Ed Furillo Quotes in City Slickers (1991)

Ed Furillo: See, here's the thing. Kim wants to have kids.

Mitch Robbins: And you don't?

Ed Furillo: I tell her it's because we wouldn't have as much fun, it would hurt her modeling, but... that's not the reason. Having a kid, that's... heavy, that's a real commitment. That's saying I'm never gonna be with another woman for the rest of my life.

Phil Berquist: Wait a minute, let me get this straight. I have... no life, we're all agreed on that, right?

Ed Furillo, Mitch Robbins: Right!

Phil Berquist: Okay. And your big problem is, that you're married to this gorgeous, twenty-four year old underwear model, who thinks that the sun rises and sets in your pants... and that's not enough for you?

Ed Furillo: [shaking his head] You don't understand.

Phil Berquist: No, I don't understand!

Ed Furillo: I don't want to screw around on Kim.

Phil Berquist: So don't.

Ed Furillo: Oh... from the king of restraint.

Phil Berquist: What does that mean?

Ed Furillo: It means, that's pretty smug advice, coming from a man who mounted an eighteen year old checkout girl on the day-old bread rack.

Phil Berquist: She's twenty - and shut up.

Ed Furillo: Let me get you hot, Phil: "I need a price. Register Nine, I need a price...

Phil Berquist: Cut it out!

Mitch Robbins: [warning] Guys...

Ed Furillo: What did you use for protection, paper or plastic?

Mitch Robbins: [later that night, at the dance] You're wrong, Ed, I'm telling you, it was not a stupid thing to say.

Ed Furillo: It WAS. She says, "thanks", and you say, "I'm married."?

Mitch Robbins: Yeah! I don't want any... false flirtings.

Ed Furillo: False flirtings.

Mitch Robbins: Mm-hmm!

Ed Furillo: Well, what if you're like me? What if you don't encourage them, and they still come after you?

Mitch Robbins: It doesn't happen. See, women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.

Bonnie Rayburn: [walking by] Good night! I'm going to bed.

Mitch Robbins: [smiling widely at her] Good night! Sleep tight.

[Bonnie smiles and waves]

Ed Furillo: [to Mitch] That was flirting.

Mitch Robbins: No, that was... politeness. That was "have a pleasant and restful evening."

Ed Furillo: No, that was "I like your ass. Can I wear it as a hat?"

Ed Furillo: This guy, Curly, is a true cowboy. One of the last real men. He's untamed, a mustang. It'll do us good to be in his world for a while.

[Curly is approaching them from behind Mitch]

Mitch Robbins: Do us good? Didn't you guys see? The man was hanging the hired help! And, did you notice his eyes? He has crazy eyes. He's a lunatic! We are going into the wilderness being led by a lunatic!

[Mitch notices everyone's terrified faces as Curly is standing directly behind him]

Mitch Robbins: He's behind me, isn't he?

Mitch Robbins: It's nothing to be ashamed of - I had the same problem.

Phil Berquist: Didn't you feel stupid; I mean, didn't you feel... inadequate?

Mitch Robbins: Yeah, for a while, but then I overcame it. Can I explain it to you again? I mean now promise me you won't get upset.

Phil Berquist: O.K.; it's not gonna to do any good.

Mitch Robbins: O.K., if you want to watch one show but record another show at the same time, the television set does not have to be on channel 3.

Phil Berquist: Yeah it does.

Mitch Robbins: No it doesn't.

Phil Berquist: It does.

Mitch Robbins: No, if you're watching what you're recording, then it has to be on 3.

Phil Berquist: What... the TV or... or the machine?

Mitch Robbins: The TV.

Phil Berquist: You're saying I can record something I'm not even watching?

Mitch Robbins: Yes, that's the point. You don't even need a TV to record.

Phil Berquist: How would I see it?

Mitch Robbins: Well to see it you need a TV.

Ed Furillo: Shut up! Just shut up! He doesn't get it! He'll never get it! It's been 4 hours! The cows can tape something by now! Forget about it please!

Phil Berquist: How do you do the clock?

Ed Furillo: You're dead. You are dead.

Mitch Robbins: Alright Ed, your best day, what was it, twins in a trapeze, what?

Ed Furillo: No, I don't wanna play.

Mitch Robbins: C'mon, we did it.

Ed Furillo: I don't feel like it.

Mitch Robbins: Uh, okay.

[pause]

Ed Furillo: I'm 14 and my mother and father are fighting again... y'know, because she caught him again. Caught him... This time the girl drove by the house to pick him up. And I finally realized, he wasn't just cheating on my mother, he was cheating us. So I told him, I said, "You're bad to us. We don't love you. I'll take care of my mother and my sister. We don't need you any more." And he made like he was gonna hit me, but I didn't budge. And he turned around and he left. He never bothered us again. Well, I took care of my mother and my sister from that day on. That's my best day.

Phil Berquist: What was your worst day?

Ed Furillo: Same day.

Phil Berquist: So Do you hate baseball?

Barbara Robbins: No I like baseball. I just never understood how you guys can spend so much time discussing it. I mean I think the game is great but I don't memorize who played third base for Pittsburgh in 1960.

Phil Berquist, Mitch Robbins, Ed Furillo: Don Hoak!

Barbara Robbins: See, that's exactly what I mean.

Ed Furillo: The three of us, New Mexico... driving cattle.

Mitch Robbins: What, like in a truck?

Phil Berquist: You know you were right, Mitch. My life is a "do-over". It's time to get started.

Mitch Robbins: I hope I can help.

Ed Furillo: Now I'm gonna go home, and I'm gonna get Kim pregnant.

Mitch Robbins: I hope I can help.

Mitch Robbins: Those cows trusted us.

Ed Furillo: Trusted us? They followed us because we yelled, 'Yah'. They're cattle.

[Mitch denies he's been ogling Bonnie]

Ed Furillo: Are you telling me you wouldn't like to hump her brains out?

Mitch Robbins: Lovely image. Ranks right up there with that favorite of yours"bang the shit out of her."

Ed Furillo: Sorry I offended your delicate sensibilities, pal... I noticed you were staring at it pretty hard.

Mitch Robbins: I wish you hadn't worn this jacket.

Ed Furillo: What's wrong with it?

Mitch Robbins: Well, look at it - it's got your name and your picture on it. It's a little grotesque.

Ed Furillo: I'm proud of what I do.

Phil Berquist: So is the President - he doesn't wear his picture on his suit.

Ben Jessup: Hi.

Mitch Robbins: [shaking his hand] Hi, Mitch Robbins.

Ed Furillo: I'm Ed Furillo - I sell sporting goods.

Mitch Robbins: Show him your jacket.

Phil Berquist: I'm Phil Berquist. I committed adultery; lost my job and my family.

Mitch Robbins: His jacket's being made.

[the boys have finally got the cattle herd moving]

Ed Furillo: We're doing great, guys! We're driving them!

Phil Berquist: Ah, that's perfect! We're lost but we're making good time!

Ed Furillo: You OK?

Mitch Robbins: Yeah.

[Mitch and Ed go into the tent to check on Phil]

Mitch Robbins: Phil?

Phil Berquist: Yeah?

Ed Furillo: We were a little worried about you back there.

Phil Berquist: Ah.

[Phil sits down on the stool, Ed and Mitch kneel down in front of him, as he holds the gun, looking down]

Mitch Robbins: Why don't you give me the gun, Phil?

Phil Berquist: Ah, it's OK, I know how to handle a gun.

[Phil begins to unload the gun by pushing the bullets out of the cylinder]

Phil Berquist: . You know being a store manager, you have to be there pretty early in the morning to receive the trucks. You have to be sure the, register totals, match the receiving records... and all the stock is put in the proper place, it's a very... responsible, job.

[Mitch looks to Phil and watches as he unloads the gun nervously, Phil hands it to Mitch when it is completley unloaded, grinning nervously]

Phil Berquist: . Ah, CHRIST!

[Phil begins to sob, and bury's his head on Mitch's shoulder]

Mitch Robbins: [Mitch rubs and pats Phil's back] Hey Phil, come on Philly... It's OK man, it's not that bad...

Phil Berquist: [Phil's head is still in Mitch's shoulder] My life is over! I'm almost 40 years old, and I'm at the end of my life!

Mitch Robbins: Phil, hey.

[Mitch raises Phil up so he is looking at him]

Mitch Robbins: You remember when we were kids, and we were playing ball, and we hit the ball over the fence out of bounds, and we yelled, DO OVER?

Ed Furillo: [grins, remembering] Yeah!

Mitch Robbins: Your life is a do over. You've got a clean slate.

Phil Berquist: I got no place to live. And I'm gonna get wiped out in the divorce because I committed adultery. So, I may never see my kids again. I'm alone. How's that slate look now?

Mitch Robbins: [Jeff and T.R. have been intimidating Bonnie, Mitch tries to step in] Bonnie, you want to come ropin' with us?

Bonnie Rayburn: Yes, I'd...

Jeff: [Jeff and T.R. step in front of her] No, that's all right, Bonnie's talking with us, friend.

T.R.: She's fine right here.

Mitch Robbins: [as Phil and Ed approach] Listen, guys, what are you doing, huh? This isn't exactly nineties behavior, I've gotta be honest with ya.

Jeff: ...You stepped on my foot.

Ed Furillo: He did not, you horse's ass.

Jeff: You want a piece of this?

Ed Furillo: Any time, Zeke.

Jeff: How about right now, 'Stubby'?

Ed Furillo: Fine!

Curly: [makes his introduction, by roping Jeff from horseback and choking him to the fence. He enters the corral and addresses Bonnie] This man owes you an apology.

Mitch Robbins: I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it.

Curly: Not you... him.

[motioning to Jeff]

Jeff: [refusing] Uh-uh. No.

[Curly pulls a huge knife and throws it at Jeff, landing within an inch of his crotch]

Jeff: Ahhhh!

[to Bonnie]

Jeff: I'm sorry, ma'am, that'll never happen again!

Mitch Robbins: Yeah, see that it doesn't!

[Curly glares at him]

Mitch Robbins: I'm sorry, I thought that we were... on the same... you're doin' fine!

Curly: [walks up to Jeff and retrieves his knife] You guys were drinkin'... don't let it happen again.

[Jeff agrees violently. Curly uses his knife to raise his hat to Bonnie]

Curly: Ma'am...

[and departs. The two cowboys make a hasty exit in the opposite direction]

Mitch Robbins: Did you see that guy? That is the toughest man I've ever seen in my life!

[to Bonnie]

Mitch Robbins: Did you see how leathery he was? He was like a saddlebag with eyes!

Bonnie Rayburn: Listen, it took a lot of courage to do what you did. Thank you.

Mitch Robbins: [They begin to smile and eye each other, then Mitch comes to his senses] I'm married.

Phil Berquist: [Referring to Mitch, after Curly takes him off to round up strays] Do you think he'll be all right?

Ed Furillo: Sure. Curly's just trying to scare him.

Phil Berquist: If anything happens to him... I'm going after Barbara.

[Mitch is being treated by a Spanish doctor after being gored in his rear during the "Running of the Bulls" in Pamplona]

Mitch Robbins: This is all your fault, Ed!

Ed Furillo: My fault?

Mitch Robbins: You're a macho lunatic. Phil and I are sheep!

Phil Berquist: We're not sheep.

Mitch Robbins: We do every stupid thing he asks!

Ed Furillo: I didn't make you run.

Mitch Robbins: No, it was a 2,000-pound rampaging animal spraying bull snot all over Spain! That's what made me run! *You* made me stand in front of it!

Bonnie Rayburn: [listening to the guys talk baseball] Ugh, baseball.

Ed Furillo: You've got something against baseball?

Bonnie Rayburn: It's just I used to live with a guy who was like a baseball encyclopedia and I just got flashes.

Phil Berquist: You broke up with him 'cause of baseball?

Bonnie Rayburn: Uh, no, we had different needs. I needed him to treat me decently and get a job, and he needed to empty my bank account and leave.

Mitch: Ouch.

Phil Berquist: So, do you hate baseball?

Bonnie Rayburn: No, I like baseball. I just never understood how you guys could spend so much time discussing it. I mean, I've been to games, but I don't memorize who played third base for Pittsburgh in 1960.

Mitch: Don Hoak.

Ed Furillo, Phil Berquist: Don Hoak!

Mitch: Beat you.

Bonnie Rayburn: See, that's exactly what I mean.

Phil Berquist: So, what do you and your friends talk about out there?

Bonnie Rayburn: Well, real life. Relationships. Are they working? Are they not? Who's she seeing? Is that working?

Ed Furillo: No contest. We win.

Bonnie Rayburn: Why?

Ed Furillo: Honey, if that were as interesting as baseball, they'd have cards for it and sell it with gum.