Eddie Cantrow Quotes in The Heartbreak Kid (2007)


Eddie Cantrow Quotes:

  • Eddie Cantrow: This is my dad.

    Lila: Oh, hi Dad.

    Doc: Nice to meet you, Lila.

    Lila: How do you know my name?

    Doc: Okay, cat's out of the bag. My son found your panties on the sidewalk and we've been talking about you all week. Eddie, give her back her undies.

  • [last lines]

    Eddie Cantrow: Fuck me.

  • 10 Year Old Girl: Are you like a widow or something?

    Eddie Cantrow: Yeah, I'm a widow. Yeah.

    10 Year Old Girl: Sorry.

    12 Year Old Twin: He's full of it. He's gay.

    Eddie Cantrow: No. I'm not gay.

    12 Year Old Twin: Let's play 5 in 5 then.

    Eddie Cantrow: What is that?

    12 Year Old Twin: It's where I ask you 5 questions in 5 seconds. If you're telling the truth, then you shouldn't have to think.

    Eddie Cantrow: [shrugs] Yeah, I don't wanna play your game, sorry.

    12 Year Old Twin: Quick - how'd your wife die?

    Eddie Cantrow: Murdered.

    12 Year Old Twin: How?

    Eddie Cantrow: Icepick.

    12 Year Old Twin: They get the guy?

    Eddie Cantrow: Yeah.

    12 Year Old Twin: What was his name?

    Eddie Cantrow: Ronald.

    12 Year Old Twin: Brad Pitt. Russell Crowe. Who's hotter?

    Eddie Cantrow: Brad Pitt.

    12 Year Old Twin12 Year Old Twin: [point and laugh victoriously]

    Eddie Cantrow: No no, no, I thought you meant who's hotter career-wise...

  • Eddie Cantrow: Hey, uh, do you think you could tell me where I could find Uncle Tito?

    Tito: Yes. Uh, may I ask who's inquiring?

    Eddie Cantrow: Yeah, my name's Eddie Cantrow and I'm a friend of a friend of his. I'm supposed to give him something.

    Tito: I'm sorry to tell you this, but he no longer works here. He's actually in jail, serving six to ten years. He was caught having cock-fights. And I'm not speaking about the kind of rooster.

    Eddie Cantrow: Oh.

    Tito: Screw off! I'm joking, man! C'mon! I am Uncle Tito.

  • Doc: So, what's new Eddie? Anything exciting?

    Eddie Cantrow: Ah, yeah, we just got those new Nike Sasquatch drivers in the store, so that's been kind of cool.

    Doc: Let me rephrase the question. You been crushin' any pussy?

  • Lila: I wouldn't change a darn thing because it made me who I am today, and do you know who I am today?

    Eddie Cantrow: Who are you.

    Lila: I'm Mrs. Edmond Cantrow.

    Eddie Cantrow: Edward.

    Lila: Edward? You didn't tell me that!

  • Eddie Cantrow: Oh, excuse me.

    Flamboyant Man: Yeah.

    Eddie Cantrow: Hey, are you running this whole thing?

    Flamboyant Man: Oh. Sure. Walk up to the first homo you see and assume he's the wedding coordinator, right? Nice.

    Eddie Cantrow: No, no. I didn't - I didn't mean that.

    Flamboyant Man: Nice stereotype, buddy. Nice.

    [the obviously gay wedding coordinator walks up to them]

    Wedding Coordinator: [in a sing-song voice] Did I hear someone say "wedding coordinator"? That would be *moi*!


    Wedding Coordinator: How can I help you?

    [after a pause, the flamboyant man simply walks away]

  • Eddie Cantrow: Hey, Martin!

    Martin: Hello, asshole.

    Eddie Cantrow: Great to see you too!

  • Eddie Cantrow: [to the 12 Year Old Twins] You know what? Why don't you take your little Human Genome Project and hit the road. Homophobic hobbits.

  • Eddie Cantrow: You're in debt? What kind of debt?

    Lila: You know, the kind where you owe a lot of money to people.

  • Eddie Cantrow: I love sports. In fact, I even lost my virginity on a baseball diamond.

    Buzz: Oh, you're too much. Really?

    Eddie Cantrow: Yeah, yeah. A couple of the older kids pushed down and -


    Eddie Cantrow: [everyone stops laughing]

    Eddie Cantrow: It was not pretty.


    Gayla: Did you file charges?

    Eddie Cantrow: No, I...

    Miranda: He was making a joke, Gayla.

    Deborah: About anal rape...?

  • Eddie Cantrow: [about Lila] She doesn't have a great sense of humor.

    Doc: Are you out of your mind? Funny's a male gene, you idiot. Haven't you ever noticed whenever you see a really funny girl, she's a little mannish? Think about it. Lily Tomlin, Ellen DeGeneres, Rosie O'Donnell...

    Mac: Oh, I got a thing for Ellen DeGeneres though. I do, I have to admit it. I think she's great, I think she's hot. Great ass. Check it out.

  • Tito: Eddie, What are you doing?

    Eddie Cantrow: I'm just hanging with my brother, My brother Manuel.

    Tito: Eddie, People are looking for you ah! Your father keeps calling, And The Mac is trying to track you down. And what I supposed to tell the American girl... The... Miranda? What do I tell her?

    Eddie Cantrow: Miranda?

    Tito: Yes, Her family flew home, But she didn't! And she's been everywhere searching for you!

    Eddie Cantrow: [With a smile] She Has?

    Tito: [laughing] Screw off! I'm joking man! That chick run for the hills! You should seen your face! You were so happy for a moment, You were like ha! I can't believe I got you again!

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Characters on The Heartbreak Kid (2007)