Dudley Frank Quotes in Wild Hogs (2007)

Jack: You're gonna pay a disobedience fee of $10,000! Plus another $40,000 to rebuild the bar! And if you wanna see your friend alive again, do not call the cops! If you're not here in half an hour to settle this, I'm gonna take the fine out on your friend's legs! I'm gonna break 'em with this tire iron!

Dudley Frank: Don't bring the money! I'm a computer programmer! I don't need my legs!

Jack: Fine! I'll break his hands!

Dudley Frank: Oh, damn it. Bring the money!

Doug Madsen: Ooh boy, my ass is sore.

Dudley Frank: Mine too, its Woody's fault for riding us so hard yesterday. The human body wasnt made to stradle something that big for that long.

Woody Stevens: Well ya know its gonna hurt a little bit but that's all part of the experience. Its why we didnt bring our wives.

Bobby Davis: Wut da...? What the hell? Someone wanna explain to me why I'm the one in the dirt? When I got sore jaws from 3 hours of blowin...

[notices Highway Patrolman]

Bobby Davis: .

Highway Patrolman: Please... Please, for the love of God, finish your sentence.

Maggie: That's too bad. I wanted you to try my chili. It's pretty hot.

Dudley Frank: No, I'll try it. I like your kind of hot. Chili, chili hot. Food hot. That's the hot I want to kiss. Eat.

Dudley Frank: [upon seeing Maggie] She is perfect.

Doug Madsen: You like the waitress?

Dudley Frank: Oh, man. I wanted to say something funny to her, but all I could think of was black jokes.

Bobby Davis: Like which ones?

Dudley Frank: I forget.

Bobby Davis: Why don't you tell the one that ends with you getting your ass whooped.

Dudley Frank: Would that be funny?

Bobby Davis: I'll be laughing. Oh, I'll be cracking up.

Dudley Frank: [after tasting some of Maggi's chili] Mother of God! I swallowed hot lava!

[first lines]

Dudley Frank: [after getting a fist-tap from Woody and nearly wiping out] Whoa! Whoa! Oh! Man, oh, man. I almost lost it back there. I didn't know what was going on.

[hits a sign face first]

Dudley Frank: I'm looking foward to the parade this year. I got little Tootsie Rolls to throw to the kids.

Woody Stevens: Tootsie Rolls? You cannot even put on your left blinker without wiping out.

Dudley Frank: And I got a girlfriend. Punch that out of me, bitches.

[gets knocked out]

Maggie: You coming back through?

Dudley Frank: Maybe. A biker never knows. A week, a month.

[pauses]

Dudley Frank: Six days, ten hours, 27 minutes, give or take six minutes for wind resistance.

Dudley Frank: Thanks, Woody, I feel really safe with you.

Woody Stevens: I noticed that. If you ever lay your head on my back while riding bitch, I'll throw you into traffic!

Dudley Frank: I was just trying to keep the wind out of my face.

Woody Stevens: I felt you smell my neck!

Bobby Davis: Did you smell that man's neck?

Dudley Frank: His cologne is fantastic. It's musky with an oaky finish like a... lawyer cowboy.

Bobby Davis: A lawyer cowboy?

Dudley Frank: The music moves me, but it moves me ugly.

Damien Blade: [Damien walks up to the Wild Hogs after the Del Fuegos leave] The posers. What do you guys call yourselves?

Woody Stevens: I'm Woody...

[the others say their names]

Damien Blade: [interrupting] No, no... you all riding together? What do you call yourselves?

Dudley Frank: Hogs... Wild Hogs.

[turns around and shows Damien the back of his jacket]

Damien Blade: [laughs] Wild Hogs. Well, Wild Hogs... ride hard or stay home. Oh, and guys... lose the watches.

[he leaves]

Doug Madsen: Did he just say "cracker"?

Dudley Frank: "Cracker-ass."

Doug Madsen: Oh, perfect.

Woody Stevens: That's not a discussion.

Dudley Frank: Yeah, that's a lawsuit.

Dudley Frank: What'd you do, Woody?

Woody Stevens: I cut the gas lines of their bikes, and then I maybe blew up their bar.

Dudley Frank: It's ok. I just hit my face!

Dudley Frank: I got a tat.

Doug Madsen: Hell just froze over.

Woody Stevens: Let's see it!

Dudley Frank: I'm a biker dude!

[shows tattoo of Apple logo]

Woody Stevens: It's an Apple.

Dudley Frank: I know, it's trademarked, but what are they gonna say... It's in my skin, bitch!

Woody Stevens: Dudley, you have to get rid of that or else I'm going to vomit in your lap.

Dudley Frank: Fine, I'll hang it from a tree.

Woody Stevens: Don't hang it in a tree.

Dudley Frank: Why?

Woody Stevens: Cause bears don't eat shit!

Jack: I knew you assholes the minute I laid eyes on you! Look at the four of you!

Doug Madsen: You don't know us.

Jack: [to Doug] You think I don't know you? You're probably a... podiatrist or an ear-, nose-, and throat-specialist.

Doug Madsen: I wish.

Jack: An orthadontist?

Bobby Davis: Close enough.

Jack: [turns to Bobby] Bobby, guarantee you're hen-pecked! The wife wears the pants!

Bobby Davis: You know my wife?

Jack: [to Dudley] And you, no luck with women. I guarantee you bag your own shit.

Dudley Frank: Wow, you're good. What color am I thinking of?

Jack: Shut up!

[turns to Woody]

Jack: And you, you're the biggest poser of them all... aren't ya, Squinty! Go home!

Doug Madsen: Did you ever wake up one morning and wonder what happened to your life?

[Woody nods his head]

Doug Madsen: You know, I thought my life would be an adventure. All of a sudden, I'm a suburban dentist.

Bobby Davis: Look, Doug, I feel your pain, man. I mean I swore I would never return to a job where I had to where condoms on my shoes.

Woody Stevens: You're still at The Firm?

Bobby Davis: Yea. I get yelled at by an ungrateful wife. I swear the whole thing has made me...

Doug Madsen: ...a wimp.

Bobby Davis: I was gonna say miserable.

Bobby Davis: [pause] What? You think I'm a wimp?

Doug Madsen: No, I thought you were gonna say wimp, so I'd thought I'd say it for you.

Woody Stevens: You're a wimp, Bobby. I'll say it. I mean you're afraid of women. It's kinda embarrassing.

Dudley Frank: I'm afraid of women.

Woody Stevens: You're afraid to talk to women. Bobby's afraid they'll kill him in his sleep.

[Doug and Woody laugh]

Dudley Frank: Wow... now I'm really afraid of women.

Dudley Frank: I'm okay, I just hurt my face.

Dudley Frank: Hey, guys, does this sound better?

[Revs engine, bike accelerates and crashes]

Dudley Frank: I'm okay, I hit my butt!

Dudley Frank: Nice that. Where'd you get it?

Huge Tattooed Biker: Leavenworth. You?

Dudley Frank: Meadow Hills Galleria.

Woody Stevens: Come on, let's go!

Doug Madsen: What's your rush?

Woody Stevens: Come on, man, it's the open road. Riding free, that's the rush! This isn't freedom, this is a gas station built by the man, a prison for our souls!

Bobby Davis: my soul needs something to drink.

Dudley Frank: We'll get gas at the next station, come on Wild Hogs! Let's go! Woo-hoo!

[last lines]

Doug Madsen, Dudley Frank, Bobby Davis, Woody Stevens: Wild Hogs!

Jack: Another Wild Hog!

Dudley Frank: Yep. Yep-er-oonie. That's our little gang.

Dudley Frank: [to Woody] 60% of motorcycle fatalities can be avoided by using the proper protective headwear.

[holds up his helmet]

Doug Madsen: What's that leather condom gonna protect you from? Snoopy? The Red Baron? Dating?

Jack: You're gonna pay a disobedience fee of $10,000, plus another $40,000 to rebuild the bar. If you don't, we're gonna break your friends legs here.

Dudley Frank: Don't bring the money! I'm a computer programmer! I don't need my legs!

Jack: Fine, we'll break his hands!

Dudley Frank: Oh dammit. Bring the money!

Woody Stevens: [jumps in the water naked, shivering] Whoa, that's cold!

Woody Stevens: Why are you naked?

Dudley Frank: I thought we were doing this wild and free thing. You guys kept your skivvies on?

Doug Madsen: Yeah, there might be snappin' turtles or somethin'.

Bobby Davis: I kept mine on because I didn't want it to get dark in here!