Eleanor Duvall Quotes in Eight Crazy Nights (2002)

Eleanor Duvall: They were giving out free lobster bibs in the bathroom.

Whitey: That's not a lobster bib Eleanore its a germ protector for your tushey.

Eleanor Duvall: Holy shit, did the mall just say something?

Davey: Can I prance around with my morning erection?

Whitey: If you do you'll want an automatic ejection cause that's a technical foul!

Eleanor Duvall: But I would like to see it anyway!

Eleanor Duvall: It's a home invasion! Take whatever you want, but please don't chop my legs off!

Whitey: It's okay Eleanore! It's okay!

Eleanor Duvall: Whitey, thank god you're here! We're being robbed by a lunatic! Mister, if you're going to kill us, take off your wet shoes? They're soaking the carpet.

Whitey: Eleanore, that's Davey Stone, my new partner.

Eleanor Duvall: The criminal? Did he force you to bring him here so he could molest you?

Whitey: His home just went up in flames. So I invited him to stay with us for a while.

Eleanor Duvall: All right. But I'm taking an inventory of everything alive and accounted in this house.

Eleanor Duvall: Look, he already stole something! He's hiding it in his jacket.

Eleanor Duvall: Whitey, where were you? You're an hour and 51 minutes late. I already called the Morgue. They said you weren't there but to try back later.

Eleanor Duvall: Hey, look! He already stole something!

Davey: It's a letter from my parents.

Eleanor Duvall: Well why don't you go live them?

Davey: They died.

Eleanor Duvall: My bad.

Eleanor Duvall: [as Davey enters] Oh my goodness - it's a home invasion robbery! Please, mister, take whatever you want but please don't chop my legs off!

Davey Stone: How did you get so good on the ice, anyway?

Whitey: In the '50s I refed youth hockey for a couple of seasons.

Eleanor Duvall: Until a hockey puck struck him in the back of the head.

Whitey: Nothin' a metal plate couldn't fix.

Eleanor Duvall: You were in a coma for three months.

Whitey: I needed the rest, anyway!

Eleanor Duvall: You're an animal.

Davey Stone: And you're bald!

[rips her wig off]

Eleanor Duvall: Not again.

[faints]

Whitey: You're not welcome in my house.

Davey Stone: Good, your house SUCKS!

Jennifer: Do you have to be mean to everybody who tries to help you?

Davey Stone: That's my problem!

[tosses wig which hands on the Waiter's head]

Chinese Waiter: He just a no-goodnik, and *I* am the real Kristi Yamaguchi

Narrator: Wow. Just when you started to really like Davey, he goes and has a butthole relapse.

Eleanor Duvall: You know, I read recently in Reader's Digest that people who let themselves cry when they're hurting are often stronger than the people who try to hold all their pain inside.

Davey Stone: Did you read anything about a deformed referee who spends 35 years trying to win some stupid patch, so he can pretend people actually like him?

Eleanor Duvall: Which month was that in?