Durward Lely Quotes in Topsy-Turvy (1999)

Wilhelm: Rest assured, Mr. Lely, my designs are properly researched and authentic to the last thread.

Durward Lely: No disrespect to you, Mr. Wilhelm, but your authentically tailored costume seems to have left me rather in the buff, somewhat!

Wilhelm: No more in the buff than Japanese peasants have been for the last eight hundred years, sir.

Durward Lely: May I draw your attention, Mr. Wilhelm, to the fact that I am not actually a Japanese peasant?

Gilbert: No, you are a Scotch actor who is taking the part of a Japanese prince who is posing as an itinerant minstrel.

Wilhelm: Mr. Grossmith, kindly oblige me by removing your hat.

George Grossmith: Why, sir? Are you ready for me?

Wilhelm: Would that I were, sir. And, I'll thank you not to refer to my designs as "vulgar", Mr. Lely.

Durward Lely: Mr. Wilhelm, to my eyes, your designs are not only vulgar, but obscene!

Wilhelm: How DARE you, sir?

Gilbert: Strong words, Lely - what the deuce do you mean?

Durward Lely: Mr. Gilbert, I am a respectably married man and I love my wife dearly. Now, one of the few pleasures that she has enjoyed since the untimely demise of my beloved mother-in-law is to watch me perform upon the stage. But, I am not prepared to allow her to suffer the embarrassment of seeing me flaunted before the public like a half-dressed, performing dog!

Gilbert: You have my sympathies, Lely. Unfortunately, your avocation as an actor compels you, on occasion, to endure the most ignominious indignities, to which Grossmith will doubtless testify.

George Grossmith: Without question, sir.

Richard Temple: [on wearing a sweaty costume during summer performances] I fear that dear Mr. Gilbert has run out of ideas.

Durward Lely: No!

Richard Temple: He doesn't know what to do with me. Ponder this: he thrusts me into a gamut of tight-fitting pots, pans, and pails, and poaches me like a fucking haddock! Forgive my Anglo-Saxon, Mr. Butt.

George Grossmith: I have a meeting with Carte this afternoon.

George Grossmith: At what hour?

Rutland Barrington: Five o'clock.

George Grossmith: Curious. I am to meet with him at half-past four.

Durward Lely: Strange, I DON'T have a meeting with him at four o'clock.

Rutland Barrington: It is my firm intention to prise open his purse.

George Grossmith: It will take a far stronger man than you, Mr. Barrington, to fulfill that herculean labour.

Rutland Barrington: [chuckles] And what's your mission, Captain Grossmith?

George Grossmith: Oh, there are certain little matters.

Durward Lely: Dickie, have you heard the real news of the day?

Richard Temple: Yes, the Fenian bomb. Oh, dreadful.

Durward Lely: No - Grossmith and Barrington.

Richard Temple: [shocked] What?

Durward Lely: They're off tonight.

Richard Temple: No!

Durward Lely: Yes.

Richard Temple: Both of them?

Durward Lely: Yes.

Richard Temple: Why?

Durward Lely: Oysters...

Richard Temple: [gasps]

Durward Lely: We shared luncheon together.

Richard Temple: Did you swallow?

Durward Lely: No, I chose the sole!

Richard Temple: Off the bone?

Durward Lely: Yes, it was rather succulent.

Richard Temple: Wise man. Oysters can kill, you know.

Durward Lely: Oh, unquestionably!

Richard Temple: I had an aunt, choked on a scallop at Herne Bay.

Durward Lely: Really?

Richard Temple: Tragic.

Wilhelm: Will you remove your corset.

Durward Lely: I beg your pardon?

Wilhelm: Kindly remove your corset, Mr. Lely, it will spoil the hang of the cloth.

Durward Lely: Mr. Gilbert, I never perform without my corset!

Gilbert: What, never?

Richard Temple: Shocking news from Khartoum. Something will have to be done tout-de-suite. Mrs. Temple hit the nail on the head as usual.

Durward Lely: Oh, really? What did she say?

Richard Temple: "The nation loses a hero, but the family loses a loved one."

Durward Lely: Oh, how apt.