[opening narration]

Elizabeth: Back, back, back. How fucking far back do you go? My mom and dad were divorced before I was two, and from that on my father was almost uninvolved in my life, and my mother much too involved. She wanted to make up for all her mistakes through me.

Elizabeth: Now mom and dad really had something to fight over: me. Then one day my dad disappeared. No numbers, no letters - just gone. I wrote to seventeen magazine, a long letter about us. They wanted to publish it as an article, but kept asking, your dad going away, does he come back? Does it have a happy ending? In reality it didn't, but I thought, what the hell, I'll give them what they want.

Elizabeth: You don't understand. You don't understand, it was an accident.

Ruby: An accident? You call that a fucking accident?

Elizabeth: It was, uh, it was sort of, you know...

Ruby: Come on, what?

Elizabeth: An accidental blowjob?

Elizabeth: [shouting at her mother] I'm not your god-damned monkey!

Mrs. Wurtzel: Why do you do this to me?

Elizabeth: [at the top of her lungs] 'Cause i'm not your goddamned monkey!

Bertie: I asked, without mentioning you, about these hot dogs. What's that about. Do you want to know what he said? He said he doesn't get the fuss. They're just a good thing to eat at a picnic. There's no meaning. Nothing more.

Elizabeth: You didn't say I was concerned?

Elizabeth: Three different women asked me tonight if there'd ever be an American queen. If we'd ever allow it.

[after sex with The Monster]

Elizabeth: Oh. Where you going?... Oh, you men are all alike. Seven or eight quick ones and then you're out with the boys to boast and brag. YOU BETTER KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Oh... I think I love him.

Elizabeth: [to The Monster] Honey, did you see I put another hamper in the bathroom? This one's for your shirts, the other's just for socks and poo-poo undies.

Elizabeth: [singing, while having sex with the monster] Oh, sweet mystery of life at last I've found you! At last, I know the secret of it all!

Elizabeth: No tongues.

[Dr. Frankenstein leans in for a kiss]

Elizabeth: Taffeta, darling.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Taffeta, sweetheart.

Elizabeth: [pulling away] No, the dress is taffeta. It wrinkles so easily.

Elizabeth: How do you do?

Elizabeth: [turns in Igor's direction to speak, changes her mind, then looks back to Inga] How do you do?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Uh, this is my financier, Elizabeth.

Inga: Oh, I'm so happy to meet you at last!

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: My fi-nan-ce...

Elizabeth: Excuse me darling, what is exactly that you do do?

[Upon seeing the monster's manhood]

Elizabeth: Oh my God. Woof.

Paddy: [Knock on the door] What? Go away, I got a bat.

Elizabeth: It's Elizabeth, your neighbour. I brought you soup.

Paddy: That's why I have the bat.

Fred: I can't believe we left the party so soon. And there was so much wine to spit around the place.

Elizabeth: I got upset.

Fred: "I got upset." God, you're so stupid. You never leave a party 'til the very very end.

Elizabeth: Oh really?

Fred: Yeah really.

Elizabeth: Well what about Cinderella? Remember what happened with her?

Fred: No I don't remember what happened *with her*. I deliberately forgot all about her. She made me puke. I remember the ugly stepsisters, they were great.

Elizabeth: Mother, do you remember when I was little, I had a friend, he was make-believe?

Polly: No.

Elizabeth: Don't you remember? Only I could see him?

Polly: No, I don't remember Drop Dead Fred at all.

Fred: Well why don't we harpoon Charles straight through the head, drag him back to the apartment, and hit him with a hammer until he agrees to come back?

Elizabeth: Harpoon him through the head. That won't work Fred.

Fred: Why not? How many times have you tried it?

Elizabeth: Oh, I almost forgot.

[picks her nose and wipes the snot on Charles's face]

Fred: [pulls Elizabeth towards the stairs] Come on!

Elizabeth: Where are we going?

Fred: Playtime!

[slides down the bannister]

Fred: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[he slaps straight into the newel post at the bottom]

Elizabeth: [in pain] Ahhh! Oooooh! WHO PUT THAT THERE?

Mickey Bunce: [comes home to find his daughter Natalie, covered with chocolate. He kneels next to her] Natalie, what happened?

Natalie Bunce: We wanted some chocolate! It's yummy, do you want some?

[offers Mickey her hand to lick]

Mickey Bunce: [chuckles] No, I don't want any.

Ms. Fuzzock: This young lady has made quite a mess in the kitchen, and she expects me to believe that some pretend friend did it.

Natalie Bunce: He's not pretend! He's drop dead Fred!

Elizabeth: [kneels down to speak to Natalie] What did you say?

Fred: [appearing from behind a tree] She said I'm not pretend. What are you deaf?

Mickey Bunce: Natalie, come on, what really happened?

Natalie Bunce: I'm telling you the truth! Don't you believe me?

Elizabeth: I believe you. Next time you see that drop dead Fred. You give him my love.

Elizabeth: [to Polly] I'm not afraid of you!

Fred: Finally, the magic words!

Fred: Boo!

Elizabeth: Ahhh!

Fred: Hello, Snotface! Yuck! What happened to you? Look at you. You're all older. You're even uglier. Uch. I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to be sick all over you immediately. Lie down.

[Pushes Elizabeth down on the bed]

Fred: Hang on. Where's all the dolls?

Elizabeth: [Whispers] Drop Dead Fred.

Fred: Where is the dolls?

[Throws dolls at Elizabeth]

Fred: I wanna play with the-Ah hah! The dolls! Hello, Jemima. Hello, Angelec.

[Makes the dolls say 'Hello.']

Fred: You're gonna die!

[Screams and hits Jemima's head against the door. Bites off Angelec's head. Throws dolls]

Fred: Mr. Pooh!

[Makes Mr. Pooh say 'Hello.']

Fred: You die too!

[Makes Mr. Pooh say 'No no no.']

Fred: Yes yes yes.

[Screams and rips Mr. Pooh's stuffing out while throwing the stuffing at Elizabeth]

Fred: [Makes Mr. Pooh scream 'No! My intestines. Not my intestines!']

[Spits on Mr. Pooh]

Elizabeth: [Whispers] I must be dreaming.

Charles: Does this Fred play rough?

Elizabeth: Only with me.

Charles: Jesus.

Elizabeth: Go away

Fred: go away? why do you want me to go away? Fine! say the magic words and i'll piss off

Elizabeth: Piss off!

Fred: Ha! I lied those weren't the magic words

Polly: What did you say?

Fred: She told you to piss off

Fred: [sitting inside the refrigerator]

[about Charles]

Fred: Snotface, he's the wrong man for you.

Elizabeth: I don't want to hear it

Fred: You're not happy.

[Elizabeth closes the fridge door]

Elizabeth: Yes I am.

Fred: [crawling from underneath a counter] Well, if you're so happy, then why I am still here, hmm?

Elizabeth: I can fix that.

[she pulls out the pills]

Fred: Oh no, don't do that. No, please, don't do that. Do-

[Elizabeth takes the pill, he dubs over in pain. While grinding pepper, Elizabeth sneezes and sends Fred bouncing against the walls]

[Fred appears in front of a mirror]

Fred: Boo!

Elizabeth: Aaah!

Fred: [laughing] Shit yourself?

Elizabeth: I thought you were dead.

Fred: Hey, it takes more than a fire truck to stop Drop Dead Fred.

Starsky: This is a bad man. And this is what bad men do.

Elizabeth: A pony?

Reese Feldman: Happy bat Mitzvah baby, I love you.

Starsky: Hey there, little fella. You OK?

Elizabeth: "Quality of mercy is not strained"? Well, fuck you, quality of mercy!

Arthur Harris: You lot are all lunatics. What will people think when they hear you singing this?

Elizabeth: It's only a song, Arthur. It's about sex. Oh, dear. People do still have it, you know.

Cheryl: I play recorder.

Elizabeth: Recorder's not really rock and roll.

Cheryl: It is when I play it.

Elizabeth: Do you need any help with anything?

Arthur Harris: Anything like what? I don't do anything. I used to get up for her.

Arthur Harris: Shouldn't you be talking to somebody your own age?

Elizabeth: That's it, I dont... I don't have any friends my own age.

Elizabeth: Sometimes you find a flower you can help to bloom. Maybe you're one of those flowers.

Arthur Harris: Yeah, poison ivy.

Elizabeth: I was engaged for a couple of years to a fly boy, a pilot. Never commit yourself to a man in uniform, Arthur, especially if he's surrounded by lots of air hostesses.

Arthur Harris: All men are shits, aren't they?

Elizabeth: I look forward to meeting one who isn't. Present company excluded.

Elizabeth: [Showing Arthur the leaflet for the upcoming choir competition] We're in the programme now. There's no turning back.

Arthur Harris: Yeah. If we jump ship, there'll be nobody to come last.

Elizabeth: Maybe we saved ourselves from getting laughed at by a theatre full of people.

Arthur Harris: Somebody once told me it didn't matter if you got laughed at.

[last lines]

Jeffrey Franken: [Jeffrey wakes up to find out Elizabeth brought him back to life using new parts] What do you mean living parts? Holy shit! That's not my hand. What are these boobs? Elizabeth, what did you do to me?

Elizabeth: I can explain. Obviously, since your serum only works on female body parts, I couldn't reuse your old body or even Zorro's. So, naturally, I had to make some changes.

Jeffrey Franken: [Elizabeth reveals Jeffrey's nude body to him] No, where's my Johnson? What did you do to me, Elizabeth?

Elizabeth: Granted, what I did may have been a bit unorthodox. But, hey, you look great, and you're alive. And you're back with me, and I love you. I love you, Jeffrey, and we're together, again. All of us, together, again.

[Jeffrey begins screaming as the camera zooms in]

Elizabeth: Together again.

[Elizabeth's first words back from the dead]

Jeffrey Franken: Elizabeth?

Elizabeth: Want a date? Looking for some action? Need some company?

Jeffrey Franken: No, wait, wait.

Elizabeth: Huh?

Jeffrey Franken: It's Jeffrey-Jeffrey.

Elizabeth: Got any money?

Jeffrey Franken: Money?

[Elizabeth slaps Jeffrey across the face]

Carla Tate: [quoting one of her teachers] Yeah, and she also told me that people like us, they - boys can try to take advantage and that they'll try to coitus us. So if that should ever happen, to say, "No!"

Elizabeth: Oh. Okay.

Carla Tate: "Stop right there!"

Elizabeth: Good. That's excellent advice. What else did she say to you?

Carla Tate: "Don't put gum under the cafeteria table! How many times do I have to tell you?"

Heather: Mother, being gay is not a diagnosis. It's not a disease I'm going to recover from, or a phase I'm going to outgrow.

Elizabeth: I know what being gay is, okay? I give to gay causes. I support gay parades. They even gave me a plaque.

Heather: Yes! So why support them and not me?

Elizabeth: I feel like I'm the mother of a dedicated underachiever, a gay workaholic, and Carla, who thinks she can conquer this whole terrifying world that we live in.

Dr. Radley Tate: Honey, you're doing fine. They're not drug addicts. They're not axe murderers. They're not *Democrats.*

Elizabeth: I also enrolled her in a calligraphy class, an origami class. I even got her into that...

Dr. Johnson: She doesn't want to do those things. They don't interest her. They don't work for her.

Elizabeth: Maybe Carla doesn't know what works for her.

Dr. Johnson: And you do.

Elizabeth: I think so. I'm her mother.

Dr. Johnson: That's why she tried to hitchhike over 200 miles to get back here?

Elizabeth: [getting emotional] I didn't want to put her in that place! But I had to. I had no other choice. She needed professional help. Now it is Carla turn, and I am going to protect her! And nobody's going to tell me how to do it, not even you, Radley. No!

Shoe Salesman: [whispering to Carla about Elizabeth] She's a little uptight.

Elizabeth: What?

Shoe Salesman: It-it's tight. This shoe's a little tight.

Elizabeth: Did you know that the Fenty's had an apple farm back in Pennsylvania?

Ben Rumson: Apple jack, huh?

Mr. Fenty: No, sir, we did not make apple jack!

Ben Rumson: Then, what did you grow the apples for?

Mr. Fenty: Mr. Rumson, do you think that everything that comes out of the earth should be used to make liquor?

Ben Rumson: Whenever possible, yes.

Ben: You was down at the rapids just now, bare beam and buck naked?

Elizabeth: Well, I'm not like to take a bath with my clothes on, Mr. Rumson.

Ben: Are you trying to tell me that you was taking a *bath*?

Elizabeth: That's right. I was taking a bath.

Ben: In the middle of the night?

Elizabeth: Mr. Rumson, in a community of 400 men, would you rather I took my bath "bare beam and buck naked" in the middle of the day?

Mad Jack Duncan: All right.

[grabs Jacob Woodling by the beard]

Mad Jack Duncan: What about it Mormons?

Sarah Woodling: [whispering] Jacob. We need every penny, Jacob. And I can't bear another day of those martyred looks. There. There it is again!

Elizabeth: This isn't a martyred look, Sarah. This look is puuuure - hatred.

Jacob Woodling: Quiet! Brigham Young has twenty seven wives and he hasn't had half the trouble with them that I've had with the two of you!

Elizabeth: Then simplify your life, Jacob. Sell me.

Jacob Woodling: But Elizabeth: you don't know what you'll get.

Elizabeth: I know what I've had.

Mr. Fenty: Horton, how did that bottle get in your pocket? HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING HARD LIQUOR?

Horton: Well, since this afternoon. I know you don't approve, Pop, but believe me, until you've had a good cigar and a shot of whiskey, you're missing the second and third best things in life.

Rumson: Horton!

Pardner: Where'd you take him, Ben?

Elizabeth: Damn you, Ben Rumson. What are you going to teach this boy next? How to cheat at cards, or just physical education with one of Willie's floozies?

Horton: That's the best one, Pop!

Rumson: Horton!

Elizabeth: Is that what you did today, Ben?

Rumson: That's what *he* did today, Elizabeth! I tell you, that boy's got a talent for dissipation that is absolutely unique!

[Horton beams]

Elizabeth: I lived with a man who had two wives. Why can't a woman have two husbands?

Elizabeth: Can I help you?

Will Darcy: [curtly] I doubt it.

Elizabeth: Oh - you're from England. My ancestors came from Hertford -

Will Darcy: [cuts her off] Charming.

[beat]

Will Darcy: Okay, I'm looking for a book on writing by Kierkegaard - K - I - E -

Elizabeth: [cuts him off] Kierkegaard, the father of existentialism. You're in "Landscape Gardening".

Will Darcy: Oh, really...

[picks a couple books from the shelf]

Will Darcy: I had no idea that Mark Twain's genius extended to gardening. Or... Dr. Phil's.

Elizabeth: [curtly] "Philosophy" is two aisles over. Help yourself!

Elizabeth: As much as I love being insulted by you, I think you'll be happier at a table for one.

Elizabeth: Even the worst people can be nice to their friends, Jane.

Jane: Triple Choc-choc-choc-chocolate chunk or Uncle Bubba's Big Belly Butter Brickle?

Elizabeth: Both.

Jack Wickam: So... he used the old "multiply and replenish" line. Funny, that usually works for me. Maybe it was his delivery.

Elizabeth: His delivery was fine, I just didn't want the package.

Lydia Merylon: Okay, *this* has got to stop. The house is a total mess. Kitty, disinfect!

[Kitty sprays disinfectant all over the room]

Lydia Merylon: Now *we* are going to the grocery store - and *you* are coming with us!

Elizabeth: Just let me die!

Jane: We're out of ice-cream, Elizabeth!

Will Darcy: I find... I find, I find you strangely attractive.

[beat]

Will Darcy: You're not the sort of girl I normally go out with - I mean, you're loud, you're disorganized, your friends are an embarrassment. But I like you, I don't know why. Will you... will you... will you have dinner with me tomorrow night?

Elizabeth: No.

Elizabeth: I always thought I was a good judge of character.

Jane: Don't feel bad. Jack had us all fooled.

Elizabeth: No, I'm not talking about Jack. I mean Darcy.

Jane: I think we're going to need a bigger cart.

Jane: What time is it?

[Elizabeth opens a curtain with a stick]

Elizabeth: [long pause] It's morning.

Kenny: Isn't Joey here yet?

Elizabeth: No, Joey never got home last night.

Kenny: What? What're you talking about?

Elizabeth: You said that Ernest came to your house last night yelling something about trolls, you think?

Kenny: Come on, there's no such thing as trolls.

Elizabeth: But Ernest saw something out of the tree, and he's never lied to us.

[last lines]

Richard Rietti: [on motorcycle] Oh yeah, ha ha! Oh! We should definitely slow down now, okay? No, don't go faster! Aaaah! Whoa, okay, whoa!

Elizabeth: Hey, watch it!

Richard Rietti: What am I supposed to hold on to?

Elizabeth: Not - that!

Richard Rietti: Well I gotta hold on to something, it's dangerous.

Elizabeth: [Elizabeth's entire closing argument] The defendant sold pennies for 39 dollars and 95 cents.

Elizabeth: Spiders don't eat other spiders.

Virginia: Cannibal spiders do.

Elizabeth: What's it gonna do, Bruno?

Bruno, The Chauffeur: Well, it's gonna it's gonna make a big flash and go bang!

Virginia: Oh boy!

Eric: It was an accident, and I have the right to a fair trial.

[to Herb]

Eric: Herb, judge.

Herb: Only if I can wear the wig.

Eric: Deal.

Elizabeth: [Herb is putting on a wig] . Herb, what are you doing?

Herb: This is a democracy, weird things happen.

[first lines]

Elizabeth: Dear Santa, how are you? I'm not doing so well. There's this really, really bad man, Ebner Frost, who lives up on the hill... He's got these weird people working for him and I think they're gonna do something really bad this Christmas.

[last lines]

Elizabeth: Wow, a Christmas miracle! I do believe in you... Santa.

Blake: Ho! Ho! Ho!

Merrick: I have a seventh sense.

Elizabeth: You mean a sixth sense.

Merrick: I mean a seventh sense. I have a sixth and seventh sense.

Elizabeth: Now I only have three rules: don't take advice from someone you wouldn't trade places with, try not to do something you can't take back, and something is what it is and it's not something else.

Arlen Faber: I forget my rule, but I think it has something to do with Square Dancing.

Arlen Faber: You know what He says.

[points upward]

Elizabeth: No, I sure don't.

Arlen Faber: For you and you alone I have made this place, kaleidoscope of wonder to keep your eye upon as I turn turn the world.

[last lines]

Elizabeth: Elizabeth.

Arlen Faber: I'm Arlen.

[they shake hands]

Elizabeth: Well, what do they call you, big boy?

Rodney James: Rodney James.

Elizabeth: "Rod".

Rodney James: That, I'm afraid, is the diminutive.

Elizabeth: Well, I'll bet you ain't.

Man at Racetrack: Dames don't belong down here!

Elizabeth: Ah, go suck an egg!

Lewis: It's about this ungrateful woman who is married to this man of great charm, brilliance, and integrity. She thinks he won't let her be herself, and she feels stuck in a straightjacket when she ought to be out and about and taking the waters and finding herself. So one day, she ups and goes and finds herself out of her depth, but the husband comes and saves her, and then she realizes that he's really a wonderful chap.

Elizabeth: Does he play cricket for England too?

Lewis: Elizabeth, are you discontent?

Elizabeth: I would be, but I don't feel I have the right.

Elizabeth: [to Lewis] You are a novellist, an imaginer of fiction.

Elizabeth: You are really, really, really not well.

Elizabeth: Face it, Ralph. Everything you say and do is designed to attract members of the opposite sex.

Patrick Bateman: Did you know that Whitney Houston's debut LP, called simply Whitney Houston had 4 number one singles on it? Did you know that, Christie?

Elizabeth: [laughing] You actually listen to Whitney Houston? You own a Whitney Houston CD? More than one?

Patrick Bateman: It's hard to choose a favorite among so many great tracks, but "The Greatest Love of All" is one of the best, most powerful songs ever written about self-preservation, dignity. Its universal message crosses all boundaries and instills one with the hope that it's not too late to better ourselves. Since, Elizabeth, it's impossible in this world we live in to empathize with others, we can always empathize with ourselves. It's an important message, crucial really. And it's beautifully stated on the album.

Elizabeth: [to Christie the prostitute] What do you do?

Patrick Bateman: She's my... cousin.

Elizabeth: Mm-hmm.

Patrick Bateman: She's from... France.

Lara: [referring to the impenetrable cloak] He doesn't have it!

Elizabeth: [confused] He doesn't have what?

Elizabeth: We keep secrets from lots of people, but most of all we keep them from ourselves. And we call that forgetting.

Elizabeth: To be yourself you have to constantly remember yourself.

Elizabeth: The memory is not destroyed, it is locked in a cage, and with enough force, enough violence, the lock can be broken. It comes back, the memory, not completely, not entirely, but enough to drive you, to make you feel you have been cheated, enough to make you angry. What did she look like?

Simon: ...you.

[last lines]

Elizabeth: Do you want to remember, or do you want to forget?

Elizabeth: She will do anything for you. You fall in love with a kind of perfection, the kind you like. But then you become possessive, suspicious. Night and day, you fear that you will lose her. It torments you, and you become jealous. You start to believe that you depend upon her. That without her, you will die.

Elizabeth: To be angry is to be a victim.

Elizabeth: At last, you have suppressed the memory of me.

Elizabeth: What We Are is the sum of everything we've ever said, done, felt

Elizabeth: The choice is yours. Do you want to remember or do you want to forget?

Gregory Anton: You see how it is, Elizabeth.

Elizabeth: I see JUST how it is, sir.

Rigby: Look, why don't you stop acting like you're alone in the jungle?

Elizabeth: I'm not?

Rigby: OK, so you are, but you'd be surprised how nice the birds and the beasts can be if you'll only give them a chance.

Elizabeth: Tell me, Rigby, do you fly, walk on all fours...or crawl?

Elizabeth: Your head!

Rigby: Yeah, it got caught in a broken promise.

Johnny: You know, I really think we should start trusting each other.

Elizabeth: Do you?

Johnny: Yes, I do.

Donnie: You're such a fuck-ass!

Rose Darko: Please.

Elizabeth: What? Did you just call me a "fuck-ass"?

Rose Darko: Elizabeth, that's enough.

Elizabeth: You can go suck a fuck.

Donnie: Oh, please, tell me, Elizabeth, how exactly does one suck a fuck?

Elizabeth: You want me to tell you?

Donnie: Please, tell me.

Rose Darko: We will not have this at the dinner table.

Donnie: [Mouthing] I'm all ears!

Elizabeth: You can go suck a fuck.

Donnie: Oh, please, tell me, Elizabeth, how exactly does one suck a fuck?

Elizabeth: [Elizabeth talking on the phone] Do you remember that weird gym teacher Mrs Farmer? - Yeah okay, well my brother told her to go shove a book up her ass today. And then my parents bought him all this new shit. - Yeah, I know. I wish a jet engine would fall on my room.

[first lines]

Elizabeth: I'm voting for Dukakis.

[first lines]

Elizabeth: One day, you're a little girl running fast towards an unknowable future. And then suddenly, you're an adult not sure of who you are and what you're doing. You want to go back to a time when the things were simple. What if you could?

Elizabeth: The situation was this; an opportunity presented itself to you and you took it.

Drew: There's no reason for you not to try.

Elizabeth: That's such a silly idea.

Drew: But, is it a bad one?

Elizabeth: You don't get to choose to get hurt, you just are.

Elizabeth: Speak to me, Henry.

Minnie: Oh, my lady, he'll never speak again.

Elizabeth: I was foretold of this. I was told beware of my wedding night.

Minnie: Awwwww! Oh, look! My lady, he's alive! Awwww!

Elizabeth: Henry, darling!

Henry Frankenstein: Elizabeth.

Minnie: Oh, what a terrible wedding night.

Henry Frankenstein: It may be that I'm intended to know the secret of life. It may be part of the divine plan.

Elizabeth: No, no! It's the devil that prompts you. It's death, not life, that is in it all and at the end of it all.

Minnie: It's Doctor Pretorius. He says he wants to see the Master. Most insistent!

Henry Frankenstein: Pretorius?

Minnie: He's a very queer looking old gentleman, sir. I must see you on a secret, grave matter, he said. Tonight. Alone.

Henry Frankenstein: Bring him in.

Elizabeth: Henry, who is this man?

Minnie: Doctor Pretorius.

Elizabeth: Who's there?

Minnie: It's Minnie, my lady.

Elizabeth: You're afraid you're making me break my vows. But the vows comes out of the love behind it. Love's so rare that when you find it you can't doubt it. Let it go.

Elizabeth: You're so quiet. You keep everything to yourself. You have love in you. I know it. When I'm with you, I forget everything else.

Victor Frankenstein: And I'm frightened that if I tell you the truth, I'll lose you.

Elizabeth: You'll lose me if you don't.

Elizabeth: Promise? Promise? Oh, don't dare use that word to me!

Victor Frankenstein: I haven't got time to argue!

Elizabeth: Oh, isn't it convenient? Or doesn't it fit in with your plans? Don't you ever think of anything or anyone than yourself?

Victor Moritz: Henry!

Doctor Waldman: Frankenstein!

Victor Moritz: Henry!

Doctor Waldman: Frankenstein!

Victor Moritz: Henry!

Elizabeth: Open the door!

Victor Moritz: Let us in!

Baron Frankenstein: What's the matter with my son? What's he doing?

Elizabeth: He's completing his experiments. That's all.

Baron Frankenstein: Why does he go messing around in an old ruined windmill - when he has a decent house, a bath, good food and drink, and a darn pretty girl to come back to. Huh, will you tell me that?

Elizabeth: Baron, you don't understand.

Baron Frankenstein: I understand perfectly well. There's another woman and you're afraid to tell me. Pretty sorted experiment these must be! Huh!

Elizabeth: Oh, but Baron, you're wrong!

Elizabeth: Henry, I'm afraid. Terribly afraid. Where's Dr. Waldman? Why is he late for the wedding?

Henry Frankenstein: Oh, he's always late. He'll be here soon.

Elizabeth: Something is going to happen. I feel it! I can't get it out of my mind.

Elizabeth: Don't let it come here. Don't let it come here! Don't let it come here!

Elizabeth: How did you know? How did you know I'd respond to you the way I have?

John: I saw myself in you.

John: Every time I see you, you're buying a chicken.

Elizabeth: Every time I see you, you're smiling at me.

Elizabeth: You knew it would be over when one of us said stop. But you wouldn't say it. I almost waited too long.

Chinatown Shopper: [after Elizabeth asks to pack chickens] What...what are you going to do with them? Eat them.

Elizabeth: We are planning for the proper burial.

[laughs]

Bec: [not realizing they are on the baby monitor] I'm doing something positive. Something good. I'm helping another human being.

Elizabeth: No, Rebekah my darling, you're not. What you *are* doing is exactly what you've done your entire life. You're focusing all of your energy, all of your time, on something that is doomed to fail. That poor, poor woman out there is going to die. And when she is gone, where does that leave you? With no future, no degree, and no means of supporting yourself. Nothing.

Bec: Merry Christmas to you too, mom...

Emily: You like games?

Elizabeth: I love games. Would you like to play one?

Emily: I'm already playing.

Elizabeth: Is your daughter this crazy?

Judge Danforth: To your knowledge, has John Proctor committed the crime of lechery? Answer my question! Is your husband an adulterer?

Elizabeth: No sir.

Judge Danforth: Remove her, Marshal.

John Proctor: Elizabeth, I have confessed it!

Elizabeth: Oh, God!

Rev. John Hale: Do you know your commandments, Mr. Proctor?

John Proctor: Aye.

Rev. John Hale: Would you recite them please?

John Proctor: The commandments?

Rev. John Hale: Aye.

John Proctor: Thou shalt not kill.

Rev. John Hale: Aye.

John Proctor: Thou shalt not steal, thou shalt not covet thy neighbors goods, nor covet thy neighbors wives, thou shalt have no other Gods before me, thou shalt not use the Lord's name in vain, thou shalt keep holy the sabbath day, thou shalt honor thy mother and father, thou shalt not bare to false witness... thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wives.

Rev. John Hale: You said that one twice, Sir.

John Proctor: Aye.

Elizabeth: Adultry, John.

John Proctor: Aye. You see, Sir, between the two of us, we do know them all.

Elizabeth: It needs a cold wife to prompt lechery.

Elizabeth: Question Abigail Williams about the gospel, not myself!

Elizabeth: So what's wrong with the Blueberry Pie?

Jeremy: There's nothing wrong with the Blueberry Pie, just people make other choices. You can't blame the Blueberry Pie, it's just... no one wants it.

Elizabeth: Wait! I want a piece.

Elizabeth: The last few days, I've been learning not to trust people and I'm glad I've failed. Sometimes we depend on other people as a mirror to define us and tell us who we are and each reflection makes me like myself a little more.

[last lines]

Elizabeth: It took me nearly a year to get here. It wasn't so hard to cross that street after all, it all depends on who's waiting for you on the other side.

Elizabeth: [wiping her tears] How do you say goodbye to someone you can't imagine living without? I didn't say goodbye.

[pause]

Elizabeth: I didn't say anything. I just walked away.

Elizabeth: When you're gone, all that is left behind are the memories you created in other people's lives or just a couple of items on a bill.

Elizabeth: Why do you keep them? You should just throw them out.

Jeremy: No. No, I couldn't do that.

Elizabeth: Why not?

Jeremy: If I threw these keys away then those doors would be closed forever and that shouldn't be up to me to decide, should it?

Elizabeth: I guess I'm just looking for a reason.

Jeremy: From my observations, sometimes it's better off not knowing, and other times there's no reason to be found.

Elizabeth: Everything has a reason.

Jeremy: Hmm. It's like these pies and cakes. At the end of every night, the cheesecake and the apple pie are always completely gone. The peach cobbler and the chocolate mousse cake are nearly finished... but there's always a whole blueberry pie left untouched.

Elizabeth: So what's wrong with the blueberry pie?

Jeremy: There's nothing wrong with the blueberry pie. Just... people make other choices. You can't blame the blueberry pie, just... no one wants it.

Leslie: Sometimes your rhythm's off, you read the person right but still do the wrong thing.

Elizabeth: Because you trust them?

Leslie: Because you can't even trust yourself.

Leslie: You're hopeless...

Elizabeth: You're hopeless too!

Elizabeth: How is Mr. Julius Caesar going?

William Hundert: Very - Very well. Even, uh, Sedgwick Bell.

Elizabeth: Making progress?

William Hundert: Oh, more than progress. He's-He's come out of the darkness into the light. It's-...

[They both sit]

William Hundert: Cheers.

Paul: Is it an affair if neither party is married?

Elizabeth: An affair is any sexual or romantic relationship of an informal or temporary nature.

Violet: A person inside another person - science fiction. She doesn't know a thing.

Elizabeth: Who?

Violet: Your baby. Only her mother's heartbeat.

Elizabeth: You don't seem like a man who's scared by scary things.

Paul: It's a precaution. Sometimes when you fall, it's hard to get up.

Elizabeth: [about her mother] She was like you.

Violet: But not a virgin.

Elizabeth: [shouting Don Medina's name causing him to fall down the stairs] Nicholas!

Doctor Leon: [after Nicholas has fallen down the stairs and appears to have died] I told you to wait.

Elizabeth: I couldn't.

[she and Dr. Leon kiss]

Elizabeth: What about my brother?

Doctor Leon: He's supposed to leave in the morning , but now... why couldn't you wait one more day?

Elizabeth: I've waited too long already.

Elizabeth: [goes down to where Nicholas is laying] And now, my dear Nicholas, I have you exactly as I want you - helpless.

Doctor Leon: Elizabeth, there is no time for this.

Elizabeth: I've waited an eternity for this moment. There has to be time. Is it not ironical, my dear husband, your wife an adultress, your mother an adultress, your uncle an adulterer, your closest friend an adulterer - do you not find that amusing, dear Nicholas?

Doctor Leon: Elizabeth.

Elizabeth: This little war makes everything uncertain...

Elizabeth: Are you frightened?

Mary: Yes. A husband has been chosen for me. The law says I must remain pure for a year. How is he to believe this?

Elizabeth: Stay with us, then. We will pray for guidance.

Mary: Elizabeth, why is it me God has asked? I am nothing.

Elizabeth: Oh, child.

Mary: [places hand over stomach for a moment and then runs over to Elizabeth] He's moving!

Elizabeth: [smiles] Mine too.

Mrs. Denham: Do you know why you are here this time?

Elizabeth: Yes, Ma'am.

Mrs. Denham: Then tell me why.

Elizabeth: Don't *you* know?

Elizabeth: What's a lawyer?

Edward Morgan: Well, if you ever get into trouble, a lawyer is a person who gets you out of trouble.

Elizabeth: Oh, my. I could use one almost every day!

Edward Morgan: Curly, you're an old flatterer.

Elizabeth: Is that something bad?

Elizabeth: Can I have my surprise first?

Edward Morgan: Yes, indeed you may. Here you are, young lady, a string of pearls.

Elizabeth: Pearls? They look just like those little stones on the beach.

Mary Blair: Elizabeth!

Edward Morgan: Do you like them?

Elizabeth: I'd really rather have a pair of roller skates.

Edward Morgan: Well, we'll throw those in for good measure.

Elizabeth: Oh, my duck does a wonderful trick. My duck can lay an egg.

Mrs. Higgins: And just what is so wonderful about that?

Elizabeth: Well, can *you* lay an egg? (pause)... Oh, excuse me.

Edward Morgan: How would you like it if you and I got to be very, very good friends?

Elizabeth: I don't think I would like it, sir.

Mrs. Higgins: Child, you're absolutely uncontrollable.

Elizabeth: Yes, Ma'am!

Mrs. Higgins: Under the circumstances, I have made every allowance for you, but when you bring animals into the dormitory, I must act.

Elizabeth: That's what my daddy and mommy used to do!

Mrs. Higgins: What?

Elizabeth: Act!

Elizabeth: Thank you, sir.

Reynolds: Thank *you*, miss.

Elizabeth: Why, I didn't do anything!

[Elizabeth gestures at Reynolds to crouch]

Reynolds: [still standing] What is it, Miss?

Elizabeth: Couldn't you come down here so I can talk to you?

Elizabeth: I wish you wouldn't bow so much.

Reynolds: I'm sorry, miss.

[bows]

Elizabeth: There you go again. You make my back ache.

Elizabeth: Mary said that I was going to live in Jimmy's house. Does that mean that Jimmy's getting married to me, too?

Elizabeth: [Extreme close-up and directly into the camera] Oh, my goodness!

Elizabeth: I like to make things to eat, and I especially like to eat them.

Edward Morgan: I've got a friend that ...

Elizabeth: Oh, I bet that isn't true.

Edward Morgan: What?

Elizabeth: You said you had a friend. I bet you have *lots* of friends.

Elizabeth: Uncle Edward, I don't want to get married to Jimmy.

Edward Morgan: Well, why not?

Elizabeth: Because I want Mary and me to get married to you.

Edward Morgan: Curly, you're a designing woman, you know that, don't you?

Elizabeth: [Distant screaming] Do you hear that, Stefan? That's the sound of Christ's triumph!

Stefan Christoph: It's the sound of torture, Elizabeth.

Elizabeth: We shall remain. They shall perish.

Paul Krempe: Have you ever been in that laboratory of his? No. You cannot possibly conceive the dreadful thing he's proposing to do.

Elizabeth: What are you trying to tell me Paul? That Victor's wicked? Insane.

Paul Krempe: Neither wicked nor insane. He's just so dedicated to his work that he can't see the terrible consequences that could result.

Brad: [Brad laughs nervously] Really, uh... it just doesn't make any sense, though. I mean... It's just dark, you know? This is... This is Texas, man! It's like... it's like, 55 degrees in this shit,

[Brad sighs]

Brad: You know what I think? The government, man... They've gotta have, like... uh...

Elizabeth: There is no government...

Brad: ...something up their sleeve.

Elizabeth: There is not government anymore, Brad! So many of those things have gone off that we can't even fucking see the sun anymore!

Brad: Look, there's always a government, all right? Somebody did this to us! I wanna find out if we did anything back to them!

Elizabeth: Who the fuck cares? Hunter and I were on the shortwave last light, and everybody is going through the exact same thing we are, okay?

Brad: Fucking bitch! I wanna know what the President did! I wanna know. I wanna know what we're doing... Fuck!

Benjamin: Question: Would you sleep with a minor? Answer: yes. Let's begin our slide into the moral abyss.

Katie: Oh! Naughty naughty.

Adam: Aw, shit, I, for one, had sex before I was fourteen. I don't see what the big deal is.

Benjamin: Really. I didn't think that they had altar boys in the, uh, the Jewish faith.

Elizabeth: [hurriedly trying to deflect any animosity] Okay, Piper, your turn.

Piper: Question: Would you sleep with a person of the same sex? Answer: yes.

Christian Turner: What a great game to play with our best friends.

Adam: Yeah, fuck Taboo. Let's have an orgy, huh?

Elizabeth: Or enroll in group therapy.

Benjamin: Well, maybe you need new friends.

Piper: Well, actually? We all seem pretty well suited for each other, so far.

Elizabeth: [looks at Adam] Your turn.

Adam: All right, the question is: Would you have a threesome? The answer is yes.

Christian Turner: Two girls and one guy, right?

Piper: Does it matter?

Katie: Well, Mr. Right Wing Conservative over there looks like he might think two girls might be fun. Huh?

[Piper, his current girlfriend, looks at him worriedly]

Elizabeth: Okay, my turn. Question: Would you have sex for money? Answer: yes.

[She looks at Katie]

Katie: I like sex, okay? That does not make me a hooker. At least it doesn't make me a bitch.

Benjamin: That's my baby.

Katie: Question. Mmm. Would you sleep with your partner's best friend? Answer? A very disappointing no.

Christian Turner: Wow. There's one good person amongst us sinners.

Katie: Christian. Pardon me, but don't you have to be a lot fatter and less educated to be part of the Christian coalition?

Christian Turner: So says the prep school anarchist.

Katie: Ah. No, no no. See, I am just a shallow, materialistic party girl, and at least I don't pretend to believe in principles.

[first lines]

Piper: [reading from a dictionary] "Taboo: A prohibition against touching, saying, or doing something for fear of immediate harm from a supernatural force." That's creepy. And, and I, I don't, I don't really get it.

Elizabeth: Well, the thing about taboos is that society shuns them. But if you really think about it, I mean, there's something very tempting about it. And the game will test whether or not we succumb to the taboo, whatever it might be.

Christian Turner: Such as?

Elizabeth: Such as, would you cheat on your husband or wife?

Katie: Oh, that's considered taboo? See, I just thought it was good Country Club etiquette.

Christian Turner: [answering Katie] Well, I believe in principles.

Elizabeth: Surely, this doesn't have any...

Benjamin: Christian, stop pouting and, uh, read the last question!

Adam: I think he's scared to read the question.

[Christian shakes his head, disturbed by what he's reading]

Adam: Just read the card!

Christian Turner: This - Okay.

[shakes his head]

Christian Turner: Would you sleep with a relative? Answer: yes.

[There are various murmurs of discomposure]

Adam: That's fucking disgusting.

[They raise their champagne glasses in a toast, as the New Year approaches]

Christian Turner: Here, a toast. To the four people in the world that I most love to hate. And

[nodding to Elizabeth]

Christian Turner: to the one that I hate to love.

Elizabeth: [She grins] To relationships that last as long as we live.

[She smiles saucily at Christian]

Elizabeth: As short as that may be.

Piper: To the twelve seconds.

Benjamin: [mocking her drunkenness] "Twelve theconds." I'd like to make a toast to bread. Because without bread, there would be no toast.

Katie: [to Elizabeth, spitefully] Uh, a toast for the cure to cancer! And, uh, ending world hunger, and everything else I'll never be involved in!

Piper: [drunk but happy] To special people! And special times.

Adam: Special Olympics!

Elizabeth: Well, what do you want to talk about, then?

Katie: Dirt.

Benjamin: Gossip.

Adam: I like rumors. Does anyone have any?

Elizabeth: Somebody in this house is a murderer, and we're stuck here!

[Benjamin has been studying a portrait on the wall and the plaque below it, when Elizabeth comes to join him]

Benjamin: She looks very happy, huh?

[He reads aloud:]

Benjamin: Virtue, Honesty, and Justice.

Elizabeth: Christian's family motto. Words to live by.

Benjamin: [starts to laugh, but stops] Yeah, yeah. Or to, um, die by.

Elizabeth: Slut.

Katie: Bitch.

Elizabeth: Like there's a difference.

Katie: Oh, but there is. You see, a slut gets to sleep with anyone that she wants to. "Moi." And a bitch, well, a bitch sleeps with no one.

[looks at Christian]

Katie: Not even her fiancee. "Vous."

Elizabeth: Say, Joan, do you remember me raving about an awfully nice man that I met in Boston?

Joan: The Boston rave - now, let me think a minute. I remember the Boston Tea Party! But, not the Boston rave.

Elizabeth: Joan, it's happened! It's happened!

Joan: Calm yourself, Lizzie.

Elizabeth: He did it. He did it!

Joan: Elizabeth Prescott! I'm ashamed of you. You naughty girl!

Elizabeth: He - he kissed me! Jeff kissed me.

Joan: Is that all? I thought something worthwhile had happened to you.

Elizabeth: His kisses are the sincere kind. He's not like other men.

Joan: Well, I hope he's worthy of ya.

Elizabeth: Hmm. I just hope that I'm worthy of him.

Joan: You get that right outta your noodle, right now. Cause you are - plenty!

[pointing to male dressing room]

Elizabeth: [to Victor] Listen - I've put your trousers on, but I'm not going to take them off in *there*!

Victor: [He leans towards her as they sit on the bed] You've given me an idea.

Elizabeth: [nervously] Have I?

Victor: [leans closer] You can do something for me.

Elizabeth: [looking apprehensive] Can I?

Victor: [eagerly] Take off those pyjamas.

Elizabeth: [appalled] *What*?

Victor: Put this on!

[he produces a slinky dress and high-heeled boots and sits down with his back turned]

Victor: Now I tell you what we'll do...

Elizabeth: [affronted] Thanks very much!

Victor: You want to be an actress, don't you? You want a chance to show what you can do...

[her eyes begin to shine as she finally understands]

Victor: ...you've got it. You're going to take my place at Cruft's Music Hall tonight!

Elizabeth: I'm not going. I can't do it.

Victor: Do what?

Elizabeth: I can't be a man all my life!

Victor: But you'll have time off. And you can knit and knit to your heart's content...

Elizabeth: But think what you're asking me!

Victor: [gazes upward as he quotes] "There's a tide in the affairs of men" -

[descending temporarily to earth]

Victor: and women - "if taken at the flood, leads on to fortune..."

Elizabeth: Tides go out - don't they?

Victor: This'll be a spring one!

[Takes her by the shoulders]

Victor: We'll carry everything before us. I'll never leave you - and I'll never let you down.

[They shake hands on it as a smile spreads from her face to his]

Elizabeth: [Of Victor, who is busy dancing with Robert's fiancée] He's quite harmless - he's Shakespearing her to death.

Sloan: Why, Mrs. Undercroft, whatever brings you to such an undignified place?

Elizabeth: Why, your lack of dignity, Mr. Sloan.

Elizabeth: Why should I help you?

Marc Jarvis: Because you've seen everything I have. Because you understand what I feel better than you'd like. Because I need for all of this to mean something. Because I'm all alone. Because you love me.

[Elizabeth cries heavily]