Edwin Quotes in The Fast and the Furious (2001)

Edwin: It's not how you stand by your car, it's how you race your car.

[Monica runs Edwin's hand over her breast before the race]

Monica: Feel that? This is yours, even if you lose. But if you win, you get her too.

[Edwin races and loses]

Edwin: Hey, hey, Monica!

Monica: What's your problem, nigga? You didn't win!

[Crowd disses Edwin]

Edwin: Fuck you, then!

[Deleted scene]

Cuchillo: Do you think the water is safe to drink?

Edwin: I will if you will.

Nikolai: I wouldn't.

Edwin: All right you guys, I got to umm... I have to... you know... pee.

Cuchillo: Women pee, men piss.

Edwin: And what do you do?

Cuchillo: I unleash.

Edwin: Excuse me. Just what the hell is going on here?

Royce: We're being hunted. The cages. The soldier. All of us. All brought here for the same purpose. This planet is a game preserve. And we're the game. In case you didn't notice, we just got flushed out. They sent the dogs in, just like you if you were stalking boar or shooting quail. They split us apart and they watched. Testing us.

Isabelle: How do you know this?

Royce: Because, that's what I would do.

[Royce is checking on Isabelle who is paralyzed with his back to Edwin]

Edwin: I didn't think you'd come back. But she, she never lost faith in you. I guess I owe you an apology. You are a good man after all.

[Edwin goes to stab Royce with his scalpel]

Royce: No. I'm not.

[Royce turns, disarms Edwin and sticks the scalpel into Edwin's chin]

Royce: But I'm fast.

Stans: [to Edwin] You know, man, if we ever make it home, I'm going to do so much fucking cocaine. I'm gonna rape so many fine bitches. I'll be like, "What time is it? After 5:00? Damn. Time to go rape me some fine bitches."

Stans: You know what I'm saying?

Edwin: [humoring Stans] Oh, yeah. Totally. Like; 5:00, it's bitch-raping time.

Stans: Mmm. Yeah.

[Edwin moves away from Stans and sits down next to Nikolai]

Nikolai: You should stay away from him.

Edwin: Yeah.

Stans: [Nikolai is looking at a picture] Who's that?

Nikolai: My kids. Big one, Ilya. And that's Sascha.

[Nikolai hands the picture to Edwin]

Stans: [Stans lifts up his shirt to reveal a tattoo of a big breasted woman] Uh... This is, uh, Candy Lee. Tits like Howitzers.

[he pokes the breasts with his fingers as if to play with them]

Edwin: Is that your girlfriend?

Stans: No. It's my sister.

[Hanzo finds the Samurai Katana]

Hanzo: This is old. Very old. They've been doing this for a long time.

Edwin: So you speak English.

Hanzo: Yes.

Edwin: Why don't you say more?

Hanzo: Because I talk too much.

[holds up his left hand to reveal his pinky and ring finger have been chopped off]

[Nikolai goes to touch a strange looking plant]

Edwin: Uh, yeah, I wouldn't do that.

[Edwin sticks his scalpel into the plant and it secretes a fluid]

Edwin: Yep. Archaefructus liaoningensis. That is really, really poisonous. Wouldn't take more than one scratch to cause total paralysis...

Nikolai: Thank you. I'll watch for you out there.

Isabelle: [to Edwin] You made a buddy.

Edwin: [to Isabelle] I guess now you realize why they chose me. I was right in front of you guys the whole time. Just watching you. Earning your trust. You couldn't see me for what I really am. You see, back home, I'm a murderer. I'm a freak. But here, among the monsters, I'm normal. I like it here. I wanna stay.

Edwin: [Royce arrives at the top of the pit] Oh! You came back.

Royce: I missed my ride.

Edwin: [Pretending to be relieved] Oh, thank God. Help us get out of here.

[the group hears movement outside their perimeter but can't figure out why it doesn't attack]

Royce: Hey, Doc.

Edwin: Hey.

Royce: I think I just finally figured out a way you can be useful.

[cuts to Edwin running around as bait]

[the group finds a monolith with a pile of skulls and bones at its base]

Stans: What the hell is that?

Isabelle: Who would do this?

Mombasa: Whoever they are, they take trophies. In my culture the warrior with the greatest trophies commands the most respect.

Stans: Whatever.

Nikolai: It's a test. To see how we do under pressure.

Isabelle: If this were a test, you'd all be military. Total strangers. Live rounds. This is something else.

Cuchillo: Maybe it's ransom. Back in Tijuana, we kidnap you, put you in an oil drum. The ransom's not paid, we light you on fire.

Stans: I hear these stories about these experiments they run on cons. They stick drugs in your food and they sit back and watch what happens.

Edwin: Well, it's not drugs. If it was a psychotropic compound, we'd be feeling residual side effects. Loss of motor skills, blurry vision. And if it was a behavioral experiment... I mean, there... There'd be a point.

Mombasa: What if we are dead?

Stans: I was going to be executed in two days.

Nikolai: And I was in combat.

Mombasa: So was I.

Cuchillo: This is hell.

Royce: Last time I looked, you didn't need a parachute to get there. But it doesn't matter what happened, or why. We're here. Only question is, how do we get out?

[after the group narrowly escapes a heavily booby-trapped area, they find a rotting corpse whose chest is blown out]

Mombasa: We triggered a dead man's trap.

Edwin: It's two weeks, judging from the rate of decomposition.

Nikolai: He took up a position here. Shooting in all directions. This was a last stand.

[Nikolai Checks the man's pocket and finds some documents]

Nikolai: United States Special Forces. This is strange. He is supposed to be deployed in Afghanistan.

Stans: What's he doing here, setting traps for us?

Royce: They weren't meant for us. He was hunting something else. Something a lot bigger.

Edwin: Bigger?

Royce: The trunk was a deadfall. Rule of thumb with a deadfall is you set the weight five times that of the target animal. Whatever it was, got through the trip wires. And did this.

Edwin: What are we gonna do?

Isabelle: We should go to higher ground.

Edwin: Really? We're on an alien hunting planet. You really think the solution is to walk more?

Royce: It wants us to run. That's how it hunts. This is its jungle. Its game. Its rules. We run, we die.

Isabelle: What's the alternative?

Royce: We need to know what we're dealing with. Dog tracks go that way. We go after it.

Edwin: [out of breath] Fuck all of you!

[they all see the strung up Predator]

Stans: What the fuck is that thing?

Isabelle: This is a mistake. We have to leave. Now.

Edwin: [about Royce] Where's the tough guy?

Isabelle: He left us.

Mombasa: It's here.

Edwin: [to Berserker Predator] Help me. I'm one of you.

[Deleted Scene]

Stans: Hey y'all motherfuckers! Y'all know I'm famous right? Number three on the FBI's Most Wanted list!

Edwin: What's your name?

Stans: Stans, Walter Stans.

Edwin: Oh shit! Yeah, I've heard of you.

Stans: Yeah, most people have. You want my autograph?

Cuchillo: Hey, I kill people for big money, a reason. You slaughtered thirty-six people for nothin'.

Stans: It's thirty-eight.

Edwin: Why?

Stans: Well, my lawyer said I was crazy. But you wanna know the real reason doc? Why the fuck not? God damn I love this humidity.

[to Royce]

Stans: Hey Tonto! How much further?

Jack Lucas: Hey! Edwin! Hey, c'mon now, I told you about these people, they only mate with their own kind, it's called yuppie inbreeding. That's why so many of them are retarded and wear the same clothes. They're not human, they don't feel love, they only negotiate *love moments*. They're evil, Edwin, they're repulsed by imperfection, horrified by the banal, everything that America stands for, everything that you and I fight for! They must be stopped before it's too late! It's us or them!

Edwin: [quietly] OK, Jack.

Chantal: [Edwin in her bedroom] What's wrong? You haven't been up here since the Reagan administration.

Edwin: [undresses] It's Bush time.

[Chantal freaks out]

Edwin: I don't want to go to Brooklyn. You can't make me. I don't *want* to go to Brooklyn.

Bus Driver: None of us want to, bud, but we all gotta go sooner or later.

Edwin: Do you remember you once told me you wouldn't be found dead in Brooklyn?

Buzzy's Ghost: Yeah, I remember. That was the only way they could get me here.

Edwin: I'd like a pint of Prospect Park!

Don: [very fast] You know I wouldn't be surprised / That gasket hood looks pulverized / The shock recoil is now reversed / At first you'd boil and then you'd burst / Compression seep will soon distend / The leak that leaks in your big end / The lousy coke has got a hitch around the choke adjustment switch / Your piston spout is dynamite / In cutting out the parking light / And, from its shake, your outside brake is needing a new drum!

Don, Cyril, Steve, Edwin: [slower] In fact make no mistake, you've really had it chum!

Don, Cyril, Steve, Edwin: [singing] For as guys we're really qualified / There's no need to look terrified / For when you have tried, you will say "wide-eyed", we are just what the doctor specified / We are pleading please let us take you for a ride with us! / Ride with us!

[short music break in which the car backfires leaving everyone with black faces]

Don, Cyril, Steve, Edwin: Please let us take you for a ride!

Edwin: Either he goes, or you both go.

[from trailer]

Edwin: I'm a real bitch!