Dwight Quotes in Fast & Furious (2009)

Dwight: [Dwight is filming three women making out at a party] Papa Dwight wants you to take off your shoes! Dwight loves feet!

Dwight: [as Kate kisses Joyce] I told you she was a lesbian.

Peter La Fleur: Wow. Good call.

Kate Veatch: Hey! I'm not a lesbian.

Peter La Fleur: You're not?

Kate Veatch: No. I'm bisexual.

[kisses Peter]

Dwight: Oh! Snap!

Gordon: Hey, Honey!

[his wife gives the "L" sign]

Gordon: "L" for love! Good times.

Dwight: "L" for love? That doesn't mean love, Gordon...

Peter La Fleur: No, it's... people have different translations for different things and that's a special bond that you have with uh... with your mail-order wife. I think that's nice. It's fine.

Dwight: We're still missing the teenage love puppy and Steve the Pirate.

Owen: Who's Steve the Pirate?

Dwight: The only guy on our team that dresses like a pirate!

Owen: Wait, there's a guy on our team who dresses like a pirate?

Owen: [after Patches O'Houlihan has been killed] Look on the bright side, at least we've still got Peter!

Dwight: Yeah, but Globo Gym's got guys named Laser, and Blazer, and Tazer, and all kinds of "azer's"! Without Patches, we're going to get our taints handed to us, that's what!

Justin: [Whispers to Gordon] What's a taint?

Gordon: I don't know, but it sounds *bad*!

Dwight: I hope he falls off the roller coaster and breaks every bone in his body.

Kate Veatch: Nice Dwight.

Dwight: Hey I'm just sayin' it happens. My cousin Ray-Ray, boop, dead.

Owen: [after Patches got smashed with sign] Well... it's probably the way he wanted to go...

Dwight: ...What?

[Kate decapitates White Goodman's cardboard stand-up with a well-aimed dodgeball. Everyone stares at her]

Kate Veatch: What? Eight years of softball.

Dwight: Man, she gotta be a lesbian.

Peter La Fleur: She is *not* a lesbian.

Patches O'Houlihan: All I know is, that dyke can play!

Justin: How many teams are in this qualifier?

Gordon: Uh, two.

Justin: So all we have to do is beat this team and we're in the Vegas Open, right?

Gordon: Yeah!

Owen: That seems pretty simple.

Dwight: Who's the other team?

Gordon: Uh, I have it right here, just a second... Troop 417.

Steve the Pirate: Christ! We're playin' Boy Scouts!

Peter La Fleur: Not quite!

[Troop 417 are tough-looking Girl Scouts; one spits on the ground]

Steve the Pirate: BOLLOCKS!

Dwight: Bad morning boss?

Peter La Fleur: They usually follow good nights, Dwight.

Dwight: We could sell blood and semen.

[everyone gives him a strange look]

Dwight: What? Not mixed together.

Justin: This place is too important to us! Gordon, where do you go when your wife changes the locks?

Gordon: Average Joe's.

Justin: Right! Dwight, Owen, what are you going to do if Average Joe's closes? You gonna work at the airport again?

Dwight: Say what? I ain't working at no airport!

Justin: No, 'cause you hated it! Steve! Where is it you go to do... whatever it is that you do?

Steve the Pirate: Garrr! Joe's be the only place for Steve!

Owen: I'm gonna catch up with you guys later. I'm gonna have a bathroom... go to the drink... in the bathroom.

Dwight: Whatever you do, wash your hands.

[before the championship game]

Peter La Fleur: Okay guys, let's play smart. Wait for your two-on-ones, cover closely for your pickups. What's our team motto?

Owen: Aim low?

Peter La Fleur: That's right. All I'm asking is that you give it your best for Patches. I say we go out there, we let it all hang loose, try to have some fun. I mean, it's only dodgeball, right?

[Everyone laughs]

Peter La Fleur: Put 'em in.

[Hands in]

Peter La Fleur: One, two, three...

Peter La Fleur, Owen, Justin, Kate Veatch, Dwight, Gordon: JOE'S!

Dwight: What if I went straight to Berkoff and told him what you guys are planning?

Leon: I held a press conference, Dwight. I'm pretty sure he already knows.

Dwight: The Fire, baby. It'll burn us both. It'll kill us both. There's no place in this world for our kind of fire. My warrior woman. My Valkyrie. You'll always be mine. Always... and never.

Dwight: Most people think Marv is crazy. He just had the rotten luck of being born in the wrong century. He'd be right at home on some ancient battlefield swinging an axe into somebody's face. Or in a Roman arena, taking his sword to other gladiators like him. They woulda tossed him girls like Nancy back then.

[Dwight is driving to The Pits]

Jack Rafferty: ...sccaught you ssmokinggthere, bud.

Dwight: You shut the hell up, Jackie-Boy. You're dead. I'm just imagining this, so shut the hell up.

Jack Rafferty: ...Hntells you somethin 'bout your sstate a' mind don't it?... Ss'got you hearin things'got yer nerves shot. S'got you ssmoking... You know it's truuuuuuue nobody ever really quitsss... Smoker's a smoker when the chips're downn and your chips're down, pretty much

Dwight: I'm fine, you shut the hell up.

Jack Rafferty: Will ya look at thaat! Oooooh, those hookers let ya dowwnn hehehehe... What're you gonna do when ya run outta gas? Call Triple A? You ssucker for the babes, you... You ain't even gonna make itt to The Pitss.

Dwight: You shut the hell up... I'll make it.

Jack Rafferty: Not unless you keep your eyess on the road, sshugar-pie...

Jack Rafferty: [shouts] Watch it!

[Dwight swerves to miss an oncoming car. Jackie-Boy falls onto Dwight's arm, leaning on him]

Jack Rafferty: Ahh this is grrreatt, s'just like being in a buddy movie. Heheheheh...

Jack Rafferty: Shut Up!

[flings Jackie-Boy off of him]

Jack Rafferty: Hehehe

[cop on a motorcycle follows them]

Jack Rafferty: Oh, you're screwed. It's over.

[lights cigarette]

Jack Rafferty: You're flushed.

Dwight: This time I can't bring myself to tell him to shut up. Sure he's an asshole... Sure he's dead... Sure I'm just imagining that he's talking. None of that stops the bastard from being absolutely right. I don't have a chance in hell of outrunning this cop. Not in this heap. The only question left is whether I'm gonna kill him or not. Tough call. For all I know, he's an honest cop, regular guy. Working stiff with a mortgage, a wife and a pile of kids. My hand moves all on its own, sliding on of my guns to my lap and thumbing back the hammer. I don't know what to do...

Jack Rafferty: You better stopp, you're making him mad.

Dwight: ...Whatever you say...

[slams on the brakes, smashing Jackie-Boy's head into the dashboard]

Dwight: Deadly little Miho. She won't let you feel a thing unless she wants you to. She twists the blade. He feels it.

[while holding a razor to Jackie Boy's face]

Dwight: I'm Shellie's new boyfriend and I'm out of my mind. If you so much as talk to her or even think her name, I'll cut you in ways that'll make you useless to a woman.

Jack Rafferty: You're making a big mistake, man. A *big* mistake.

Dwight: You made a big mistake yourself... you didn't flush.

[Shoves Jack's head into the toilet]

Dwight: The Valkyrie at my side is shouting and laughing with the pure, hateful, bloodthirsty joy of the slaughter... and so am I.

Dwight: [after asking Miho to put Jackie-Boy out of his misery] She doesn't quite chop his head off. She makes a Pez dispenser out of him.

[from trailer]

Dwight: It's time to prove to your friends that you're worth a damn. Sometimes that means dying, sometimes it means killing a whole lot of people.

Dwight: [while being rescued from the Tar Pits] Miho. You're an angel. You're a saint. You're Mother Teresa. You're Elvis. You're God. And if you'd shown up about ten minutes earlier, we'd still have Jackie-Boy's head.

Gail: Those boys in that Chrysler are one mistake away from seeing what Miho can do, and she' been aching for some practice.

Dwight: She guides my glance upwards to the pixie perched on the roof's edge. Deadly little Miho.

Gail: [to the Oldtown Girls] We'll fight the cops, the mob, and anybody else who tries to move in on us. We'll go to war.

Dwight: Don't be stupid, Gail. Get me a car.

Gail: Who do you think you are? You got what you wanted out of us.

[Gail puts the gun to his face]

Gail: You got what you wanted out of me.

Dwight: If I don't make it back, you can have your war.

[Dwight and Gail kiss]

Dwight: [to Miho] Get me a hardtop with a decent engine and make sure it's got a big trunk.

[to Gail]

Dwight: I'll always love ya, baby.

Gail: Always and never.

Dwight: [while kissing Gail] She almost yanks my head clean off, shoving my mouth into hers so hard it hurts. An explosion that blasts away the dull, gray years between the now and that one fiery night when she was mine.

[repeated line]

Dwight, Gail: Yeesh.

Shellie: I've done some dumb things.

Dwight: Seeing as how I'm one of those dumb things, I can't give you too hard a time on that, Shellie.

Dwight: It wasn't "Stop." Shellie wasn't saying "Stop." If I had waited and listened to her, I would've known. I could've warned the girls to go easy. To settle for scaring them off. Shellie didn't say "Stop," she said "Cop." He's a *cop*. Detective Lieutenant Jack Rafferty. "Iron Jack" the papers call him. A goddamn *hero cop*.

Dwight: First, we gotta rescue Gail. Then comes the kill. The big, fat kill.

[a grenade lands at his feet]

Dwight: And everything seemed to be going so well.

Dwight: [narrating] Dozens of them. Armed to the teeth. I'm outnumbered. Outgunned. But the alley is crooked, dark, and very narrow. They can't surround me. Sometimes you can beat the odds with a careful choice of where to fight.

Dwight: [holding Jackie Boy's head over the group of mobsters with Becky and Gail in tow] You can have Old Town! I don't care... just gimme the woman!

[Jackie Boy's head 'talks' with tape over its mouth]

Dwight: Shut up.

Gail: Dwight... don't do this.

Becky: Hey, wait a minute, something's not right...

Schutz: SHUT UP! Or I'll plug ya.

Manute: Of course, Mr. McCarthy. A fair trade. She's all yours.

Manute: [the head and Gail are exchanged. The group raise their guns] Now, if you'll explain to me why we shouldn't blow both of you to pieces?

Gail: Dwight... what have you done?

Dwight: Exactly what I had to... every step of the way.

Becky: No! It isn't right! There wasn't no tape over his mouth! How come there's tape over his mouth?

[Dwight produces Brian's remote and the head detonates from a hidden grenade, knocking back a few of the gangsters]

Dwight: [narrating] Where to fight counts for a lot...

Manute: Cute trick, McCarthy... but it will do you no good...

Dwight: [continuing] But there's nothing like having your friends show up...

[We see a battalion of armed Old Town girls surround the alley]

Dwight: With lotsa guns...

Manute: NO! McCarthy, you SHIT!

Dwight: He's got the drop on her!

Gail: He's got squat! He's dead. He's just too damn dumb to know it.

Dwight: I tell little Miho what has to be done. Then I'll make the most important phone call in my life.

Dwight: It's your apartment. But be careful, Shellie, this clown's got big, mean drunk-on and he's got four friends out there in the hall, breathing hard and just as drunk as he is.

Jack Rafferty: Hey, I could swear I heard somebody in there with you, just now. You got somebody with you, baby? You be honest with me. You owe me that much.

Shellie: Somebody? Jackie Boy, it's a regular African love-fest in here. I got me all five starters and half the bench of the Basin City Blues keeping me company. You feel like taking them on?

Jack Rafferty: You're teasing me, baby. I'm no racist.

[Dwight has been pulled over by a policeman on a motorcycle, with Jackie-Boy slumped over dead in the passenger seat]

Motorcycle Cop: Your buddy there... Partied a little too hard tonight?

Dwight: [staring coldly at the cop] I'm the designated driver.

Motorcycle Cop: [pause] Well, you're driving with a busted tail light.

[another pause]

Motorcycle Cop: I'll let you off with a warning.

Dwight: [after the cop leaves] What next?

Dwight: There's no use arguing with her, the ladies are their own enforcers.

Dwight: Get that gun out of my face, Gail.

Shellie: [after Dwight dunks Jackie-Boy in his own urine] Dwight, what did you do to him?

Dwight: I gave him a taste of his own medicine.

Dwight: Do I risk it all and take this cop down?

Dwight: This clown's out of control. I followed him here to make sure he didn't hurt any of the girls.

Gail: Us helpless little girls.

Dwight: A hardtop, with a decent engine. And make sure it's got a big trunk!

Dwight: You know what's awful? Just 'cause my dad loved your mom... we all end up dead.

[last lines]

Dwight: The keys are in the car... the keys are in the car... the keys are in the car.

Dwight: [after initial pleasantries] I'm not used to talking this much.

Sam: It's what people do.

[first lines]

Officer Eddy: [wakes Dwight by knocking softly on his car door] Get ready. I'd like you to come into the station.

Dwight: I... Is it about the house. 'Cuz I could...

Officer Eddy: Dwight, sweetheart, I'll explain. Okay? Just come with me.

Dwight: His head...

Ben Gaffney: That's what bullets do.

Ben Gaffney: [Shooting one of the Clelands] So which one was he?

Dwight: One of the brothers

Dwight: So Carl didn't kill my father; he didn't kill anybody.

Teddy Cleland: A couple of dead ni**ers would say otherwise.

Dwight: [over radio] You sure you're reading that right? Your eyes ain't what they used to be.

Lustig: [in control room] You know what, I'll ask your mom to read it for me next time I got her bent over the console.

Dwight: My mom's 78, have at it.