Ed Hocken Quotes in Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994)

Ed Hocken: There's only one way to find out where Rocco's gonna strike next. We're gonna hafta send someone into Statesville Prison.

Frank Drebin: I'll do it.

Ed Hocken: Frank, I couldn't. I wouldn't feel right about that. If Rocco finds out you're a cop, you might end up dead!

Frank Drebin: You might end up dead is my middle name.

Ed Hocken: What about Jane?

Frank Drebin: I don't know her middle name. But, Ed, I need the action. I'm going inside the big house.

Ed Hocken: We heard about you and Jane.

Frank Drebin: Jane, Jane. That name will always remind me of her.

Ed Hocken: You haven't shot anybody in six months.

Frank Drebin: That's true. Funny how you miss the little things.

Lt. Frank Drebin: Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night?

Jane Spencer: He's Caucasian.

Ed Hocken: Caucasian?

Jane Spencer: Yeah, you know, a white guy. A moustache. About six-foot-three.

Lt. Frank Drebin: Awfully big moustache.

Lt. Frank Drebin: Congratulations, Ed! I hear Edna's pregnant again.

Ed Hocken: Yeah, and when I find the guy that did it...

Lt. Frank Drebin: [describing Jane; voice-over] I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just as I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. And a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say... "Hey! Look at these!" She was the kind of woman who made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man! She reminded me of my mother, all right. No doubt about it.

Ed Hocken: Frank, snap out of it! You're looking at her like she was your mother for Christ's sake!

Lt. Frank Drebin: You know, sometimes I envy you and Edna. You have the same person every day for over 30 years. You wake up, eat with her, sleep with her. Make love to the same woman.

[Ed looks increasingly disgusted as Frank goes on]

Lt. Frank Drebin: You spend every possible waking moment together, while I'm out running around with a bunch of 20-year-olds who only want a good time and cheap sex sex sex. Girls who can't say no. Girls who can't get enough. "More, more, more. It's your turn now to wear the handcuffs... "

[Ed starts foaming at the mouth... literally]

Lt. Frank Drebin: I just want love, Ed.

Ed Hocken: I'm sure you'll... find love, Frank.

Dr. Mainheimer: [the entire audience is asleep] Now, to elaborate on point 102...

Ed Hocken: [hands him a book called "Strokin' The Love Muffin"] Here! Read this, it's an emergency.

Dr. Mainheimer: [starts reading] "His strong manly hands probed every crevice of her silken femininity, their undulating bodies writhing in sensual rhythm, as he thrust his purple-headed warrior into her quivering mound of love pudding."

[audience slowly wakes up]

Nordberg: All right, listen up everyone! I want you to calmly file towards the exits. That's it, that's it! Nobody runs, just walk. Single file. That's it. Now if we just stay calm, no one's gonna be harmed by the huge bomb that's gonna explode any minute.

[audience panics and runs everywhere]

Lt. Frank Drebin: Hector Savage. From Detroit. Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago.

Ed Hocken: Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis.

Nordberg: I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati.

Lt. Frank Drebin: No you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly.

Ed Hocken: He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the Arizona Assassin.

Nordberg: Yeah, from Dakota. I don't remember it was North or South.

Lt. Frank Drebin: North. South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia.

Ed Hocken: You sure know your boxing.

Lt. Frank Drebin: All I know is never bet on the white guy.

[Nordberg nods in agreement]

Ed Hocken: [as Savage is surrounded] All right, Savage! What do you want?

Hector Savage: I want a car out front! Something fun. A Porsche! Then I want a plane ticket to Jamaica. And I want a nice hotel. No touristy place. Something really indicative of the people and their culture.

Ed Hocken: Can't do that, Savage! We're calling your bluff! Now put your hands on top of your head and come out!