Edna Turnblad Quotes in Hairspray (2007)

Link Larkin: I was just at home, practicing my new twist on The Twist, when I overheard it on the news. I can't believe Tracy savagely bludgeoned an Eagle Scout. That's just not like her.

Edna Turnblad: But it's not true! I was there! He didn't even bleed.

Link Larkin: I shoulda been there, beside her. I can't sleep. I can't eat...

Edna Turnblad: You can't eat? Well, come on in and worry with us. I'll make you some pork.

Edna Turnblad: [singing] You can't stop my happiness, 'cuz I like the way I am. And you just can't stop my knife and fork when I see a Christmas ham! And if you don't like the way I look, then I just don't give a damn!

Wilbur Turnblad: [to Tracy] This is America, babe, you gotta think big to be big.

Edna Turnblad: Big ain't the problem in this family, Wilbur.

Edna Turnblad: Penny, get home before your mother shoots you.

Edna Turnblad: Imagine! My little girl... regular, at last.

Amber von Tussel: [on the phone with Edna, disguising her voice] My name is Mike.

Edna Turnblad: [off-camera] Mike?

Amber von Tussel: Yes, Mike.

Edna Turnblad: Mike who?

Amber von Tussel: [slips back into her normal voice] It's MIKE!

[catches herself, coughs]

Amber von Tussel: Anyway... I'm calling because I have some information about your daughter's whereabouts.

Edna Turnblad: What?

Amber von Tussel: Right now, as we speak, your daughter has entered a hotbed of moral... turpentine.

Edna Turnblad: Well, I had a dream that I would own a coin-operated laundromat but I came down from that cloud real quickly!

Edna Turnblad: Would you keep that racket down? I'm trying to iron, here!

Edna Turnblad: No one is auditioning for anything in this household!

Tracy Turnblad: But why not? Why not?

Edna Turnblad: Dancing is not your future. One day, you're going to own Edna's Occidental Laundry.

Tracy Turnblad: I don't want to be a laundress. I want to be famous.

Edna Turnblad: If you want to be famous, learn how to take blood out of car upholstery. That's a skill you can take right to the bank.

Velma Von Tussle: [disgusted] Oh!

[forces a smile]

Velma Von Tussle: Mrs. Turnblad! I'd know whose mother you were ANYWHERE.

[notices Edna's outfit]

Velma Von Tussle: Oh, let me guess - new dress?

Edna Turnblad: [nods, shyly but proudly]

Velma Von Tussle: Well... you'll stop traffic!

[laughs]

Edna Turnblad: [looks away, crushed]

Velma Von Tussle: It was nice meeting you... Tracy.

[struts away with Amber, as Edna starts crying]

Tracy Turnblad: Mama, don't you DARE listen to a word she says!

[Edna appears not to hear her]

Tracy Turnblad: Come on! She's just worried that I'm going to win the Miss Teenage Hairspray contest!

Edna Turnblad: [stops crying immediately and looks at Tracy, impressed] ... Really?

Edna Turnblad: First the hair, now this?

Wilbur Turnblad: But, all the kids are battin' up their hair now, hon.

Edna Turnblad: [to Wilbur] You're no help.

Tracy Turnblad: It's ratting, daddy.

[to Edna]

Tracy Turnblad: And our first lady, Jacqueline Kennedy does it!

Edna Turnblad: I don't believe that.

Tracy Turnblad: What do you mean you don't believe that? How else would it look that way?

Edna Turnblad: I believe that it is naturally stiff.

Edna Turnblad: If you protest you'll be in files! You'll be on lists! J. Edgar Hoover will still be wire-tapping your cold dead body in the grave.

Amber von Tussel: I lost, Mom. Let's just deal with it!

Velma Von Tussle: [as she pulls the tallies out of her dress] You did not lose! You can not have lost because I switched the damn tallies!

Edna Turnblad: [standing behind a live television camera] Smile, Miss Crabcakes! You're on Candid Camera!

Wilbur Turnblad: That was a good shot! Don't you think?

Edna Turnblad: [catching Tracy at Motormouth Maybelle's Record Shop] No call? You just disappear?

[looks Link up and down]

Edna Turnblad: And all mashed up against a crooner!

Link Larkin, Tracy Turnblad, Penny Pingleton, Seaweed: [ending the song "Without Love"] Darlin' you had best believe me, never leave me without love!

Edna Turnblad: [called from off camera] Link, your pork is ready!

[from trailer]

Mr. Pinky: [guessing Edna's sizes] 54-Double D?

Edna Turnblad: Triple E

[chuckles]

Mr. Pinky: [shouts] I hit the Mother Lode!

[from trailer]

Motormouth Maybelle: [to Edna] Are you sure you wouldn't like to have a little something to eat?

Edna Turnblad: [looks at pot roast] Is that braised?

Mr. Pinky: There's my shining star! Fantastic to meet you! I'm Mr. Pinky

Tracy Turnblad: It's so nice to meet you!

Mr. Pinky: Tracy, is this your older sister?

Edna Turnblad: Oh!

[chuckles]

Mr. Pinky: Perhaps you both would like some complimentary couture?

[hands them a tray of doughnuts]

Edna Turnblad: Couture?

Mr. Pinky: [presents Edna with Tracy's spokesgirl contract] Now, if you could just sign here...

Edna Turnblad: Flattery will not distract Miss Turnblad's agent from reading the fine print!

Mr. Pinky: [flabbergasted] Her agent?

Edna Turnblad: [hands Tracy the food tray] Tracy, eat your doughnuts.

[to Mr. Pinky]

Edna Turnblad: Let's talk...

Edna Turnblad: Tracy, I have told you about that hair. All ratted up like a teenage Jezebel!

Penny Pingleton: Tracy's flamboyant flip is all the rage, Ms. Edna. Jackie Kennedy, our First Lady, even rats her hair.

Edna Turnblad: But Tracy ain't no First Lady. Are your Tracy? No siree. She's a hair hopper, that's what she is!

Amber Von Tussle: That girl's got roaches in her hair!

Edna Turnblad: Roaches? Our little Tracy's a clean teen!

Wilbur: There's no bugs on our baby!

Amber Von Tussle: I'm not kidding. I just saw one!

Edna Turnblad: [about Amber] I watch that tramp and I'm embarrassed to be white.

Tracy Turnblad: Mother, we're watching "The Corny Collins Show".

Edna Turnblad: Penny, your mother called all frantic. She said you are punished.

Penny Pingleton: I'm always punished.

Velma Von Tussle: Hey you. Can I ask you a personal question?

Edna Turnblad: No, you may not.

Velma Von Tussle: Is your daughter mulatto?

Edna Turnblad: It's the times. They are a changing. Something's blowing in the wind. Fetch me my diet pills, would you, hon?

Edna Turnblad: Penny, you better go home now, your mother just called here all frantic.

Edna Turnblad: Could you turn that racket down? I'm trying to iron in here.

Edna Turnblad: Our little Tracy's too busy ratting her hair and doing the "Ubangi Stomp."

Mrs. Malinski: It ain't right to be dancing on TV to that colored music.

Edna Turnblad: She's just a teenager.

Edna Turnblad: I've got hampers of laundry and my diet pill is wearing off!