Ed McDonnough Quotes in Raising Arizona (1987)

Ed McDonnough: You mean you busted out of jail.

Evelle: No, ma'am. We released ourselves on our own recognizance.

Gale: What Evelle here is trying to say is that we felt that the institution no longer had anything to offer us.

Ed McDonnough: Give me that baby, you warthog from hell!

H.I.: Wake up, Son.

[aims gun at the clerk]

H.I.: I'll be taking these Huggies and whatever cash ya got.

Ed McDonnough: [sees H.I. from the car] That son' bitch. That son of a bitch! You son of a bitch!

H.I.: Better hurry it up, I'm in dutch with the wife.

H.I.: What kind of name is Ed for a pretty thing like you?

Ed McDonnough: Short for Edwina. Turn to the right.

H.I.: You're a flower, you are. Just a little desert flower.

Ed McDonnough: [sobbing] Turn to the right.

H.I.: What's the matter, Ed?

Ed McDonnough: My "fy-ance" left me.

H.I.: [narrating] She said her fiancé had run off with a student cosmetologist, who knew how to ply her feminine wiles.

H.I.: [out loud] That sumbitch. You tell him, I think he's a damn fool, Ed. You tell him I said so - H.I. McDonnough. If he wants to discuss it, he knows where to find me: in the Maricopa County Maximum Security Correctional Facility For Men State Farm, Road Number 31, Tempe, Arizona! I'LL BE WAITIN'! I'll be waitin'.

H.I.: A man for a husband.

Ed McDonnough: That ain't no answer.

H.I.: Honey, that's the only answer.

Ed McDonnough: That ain't no answer.

Nathan Arizona Sr.: All right, boy, I guess you got a reward coming. Twenty-five thousand dollars. Or, if you need home furnishings, I can give you a line of credit at any of my stores. In fact, that's the way I'd rather handle it. Tax reasons.

Ed McDonnough: We don't want no reward. We didn't bring him back for money.

Nathan Arizona Sr.: We can work it that way, too!

Dot: I'm sure you have the life insurance squared away?

Ed McDonnough: Have we done that honey? We gotta do that honey!

Dot: You gotta do that HI! Ed's got her hands full with this little angel.

H.I.: Yes, ma'am.

Dot: What would Ed and little angel do if a truck came along and splattered your brains all over the interstate?

Ed McDonnough: Yeah honey! What if you get run over?

Dot: Or carried off by a twister?

Ed McDonnough: I don't care about myself anymore. I don't care about us anymore. I just want Nathan Jr back safe.

H.I.: I know that.

Ed McDonnough: If we don't get him back safe, I don't want to go on livin' and even if we do get him back safe, I don't want to go on livin' with you. I guess I still love you, Hi. I-I know I do. I'm not even blaming you. The whole thing's crazy, and...

H.I.: Well, factually, I myself...

Ed McDonnough: Lemme finish. Ever since those two jailbirds took little Nathan, I've been doin' some thinkin' and I ain't too proud of myself. Even if Mrs. Arizona had more than she could handle, I was a police officer swarned to uphold the constitution of the United States.

H.I.: Well, honey, you retired...

Ed McDonnough: That ain't the point, Hi! We don't deserve little Nathan any more than those jailbirds do. And if I'm as selfish and irresponsible as you...

H.I.: You're not that bad...

Ed McDonnough: If I'm as bad as you, what good are we? What good are we to each other? You and me's just a fool's paradise.

Ed McDonnough: We finally go out with decent people and you break his nose. That ain't too funny, Hi.

H.I.: His kids seemed to think it was funny.

Ed McDonnough: Well they're just kids.

Dot: [GASPS after seeing Nathan Jr] What's his name?

Ed McDonnough: Uh... Hi... Hi Junior, till we think of a better one.

Dot: Why don't ya call him Jason? l just love biblical names. If I had another little boy, I'd name him Jason, Caleb or Tab.

[GASPS; covers her face with her hands and looks through her fingers]

Dot: He's an angel! He's an angel straight from heaven! Now honey, I had all my kids the hard way. Tell me how you got this little angel. Did he fly straight down from heaven?

Ed McDonnough: Well...

Dot: You're gonna send him to Arizona State.

Ed McDonnough: I love him so much!

H.I.: I know you do, honey.

Ed McDonnough: I love him so much!

H.I.: I know you do.

Ed McDonnough: I'm not gonna live this way, Hi! It just ain't family life!

H.I.: Well... it ain't "Ozzie and Harriet."

Gale: Why ain't you breast-feeding? You appear to be capable.

Ed McDonnough: Mind your own bid'ness.

Evelle: Ma'am, you don't breast-feed him, he'll hate you for it later. That's why we wound up in prison.

Gale: Anyway, that's what Doc Schwartz tells us.

Ed McDonnough: You guys just can't stay. I appreciate you being friends of Hi and all but this is a decent family here.

Gale: [Quietly, to H.I] Say, who wears the pants around here, H.I.?

H.I.: He's a scandal in't he, he's a little outlaw.

Ed McDonnough: Naw, he-he-he's a good boy.

H.I.: He ain't too good, you can tell by that twinkle in his eye.

Ed McDonnough: What would have happened if me and Ed Junior got picked up for accessory to commit armed robbery?

H.I.: Aw, it ain't armed robbery if the gun ain't loaded.