Dwight Hartman Quotes in Scary Movie 2 (2001)


Dwight Hartman Quotes:

  • Dwight Hartman: Okay, thanks, "Handyman".

    Hanson: I'm actually the caretaker. Oh, aren't those cool new skates? Now you be careful with those, you don't want to fall and break something.

    Dwight Hartman: Oh, that's funny, that's real funny. Um, let me give you a "hand."

    [starts clapping]

    Hanson: Why, that's awful kind of you. Why don't you give me a "standing ovation?"

    Dwight Hartman: Why don't you "lift me up?"

    Hanson: Ha, ok, I see where you're going with this one. You look familiar to me. Were you in "STOMP"?

    Dwight Hartman: Hey you can kiss my grits!

    Hanson: I think I'll be the bigger man, now, and walk away. "Walk" away.

  • Dwight Hartman: Heh-hey! Hey there little guy, how are you doing?

    Little Bird: Fuck off, four eyes.

    Dwight Hartman: H... h... I beg your pardon?

    Little Bird: I said: "Fuck off... four eyes"

    Dwight Hartman: You know, I oughta kick your ass!

    Shorty Meeks: Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Relax, son, it's just a bird. Hi little birdy... Polly want a cracker?

    Little Bird: Polly want your momma's sweet ass.

    Shorty Meeks: ...what did Polly say to me?

    Little Bird: I said: "Polly wants your momma's... sweet ass".

    Shorty Meeks: You don't be talking 'bout my momma son, you don't know my momma son!

    Little Bird: Yeah, I know your momma, I fucked her last night.

    Shorty Meeks: You want beef? I'll fuck you up!

    Little Bird: Ooooh! I'm shaking, I'm shaking.

    Shorty Meeks: Aw no fuck this, I'm handling this shit like a gentleman, ya'll. Hold my tooth son.

    Little Bird: Yeah come on bitch, you and that Kotter's hairstyle wanna piece of me? Come on, bring it on!

    Shorty Meeks: What you hardcore? Gimme somethin'!

    Little Bird: Lemme outta here, come on pussy. Lemme outta here, I'll fuck you up!

  • Dwight Hartman: Let's split up.

    Brenda Meeks: Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh UH! Now wait a minute, hold up! How come when anytime this scary shit happens, and we should stick together, you white people always say "let's split up"?

    Theo: She's right, we should stick together.

    Dwight Hartman: She's right. Okay.

    [pointing to the white people in the group]

    Dwight Hartman: You three, follow me!

    [the three black people are left alone]

    Shorty Meeks: Ain't that a bitch.

    [the three of them begin to cry]

    Brenda Meeks: We gonna die, y'all.

  • Buddy: Are you okay, Dwight?

    Dwight Hartman: I can't... I can't feel my legs...


    Dwight Hartman: Aaahahaha! I can't feel my legs!

    Ray Wilkins: You never could.

    Dwight Hartman: Hey... you stay out of this, all right?

  • Hanson: All right, who's ready for a wing?

    Dwight Hartman: Yours or the turkeys?

  • Hanson: [while reaching out to Dwight who is hanging from the third floor window] Here! Take my hand!

    Dwight Hartman: NO! GET IT AWAY FROM ME! Give me your OTHER hand!

  • Buddy: Hey, Cind.

    Cindy Campbell: Hey, Buddy.

    Buddy: [punches her in the boob] Open chest! Oh, come on. You gotta be quicker than that A cup.

    [Cindy crawls up]

    Theo: Hey, guys.

    [all the guys say hello and look at her sexually]

    Theo: Well, are you boys gonna sit there with your mouths open or is someone gonna offer me a seat?

    [everyone pushes their chairs towards her]

    Dwight Hartman: [Dwight pushes wheelchair towards her and sits on Ray's leg] I warmed it up for you. It's the best seat in the house.

    Ray Wilkins: Second best.

    [Ray touches Dwight's hair]

  • Dwight Hartman: How about I take these two legs... and shove them right up your ass - all the way to the knee.

  • Dwight Hartman: I know what you thinking. That I fire three shots or a hundred and seventeen? Well, do you feel lucky,


    Dwight Hartman: punk? Do you


    Dwight Hartman: feel lucky?

    [says faster]

    Dwight Hartman: Do you feel lucky, punk?

    Hell House Ghost: Shoot me, motherfucker.

Browse more character quotes from Scary Movie 2 (2001)