Earl McGraw Quotes in Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

Earl McGraw: Well, give me the gory details, Son Number One.

Edgar McGraw: It's a goddamn massacre, Pop. They wiped out the whole wedding party, execution-style.

Earl McGraw: Give me a figure.

Edgar McGraw: Nine dead bodies. And we're talking the whole she-bang: bride, groom, reverend, reverend's wife... hell, they even shot that old colored fella that plays the organ.

Earl McGraw: It would appear someone objected to this union and wasn't able to hold their peace.

Earl McGraw: Son number one?

Edgar McGraw: Yeah?

Earl McGraw: This tall drink of cocksucker ain't dead.

Earl McGraw: Well, this is definitely the work of professionals. I'd guess-timate Mexican Mafia hit squad. Four, maybe five strong.

Edgar McGraw: How can you tell?

Earl McGraw: Well, a sure and steady hand did this. This ain't no squirrelly amateur. This is the work of a salty dog. You can tell by the cleanliness of the carnage. Now a kill-crazy rampage though it may be, all the colors are kept within the lines. If you was a moron, you could almost admire it.

Edgar McGraw: What'd I tell you, Pop? It's like a goddamn Nicaraguan death squad.

Earl McGraw: You'd better shit-can that blasphemy, boy. You're in a house of worship.

Earl McGraw: Who's the bride?

Edgar McGraw: Don't know. The name on the marriage certificate is "Arlene Machiavelli." That's a fake. We've all just been calling her "The Bride" on account of the dress.

Earl McGraw: You can tell she was pregnant. Man'd have to be a mad dog to shoot a goddamn good-looking gal like that in the head. Look at her. Hay-colored hair, big eyes. She's a little blood-spattered angel.

Earl McGraw: Well, it's been one long goddamn hot miserable shit-ass fuckin' day every inch of the way.

[first lines]

Pete Bottoms: Hey, Earl

Earl McGraw: Yes, sir.

Pete Bottoms: What do ya know?

Earl McGraw: Well, it's a hot goddam day

Earl McGraw: Jesus H. Christ, Pete. When you gonna learn that microwave food'll kill you faster than a bullet? I mean, them damn burritos ain't good for nothing but a hippie, when he's high on weed.

Earl McGraw: I think I'm gonna get tanked tonight.

Earl McGraw: God, dammit! Ramona, you've been fartin' like a goddamned pack mule.

Earl McGraw: [about Doc Block] Never did like that son of a bitch. About as useless as a pecker on a pope.

Earl McGraw: You don't smoke, do you, Wray?

El Wray: Nope.

Earl McGraw: That's... probably good.

[El Wray immediately lights up a cigarette after Earl leaves]

Earl McGraw: [after shooting Doc Block] Never did like that son of a bitch. About as useless as a pecker on a pope.

Earl McGraw: God, dammit! Ramona, you've been fartin' like a goddamned pack mule.

Edgar McGraw: Did any of them survive?

Earl McGraw: Shit. Two tons of metal, 200 miles an hour, flesh and bone and plain old Newton... they all princess died.

Earl McGraw: [regarding Stuntman Mike's impunity] I'm gonna' tell you like The LORD told John: If he ever does it again, I can be goddamn sure he don't ever do it again in Texas.

[superfast cut to title card reading, "Lebanon... Tennessee... 14 Months Later" - title card cuts to Stuntman Mike, alive and well, driving a black 1969 Charger; "death-proofed," no doubt]