Earl Quotes in Pearl Harbor (2001)


Earl Quotes:

  • Danny: Y'all pilots?

    Gooz: Uh, we're working on it. There's a lot of switches and stuff. Pride of the Pacific.

    Earl: Who are you?

    Danny: Terrors of the Skies.

  • Rafe: Earl, I said get some guns in that goddamn tower

    Earl: Right, guns in the tower, ten stories high. It's a long son-of-a-bitch

  • Earl: Hey, you know you're not supposed to be painting titties on the side of my airplanes, and if you do, don't make 'em lop-sided.

    Gooz: They we're lop-sided, Earl.

  • Earl: My mother, she's blind in one eye and she can drift better than that.

  • Bank Manager: I'm innocent.

    Earl: Nobody's innocent, friend. There just the guilty, the ignorant, and the unlucky.

  • Earl: You're still a drug dealer. And I'm still the government of the United States. It's a free market, Manny. Not a free world.

  • Earl: [holding guns on DEA commander] Your man Bobby Trench stole 43 million of our dollars. We'd like it back. Because it's our money. Because it's a blatant act of disrespect. And because it's our money.

  • Earl: You ever play Russian roulette?

    [as he removes all but one bullet]

    Earl: Thing is, most people put the gun to the temple. Well, that's just stupid. You blow a man's head off 'fore he's had a chance to tell you what you wanna know.

    Bobby: Mess up your suit, too.

  • Earl: What a man needs out here is a CB radio.

    Jeff Taylor: Is that right?

    Earl: 'Course, if you use a CB, you gotta have a handle. I'm thinking for you, "Shit For Brains."

  • [Earl is trying to reach for the keys in his car and Hank is walking up to him]

    Hank: Need some help?

    Earl: Are you asking me if I need some help or am I stealing this car?

    Hank: Are you stealing this car?

    Earl: Does it look like I'm stealing this damn car?

    Hank: A little bit.

    Earl: Why, 'cause I'm black? If you saw a white guy doing this you'd give him a reward.

    Hank: Let me see your license.

    Earl: I ain't showin' you a damn thing! This is my car and I didn't do anything wrong. You owe me an apology.

    Hank: You're in dangerous grounds here, bub, I'd be careful what comes out of your mouth next!

    Earl: Oh, you want to hear what comes out of my mouth next? You're... a... fucking... pig!

  • Earl: Your partner got killed. You lost your job. You went to jail. Your girlfriend walked. You got a job as a security guard at a hundred and eighty-two dollars a week. You know what you are, Hank? You're a black man.

  • Hank: Do you actually believe the crap that comes out of your mouth?

    Earl: I'm not really sure until I'm finished talkin'.

  • Hank: This is a beer keg. It doesn't make any sense.

    Earl: It makes sense when you put together the pieces.

    Hank: What pieces?

    Earl: It's obvious. The CIA, they're smuggling alcohol into the inner city in an effort to further subjugate the black man.

  • Hank: Do you know how to hot wire a car?

    Earl: what, you think because i'm black I can hot wire a car

    Hank: Well can you?

    Earl: Yeah! but not because I'm Black

  • [Hank is mad at Earl]

    Hank: You got something in your teeth.

    Earl: Where, here or here?

    [Hank punches Earl]

  • [recurring line]

    Earl: What the problem is?

  • Nash: I thought I shot you. You must be one tough monkey.

    Earl: [laughs] You and the monkey jokes, huh? Didn't your momma teach you any manners while you were humpin' her?

  • Earl: [after firing two shots an an old lady's car, making it skid to a halt] Ma'am, you may now, reprocure, your vehicle.

    [the car instantly explodes]

  • Earl: This isn't the first time I was arrested for DWB.

    Detective Frank McDuff: DWB?

    Earl: Driving While Black.

  • Wes: I know I shouldn't drink apple juice. It gives me gas.

    Earl: You listen here Wes: one fart and you're walkin'.

  • Jack Crews: There ain't nothing like a Caterpillar engine.

    Earl: Easy up Crews, you're going burn it up.

    Jack Crews: Alright watch this.

  • Earl: One fart and you're walkin'.

  • Earl: Yeah, you CAN drive.

    Jack Crews: It's comin' back to me.

  • Earl: You gonna play with them titties?

  • Earl: Dude, where you at? Imma gonna eat your squid

  • Rachel: So you and Greg are coworkers?

    Earl: Naw, we just friends. He just hates calling people his friend. Dude's got issues.

    Rachel: Yeah, he does. What's going on?

    Earl: Man, I don't even know. It might be his folks. I mean, dude's mom always tellin' him how handsome he is, which he ain't. So now he think he can't trust anybody close to him. Dude's weird-ass dad don't socialize with anybody 'cept the cat. So that's a role model ain't got no friends. Bottom line, dude's terrified of callin' somebody his friend...

  • Earl: It's just crazy how patient you've been. You know, I know if it was me that had cancer, uh... I'd be upset and angry and trying to beat everybody's ass half the time. So I'm just, I'm just amazed at how patient you've been. You, you make me feel blessed.

  • Earl: I'm so tired of you treating this girl like she's a burden. You know, her life is over after this! And you want to come over here bitching and whining about some irrelevant bullshit!

  • Earl: He hates calling people his friends. Dude's got issues.

  • Earl: Like you care so much about what other people think, boy, you go around here kissing everybody's ass pretending like they're your friend. Look, nobody gives a shit about you, Greg! All right? Nobody gives a shit.

  • Earl: You gonna take her out for Ice Cream. And you gonna take me too, cause I love that shit.

  • Greg: We're on drugs.

    Earl: Oh shit!

    Rachel: Why are you on drugs?

  • Earl: Hey. You remember what I said - don't you go lovin' that baby too much.

    Jenna: I don't love you, Earl. I haven't loved you for years. I want a divorce.

    Earl: [laughs] Well, that's not a funny joke. You got this new baby here, you shouldn't be making jokes like that...

    Jenna: I want you the hell out of my life. You are never to touch me, ever again; I am done with you. If you ever come within six yards of me, I will flatten your sorry ass and I'll enjoy doin' it.

  • Earl: [while having sex] Say something sexy, baby, something nasty.

    Jenna: [deadpan] What do you want me to say?

    [he climaxes]

  • Earl: Open the cabinet where the coffee and the sugar jars are.

    Jenna: I dont want...

    Earl: [shouting] Just open it!

    [Jenna opens the cabinet, and money falls out]

    Earl: What is that, Jenna? What is that?

    Jenna: Money.

    Earl: It's all over the fuckin' house! In cabinets, in drawers, under chairs, in closets! Money hidden all over my house!

    Jenna: [whispering] I'm sorry.

    Earl: After everything I've done for you, you go and hide money from me?

    [falls to his knees, sobbing]

    Earl: You're the only thing I ever loved, Jenna. You're the only person that ever belonged to me. And you having a secret from me tears me up.

  • Earl: I don't care if you are fat now. You're my sweet thing.

  • Sarah: ...and you drive *so* slow...

    Earl: I only drive slow, sweetheart, because you're in the car

  • Earl: There's an old saying: "Nobody comes from Los Angeles. Everybody comes to Los Angeles." But if you do come from Los Angeles, then chances are you come from Pasadena.

  • Gary: Four for Earl.

    Earl: Four? Are you sure?

    David: Half. Give him half.

    Gary: Ok, we'll give you another half.

    Earl: Gee, thanks guys!

  • Earl: You the man, Roy. You are definitely the man.

    Clint: The man needs a ride home.

  • Molly: [watching Roy break all of his clubs over his knee as he argues with his caddy during U.S. open qualifying] Is this normal for him?

    Earl: Well, the words "normal" and "him" don't often collide in the same sentence.

  • Earl: Where were you yesterday Daune?

    [annoyed Daune slams open his locker door which narrowly misses Earl]

    Earl: And you're late today *Duane*!

    Duane: Will you get outta my face Earl and my name is Abdullah Mohamed Akbar, alright?

    Earl: Mohamed Akbar? Ha Ha Ha Ha.

  • Baby: You mad, Earl?

    Earl: No, Baby, I ain't mad at you. I'm pretty sure Junior ain't gonna be none to happy with it, though.

  • Earl: You ever get the feeling you're, like, being watched, Baby?

    Baby: You mean by horny guys?

  • Earl: [voiceover] I don't know for sure exactly how Andy got elected six months ago in the first place, but all I do know is that nobody meant for it to happen. It's like the ugly girl in high school who gets picked for prom queen. It ain't nice, but some A-hole thinks it's funny and nominates her, and then other people start voting for her thinking no one else is gonna and pretty soon, KAPOW!, the school is stuck with Sheriff Andy for prom queen.

  • Baby: After work I think I'm gonna go home and change.

    Earl: I don't see the point though, Baby. You just can't improve on perfection.

  • Earl: Junior, you are so dumb.

    Junior: I'm not dumb. YOU'RE dumb.

  • Wayne: Smyrna, Earl's kissing his sister again.

    Earl: God damn it, Wayne, I really wish you would stop calling her that.

  • Baby: Earl Crest, don't you know it ain't polite to stare?

    Earl: Well, Baby, it's only natural for a man to stare when he sees the prettiest gal west of Mississippi.

    Baby: Just west?

  • Tinker: I don't got nothing to say.

    Earl: Well, that's good, 'cause I was planning on doing most of the talking anyhow.

  • Tinker: I'm gonna kick the shit out of you, Earl.

    Earl: So you said, Tinker.

  • Doctor: Well, you need to tell that idiot who shot you that he better take some shooting lessons!

    Earl: Now, don't be TOO disappointed, Doc.

  • Jimbo: I'm gonna kill Tinker for shooting you.

    Earl: Well, Jimbo, I think Baby already beat you to it.

    Baby: Damn right.

  • Baby: You want me to come with you? It's my day off.

    Earl: No, Baby, I don't intend on killing anyone today so your services won't be needed.

  • Earl: If it wasn't for Baby I'd have drowned you in that river.

    Junior: Well, for your information EARL I can swim!

  • Jimbo: Do you think he's gay?

    Earl: Have my doubts, Jimbo.

  • Tinker: They're gonna shoot us like fish in a bowl the minute we walk in the door.

    Earl: Well, maybe we'll get lucky, Tinker, and they'll only shoot you!

  • Earl: Don't touch my girl, Juan.

  • [Junior accidentally shoots Earl in the leg]

    Earl: Oh... dammit, Junior!

  • Baby: [to Junior] You shot my fiancé, now I'm gonna show you how it feels.

    [picks up the gun]

    Earl: Uh, baby? Would you mind putting off shooting Junior until after you take me to see Doc Cragen?

    Baby: [throws the gun off somewhere in the tall grass] Whatever you say, honey.

  • Baby: Hey.

    Earl: Hey yourself.

    Baby: How you feeling?

    Earl: I'm feeling all right... all bullet wounds considered.

  • Earl: [voiceover] Now, I asked myself why in the world would I continue to try and help a retard like Junior who, in the Darwinian view of things, was only gonna get hisself selected against eventually anyway.

  • Earl: Someone famous once said. Being fearless was the same as being stupid.That havin courage didn't mean that you ain't afraid.

    Earl: That havin courage didn't mean that you ain't afraid.

    Earl: Rather havin courage meant being afraid but still being able to do what needs to be done inspite of it.

  • Earl: Hey, we going to bowl or what?

    Jimbo: What's the point, Earl?

    Earl: Well, the point is Beer. That's the point!

    Jimbo: Look, I'll tell you what... I'll buy you and Baby all the beer in the world and I'll just call it a going away present. How about that, Earl?

  • Tinker: I told you I was going to kill ya, didn't I?

    Earl: Don't you think we've been through enough for one night, Tinker?

    Tinker: It ain't enough until I said "it's enough". And I ain't said "it's enough". Well I... I said "it's enough", but it ain't enough.

  • Ray Clouds on Fire: He's already dead, you know. You're just, reorganizing the remains.

    Earl: I'm perpetuating the cycle.

    Ray Clouds on Fire: Earl, you're a chef. Part of your job is cutting up and cooking dead animals.

    Earl: They have dreams, you know. Just like us.

  • Tony: This turkey is so good. Is it range grown?

    Earl: Old Edgar here? No, no, he was a pet.

  • Earl: This particular buffalo had an on-screen performance in the movie Dances With Wolves. I don't think he ever got over it, 'cause he used to take pictures with the tourists, let the little kids ride him. We called him... Kevin. This little bunny wasn't a pet, he grew up in the wild. I imagine he was quite tame, it's usually the friendly ones that get hunted down first. So when the animal has completely bled to death, we rip the flesh from its bones and marinade it in a herb seasoning. Then it's roasted in our special ovens.

    [to various dining customers]

  • Earl: It's a good day... It's a good day to dine.

  • [first lines]

    Jennifer: Hello?


    Jennifer: Hello?

    Earl: I'm comin'!

    [approaches from the back of the room]

    Earl: I'm comin'!

    Jennifer: [smiles] Hi! I'm Jennifer Hills. We spoke last week.

    Earl: Oh, yeah. Miss Hills; Mockingbird Trail, right?

    Jennifer: [smiles] That is right!

    Earl: [grabs her cabin keys] I don't 'suppose you know how to get out there.

    Jennifer: No, I don't...

    Earl: Well, listen up.

    [shows her a map]

    Earl: It's a bit tricky...

  • Storch: [hands Earl a bottle of whiskey] To the good old days.

    Earl: Well, fancy! To what do I owe?

    Storch: You just enjoy it...

    Earl: [takes a swig of the whiskey] This is some fine whiskey! Usually you don't get something like this except at baptisms and weddings...

    Storch: [cocking his rifle] And funerals.

    [Storch shoots Earl; he falls down and groans]

    Storch: Loose ends, Earl.

    [Storch cocks his gun again]

    Storch: [pause] Loose ends...

    [Storch shoots Earl in the head]

  • Earl: You know what? You would've done all right on the streets.

    Mick Haller: Shit. Where do you think I am, Earl?

  • Earl: [picking Mick up from the hospital] You're nobody 'till somebody shoots you.

  • [last lines]

    Mick Haller: I tell you what Eddie, how about I do this one for free?

    Eddie Vogel: [gestures at him and leaves]

    Earl: Are you sure you're feeling all right?

    Mick Haller: Repeat customers, Earl. We'll stick it to 'em next time...

  • Earl: Let me ask you a question, Joe, 'cause I really wanna know. Why you wanna go back? Why you wanna go back to the damn penitentiary, man? 'Cause you can't keep going to folks' houses, killin' their dogs, no matter what else is goin' on. And you can't keep fist-fightin' the law. Judge won't put up with it. He don't HAVE to put up with it. That's why they built prisons.

  • Earl: [singing] Where is Howard? Who is Howard? We wanna know, we wanna know. Where is Howard? Who is Howard? Where did he go, where did he go? He's down in the ditches. He's down in the ground. Disappeared himself. He's no-where to be found! Where is Howard? Who is Howard? He's long gone, he's long gone.

  • Earl: Keller, don't be disappointed if things don't turn out the way you hope. Some folks don't belong in a small town. Some folks... don't belong anywhere else.

  • Keller Coleman: Earl, you been here all your life, huh?

    Earl: Yep. Well, except for a couple years in France.

    Keller Coleman: [Surprised] France? What were you doin' in France?

    Earl: Folks over there were havin' a world war. I got invited.

    Keller Coleman: [Surprised] You were in World War Two?

    Earl: General Patton's army. All through France.

    Keller Coleman: What was it like?

    Earl: France? I could tell it was, uh... well, it HAD been a pretty little country. But by the time we chased the Germans off of it, it was all beaten to hell. I think about goin' back. They probably got it all fixed up by now. I'd kinda' like to see it again.

    Keller Coleman: Dancer must've been pretty dull, huh? I mean, after all that excitement?

    Earl: [Chuckles] Nope. That was before I went over there, I was probably a lot like you, I guess. Full of beans. Wanted to see everything, do everything. But, by the time they got through with me over there in General Patton's army, I just wanted to find myself a nice little out-of-the-way corner of the world, get myself a nice comfortable chair...

    Earl: [Motioning to the beat-up old chair he's sitting in] ... and just sit.

  • Earl: Martians could land on Ben's doorstep and all he'd do is spit once and get himself a shotgun.

  • [Earl and his men have mistakenly shot and killed an innocent man]

    Unger: Shit, Earl. It's Ted Hollister.

    Earl: [to Orrin] You dumb son of a bitch. You said you saw Myers.

  • Rachel Carruthers: We have to get out of Haddonfield. The state police are on their way. Let them handle it.

    Unger: I don't know about you, Earl, but that makes sense to me. Let's get the hell out!

    Big Al: We've got a police station. Let the troopers have him. That's what they get paid for.

    Earl: Screw it. Let's get out of here.

  • Sheriff Meeker: Let it be, Earl. Let the police handle it.

    Earl: Like the last time? How many people killed back then? How many kids?

  • Betty Walker: Look, Earl, I, I know this is gonna sound ridiculous but I think a strange woman's locked herself in my bathroom.

    Earl: Well, Betty, how'd she get in there?

    Betty Walker: Earl, I let her in.

    Earl: [pause] Well, I'll have a look.

  • Earl: What's, like, your take on heaven.

  • Earl: So where you from?

    Boya Zsekely: It's a long story.

    Earl: I've got all night

    Boya Zsekely: You'd need all night.

    Earl: Well I've got all night.

  • Sheriff Winslow: Sometimes, the good Lord, he taketh away.

    Earl: Looks like he took ol' Roscoe away with a vengeance.

  • Earl: [after Norman has inappropriately touched Meli, the waitress and caused her to run away] Well, times have changed, grandpa. Girl likes a little cooing first. You just can't grab her like that!

    Norman: My age, son, you gotta take short cuts! Minutes count!

    [the outlaws break into riotous laughter]

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