Elise Quotes in The Tourist (2010)

Elise: Invite me to dinner, Frank?

Frank Taylor: What?

Elise: [gives him a look]

Frank Taylor: Would you like to have dinner?

Elise: Women don't like questions.

Frank Taylor: Join me for dinner.

Elise: Too demanding.

Frank Taylor: Join me for dinner?

Elise: Another question.

Frank Taylor: [thinks for a moment] I'm having dinner, if you'd care to join me.

Elise: [smiles at him]

Elise: It's the um... the Roman god, Janus. My mother gave it to me when I was little. She wanted to teach me that people have two sides. A good side, a bad side, a past, a future. And that we must embrace both in someone we love. And I tried...

Frank Taylor: What's he like?

Elise: He's... different, from anybody I know...

Frank Taylor: Different's good. Where I come from, the highest compliment they can offer a person is to say that they're down to earth, grounded. I hate it. It drives me nuts!

Elise: 20 million dollars worth of plastic surgery. And that's the face you choose.

Frank Taylor: You don't like it?

Elise: It will do.

Frank Taylor: I'm sorry!

Elise: What for?

Frank Taylor: Aha! Oh do you mind me smoking, it's not a real cigarette, look! It delivers the same amount of nicotine, but the smoke is water vapor.

Elise: That's somewhat disappointing.

Frank Taylor: Would you rather have me smoking?

Elise: I'd rather you be a man who does exactly as he pleases.

Frank Taylor: Fuck!... you're ravenous.

Elise: Do you mean 'ravishing'?

Frank Taylor: I do.

Elise: You're ravenous.

Frank Taylor: I am

Frank Taylor: My name's Frank.

Elise: That's a terrible name.

Frank Taylor: [shrugs] It's the only one I've got.

Elise: Perhaps we can find you a new one.

Elise: I'm sorry I got you involved in all this.

Frank Taylor: Why are you involved?

Elise: So, what are you doing in the city of lovers? Is there no one in your life?

Frank Taylor: [quietly] There was.

Elise: What happened?

Frank Taylor: She left me.

Elise: [looking down] I'm sorry to hear that, Frank.

Chief Inspector Jones: Agent Ward, your suspension's lifted.

Elise: Thank you, sir.

Chief Inspector Jones: And your employment is terminated, immediately.

Elise: Thank you, sir.

Elise: You're a part of a plan.

Elise: [as she reads the letter from Pearce] Elise, you have no reason to trust me anymore, but give me a chance to explain myself. I know the police are watching you. We have to throw them off the trail. Board the eight-twenty-two, the Gare de Lyon, pick someone my height and build and make them believe it is me. Burn this letter. It is important you follow my instructions precisely. I love you, Alexander.

Elise: 20 million worth in plastic surgery and that's the face you chose.

Frank Taylor: You don't like it.

Elise: That will do.

Elise: It's gone too far.

Reginald Shaw: [walking forward, slowly] Alexander, is it you? Truly?

Frank Taylor: Truly.

Reginald Shaw: Show me your teeth.

[Frank opens his mouth, only showing his teeth]

Reginald Shaw: Aleaxander has crooked teeth, stained from excessive smoking.

Frank Taylor: Braces and electronic cigarettes.

Reginald Shaw: He had a high forehead.

Frank Taylor: I had a migraine for two weeks after the remodel.

Reginald Shaw: You sound different.

Frank Taylor: Voice chip implant.

Reginald Shaw: No, no. I mean the way you speak.

Elise: Yes, that's right. Alexander was English. This man is American.

Frank Taylor: [with a slight British accent] I've actually gotten so used to the American accent, I find it a tad difficult to go back.

Elise: [scoffingly] That's pathetic. This man is not Alexander Pierce! He's a tourist.

Reginald Shaw: A tourist?

Elise: Someone I happen to sit next to on a train.

Frank Taylor: [pointedly to Shaw] How would a tourist know that you kill every man your wife has ever slept with?

Elise: Because I told him that.

Reginald Shaw: [to Elise] You... told a tourist?

Frank Taylor: Why would she do that? It's absurd.

Elise: It's pathetic I haven't heard you.

Reeves: It's not. No it's not. It's not pathetic. It just means that... that you're one of the few people here that's talking to me because of who I was, not because of who I am

[finding empty liquor bottles in trash]

Brenda: Let's examine the evidence. Look! all bottles and gallon jugs!

Elise: I had guests!

Brenda: Who? Guns N Roses?

[Elise shows Bill proof that his new girlfriend is only sixteen years old]

Elise: Should have done your homework, Bill! I did. Oh, by the way, here's a copy of her birth certificate.

Bill: Oh, God... I didn't know... oh, God! Wh-what are you going to do?

Elise: Oh, what am I gonna do? Well, for now I'm just going to say the f word... *Felony*.

Elise: There are only three ages for women in Hollywood - Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy.

Elise: You've always been jealous of me, even in college! Because I was blonde and beautiful, and could have any guy I wanted!

Brenda: Could and did! All the senior class and half the faculty!

Elise: It was the sixties.

Elise: You think that because I'm a movie star I don't have feelings. Well you're wrong. I'm an actress. I've got all of them!

Elise: No, Sean Connery is Monique's boyfriend! He may be three hundred years old, but he's still a stud!

Elise: I drink because I am a sensitive and highly strung person.

Brenda: No, that's why your co-stars drink.

Brenda: I remember your first talk-y.

Elise: Oh yeah, what did you ever win? A pie eating contest? "Best digestion?"

Brenda: When men know women are a certain age...

Elise: Good bye love.

Brenda: Hello pop-tarts.

Annie: Let's synchronize our watches.

Brenda: Ooo, just like "Mission: Impossible!"

Elise: Oh, that was a big hit.

Elise: I'm not Monique's Mother!

Maurice: No.

Elise: Angela Lansbury's Monique's Mother!

Maurice: Uh-huh.

Elise: Shelley Winters is Unique's mother!

Maurice: Now that's a good one.

Elise: Sean Connery is Monique's mother!

Maurice: And I'm going to get you some coffee.

Elise: Annie, you choose. Who's your friend? Me or Brenda?

Brenda: Yeah, for once in your life make a decision? Who's your friend? Some Beverly Hills science project?

Elise: Or a woman with her own aisle at the supermarket?

Annie: What if Elise starts drinking again and then you start sniping away?

Elise: Been there!

Brenda: Done that!

Brenda: I'm saying this, with love compassion and the spirit of true sisterhood... you are full of SHIT!

Elise: Whhhaaattt?

Elise: If only she'd called me. If only I was listed.

Elise: I'm unhappy, Maurice!

Maurice: And I'm going to get you that coffee.

Elise: [Drunk] You never even wrote to me!

Annie: [Meekly] You were unlisted...

Elise: And you always talked about me behind my back!

Brenda: Oh, you deserved it!

Elise: It's the 90s, plastic surgery is like good grooming.

Elise: And you didn't even invite me to your son's bar mitzvah!

Brenda: I didn't think you would come.

Annie: Yeah, it was in Hebrew!

Brenda: Oh shutup!

Elise: I want the two of you to surpervise Kate.

Simone: I thought she's too good for retail.

Elise: [meaningfully] She is. I don't think she'll like it here.

Simone, Tannis: [together] What?

Elise: Don't talk in unison. It's creepy.

Simone, Tannis: [together] Sorry, Mom.

Élise: [in French] You're all alone here? What do you do all day?

Pierre: [in French] Watch other people live. Wonder who they are, where they go? They become hereoes in my little stories.

Pierre: [discussing his nieces and nephew] We've gotta be honest and say I'm gonna croak.

Élise: That's not certain.

Pierre: Then it'll be a nice surprise, if it's not true.

Elise: I just want to be me, but like a happy version.

Elise: I am using this summer as a welcome break from penis.

Allison Henry: Story of my life.

Marcus: Yes?

Elise: Marcus, it's Paul on the phone from Paris.

Marcus: Okay. Come in! Hello? Hello, Paul. Yes, chickenpox, that's right. The flight was fine. Yes? She's very beautiful. That's goes without saying. I'm sure we will. Quiet sure. Okay. Here she is.

Elise: Paul? Hmm? Darling it's a terrible Yes? Saturday night dinner with Clive? Huh? You don't have to explain. Paul?

[Marcus touches Elise's clothed breasts]

Elise: I must go.

Nemo Nobody adult: What's wrong?

Elise: I was dreaming about Stefano. He doesn't give a damn about me. I love him. There can't be any other explaination for being in this state. I don't know what it could be. I'm not happy. I'm going crazy. Every morning when I wake up, I rub my eyes and I see your face and I start crying. I realise that my life is passing me by. How can you stay so calm? How can you be like that? You're not human! I don't know what to do! It's not my fault, right? You're not gonna leave me, are you?

Nemo Nobody adult: No no no, I love you!

Elise: I hurt everybody! I hurt you, the children... this can't go on.

Nemo Nobody adult: Together we can do it.

Elise: Then you're all gonna end up drowning with me.

Nemo Nobody adult: We'll learn to swim. I love you.

Elise: I love you.

Nemo Nobody adult: I love you...

Elise: What are you doing today?

Nemo Nobody adult: I was thinking about taking the opportunity to wash the car.

Elise: What's the deal with that car?

Nemo Nobody adult: What do you mean?

Elise: Why do you take such good care of that car while you leave me here all alone? What's the problem with the car?

Nemo Nobody adult: [goes outside to set the car on fire, then goes back to Elise] There's no more problem with the car.

Elise: [crying] I'm so horrible!

Nemo Nobody adult: No you're not. You're not horrible.

Elise: I can't stand this life anymore!

Nemo Nobody adult: What's the matter? You've got the most incredible kids...

Elise: Don't try to make me feel better, it only makes me feel guiltier! What's wrong with me?

Elise: I do not understand. And, I am just telling you, right now, that if you are even considering having some sort of a mid life crisis, then I am going to have a full-blown nervous breakdown.

Paul: Is that the same nervous breakdown you've been working on for twenty-five years?

Ruthie: You ever hear of PFLAG?

Elise: No, and I don't think I like the sound of it, either.

Ruthie: No-no-no, it's... it's for people like you. You know, people who have a friend or a family member who's gay and they don't know what the hell to do.

Andy: You can't even say it, can you?

Elise: Well, of course I can.

Andy: Then say it?

Elise: But this is just silly.

Andy: Say it!

Elise: All right. G-A-Y - "gay." Are you happy now?

Andy: [evenly] I'm overjoyed.