Edgar Friendly Quotes in Demolition Man (1993)

Edgar Friendly: You got ball balls, cop, coming down here after the show you put on.

Lenina Huxley: We're looking for a murder-death-killer. Can you help, or just bully us with your primitive weapons?

[Friendly then raises his twin barrelled pistol and fires it to show it's not primitive]

Lenina Huxley: Oh, maybe they're not so primitive.

Edgar Friendly: So, you think you're taking me in, huh? Guess what, not happening. You tell Cocteau he can kiss my ass. Yeah, that's right, you tell Cocteau it's gonna take an army of assholes to get rid of me 'cause I don't give a shit, I've got nothing to lose.

John Spartan: I don't wanna rain on your parade, pal. But, I don't know who the hell you are, let alone wanna take you anywhere. So stay here, be well and Cocteau's an asshole!

[In anger, he slaps a scrap's weapon to the side]

Wasteland Scrap: Let's stake them and dump them up top, they're only down here to spy on us.

John Spartan: Wait a minute, you're the guy outside Taco Bell.

Edgar Friendly: Yeah. What do you want?

John Spartan: I guess you weren't part of the Cocteau Plan.

Edgar Friendly: Greed, deception, abuse of power? That's no plan.

John Spartan: And that's why everybody's down here?

Edgar Friendly: You got that right. See, according to Cocteau's plan, I'm the enemy. Cause I like to think, I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I'm the kind if guy who wants to sit in a greasy spoon and think, "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecued ribs with the side order of gravy fries?" I want high cholesterol. I want to eat bacon, butter and buckets of cheese, okay? I want to smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in a non-smoking section. I wanna run through the streets naked with green Jello all over my body reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to. Okay, pal? I've seen the future, you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sittin' around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake singing "I'm an Oscar-Meyer Wiener". You wanna live on top, you gotta live Cocteau's way. What he wants, when he wants, how he wants. Your other choice: come down here, maybe starve to death.

John Spartan: All right, then why don't you take charge and lead these people out of here?

Edgar Friendly: I'm no leader. I do what I have to do. Sometimes, people come with me. All I want to do is bury Cocteau up to his neck in shit and let him think happy-happy thoughts forever.

John Spartan: Then I got bad news: I think he wants to kill you.

[Freindly gives him a blank look]

Edgar Friendly: [referring to Phoenix] They thawed this guy out just to kill me? I'm flattered.

John Spartan: Don't be flattered, be frightened. This guy's a certifiable nightmare.

Chief George Earle: You have apprehended the villain responsible for the murder of our beloved Dr. Raymond Cocteau?

John Spartan: Well, I wouldn't exactly say apprehended. Let's just say he's history. And the Cryo-prison? That's history, too.

[Chief Earle looks upon the damaged cryo-prison in disbelief]

Chief George Earle: [confused; takes off his glasses] What will we do? How will we live?

Edgar Friendly: I tell you what we're do. We're all gonna go out drinking, get shit-faced, and paint the town, literally. I mean graffiti, slogans. It'll be a blast.

John Spartan: Whoa, Whoa. I'll tell you what gonna do:

John Spartan: [to Chief Earle] Why don't you get a little dirty?

John Spartan: [to Edgar] You a lot clean.

John Spartan: And somewhere in the middle... I don't know. You'll figure it out.

Alfredo Garcia: Fuckin' A!

John Spartan: [impressed] Well put.

John Spartan: [to Garcia] We'll look at you. You get a bump on the noggin, and you think you're Pancho Villa?

Alfredo Garcia: [Garcia looks confused] Who?

John Spartan: [Spartan shaking his head] Never mind.

Edgar Friendly: [to Spartan] Time to take a stand pal.

John Spartan: [to Edgar] Well good. While you're doing that, loan me a gun.

[Edgar hands Spartan a gun]

John Spartan: Loan me two guns.

[Wastelander hands Spartan a waste belt with a gun in it. Spartan puts the belt over his shoulder]

Chief George Earle: [to Edgar and Wastelanders] You'de use the weapons of mass destruction against men and women who uphold the law?

Edgar Friendly: [to Chief] We use these to shop for groceries.