Egbert Fitzgerald Quotes in The Gay Divorcee (1934)

Egbert Fitzgerald: Guy, you're not pining for that girl!

Guy Holden: Pining? Men don't pine. Girls pine. Men just... suffer.

Aunt Hortense: [Going with Mimi to check into the hotel] Oh, Egbert, are you coming with us?

Egbert Fitzgerald: What? Hortense, oh my. You can't remain with her. This is supposed to be a clandestine affair. You can't have a clandestine affair between three people!

Aunt Hortense: [laughing] Oh, that's what you say!

Egbert Fitzgerald: Your life, Mr. Tonetti, must be full of excitement.

Tonetti: Full of excitement, and full of danger.

Egbert Fitzgerald: Oh, yes, of course... from the husbands.

Tonetti: No, from the ladies.

Egbert Fitzgerald: Oh, how interesting!

Tonetti: But, Tonetti, he know what to do. Yes, sometimes, the lady and I have the conversation... somtimes, I play the concertina... sometimes, I play the solitaire... but, mostly, I practice my singing. At home, my wife, he do not like me to sing.

Egbert Fitzgerald: Unquestionably a woman of great perspicacity.

Tonetti: Oh, si, si, signor, you bet!

Tonetti: Rodolfo Tonetti at your service.

Egbert Fitzgerald: Yes... well, I am Mr. Fitzgerald.

Tonetti: Mr. Fitzgerald?

[shaking hands]

Tonetti: Oh, I'm delightful!

Egbert Fitzgerald: Oh, I shouldn't doubt it, old man, I shouldn't doubt it. But, don't you think that a corespondent ought to come to work quieter? Let's have more repose and less Rigoletto.

Tonetti: Ha, I am ready for action, and I will do a first-class job.

Egbert Fitzgerald: Well, don't be too determined about it. Remember, the lady in question is very sensitive, and you must treat her accordingly.

Tonetti: Bene, whichever way the wind she is blowing, that is the way I sail.

Egbert Fitzgerald: And now, Tonetti, remember: I want delicacy, tact, assurance, finesse.

Tonetti: I've brought everything.

Waiter: Pardon, you, you uh rang sir?

Egbert Fitzgerald: Who me? Well, my dear fellow, what is there here to ring with?

Waiter: Pardon sir, that's just a figure of speech.

Egbert Fitzgerald: Oh, oh. Uhuh. Well, bring me a... let me have a... eh, there there. You see? Your figure of speech has made me forget entirely what I wanted.

Waiter: Could it have been that you require crumpets?

Egbert Fitzgerald: No no no, I never ring for crumpets.

Waiter: Would you be the kind of man who would ring for a toasted scone, sir?

Egbert Fitzgerald: Scone? Well, now uh, no. no. Try me again.

Waiter: Well, then could you, could you imagine yourself with a hankering for a nice gooseberry tart?

Egbert Fitzgerald: Oh what an acid thought. Please.

Waiter: No crumpets. No scones. No gooseberry tart. Well that lands both of us in a cul-de-sac doesn't it, sir?

Egbert Fitzgerald: Of course it does. I knew it would.

Waiter: You know I hate to leave you like this. You torn with doubts and me with my duty undischarged.

Egbert Fitzgerald: Oh well cheer up old man, cheer up. It will come to me.

Waiter: Was it animal or vegetable sir?

Egbert Fitzgerald: No.

Waiter: Well that leaves us mineral doesn't it sir. Now sir, was it a bit of half and half, a noggin of ale, a pipkin of porter, a stoop of stout, or a beaker of beer?

Egbert Fitzgerald: Tea.

Waiter: Tea. Ha. Well isn't it a small world sir.

Guy Holden: I wonder if she resented me tearing her skirt?

Egbert Fitzgerald: Well, I wouldn't at all be surprised. That's the usual reaction. What did you do that for?

Guy Holden: She couldn't move.

Egbert Fitzgerald: Sounds very unsporting of you, Guy, really!

Guy Holden: Well, you don't understand... uh... it was an accident.

Egbert Fitzgerald: It usually is.