Edmond Quotes in The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)

Edmond: Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine! Then the fates will know you as we know you: as Albert Mondego, the man!

Edmond: There are 72,519 stones in my walls. I've counted them many times.

Abbe Faria: But have you named them yet?

Luigi: We shall call him... Zatarra.

Edmond: Sounds fearsome.

Luigi: It means, "driftwood."

Abbe Faria: When I told them I had no idea where Count Spada hid his treasure, I lied.

Edmond: You lied?

Abbe Faria: I'm a priest, not a saint.

Edmond: Monseuir, I know you must hear this a great deal; I assure you I am innocent. Everyone must say that, I know, but I truly am.

Dorleac: Innocent?

Edmond: Yes.

Dorleac: I know. I really do know.

Edmond: You mock me?

Dorleac: No, my dear Dantes. I know perfectly well that you are innocent. Why else would you be here? If you were truly guilty, there are a hundred prisons in France where they would lock you away. But Chateau d'If is where is they put the ones they're ashamed of.

Luigi: So, mi amici, I would ask who you are, but in view of your shredded clothes and the fact that the Chateau d'If is two miles away... what's the point? As for me, I am Luigi Vampa, a smuggler and a thief. My men and I have come to this island to bury alive one of our number who attempted to keep some stolen gold for himself instead of sharing it with his comrades. Interestingly enough, there are some of his more loyal friends who are insisting that I grant him mercy. Which, of course, I cannot do, or I would quickly lose control of the whole crew. That is why you are such a fortunate find.

Edmond: Why is that?

Luigi: You provide me with a way to show a little mercy to Jacopo - that maggot you see tied up over there - while at the same time not appearing weak. And as a bonus, the lads will get to see a little sport as well.

Edmond: How do I accomplish all this?

Luigi: We watch you and Jacopo fight to the death. If Jacopo wins, we welcome him back to the crew. If you win, I have given Jacopo the chance to live, even if he did not take advantage of it, and you can take his place on the boat.

Edmond: What if I win and I don't want to be a smuggler?

Luigi: Then we slit your throat, and we're a bit shorthanded.

[pause]

Edmond: [smiles after consideration] I find that smuggling is the life for me, and would be delighted to kill your friend the maggot!

Luigi: Oh, and by the way, Jacopo is the best knife fighter I have ever seen.

Edmond: [unmoved, sarcastically] Perhaps you should get out more...

Luigi: [laughs, shouts to his crew] Release Jacopo, and give him back his knife. And we'll let the games begin...

Edmond: We are kings or pawns, a man once said.

Luigi: Who told you this?

Edmond: Napolean Bonaparte.

Luigi: Bonaparte?

[laughs]

Luigi: Oh, Zatarra, the stories you tell.

Edmond: If you ever loved me, don't rob me of my hate. It's all I have.

Dorleac: And if you're thinking just now 'Why me, oh God?' the answer is: God has nothing to do with it. In fact, God is never in France this time of year.

Edmond: God has everything to do with it. He's everywhere. He sees everything.

Dorleac: Alright. Let's make a bargain, shall we? You ask God for help and I'll stop the moment he shows up.

Mercedes: I don't know what dark plan lies within you. Nor do I know by what design we were asked to live without each other these 16 years. But God has offered us a new beginning...

Edmond: God?

Mercedes: Don't slap His hand away.

Edmond: Can I never escape Him?

Mercedes: No, He is in everything. Even in a kiss.

Fernand: Monte Cristo!

Edmond: King's to you, Fernand.

Fernand: Edmond? How did you...

Edmond: How did I escape? With difficulty. How did I plan this moment? With pleasure!

Fernand: So you've taken Mercedes.

Edmond: And everything else. Except your life.

Fernand: Why are you doing this?

Edmond: [pauses, remembering what Fernand said when he asked why he betrayed him] It's complicated. Let's just say it's vengeance for the life that you stole from me.

Abbe Faria: In return for your help, I offer you something priceless.

Edmond: My freedom?

Abbe Faria: No, freedom can be taken away, as you well know. I offer you my knowledge.

Abbe Faria: Define Economics.

Edmond: Economics is a science that deals with the production, distribution, and consumption of commodities.

Abbe Faria: Translation?

Edmond: Dig first, money later.

Edmond: Why? In God's name, why?

Fernand: Because you're the son of a clerk, and I'm not supposed to want to be you!

Luigi: Oh, and by the way, Jacopo is the best knife fighter I have ever seen.

Edmond: Perhaps you should get out more.

Edmond: If you ever presume to interfere in my affairs again, I will, I promise you, finish the job I started the day we met! Do you understand?

Jacopo: I understand you are mad.

Edmond: Mad? My enemies are falling into my traps perfectly!

Jacopo: Mad, your grace, for ignoring this: you have a fortune, a beautiful woman who loves you. Take the money, take the woman, and live your life! Stop this plan, take what you have won!

Edmond: I can't.

Jacopo: Why not?... I'm still your man, Satara. I swore an oath I will protect you. Even if it means I must protect you from yourself. I'll drive you home now.

Abbe Faria: The slot opens twice a day. Once in the morning for your toilet bucket, which is where we hide the dirt. And once more in the evening for your plate. Between those times, we can work all day without fear of discovery.

Edmond: So neglect becomes our ally.

Edmond: You've only got one shot. And it'll take more than that to stop me.

Fernand: Well, then, I best put it where it will do the most damage.

Abbe Faria: 2,500 cubic centimeters of rock and dust a day for 365 days.

Edmond: Equals three-and-a-half meters a year, 12 feet, a foot a month.

[grunts]

Edmond: Three inches a week.

Abbe Faria: In Italian.

[whip cracking]

Edmond: Ancora tre metri e un mezzo.

Danglar: [while he is about to be hanged by Monte Cristo from a ship's plank, holding onto Cristo's coat] Who are you?

Edmond: I'm the Count of Monte Cristo...

[beat]

Edmond: But my friends call me Edmond Dantes!

Danglar: [in full realisation] Dantes...

Edmond: [Edmond knocks away Danglar's hands, hanging him, walks away calmly and speaks to the chief Gendarme] Cut him down before he can't talk...

Old Man Dantes: [Making a toast] May this moment be the dawn of a new and wonderful life for you both...

Gendarmes Captain: [after smashing open the door] Which one of you is Edmond Dantes?

Edmond: I am.

Gendarmes Captain: Edmond Dantes, you are under arrest by order of the chief magistrate of Marseille.

Old Man Dantes: Arrest?

Edmond: On what charges?

Gendarmes Captain: That information is privilaged

[gestures to his men]

Gendarmes Captain: Take him!

Edmond: [Struggling with guards] I demand an explanation! I demand an explanation!

Edmond: [after he realises he is now a kitten] Jeepers! I'm all furry!

[the Grand Duke arrives in Edmond's live-action bedroom]

Edmond: Chanticleer?

Grand Duke: No... it's not Chanticleer.

Edmond: Who-who are you?

Grand Duke: You put your finger in the Duke's face, remember? These are expensive, you little brat!

[throws his broken monocle on the floor]

Grand Duke: But that is not why the Duke is going to eat you.

Edmond: Eat me?

Grand Duke: Oh, dear. Now I've gone and spoiled the surprise. Always doing that. But you see, we creatures of the night have worked very hard to make absolutely sure that that bird does not return. And you... you, with no regard for the feelings of others, have the nerve to call him back here by name. And besides, I positively loathe rock 'n' roll.

[laughs]

Edmond: You're not gonna eat me!

Patou: [narrating] And that's when the Duke hit the ceiling.

[the Duke literally hits the ceiling]

Patou: If Edmond wanted to bring Chanticleer back to raise the sun, the Duke was going to have something to say about it.

Grand Duke: Kittens are more digestible.

Patou: [narrating] Young Edmond was about to have the most amazing adventure he'd ever dreamed of.

[the Duke transforms Edmond into an animated kitten and his live-action bedroom into a cartoon one]

Edmond: Ahem. Excuse me, ma'am.

Goldie: [startled] Aah! Oh, who are you?

Edmond: [starting to sneeze] Ma'am, I... I... Ah-choo!

Goldie: Oh, my goodness!

Edmond: Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

Goldie: Oh, you poor thing.

[hands him a tissue]

Goldie: Now, what are you doing in my dressing room?

Edmond: Please, ma'am! You're the only one who can help us! We have to talk to Chanticleer... I mean the King.

[Goldie gasps]

Edmond: If he doesn't come home and crow...

Goldie: Wait a minute, wait a minute! You're the bad little kitty Pinky told me about!

Edmond: Bad? Me? I'm not bad.

Goldie: [picks up a sundae cup] You go away or I'll scream! Aah! Aah!

Peepers: [to a rhinoceros waiter, referring to a note] Excuse me, sir, would you please see that the King gets this?

Edmond: Yes, it's very important.

Snipes: Oh, uh, and waiter? We asked for a light cola, this stuff weighs a ton!

Young Noah: I'm Noah Calhoun.

Young Allie: So?

Young Noah: So it's really nice to meet you.

Edmond: Allie, who is this guy?

Young Allie: I don't know, Noah Calhoun.

Edmond: Every fear hides a wish.

Man in Bar: [while watching a basketball game at a bar] I'll tell you who's got it easy.

Edmond: Who?

Man in Bar: [Gestures to basketball game on TV] The niggers. Sometimes I wish I was a nigger.

Edmond: Sometimes I wish I was too.

Man in Bar: I'd rob a store. I don't blame 'em, I swear to God. Because I want to tell ya, we're bred to do the things that we do.

Edmond: Yes.

Man in Bar: Northern race, one thing, southern race... something else.

[Gestures to basketball game on TV again and starts to light up a cigarette]

Man in Bar: And what they want to do is sit under the tree and watch the elephant. And I don't blame them one small bit.

Prisoner: [Inside a prison cell they share] You know, how they are supreme in their native world...

Edmond: But when you put them here...

Prisoner: We call them dogs... Or animals...

Edmond: Yes.

Prisoner: And we scorn them. We scorn them in our fear... But don't you think...

Edmond: It very well could be.

Prisoner: But on their native world... they are supreme.

Edmond: I think that's very...

Prisoner: And what we have done... is to disgrace ourselves.

Edmond: We have.

Prisoner: Because we did not treat them with respect.

Edmond: It's too much.

Edmond: You think there's a hell?

Prisoner: I don't know.

Edmond: You think we're there?

Edmond: [after slashing a woman to death with a knife] Now look what you've done. Now look what you've bloody fucking done.

Edmond: An angel escorts me to eternal rest. It is done...